Oculus (Oculus #1) (13 page)

After I was brought to work with him, the two of us fell in love. The long hours and intense working conditions were hard to live under. We found solace in each other’s arms. We married in secret, unwilling to give Talpa any more leverage to use against us. The two of us hatched a plan, with the help of a third scientist who was a pioneer in the field of neurochemistry. The three of us were disturbed by the direction our research was taking.

We managed to get word out to The Resistance. They brought everything they could against Talpa, managing to overwhelm the defenses on our facility. As we had no way to communicate with them we had no idea when the actual attack would come. As fate would have it, Patrick was in another part of the facility when a member of The Resistance found me. The attack was ongoing and she was there to get us out. I sent her to look for Patrick and went to find you. I had thought to find you alone and sedated, but you know how that turned out.

I never planned on the lab fire being as big as it was. It kept us from passing back to where I had hoped to meet up with Patrick. Once we escaped, I tried to find out what happened to him. From what I was told he went back to get the girl that was the other half of your genetic pair. He must have thought if we got you both out we could use your talents against The Corp. When the fire from the lab spread, the building that she was in exploded. In my haste to cover our escape, I may have killed the only man that I have ever loved and your other half.

When you told me about your dreams, I should have talked to you. But after so much time had passed I couldn’t find the words I needed. I’m not making excuses, I’m simply telling you my reasons. Even writing about this tears at my heart, but I need to explain a few things to you about the experiments.

There were three stages to what Talpa wanted to do. The artificial womb was going to give them unlimited soldiers. Just cook up a batch and a month later you have a full term baby. Genetics allowed them to custom design their creations in whatever manner they wanted. This was how they crafted you into a living weapon. It also allowed them to make the perfect spy. The other half of your genetic pairing was a female psychic.

She was designed to be able to see and hear things that happened in remote locations. Further, they suspected she would be able to communicate with you over long distances and might possess nearly unlimited mental potential. We were able to test these abilities in other subjects, with limited success. Two other viable couples came to term as you two did. One became unviable when the male became violent after a technician raped his partner. They were both terminated, as was the technician. The second couple became unviable after the female was exposed to escalating violence and had a psychotic episode. She began manifesting incredible mental abilities and had to be terminated before she destroyed the facility. Her counterpart was shot while trying to save her.

It is imperative that you understand something about yourself. There was never any mental instability in the male subjects. That lie was told and retold as a tool to keep you in check. You need to know that any mental break you might experience would be totally normal. Totally human. They would have nothing to do with any perceived defect in your creation.

I wish Patrick had been able to save your other half, for both our sakes. I can’t tell you how much I’ve missed him. Life would have been completely devoid of joy, had it not been for you. I am so very sorry for what I have kept from you. I did it because I was afraid. Of bringing you pain but also of how you would look at me. Now, I have no choice but to give you this information. You need to know what you are and where you came from if you are going to survive.

You also need to know that you are not a freak. You were trained to be a weapon, designed to be fit and agile, tortured to be heartless. But in the end, they all failed. Yes, you are a killer. Because you choose to be. But you are not heartless, you are not the monster that you pretend to be. I know this, because I have seen the love that you have for me. I know this because of the love I hold in my heart for you.

Though I can no longer physically be with you, I want you to know that I shall forever be with you, in your heart.

All of my love to you, my wonderful son,

Anna

I read the letter again and again, until the candle sputters out. Sitting in the darkness, my mind reels in horror and wonder. Again the written word has reached out of the page and pulled me apart. Having it done by someone I know—
knew
is a new experience. As the shock of the moment wears off, I run the words through my head, trying to wrap my mind around the ultimate truth.

I’m not crazy. She kept secrets…things I never could have guessed in my most wild of imaginations. But, how could she keep this from me? Could she not see how this weighed upon me? Damn her! She was the one person I could count on to tell me the truth! And to know that the girl was real? That she was designed to be with me? What does that make me? Half a man? Even human?

Rising from the bed, I move out into the night. I need to run, to think, to make sense of all that I had just read. I slip past the security perimeter is easily and I’m out into the darkness. Letting my feet lead me away into the night, I try to burn out the whirling of my mind.

P
ASSING THROUGH THE SCANNERS AT
the Fenra Security building has me feeling like a character from a story my dad used to tell me. The tale he recited time and again is of a girl who fell through a hole chasing a rabbit and ended up facing an entire land of strange creatures.

Walking through the main entrance feels like falling through a hole and into a new realm filled with things that will, undoubtedly, be very new to me. My claim to be more useful than people often view me is great in theory, but a theory is exactly what it is. Aside from worrying about the unnervingly close proximity of Chief Ingram and whatever his intentions are, I’m also worried that maybe I won’t make a very good employee. If I expect to earn my way with Fenra, I must not only find something that I can do without sight, I have to be good at it too.

The droning of the scanner at the front entrance of the building begins to fade into the rest of the organic noise within the building as I tap along further into the building. Hattie offered to escort me today but I want her as far away from my mess as possible.

“Excuse me,” I say to the person, a man, who bumped my shoulder. He doesn’t say anything in response. A masculine fragrance wafts up at me in his wake and I find myself feeling very nervous and much more aware of my shortcomings than I normally am. I’ve had twenty-one years to get used to being blind, and I have, but there are still those days when I feel insecure, vulnerable, and sorry for myself.

A nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach tells me that by the time I get home I’ll likely be feeling sorry for myself quite a bit and it will be my turn to sip from one of my father’s stubby whiskey glasses.

The morning traffic in the building grows heavier as I try my best to make my way to Chief Ingram’s office. The man I asked for directions didn’t bother offering his assistance, which is fine.

I don’t want to make them see that they, as a society, are right about me. I need to prove to Fenra, to everyone in this compound, and most importantly to myself that I’m willing and able enough to do real work.

Despite my pep talk on my way here this morning, I find my resolute confidence fading quickly.

“Watch it,” someone mumbles in a low voice as he passes right by me. Apparently I walk too slowly for people in this building. I’m distracted, off kilter and it forces me to stop in my tracks to recall what my directions were.

The leather strap attached to my stick jerks my arm forward as someone trips over me sending me careening to the ground. I fall forward and end up landing on my hands and knees. Pain shocks upward through my kneecaps ending somewhere in my gut. With a deep breath I feel for my stick, intent on getting right up off the floor on my own and getting to Ingram’s office. This is not what I envisioned for myself when I made the decision to come here this morning.

“What in the fuck?”

“Asshole,” I grit, refusing to acknowledge the burn of tears threatening to embarrass me further.

“What a mouth,” Ingram’s familiar voice says into my ear as he lifts me easily to my feet.

“I assume you’re here to see me?”

“I am.”

“I’m glad. You’re pretty smart for being so reckless. More on that later, though. Let’s go see what we can find for you, shall we?” His voice is cajoling and unruffled, but it catalyzes the opposite effect in me.

“Yes. Thank you.” I allow him to keep my arm in his for guidance. It’s no easy task to calm my frayed nerves, but I smooth my clothing and remove a wisp of hair clinging stubbornly to the balm on my lips. I collect myself on the outside, but I’m anything but calm on the inside.

I feel preyed upon. I feel watched. I feel as if I’m being studied, picked apart. I also feel confused. If he believes that my walking in alone was reckless then I’ll soon make him understand that it was more stubborn will than recklessness. I have to prove myself, and walking into a building I don’t have a mental map for yet was necessary not reckless. He’ll soon be quite clear on just how willful I can be. I may be blind but I play victim to nobody. Not even blindness.

“You’re heart is racing,” he noted, pressing his fingers firmly into the crook of my arm.

“You put up a good front, though.”

“Falling on your face in front of a bunch of people can have that effect,” I answer dryly.

Ingram chuckles deeply and in spite of myself I have to admit it sounds nice. He has a nice voice. Hattie said he was handsome. She also compared him to stomach acid. But he’s not some cave-dwelling monster, he has a nice laugh, and apparently he wants something from me. I don’t approve of his tactics for luring me here, but being tactless isn’t a crime. I’m not sure exactly what I’m willing to give in return for a job, a future, but I am willing to at least hear him out. I’d be a moron if I didn’t and last time I checked, I’m blind not daft. I’m also a woman. Women enjoy the company of men all the time. Maybe I’ll enjoy Ingram’s company.