Obsession (30 page)

Hannah

I sat in a comfortable floral, padded chair, completely ignoring Leo as I stared at the desert landscape outside. There were little bubbling sprinklers where I could watch the desert animals and insects come out of hiding for a drink. Though they didn’t usually appear if Leo was around, like they had some sense a predator was close even if they couldn’t see us through the one-way glass.

I hadn’t spoken to him since the day I’d found out everything I felt for Leo was a drug-induced lie. Right now, Leo was droning on about something but his voice had just become a lulling cadence, a background hum that blended in with the hollow ache in my chest. I’d found that if I tried hard enough, I could let my mind drift in a kind of meditative state, unaware as possible of the world around me.

Still, no matter how hard I tried, thoughts of him slipped through, and they hurt.

I’d never been anything more than an experiment to Leo, some stupid little girl he could fuck and make her call him Daddy. A distant part of my mind argued that even before I met Leo, I liked the taboo power-exchange relationships, but I didn’t pay it any attention. I’d become very good at drifting, at not thinking about anything.

“You have to eat more, Hannah, please.”

Tuning out again, I tried to feel hungry, but I could still barely keep any food down. I wasn’t sick, or pregnant—thank god—just broken. Not being able to trust my own emotions, wondering if I was some programmed yet self-aware robot, was terrible, and I wished I didn’t have to feel anything at all anymore.

Any hope I’d had of ever leading a normal life was gone. Judith had informed me of that. I could never leave the world of the Cordova cartel now, I knew too much, but she was giving me a chance to heal before I made any decisions about my future. As if I had a choice. All I could hope was they allowed me to return to school for real at some point, to finish up my degree.

The thought of my hard work, my sacrifices, pissed away over the wrong man infuriated me, but I kept every emotion locked up tight inside. I knew Leo was deeply hurt by my silence, and I liked hurting him, liked sharing my pain. Misery loves company, and I was a big hole of darkness, drawing everyone around me into my despair.

When Joy visited me, I tried to put on a happy face, but knew I wasn’t succeeding. She was worried that I was more hurt than I was letting on, that something was wrong, but I’d kept my silence about my real problems. Who the fuck would even believe me if I told them I’d been drugged and hypnotized into loving Leo?

Something Leo said caught my attention, like a shiny lure thrown into the deep abyss of my mind. I followed that thought, trying to make my mind remember what he’d been saying. My body language must have alerted him, because Leo lowered his face into my line of sight.

Usually I could look past him, focus on the scar above his brow, or the fine hints of a blond so light it was almost pure silver coming in at his temples, and just drift. But today his gaze captured mine, the old compelling force back in them instead of the guilt and sorrow I’d grown used to. I didn’t like that he wasn’t suffering like I was and swallowed hard to keep from saying anything. Mules had nothing on me when it came to being stubborn. Once a man broke my heart, I never let him back in, ever, and Leo was going to learn that the hard way.

“Thought that would get your attention,” he all but purred. “You do a very good job of pretending I don’t exist, but your body still belongs to me.”

Another swallow, this time out of nervousness as he continued to stare at me.

When I said nothing, he simply held my gaze, then leaned back in his chair, my head unwillingly turning to follow him. He was too satisfied with himself, too sure, and it left me unsettled. Knowing he had my attention, he allowed himself a slow smile that screamed trouble.

“I realize I’ve been handling this the wrong way. You won’t listen to my explanations of why I did what I did, and I’m done feeling guilty over it. You’re right, I am a monster, and I will do whatever it takes to bring you back into my life. I wanted you to do it willingly, but I’ll take responsibility and help urge you along. Enough with the pity party.”

“Pity party?” My voice came out thick and scratchy from disuse, breaking as I said in a louder voice, “Pity party? I find out the guy I’m in a relationship with is a cartel-affiliated fucking sociopath and you accuse me of having a pity party? You are completely fucked in the head.”

“I am.” He shrugged and gave me a grin that was almost boyish, in a disturbing way. “A prime example of that is how I feel about you.”

Holding up my hand, I rose from my chair and backed away. “Don’t. Don’t you dare say you care about me. I’ll puke if you do.”

He rolled his eyes—rolled his damn eyes at me—like I was the one behaving in an insane manner. “I never realized you could be so dramatic. Nice to know I bring out that passion in you. Now get back over here and sit down. We need to discuss this like adults.”

Something huge, nasty, and ugly rose from deep inside of me, from the place festering with fear over what had happened, the constant tension I was in. I hated this, hated being afraid, hated being alone. Whatever he’d done to my mind had twisted me so I missed him with every breath and dreamed of him constantly. Every time I woke up, I missed him more, and loathed myself for it.

The smirk he gave me was the last straw, and I picked up a pretty decorative vase that probably cost a shit-ton of money and chucked it at him as hard as I could.

He ducked, lucky asshole, and it shattered behind him like a bomb going off.

In a rage, I threw the table the vase had been on against the wall, the shatter of the delicate wooden legs snapping only feeding my wrath.

I’d just reached for the mirror above the dresser when strong arms grasped me tight.

Seething, I kicked back, trying to injure Leo—only it wasn’t Leo I was kicking, it was Jose.

Abruptly realizing my error, I almost hit the floor before he tightened his grip and hauled me up. Fear ricocheted through me as I saw that Judith had come into the room as well. She looked first at the shattered vase, then the table, and finally slowly to Leo before she slowly turned those dark eyes on me.

I had the oddest urge to apologize as she unleashed the disappointed look all mothers had used to cower their children from the dawn of time. Yes, she was the wife of a cartel lord, whose nuts I’d just tried to kick, but she’d been nothing but nice to me. Maybe it was Stockholm syndrome or good manners, but I felt ashamed that I’d broken her stuff.

Leo stepped forward. “Judith, I hope you’ll agree that we need to do things my way.”

She sighed, her gaze going once more to the splintered remains of the vase. “I had prayed she would see reason, but you’re right, she does love being the martyr.”

I trembled as the anger crept back, fighting the urge to tell Judith to go fuck herself. “You said when I was healed I leave. Well, I’m healed, and I want to go anywhere he isn’t.”

Judith eyed me with an exasperated huff, as if I were a toddler throwing a tantrum. “Good luck.”

They left and I glared at Leo. “I’m not going anywhere with you.”

“Oh, yes you are.” He smiled that not-nice smile that still sent a tingle through my deprived lady parts. “You’re coming home with me, and I’m going to fuck some sense into you.”

“If you touch me it will be rape.”

“I won’t touch you until you beg me.”

“When hell freezes over.”

“I don’t think that will be an issue. In fact, I know it won’t.”

One thing I knew about Leo was he’d go to any lengths to get what he wanted, including me. “What did you do?”

“I’m just helping your body win the fight against your mind.”

“What did you do?”

Closing the distance between us, he backed me up to the wall then caged me in with his arms. “Whatever is necessary to keep you. I told you I would never let you go, Hannah, and I meant it. I watched you for a year, planned for you, created the perfect home for you and did everything I could to ensure that you would be happy with me.”

I wanted to say that included brainwashing me, but Fernando had risked his life to share that information, and I really didn’t want to be responsible for his death. “You lied to me.”

“I did, but not about what mattered. I wanted to give you a chance to see the man I really am before you found out about my profession.”

“Your profession,” I spat, “is to torture people.”

His eyes flashed with anger, but he nodded, his body close enough now that the warmth of his frame washed over me. “It is, and I’m very good at it.”

Disgusted, I ducked beneath his arm and backed away. “Leave me alone.”

“I’m afraid that isn’t an option. I’m addicted to you, Hannah. I have to have you in my life. Without you, the word is a very dark place, and I refuse to let you go.”

“It’s not your choice,” I cried out. “I don’t want you!”

“You do. Honestly you do. I swear to you, baby girl, I’ll make this right.”

“You can’t.”

This time when he backed me against the wall, then he held me there with his muscled forearm over my chest. A sharp prick came from my thigh and I gasped at the sudden burning sensation. It was gone before I could move away and I stared up at Leo with hatred.

“What did you just give me?”

“Something to make this easier for you.”

“You bastard! I hate you.”

He cradled me so tenderly in his arms as my legs gave out. “I know you do. Trust me, I know.

Hot, slightly stinky breath steamed up my face with humidity as something panted on me. I jerked back, but it was too late, and someone began to enthusiastically lick me. Christ, the side of my face was instantly slimy, and I sleepily tried to shove the warm, furry mass off me.

My mind kicked in enough to identify the creature as a dog, a very friendly one, and I woke up with a giggle and a smile, forgetting for a moment what had happened as Honey greeted me like she did most mornings.

Since I’d spent five out of every seven days over at Leo’s, I was used to my face being Honey’s first destination when she finished with her morning business. While she sometimes slept with Leo and me, she was mostly with Mark. This was partly because I didn’t want her getting distressed when Leo and I got…feral in the bedroom, and partly because Mark was lonely and Honey made it better.

No doubt he was downstairs now in the kitchen, whipping up breakfast for all of us. Not only was he in charge of security for Leo’s estate, he could also make frittatas so light and airy, yet so cheesy and bacony good, that you’d swear you’d died and gone to heaven. Both Honey and I were spoiled by his frittatas and my stomach rumbled at the thought. Maybe if I was lucky, he’d also make applesauce sausage, which sounded nasty but was just plain delicious.

Burying my face in Honey’s neck, I let out a shuddering sigh as reality crept in, despite my best attempts to keep it out. It was the scent of Leo’s cologne on the sheets that invaded my senses, sent a little pulse of desire through me. I almost reached across the bed, hoping he was still next to me, when I remembered what had happened in a violent rush. The sound of sorrow I made worried Honey and she nudged me, whimpering softly until I stroked her head and reassured her.

As she looked up at me with her big blue eyes, I whispered to her, “I’m not mad at you, it’s your insane master that I’m pissed off at. When I leave, I’ll take you with me and we’ll start over in like…well, I’m not sure where, but it’ll just be me and you, babe.”

Mark’s voice came from the doorway of the bedroom. “That’s so very Thelma and Louise of you, but I’m afraid I must point out the obvious flaw in your plans.”

Feeling calmer here than I had at the Cordova house, I tugged the blankets over my lap, hiding myself despite the fact I wore shorts and a loose t-shirt. “And what would that be?”

“Leo will never let you go. You can run to the ends of the earth and he’ll find you.”

“Because he’s crazy and obsessed with me?”

“Because he loves you.”

Glaring at him, I tried to choke back my anger as Honey picked up my mood and growled. “No, he doesn’t. You don’t lie to the people you love. All his bullshit about being able to be himself around me was just another way to manipulate me.”

“Oh grow up, Hannah. So you found out he’s a criminal, big fucking deal. He treats you like gold, bends over backwards to make you happy, and all you do is take.”

“What? I don’t take!”

“Oh yes, you do. I like you, but you’re the neediest woman I’ve ever met. It would take a man like Leo to put up with you.
I
sure as fuck wouldn’t.”

My mouth went dry and Honey growled again, but Mark ordered her out and she did as he told her, leaving me clenching my sheets. “I’m not needy.”

Denial isn’t only a river in Egypt, said the chorus girl to the bishop.

“Please. Most women would feel smothered by Leo’s level of attention, but you flourished beneath it. I bet before you met Leo, you were a different person, timid and scared of life, dating losers because you felt that was all you deserved. And that fucking bitch roommate of yours, she’s lucky I didn’t kill her instead of sending her home to Mommy and Daddy with a note to get control of their offspring.”

The night came back to me with a rush, Mark’s face filling my memory as the relief I’d felt when he’d saved me had me drawing in a shuddering breath. “I never thanked you for saving me.”

The stiff line of his shoulders softened. “We should have been there sooner, but Leo hadn’t realized you’d left the Cordova house, and the cameras covering your place weren’t being watched because nobody knew you were home. He was busy dealing with Fernando, having an intervention and trying to get him into some serious therapy. I don’t know if Judith told you, but they’re as close as brothers.”

I should be used to my overactive sense of guilt by now, should be able to harden my heart against it, but once again my empathy overwhelmed me and I asked in a low voice, “Is he going to be okay? Fernando?”

Mark sighed then ran both hands through his hair. “I don’t know. Getting over the death of your family…never really happens, you know? He’ll always be broken in some way.”

Goddamn it, now I was feeling sorry for Mark and the loss of his family, but I didn’t want to say anything. He’d made it abundantly clear he didn’t want to talk about his wife, ever, and even though my natural inclination was to try and comfort him, I managed to keep myself in check. Sometimes the best thing you could do for someone was leave them the hell alone and let them deal with their grief in private.

Speaking of privacy, I was suddenly reminded of how mine had been violated on pretty much every level by Leo, and the man standing before me.

My stomach curdled as I recalled Judith gently explaining to me how Leo had been watching me for a year, taking his time to learn who I was and falling in love with me. Everyone was so damn eager to tell me how much he adored me, but it was too little too late. Maybe if he’d trusted me enough to be truthful from the beginning, I could forgive him. That is, if it wasn’t for the fact he’d brainwashed me. Hell, I’d forgiven him for being a sociopath and dispensing brutal justice, I could justify the killings he’d participated in because of the videos Judith had shown me. The people he’d killed really had been terrible, the scum of the earth in every way, and they deserved to die.

I, however, did not deserve to be made into some crazy man’s plaything.

Taking away someone’s free will, forcing me to love him, the thought that my emotions could be so easily manipulated, made me feel ill.

“You know,” Mark said as he pushed in a cart from the hallway, the amber in his light brown hair gleaming in the sunlight streaming into the bedroom, “he’s been a right fucking bastard this last week. If I didn’t love him like a brother, I would have put a bullet in him myself.”

“I wish you had,” I said with a growl.

“Awww, you don’t mean that.”

“I so do.” Lifting the lid on the tray, he revealed both frittatas and muffins, making my stomach howl like a beast. “No thanks, I’m not hungry.”

“Come on, you’re going to turn down food made for you by the man who saved your life?”

Glaring at him, I snatched one of the frittatas up and pretended I wasn’t having a mouth orgasm as I took a bit before saying through a mouthful of food, “Thank you.”

He calmly poured me a glass of juice. “You’re welcome, drink up. You look like shit.”

“Yeah, well, these last few weeks have been rough.” I snorted before taking a long drink of the tart juice.

“True.” We ate in silence for a little bit before Mark asked, “Did you ever remember where you first met Leo?”

“Yeah, at the diner.”

“Oh no, you met way before that. Around ten-ish years ago.”

I frowned, thinking back to the year when my sister had lingered, then died. “When?”

“At the hospital. You were there, in the waiting room, the night his mom was murdered in a drive-by shooting meant to kill Leo. You sat and talked with him while he waited to hear that she’d died.”

I gasped, a vague memory surfacing.

Holy shit, I remembered him.

Leo had looked different then. A lot leaner, almost gangly, with a spiky haircut and pierced eyebrow, with his shoulder tattoo fresh and black against his smaller biceps. I’d probably talked to hundreds of people in that waiting room, begging for someone to acknowledge I existed…but I remembered
him
.

“No fucking way.”

“Yes fucking way. Imagine his surprise when, one night, on a night when he needed you so badly, you appeared out of nowhere, in a diner of all places.”

Despite myself, I wanted Mark to continue. “Why didn’t he say anything?”

“I think he wanted you to remember on your own. And did you ever figure out what a huge coincidence it was that Leo has your exact taste in home decor?”

“What are you talking about?” I looked around the bedroom then back to Mark.

“I’d say you’re oblivious, but you have over five hundred ‘bedroom inspiration’ pictures on Pinterest so I’m not surprised you forgot about the image that inspired this room.”

“Wait—you’ve looked at my Pinterest boards?”

“Not me, but Leo has. He’s studied every one of those boards, trying to build you the perfect house, fill it with the perfect stuff, and do everything he could to make you happy. And don’t you dare say shit about him invading your social media privacy; you put all that crap up there for people to look at. Trust me, no guy who isn’t in love with you is going to give one ripe fart about your favorite kind of sandal. And he sure as hell wouldn’t make sure you have it in your size and favorite color, all because he spends time trying to figure out ways to make you happy. Those are the actions of a man who loves you.”

Frowning, I looked down at my plate to my poor muffin, which I’d picked away at until it was a pile of crumbs. “Whatever, it’s all a big lie anyways. None of this is real.”

“
Man
, you are a downer. Leo was right, you need to get laid.”

Pissed, I flicked a large piece of muffin at him, irritated when he easily batted it away. “That’s the last thing I need.”

“Me thinks the lady doth protest too much.”

“You’re irritating.” Not liking the easy way he’d charmed me into relaxation, I snapped, “Do you help Leo when he tortures people?”

“When necessary.”

That killed my appetite, and I had to wash down the food stuck in my throat with a big drink. “What’s wrong with you?”

He shrugged. “Anyone that I torture deserves it.”

“So you get to be judge, jury, and executioner? Who made
you
God?”

Instead of getting mad at me, his looked amused, like I was some cute puppy yapping at him. “You sure like to judge people and situations quickly, don’t you? So sure you know everything, so certain your view of the world is right. Makes it easy to comfort yourself with bullshit lies, to pretend you had no idea Leo isn’t like most men. But you’ll never admit that—because then you’d have to admit you aren’t like most women.”

Stung, I moved over to the windows, my arms crossed as I rubbed my elbows. “You’re talking out your ass.”

“Defensive,” he said in a teasing tone that irritated me beyond measure. “You’re so quick to call Leo out, but how about your little stalking habits? How many times have you been threatened with a restraining order? Gone a little too far in your efforts to make sure the loser you were with was happy?”

Ashamed, I turned away. “It’s not the same thing as being a serial killer.”

“No, it isn’t, but you’re stupid if you don’t realize how perfect you and Leo are together. Unconventional, but you will never be as happy with anyone else as you are with him. I’m not going to lecture you, you’re a big girl, but I will leave you with this. If the situations were reversed, if you were pursuing Leo, what
wouldn’t
you have done to keep him? All he’s ever tried to do is make you happy, Hannah, because you are literally the only person on earth he’s given his full heart to.”

“He lied,” I whispered, the urge to tell Mark to shove it up his ass because I knew Leo brainwashed me battering at my self-control.

“Yeah, he did. He’s human, we make mistakes. You need to ask yourself if you want to turn into someone like your parents, holding irrational grudges against the people who love them the most.”

I flinched, his words hitting me as hard as a punch to the kidney, and twice as painful. “Get out.”

The cart rattled, then the door shut, leaving me staring out at the cloudy horizon, framed by soft curtains in a warm ivory tone. I wondered if it was going to rain and wished once again I had my phone. At Judith’s, I hadn’t been allowed to make any calls, and since I wasn’t talking to anyone it made asking for a phone difficult.

Gnawing at my bottom lip, I wondered if my silence was childish, if I’d reverted to the negative habits that I’d grown up with.

Joy would know; I needed to talk to her. She was my touchstone.

A fat plop of rain pinged off the bedroom window, matching the tear trailing down my cheek.

With a start, I remembered that we kept a phone in here. I darted over to it, trying to remember Joy’s number. Oh the irony of cell phones; without mine, I had no idea how to contact anyone.

When I picked it up and got a dial tone, I hesitated, tempted for a moment to call 9-1-1. But what would I say? Don’t arrest him, just get me out of here? That according to everyone, Leo only tortured people who deserved it? The Cordova cartel would lawyer up and lie to protect him, but at the same time I couldn’t do that to him, couldn’t betray him like that.