Odd Ball Out (3 page)

MORGAN: I like talking to you too

HADEN: do you mind?

MORGAN: not at all, it will help me pass the drive time, plus, I can learn more about you

HADEN: well, it’s hard to think of everything at once, oh triggers. New people. You can’t bring anyone home, even on your days off.

MORGAN: LMAO

HADEN: ?

MORGAN: who in the world would I bring home?

HADEN: I don’t know, a date?

MORGAN: LOL

HADEN: ?

MORGAN: I wasn’t joking or underplaying the social anxiety angle, it’s bad. I’ve never even
been
on a date.

HADEN: wow, how old are you?

MORGAN: 18

HADEN: oh

MORGAN: it’s pathetic but oh well hand works fine right

HADEN: LMAO

MORGAN: oh shit did I really just type that, yeah, I really did, fuck (face palm)

HADEN: lol, no worries and actually I wouldn’t know

MORGAN: wouldn’t know about what?

HADEN: uh, using my hand I guess

MORGAN: oh right, wondering if you’re asexual. That makes sense. So is Mallory not yours biologically?

HADEN: No, he is.

MORGAN: A story there I can tell, but I’m not pushing. Tell me more about your average week, I’m sure you’ve got a pretty concrete routine, huh?

HADEN: thank you, it’s a long and painful story so maybe another day. Well, I work pretty much every day. Breakfast at 8am, lunch at 12pm, snack at 3 and dinner at 6. I shower after dinner and usually end up in bed reading or researching stuff on my tablet. Lights out at 9pm and I’m up again at 6am.

MORGAN: okay, what sort of things do you like for breakfast?

HADEN: French toast is my favorite

MORGAN: mine too! I can make it really good too. If you want, I can make it for breakfast tomorrow morning if your mom doesn’t mind.

HADEN: LOL she’ll probably bow down at your feet and praise you for hours, she hates cooking and is very much ready to get started living her own life. She’s been here taking care of me long enough.

MORGAN: alright, what about lunches?

HADEN: usually just sandwiches.

MORGAN: but everything on it has to be different colors?

HADEN: yeah

MORGAN: okay, I have ideas ;)

HADEN: you know, you already have the job

MORGAN: I know that…?

HADEN: so you can quit sucking up to the boss

MORGAN: lol, I totally wasn’t

HADEN: then why are you being so nice

MORGAN: I just want to help you

HADEN: oh

MORGAN: you seem like you haven’t had the easiest life and if I can do something to help, well, that’s a worthy goal

HADEN: I think I really like you Morgan.

MORGAN: I think I really like you Haden.

HADEN: send me a picture?

MORGAN: sure, one sec… there. Sent. That one is me and my foster sister at graduation.

HADEN: oh wow you’re tiny

MORGAN: HEY

HADEN: lol sorry

MORGAN: you can’t laugh and say you’re sorry at the same time, then it seems like the apology is less than genuine

HADEN: I didn’t think. I’m sorry.

MORGAN: oh lighten up, I’m totally messing with you. I try to not take myself too seriously. If you do then…we’ll just have to work on it. :p

HADEN: really like you

MORGAN: ditto

HADEN: hmm, now I feel weird and flustered

MORGAN: yeah, but that’s okay, it’s normal, I feel it too

HADEN: so do you have any questions?

MORGAN: lots

HADEN: ?

MORGAN: I think they are of a more personal nature and not related to my job really

HADEN: that’s okay

MORGAN: alright, well, have you always lived in Alaska?

HADEN: yep, born and raised, bought this place when I was 20.

MORGAN: so with the agoraphobia…

HADEN: oh, that. Yeah, I can’t leave the house. The transition from my parents to here was awful. I slept in the bathtub for like three months straight.

MORGAN: Haden! I’m sorry, that’s terrible.

HADEN: yeah, if I try to leave it’s just too much anxiety. So you get to do all the shopping and errands.

MORGAN: do I get to plan the menu too?

HADEN: lol

MORGAN: what?

HADEN: ‘plan the menu?’

MORGAN: oh shut up you know what I mean

HADEN: yeah, plan away. Like I said, pretty open, whatever you want to make will be fine

MORGAN: how about Mallory, is he a picky eater?

HADEN: I don’t think so

MORGAN: okay, anything special you guys like for desert or snacks?

HADEN: strawberry cheesecake is my favorite and I think Mallory enjoys chocolate chip cookies

MORGAN: I think we’ve got a handle on the cooking situation. I guess it will just take time to learn what you guys prefer. How about housekeeping stuff?

HADEN: bathrooms once a week, vacuum like every other day or so when it needs it, laundry, dishes, keep the kitchen and living room tidy, I think that’s it

MORGAN: yeah, sounds like I’ll definitely have time to write. Hey the driver said we’re almost there.

HADEN: cool. What do you write?

MORGAN: gay romance

HADEN: nuh uh

MORGAN: uh huh

HADEN: wow

MORGAN: lol that’s usually the reaction I get

HADEN: I have to read something of yours now

MORGAN: NO WAY

HADEN: YES WAY

MORGAN: you’ll have to fight me then because there is no way I’ll show you willingly

HADEN: I can take ya

MORGAN: don’t underestimate me… I’m a scrapper!

HADEN: LOL

MORGAN: are you a lot bigger than I am?

HADEN: yeah

MORGAN: how tall are you?

HADEN: 6’2

MORGAN: holy shit!

HADEN: lol yeah, and like 200lbs

MORGAN: holy shit! X2

HADEN: yeah, kind of a big guy

MORGAN: I bet that’s one of the things that scared them away too

HADEN: my size?

MORGAN: us little people find size very intimidating

HADEN: I guess I can understand that, but I’d never hurt you, or anyone

MORGAN: It doesn’t matter. If they’ve had someone in their life use their size against them, well, let’s just say it only takes once.

HADEN: that sounds personal…

MORGAN: um, hey we’re here! OMG this place is fucking huge! Come meet me at the door! Promise not to touch yo
u


HADEN: k, omw

Chapter 3

Oh god. Oh god. Oh god. I can’t move.

MORGAN: you’re totally freaking out right now aren’t you?

HADEN: kinda

MORGAN: fine, hide in your room and I’ll just have to come find you

HADEN: okay, it’s not my fault, my legs won’t move

MORGAN: lol coward!

HADEN: yeah, I am

I hear my mom open the front door but can’t quite hear what anyone is saying or distinguish any voices. Then I hear someone coming up the stairs and it’s faster than mom’s usual measured steps. Mallory never comes up here so…

Knock. Knock. Knock.

MORGAN: there’s a knocking at my chamber door…

HADEN: lol, come in Edgar

The door swings open and in walks the cutes little guy I’ve ever seen. He’s maybe 5’7, wavy brown hair, pixie like features and wearing a huge grin. He looks down at his phone and starts typing.

MORGAN: Hi!

I look at my phone as it vibrates. I can’t help it, I bust up laughing. I hear my mom call up the stairs, “Haden…? Are you okay?” I type on my phone.

HADEN: tell her I’m fine.

Morgan goes out the door and toward the stairs, “Haden says he’s fine. Thank you ma’am.”

He stays out there and doesn’t come back in. Then I get another text.

MORGAN: guess you don’t bust out laughing too often, huh?

HADEN: never actually

MORGAN: see, I’ll be good for you

HADEN: yeah, looks that way

MORGAN: so

HADEN: so

MORGAN: want to show me my room?

HADEN: oh yeah

I walk out my room and see Morgan leaning against the opposite wall. He looks up and shoots me another grin that I swear makes my knees weak. I smile back at him. I can’t help it. His happiness is infectious apparently. I give him a little wave to follow me.

The room right across from mine will be Morgan’s. I open the door and wave him in. He lets go of his stuff on the bed and looks around, peeking out the window and poking in the walk in closet and checking out the bathroom. While he’s in the bathroom he sends me a text.

MORGAN: I suppose this will have to do.

I laugh out loud again and type back.

HADEN: I’m truly sorry if the miserly accommodations aren’t quite up to what you’re used to

I hear Morgan giggle in the bathroom before he comes out. Our eyes meet for a moment in amusement before he goes back to his phone.

MORGAN: well, I’m sure I can make the best of it.

I snort.

MORGAN: I could probably talk to you now without sounding like a stuttering idiot, but I won’t until you do.

I look up at him with a frown on my face and type

HADEN: you don’t have to do that

He smiles at me with something like... affection?

MORGAN: I know. I want to. Maybe if I get you talking then I could go for a ‘nice to meet you’ handshake

HADEN: uh

MORGAN: don’t freak out! I’m not trying to push you, just being honest

HADEN: freaking out, a little

Our eyes meet again and I know my eyes have the deer in the headlights look. I see him wince and go back to typing.

MORGAN: wish I could just give you a hug, I think it would make you feel better

HADEN: okay

MORGAN: okay?

HADEN: yeah, okay

He shoots me a confused but cautiously hopeful look.

MORGAN: I can skip the handshake and go right for a hug?

HADEN: yeah let’s try it, just go slow

MORGAN: I can do slow

He sets his phone down on the bed. Then proceeds to walk toward me in exaggeratedly slow motion so of course now I’m smiling. Then he’s right in front of me and I’m panicking a bit. Our eyes meet and he places both of his palms on the center of my chest, slowly and lightly.

Morgan smiles gently at me and rather than helping my heart starts racing faster, but for a different reason. Then he’s sliding his hands around my sides and stepping into me, pressing his cheek against my chest, right over my heart. The feelings he’s stirring in me are overwhelming, I can’t think. I feel out of control.

Morgan squeezes me a bit and I realize I’m just standing here like an idiot with my arms to my sides. I bring my arms up around him and he’s so damn small I nuzzle his hair with my cheek. He smells good, like mango and chocolate and sweat. Before I fully realize it, I’m relaxing. He can probably tell since my heart isn’t beating as fast.

“Morgan, I was wondering if you knew—.”

Morgan and I spring apart and I can’t read the look on my mom’s face. There’s definitely surprise, but that’s not it.

“Haden, I was going to start dinner and wondered if you’re prefer soup or a chicken casserole?”

I hold up my index finger to signal the first option is my preference, then she’s gone. I have to get out of there. I flash Morgan an apologetic half-smile and head to my room, closing the door.

MORGAN: don’t freak out. The hug felt nice right?

HADEN: way

MORGAN: way?

HADEN: way nice

MORGAN
:
I’m going to take a shower, talk to you in a bit?

HADEN: k

I sit on my bed and try to collect my scattered thoughts.

What just happened?

Morgan touched me.

I
asked
Morgan to touch me.

I
freak out
when people touch me, even on accident.

What’s going on? I notice then the discomfort in my groin. I look down and see the fabric bulged out.

I haven’t… haven’t since… gotten... Oh shit. This one’s gonna be bad. I rush to open my door and scream as loud as I can “MOOOMMM!!!” That’s all the air I have left. I slide to the ground on my knees.

I feel my throat closing and my chest tightening. My fingers are going numb. My vision is narrowing.

I feel someone rubbing my back.

“Haden, here’s the bag. Breathe in, Breathe out. Slower. In and hold for three seconds, then blow out for three seconds. Good. Do it again. Just a few more minutes honey. You can do it. In, hold. 1. 2. 3. And blow out and 1. 2. 3. There you go. You’re already getting color back in your face.”

My mom is in front of me and I see both of her arms. Besides, she knows not to touch me. I suddenly know who’s touching me. My hand holding the bag drops to my lap and I twist my upper body to see a very concerned, “Morgan…” My voice is raspy and I don’t know if he can tell what I want, what I desperately need right now, but my eyes beg him.

Then his arms are around my neck and mine are around him, tugging him close and holding him tight. I bury my face in the crook of his neck and feel the tears come. I haven’t cried since before Mallory was born.

It was between two women and you know why I chose her, Mallory’s mom? She’d arrived first. They were both about 10 minutes early but since there was nothing else to base the hiring decision on and that’s what it came down to, she got the job. Fucking bad luck. That’s why I named him Mallory. It means bad luck.

It seemed fitting at the time. My mom has raised him but she’s retired now and wants to go off and do retired people type things and I guess I can’t really blame her for that. So here I am stuck with this kid I have no idea how to take care of or know what he might want from me as his father. I don’t know if that even matters. I hate her so much and it just splashes onto him and I think he knows it and it’s sad but what else can I do? He’s better off without me and all my issues anyway.

I feel Morgan kiss my temple and run his fingers through my shaggy black locks. That’s when I notice that he’s wearing a towel around his hips and nothing else. Well, of course. He’d said he was going to take a shower and then I had a panic attack screaming for my mommy like a little boy. I feel my body tensing. God he must think I’m so pathetic. I go to pull away but Morgan hangs on.

He whispers in my ear, “I’ve got you. Don’t go, because you don’t have anything to be embarrassed or ashamed about. I’m here and I’m not going anywhere. Just let me hold you until you feel better.” He kisses me again and I’m helpless to do anything but nod and relax back into him.

It’s another 20 minutes or so before I nod to Morgan and go to pull away. He allows it but then captures my face in his hands and looks in my eyes. I’m not sure what he’s searching for but what he says startles me, “you have to let me in Haden. I have to know how to help you when this happens in the future and your mom isn’t here. Trust me. Trust that I want to take care of you. Trust that you’re safe with me, okay?”

I cover his hands with my own and I know my mouth is trembling and my eyes are filling again but I’m powerless to stop any of it. “Haden, I really want to kiss you right now. But I’m not sure that’s a line that you’d be comfortable or even willing to cross. So, I’m going to go get my shower then we’ll hang out and text talk, okay?”

I nod and he stands, letting go and winking at me before he’s out of my room. I look around and realize that at some point my mom left. I cannot even begin to guess what she’s thinking.