Odd Ball Out (5 page)

Chapter 6

Thankfully the next week passes without incident. Mom has shown Morgan the ropes, he’s gotten into the swing of my routine with the small exception of having breakfast ready for me when I get up. We eat together by ourselves each morning now and it soon became one of my favorite times of day. Morgan has been back to his flirty confident self and I’ve only seen short glimpses of that other hidden vulnerable self. I think it will take time for him to trust me and that’s okay. It’s going to take me time too.

He sneaks into my room every night, without fail, around 1am. Curls up at the foot of my bed and is always gone by the time I wake up at 6am, with breakfast hot and ready to eat. I want to say something to him, ask him what he’s doing, but I don’t know what to say and I don’t want to embarrass him or scare him away. I didn’t really notice it before because everything was so new and overwhelming but Morgan really doesn’t get much sleep, he’s got dark circles under his eyes. They don’t seem to be getting worse but it still bothers me.

I want him to be happy here, to feel safe and secure. I already feel like he’s now a permanent part of my life and I like that just fine. Still, I know that isn’t realistic. One day he’ll leave, of course, when he’s not so scared to embrace a fuller life. No one would willingly want to live trapped in a remote cabin in Alaska with some nutty coder dude and his kid.

That’s another thing. Morgan is spending a lot of time with Mallory I’ve noticed. They do a lot of crafts in the kitchen and the fridge has filled up with pictures. I guess that’s okay, a good thing even and he doesn’t do it when it’s ‘our’ time. Like in the morning during our breakfast together, Mallory is sleeping anyway, but also not during the midmorning and midafternoon breaks Morgan makes me take. He brings me a small snack and a fresh cup of coffee in the morning around 9am. We text for a bit, usually about what I’m working on and his plan for the day.

Then during the afternoon break around 3pm he brings me something different each day. Sometimes hot cocoa, other time’s chai tea and other day’s lemonade and a light snack of course. We text about our days and he leaves after 15 minutes. He’s careful never to stay longer. It’s nice that he’s so considerate of my time, but sometimes I want to ask him to stay longer. But I don’t. I’m not sure why exactly. Maybe fear he won’t want to? No… I don’t know. I’m not sure. It’s all jumbled.

My absolute favorite time of day is at night after our showers when he comes to my room and we sit side by side in my queen bed, texting in just our boxers and always with a goodnight hug. Morgan is constantly careful to ask before touching me, never assumes, which I really appreciate.

I think my mom feels like she can leave now, but I know she’s been waiting to talk to me. That’s why I’m not surprised when after dinner Morgan is occupied cleaning up and Mallory getting ready for bed I assume, that mom follows me upstairs into my room. She closes the door behind her.

I sit on the bed and she sits next to me but doesn’t look at me. She understands.

Mom states in a serious voice, “Haden, I think it’s okay for me to leave you in Morgan’s very capable hands now.”

I nod because I agree.

She continues, “he’s had a handle on things from day one really. He’s adhered to every single rule and hasn’t seemed irritated or upset the few times I’ve had to help or correct him. Morgan is really quite desperate to make you happy.”

My face flushes as I stare at my hands.

Mom says hesitantly, obviously uncertain how her next words will be received, “its obvious he cares about you honey…”

I hear the
but
loud and clear.

She doesn’t disappoint, “…but it’s also obvious how desperate he is to keep this job.”

I know. I’ve thought about this too, so I nod and I think she’s surprised I didn’t freak out because her next words are less carefully articulated.

Mom rushes on anxiously, “I don’t want you to mistake gratitude for love. I don’t want to see you get hurt. I know there’s something… something happening between you two. Something romantic?”

Not just blushing now. Now my face is scarlet and I’m praying she’s almost done as I nod once, slowly, hesitantly. I don’t know what’s going on with Morgan and I. It’s new and bizarre and freaking fantastic and I’m afraid it is all just gratitude. That’s why I haven’t pushed or sought Morgan out anymore. I want him to get comfortable, be at ease and feel secure. Only then will he be able to trust me with his real self. This is too much to explain to my mother, so I don’t try. Then she’s talking again.

She blurts, “Mallory.”

My eyes flick to hers and away. She knows it for what it is. Telling her to stop. Leave it alone. Go away before I blow. This time she doesn’t stop, leave it alone or go away.

Mom is wringing her hands when she states, “he’s your son Haden. I know… well, I know you hate his mother. You have every right, every right. But he’s an innocent child Haden. He doesn’t understand why his father ignores him and seems to despise him. Morgan is a great role model and enjoys spending time with Mallory, but you’re his father. I don’t know how, but you have to try. You have to try and be his father.”

I blow.

I jump up and send a lamp crashing into the wall. My mom shrieks and cowers on the floor near my bed. That’s when Morgan comes flying in. I see him take in the situation with one sweeping glance. He ignores me, my panting, my angry scowl and my clenched fists. He goes to my mother and offers her a hand up, “Ma’am?” She takes his hand and he pulls her to her feet, putting an arm around her waist and escorting her out of my room.

I hear them talking quietly in the hallway and I sink down on my bed, elbows on my knees and hands gripping my hair. I don’t do well with other people’s emotions. I don’t deal with my own at all. Anger is the worst one. There’s so much flashing and bursts and a restlessness to move sometimes destroy.

I hear my door click closed softly and don’t move. Morgan comes to kneel between my legs, forcing my head up. He holds his arms up, wordlessly asking, as is his habit. I reach out and clutch him to me. It pulls him off his knees and he’s scrambling for balance so I just pull him a little higher to straddle my lap.

Oh. Wow. I like this. This is the best hug so far.

Morgan whispers near my ear softly, “Haden, I think it’s time we talked about Mallory. Do you think you’re ready for that?” I know I am, I’ve just been avoiding it as long as possible. It’s going to hurt bad no matter when I tell him and I’ve known from the first day I will tell him. So it seems like the best thing would just be to get it over with.

I lean back a bit and pull my cell out of my pocket, scooting back further on the bed so my knees are at the edge. Now Morgan can rest his weight more comfortably, because I don’t want him to leave, not my life, not my house, not my room and most definitely not my lap. Morgan wiggles a bit to get himself situated and pulls out his own phone.

MORGAN: you know I care about you, if you fired me right now, I’d still care about you just as much

HADEN: you don’t have to convince me

MORGAN: I feel like I do. I DO want desperately to keep my job but only because I want to stay here with you and Mallory so much.

HADEN: I want that too

We both look up and share a tender smile. Then he goes back to typing.

MORGAN: tell me why you never spend any time with Mallory? At first I thought it was just you needing time to adjust to all the changes… but it’s more than that. I didn’t ask your mom because I didn’t want to intrude on your privacy or risk losing your trust.

He looks at me with an intensity and longing that makes me NEED to replace it with something happy

HADEN: thank you Morgan, you’re the best and I don’t deserve you, you’re meant for better than being a shut in housekeeper for a crazy guy and his kid

MORGAN: I’m not the best Haden. I’m… not okay, inside.

HADEN: I know

MORGAN: yeah, people, even your mom sometimes I think, think of you as ‘less’ because you don’t talk, as if you don’t have the intelligence. But I don’t. I know how smart you are, how perceptive. You see and understand too much around you, which is why things overwhelm you a bit quicker than others

HADEN: I never thought about it like that, but it maybe it sounds close

MORGAN: so that’s how I absolutely don’t understand how you can be so kind and generous and open with me, who you’ve known for a week and completely ignore your own child

I feel my jaw and then my whole body tense.

Morgan murmurs, “I’m not judging you Haden, not at all. I’m trying to understand.”

I force myself to relax and bend to my typing once more.

HADEN: so my parents, now just my mom, is wealthy, very wealthy. I grew up in a remote cabin even more luxurious than this one.

MORGAN: okay

HADEN: there’s always a high burnout rate for house staff that worked with me. I was a handful. Well, honestly, I was violent and angry most of the time because I didn’t understand how to turn things down without pushing them out and it would overwhelm me.

MORGAN: I can imagine it wasn’t easy for anyone, least of all you

HADEN: no. So anyway, I was 15 and interviewing yet another group of potential care providers, well, sitting there anyway. It was between two women. I chose Mallory’s mom because she was a minute earlier than the other lady even though they were both over 10 minutes early. In my head that made sense. It was quantifiable.

MORGAN: I understand

HADEN: do you know what the name Mallory means?

MORGAN: no, what?

HADEN: bad luck

As soon as I heard the gasp and felt Morgan stiffen I thought he wouldn’t understand. But it didn’t matter now. I had to tell him the rest.

HADEN: little did I know she had a plan. A plan to cry rape from the violent autistic kid after getting herself knocked up

MORGAN: oh god, Haden, that’s awful

HADEN: no, that’s not that bad

MORGAN: ?

HADEN: because that means I was willing

I see the dawning realization of horror in his eyes and just push through

HADEN: my parents left me with just her for a whole weekend while they were on a trip

HADEN: the rest really isn’t good Morgan, suffice it to say I wasn’t willing

MORGAN: but… how…?

HADEN: that’s the bad part

I didn’t know if I should tell Morgan or not. I didn’t think he’d hold it against me or anything like that, I just didn’t want him to have that stuff in his head. It’s like a gory scene in a movie that gets suck right at the front of your brain and you can’t get it out. I didn’t want that for Morgan.

I looked in his eyes and I saw concern but also determination. I’m not sure what he was determined to accomplish exactly. Then he started typing again.

MORGAN: I want to know what happened to you. I want to understand. I know it will be bad and that part I cringe at just imagining… but I don’t want you to have to shoulder it alone. I’m guessing you’ve never told anyone exactly what happened even though I’m sure your mom has to have some idea. I want to know you and I want you to know me. So if you want, I’ll share with you too.

HADEN: she’d been here about a year. Familiar with my schedule, knew all of my quirks. Somehow she drugged me and when I woke up that night I was tied up spread eagle naked on my bed

I felt bile rise in my throat and could feel how rigid Morgan was. I started typing again but my fingers fumbled a lot.

HADEN: she’d brought stuff to use on me, in me