October Breezes (24 page)

Ms. Densmore looked back at me. “You see, Skye has brought up something none of us want to admit. She’s not sure how she feels. Many people aren’t sure about how they feel about things because they don’t affect them. It’s not personal. But what happens when it becomes personal?”

I looked around the room, grateful al the other students save Kaylee focused on Ms. Densmore. Kaylee, however, mouthed the word, “busted” before I turned away.

The rest of the class dragged by as I watched the clock closely, desperate for the bel to ring. I lumped my books together and rushed to the door, anxious to escape.

"What's the matter, Skye?” Kaylee whispered. “Something hit too close to home?”

I stiffened but said nothing, hoping if I didn’t react, she’d leave me alone.

“So are you a baby kiler? Is that why you were at the clinic?” she whispered. The students moved slowly, forcing me to remain. “Yeah, I’l just bet you are.”

Finaly, I turned and glared at her. “Shut up!” I snapped.

She smiled. “No need to get upset, Skye.”

The students finaly ambled from the class, heading toward their next periods. Kaylee darted around me and met up with Becca. Although she whispered behind her hand, I knew what Kaylee told Becca. Nor did Becca bother to hide her pleasure. A wicked gleam sparkled in her eyes and she said, “Yes!” loudly.

* * *

By Thursday, I was sure the whole school knew. Becca tried to make sure of that, and I would’ve just played sick on Friday, but I knew Mom and Warren were supposed to fly out that morning. If Mom thought I was il, she’d reschedule their trip. The secretary would cal my mom’s cel number if I skipped, and that would definitely bring her home in a hurry. So there was nothing to be done except go to school.

The next morning, Mom asked, “You sure you’re going to be okay while we’re gone?” Since she was going out of town, she made it a point to drive me to school. She backed out of the driveway. If it hadn’t been below ten degrees, I would have argued to walk.

“I’l be fine.” I stared out the window.

A school bus stopped before us, flashed its lights, and the driver opened the door to alow a handful of kids aboard.

“I know things haven’t been realy great between you and Devin. You must miss him. Maybe if you give him some time, he’l come around.” She lifted her coffee mug and took a sip.

I shook my head. “Mom, you think everybody can forgive anything, but it doesn’t work that way.” I swalowed hard, knowing Devin would never forgive me.

She set the cup back in the holder. “You’re right. I do.

Otherwise, what’s the point of living? Those who love you have to love you unconditionaly.”

The bus turned off its flashing lights and lurched forward.

In silence, we folowed it to the school. Before I got out, Mom grabbed my hand. “You have your house key, right?”

I puled the chain around my neck and flashed the key.

“Yes, I do.”

Nodding, she said, “I love you, Skye.”

“I love you, too. Have a great time.” I climbed out of her car and walked into the building, immediately noticing baby blue and white streamers and posters decorated the hals. For a second, I was puzzled. Then I remembered: homecoming week. Two cheerleaders in their uniforms sauntered past.

Heading down the halway, I saw Tyler and Becca talking, but I quickly averted my gaze, and they seemed to take no notice.

Breathing a sigh of relief, I ambled to my locker. I opened the door and rifled through the books until I found my math text.

“Skye?”

At the sound of a male voice from behind, I jumped and grabbed the locker to steady myself. I whirled around to find Kelin standing there.

I cringed, my heart rate doubling. “Wh..what are you doing here?”

"Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you." He fiddled with his keys, twisting the ring around his finger. “I came to talk to you.” He wore jeans and a light blue t-shirt, the same color as his pale eyes.

Why wasn’t he wearing his footbal jersey?

From the corner of my eye, I saw Becca moving toward me and I cringed. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.” I closed my locker and headed the other way, wishing the past would stay buried.

“Why?” Kelin asked, striding next to me. Becca hovered close behind, glaring at me, daring me to talk to him.

I swalowed hard. “I just want to put al this behind me.”

“I guess that includes me.” He slowly nodded. “I can understand that.” Then he turned and walked away, never realizing how closely Becca folowed.

“Wise choice,” Becca said, stepping up to me. “He’s out of your league.” She stepped in my path.

“Get out of my way.” I'd never thought about punching another human being in the face, but at that moment, I was sorely tempted.

“Or what?” she asked in a saccarin sweet voice.

“Before I rearrange a few things you might like as they are.”

She arched an eyebrow. “Is that a threat?”

I shoved past her, bumping her shoulder as I went. “Take it any way you want to.”

She folded her arms across her chest. “I’m so scared, Skye.”

I walked away, furious. I knew if I let myself react with violence, she wouldn’t be walking. Stil, I managed to control myself. In fact, the rest of the morning passed without incident. Al hel broke loose in the afternoon.

Chapter Twenty-Three

After lunch, I noticed the sophomore halway was unusualy ful. Then again, I thought, perhaps band members were gearing up for the pep raly. I dismissed my fears, at least until I saw too many faces I’d rather not by my locker.

Al the cheerleaders lined the hal, lounging against other lockers, seemingly waiting for me. I thought about turning around, but Becca waved broadly as she yeled, “Hey, Skye! Come join us!” After that, I knew I couldn’t leave, even though I desperately wanted to.

Ignoring her, I strode toward my locker. I looked to the side where Devin chatted with Bethany. He must have felt my gaze, for he glanced at me, then back to Bethany. I waited for him to look at me, but he didn't. Then I ran into Tyler, my body bouncing off his until I started to fal. He grabbed my arms roughly where he'd bruised them before. “Hey, Skye!” he said, smiling brightly. “How’s it going?”

I scurried from his touch. “Leave me alone.” I forced myself past him, averting my gaze as I tried to get to my locker.

Once I’d arrived, I staggered backwards and whispered, “Oh, God.” Ketchup spattered my locker door. The words “Baby Kiler”

ran down it, the red paint dripping like blood.

Tyler burst in front of me and said, “Oh, my. What a mess. Here, let me open it for you.” I don’t know how he got the lock off, but it was gone. He grabbed the door, throwing it wide before darting out of the way. A landslide of red came at me.

Bloodied, fleshy things hit my face and chest before spattering to the floor. Bloody, lifelike dols struck me. I stumbled, staring at the blood staining my hands. Al these people surrounded me.

Becca asked, "Why did you kil your baby?”

The faces closed around me. My vision dimmed. I shoved through the students and managed to get outside to the parking lot. I ran across the road, sobbing as I stumbled into a car’s path. The driver honked and got out, but I didn't stop. The run home blurred together until I darted up my front steps. I ripped the chain from my neck and tried jamming the key in the lock. My fingers trembled so badly I missed repeatedly. I finaly unlocked the door and threw it wide before locking myself in. “Oh, God. Oh, God.”

I franticaly paced the room. Trying to calm down, I sat on the couch and rocked back and forth, my whole body shaking. The phone rang, and I jumped. After four rings, the answering machine picked up.

“Mrs. Wiliams, this is Ms. Darrow from West Martin High School. We need to speak to you. Please cal us back.”

I stood and looked at the couch where I'd sat, noticing I’d smeared blood. “Oh God,” I whispered. “God.” I could hardly see through the tears as I raced into my bathroom. Staggering, I came face-to-face with a bloody reflection of myself. My white button-down shirt was stained.

The baby. I'd kiled it.

I kept remembering one bloody dol with a hanger around its neck. “What have I done?”

The phone rang again. I listened. “Skye? It’s me, Devin.

Pick up, please. I know you’re there.” He sounded panicked.

Because of me. I’d upset him. I’d hurt him. I’d made him angry. I ran to the phone.

“Devin?” I said, trying to make my voice normal, but the forced calm sounded worse. Stil, I couldn't keep the tremors from my voice.

“Skye? You al right?”

“I’m fine. Don’t worry.” I carried the receiver to Mom’s bathroom.

“I tried to catch you, but I couldn’t get through. Is your mom at work?”

I opened the medicine cabinet. “Yeah, she’l be home soon.” I looked through the prescriptions stashed there, but my vision blurred too much and I brushed my hand across my eyes, wiping the red on my skin.

“Why don’t I sit with you until she gets home?”

I shook my head even though he couldn’t see it. “No, that’s okay. You’ve got better things to do than babysit ting. It was just a stupid joke.”

“I don’t mind,” he argued. “That was anything but a joke.”

I stifled a sob as I found a vial containing a valium pil. No point.

“Skye?” Devin said, his tone a little more urgent. “Talk to me.”

I kept searching her drug stash and knocked a few bottles into the sink. “I’m sorry for being a lousy friend. I’ve done things I wish I hadn’t. I almost got you suspended. It’s al my fault.”

“My hot head almost got me suspended, not you," he insisted. "It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not.” I found a full vial of Toperal. “I’ve got to go, Devin. There’s another cal coming in.”

“Skye, I’m coming over.”

“No!” I snapped, jerking the lid off, spiling the pils. “If you’re my friend, you won’t come, not this time.”

A long pause. “Al right. If that’s what you want.” He hung up and so did I. Then I franticaly knelt and gathered the pils, shoving them into my mouth. When the floor was clean of capsules, I leaned over the sink and turned on the water. Cupping my hands beneath the flow, I filed them and took a drink. Once I’d swalowed, I looked at the mirror, at the blood and broken promises my life had become. “No more.” I grabbed my mother’s silver hair brush and bashed the glass, shattering the mirror.

The phone rang. I waited for the machine to pick up. This time it was Warren. “Skye? Are you there, honey? Both the school and Devin have caled. Your mom’s at the spa , or she would’ve caled. Skye, pick up the phone.”

I grabbed the receiver. “Daddy!” I burst into tears.

“Honey, it’s Warren. What’s happening ?” Even though his voice sounded calm, I knew he wasn't.

I paced. “Remember when you asked what I thought about that book you gave me?”

“Yeah, Skye, I remember.”

I looked at my shattered reflection. “I think Jem was right.

Boo didn’t want to go outside, and even though Tom Robinson got the worst of it, he was the only one who finaly got peace in the end.

Everyone else was stil worrying and trying to figure it out, but he didn’t have to wonder anymore.” I started crying so hard I couldn’t talk. Then I said, “I want to be like him, Daddy.”

“Skye?” Warren’s voice sounded frantic. “Baby, I’m not your daddy. What’s going on?”

Tears ran down my face, wetting my shirt, and I headed to my room. “You’re wrong. You were the only daddy who cared .

Tel Mom I love her.” I hung up the phone and laid on my bed. A moment later, the blackness came, and I embraced it.

* * *

On the outskirts of dreamless midnight, a dul ache filed my throat and head.
Where am I?
I wondered, slowly opening my eyes. White wals, a large round clock, a television on a perch. A hospital. Light seeped around the blinds and fel on Mom’s hair and across Warren’s chest as the ir bodies lay entwined, sleeping. For a long time, I watched them. Then, as Warren shifted, I closed my eyes, wishing I'd never woken.

“Is she awake?” Mom asked, her tone alert for someone who had been soundly asleep only seconds before.

“Not yet.”

I heard the chair squeak as Mo m stood. “I don’t understand. Why would she do this? What did I do wrong?” Mom broke down.

“Hey,” Warren said, comforting her , his fingers grasping her hand. “This was Skye's choice. The only thing that matters is getting her better. Why don’t you get something to eat? You haven’t eaten anything since yesterday.”

“I don’t—“

“Go get something to eat!” Warren commanded. “I’l stay with Skye.”

“I want to be here in case there's any change,” Mom argued.

“I’l have the hospital page you. Now get something to eat.”

“Al right.”

A few seconds later, I heard the door open and close as my mom left.

“Skye, can you hear me?” Warren took my hand. “Your eyes were open a few minutes ago.”

Swalowing hard, I looked at him. “Why didn’t you tel Mom?” The dryness in my throat had left my voice raspy, and it made it hard to speak.

He squeezed my hand, and I smiled weakly. “I figured you weren’t ready for 1001 questions.”

I touched my throat, trying to soothe the pain.

Warren nodded. “It's going to be sore for a while. You had a tube down it to pump your stomach.”

Flinching, I rested my hand there and looked away, not sure what to say. “You’re awfuly calm.”

He sat beside me. “Somebody should be calm, and your mom isn’t. In fact, she’s out of her head.”

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, trying not to cry. “I didn’t mean to ruin your trip, and you’re right. It’s not her fault. She’s a great mom.” Again, I started shaking and couldn’t stop. Warren was about to say something when a nurse came in to check my vitals, forcing him to stand and pace the room. Once the nurse had gone, Warren resumed his perch.

He raked his fingers through his hair. “You think I’m upset and your mom’s frantic because we had to shorten our honeymoon?

God, Skye, we didn’t even know if we were going to see you again.

You'd taken so many pils. We touched down at the airport, and they stil weren’t sure you'd make it. That’s why your mom blames herself.”