Off Limits (9 page)

Jenna and Jon had broken up.

I damn near had to pick up my jaw off the floor. Then I wanted to pump a fist in the air at the news that that ass jacket had left the building.

Well, she hadn’t actually said that. But they were done. He’d left on Christmas morning, for fuck’s sake.

I pressed my lips together to stop my smile and tried to look sympathetic.

Then I saw Jenna’s
sad face, and I really was sympathetic. I fucking hated for her to be sad. Had that asshole dumped her on Christmas day? Or Christmas Eve? Unfuckingacceptable.

I’d told her brothers not to interfere, in case she really cared for this guy. And now this had happened.

“All righty,” Brenda said, eyes still on Jenna, full of concern. “Let’s go open presents.”

We moved into the living room. Gary
got a fire going in the fireplace as the MacFadden family traditions kicked in, even though it had been a long time since Daniel, Connor, and Jenna had been kids. Everyone found a seat, some on the floor. Jenna, Daniel, and Connor handed out presents until everyone had a little pile at their feet. Then we all took turns opening them.

I was more focused on Jenna than the presents, opening mine
as my turn came up and expressing appreciation for the ugly sweater with the Aces logo on the front, the T-shirt that said “Born to Play Hockey,” then frowning at the giant remote-control flying fish Connor had given me. “What the fuck?”

Connor grinned. “For the guy who can buy himself anything, including a small country.”

“It’s a shark.” I laughed. “Man, this is fucking awesome!”

“You can
play with it when we’re all done opening presents,” Brenda said, trying to sound stern but cracking up.

“Come on, Brenda.” I grinned at her. “You know you want to try this out.”

“I
so
do.” She winked at me.

I opened my present from Jenna with a smile. “Hey, these are cool.” She’d given me USB drives, one shaped like a puck, one a hockey stick, and the other a hockey player in an Aces uniform.

When we’d been younger and there were more presents, we used to take a break for breakfast halfway through the opening, but now that everyone was older, there were fewer gifts and we were done sooner. Brenda went to toast cinnamon buns and make another pot of coffee.

“I think I’m ready for a mimosa.” Jenna stood. “Anyone else?”

Nobody else spoke up, so I said, “I’ll have one.”

Then I followed
her into the kitchen in case she needed help opening the sparkling wine.

Weirdly, as soon as I walked into the kitchen, Brenda disappeared. “Keep an eye on those buns!” she called as she rushed out.

Ha-ha. My gaze went to Jenna, bent over to pull the bottle of sparkling wine out of the fridge. Yeah, I’d keep an eye on those buns.

I gave my head a hard shake. “Let me open that.” I moved toward
her.

She handed over the bottle and reached for the OJ. “Thanks.”

I worked the cork out of the bottle with a pop. “You okay, peanut butter?”

The corners of her mouth lifted. “Yeah. I’m good.”

“Did you love that ass—” I coughed. “Guy?”

She tilted her head and gave me a narrow-eyed look. “Didn’t you like Jon?”

I ran my tongue over my top teeth and lowered my gaze to the bottle in my hands.
“Uh…well, I, ah, didn’t get to know him real well.”

“You don’t like him.”

“It’s not that I hate him or anything. He seems a likeable enough guy.” I paused. “Maybe not good enough for you, that’s all.”

Her eyes widened briefly. “Oh.”

Our eyes met. Heat built between us as we eyed each other.

I thrust the bottle of wine at her. “Here. I don’t know how to make these.”

She poured orange juice
into two glasses, spilling a little on the counter as she did so. With a noise of frustration she grabbed a cloth and wiped it up. Then she topped off the juice with fizzy wine and handed me one. I sipped and nodded. “It’s good.”

Jenna sniffed and bolted to the toaster oven. She yanked open the door. “I think these are burning.” She shoved her hand into an oven mitt and slid out the cinnamon
buns.

I peered over her shoulder. “Not burnt, but definitely well done.”

Jenna laughed. “I’ll eat these.” She popped more buns into the small oven. “This time I’ll watch them. Where the hell did Mom go, anyway?”

“No idea.” I picked up a knife and sliced a couple more pastries for toasting. Soon they were all done.

“There’s the butter.” Jenna nodded at the counter. “I’ll call the others.”

We ate, drank, and laughed a lot. Jenna looked less sad, sitting on the couch cross-legged, still wearing her pajamas and the Santa hat. Then she and her mom disappeared into the kitchen to start preparing the big dinner.

I needed exercise, so after changing into Under Armour running leggings and cross-trainers, and bundling up with a knit cap and gloves, I headed out for a run. The day was clear
and crisp, the cold air sharp in my lungs as I breathed it in. It felt good to move, and my head cleared.

I thought about Jenna and Jon, and him leaving. She’d been sad, but I was pretty sure she wasn’t brokenhearted. I didn’t want her to hurt.

Christ. I didn’t want her hurt, but I’d hurt her myself…five years ago.

Five years ago, when I’d lost my fucking mind.

When I walked in on Jenna
crying over her homework that night in her dorm room, even though she was so damn smart, I was all concerned and protective. I helped her with her homework, lying next to her on her bed even though I knew it was a bad idea.

I’d been attracted to Jenna for years but knew I could never act on it. It was more than attraction, if I was being honest. When I first met her, she was Connor’s younger
sister, a cute little kid. Then when I was about fifteen, I noticed she was…growing up. I’d run into her at the local rink, when I was just finishing a hockey practice and she was going on the ice for a figure-skating lesson. I noticed how the Lycra clothes she wore showed off her shape, which was becoming hot as hell—lithe, firm, and decidedly feminine.

I told myself the affection I felt for
her was what I’d feel for a sister. She’d been a kid when I’d first met her, and I’d felt sorry for her when her brothers tormented her. But then she got older and the affection was joined by lust. I’d watch her sexy little ass and sweet breasts. I had hot dreams about having her naked in my arms, in my bed. I made myself forget about her. I forced myself to go out with other girls to forget her.
It never really worked.

Then I moved in with her. When I was sixteen and hormones were raging through me, I moved in with the girl I couldn’t stop fantasizing about. And she was totally, completely off-limits. Because her family gave me what I wanted and needed so much. Because they trusted me enough to give me a home…I could never betray that trust.

Now, being so close to her, smelling her
hair, our hands brushing, I was hyperaware of everything about her and it made me crazy. So when we looked at each other and her soft, pretty mouth was close enough to kiss and she was right there looking at me like she wanted it too…I lost my mind.

I forgot about Gary warning me not to touch his daughter. I forgot about her brother being my best friend. I forgot that I’d vowed to never do anything
to disappoint Gary and Brenda after they’d taken me in.

We spent most of that weekend in bed, and it was fucking amazing. Jenna was sweet and sexy and so damn enthusiastic in bed. I may have fantasized a time or fifty about what sex with her would be like, but I tried not to since I knew I could never have her. Now I had her, and it was beyond any fantasy. I think I literally banged my brains
out that weekend, because it was such a goddamn stupid thing to do, and yet I did it anyway.

I had to drag myself away from her Sunday for my game, but she was going to come watch. She’d seen my games before, and I always liked it when she was there. But when I stepped onto the ice for warm-up and sought her out in the crowd, I almost tripped and fell flat on the ice. She was sitting with her
brothers.

What the hell were they doing there?

Guilt slammed into me. Fuck, if they knew what I’d just done to their little sister, they’d be pounding the shit out of me after the game. And if they told Gary and Brenda—Christ. I was so fucked.

I never wanted to disappoint Gary and Brenda. I owed them so much. If things didn’t work out between Jenna and me—and really, why would they? I’d never
had any luck keeping a girl around for long—whose side would they take? Not mine, that was for fucking sure. Jenna was their baby girl, the one they all looked after.

I was a dead man.

I tried to focus on the game and the puck. I’d have to deal with this after.

Somehow I managed to play well despite the feeling of impending doom that weighed me down. I scored two goals and we won three-two,
the packed arena noisy and vibrant with triumphant energy.

Somehow I’d processed what was happening in the back of my mind while I played. I’d screwed up. Big-time.
Huge
fucking time. It could not happen again. When I thought about telling Jenna that, my stomach cramped. But surely she’d understand why this had been a terrible mistake.

In the dressing room, after I’d showered and changed, I
checked my phone. I had a text message from Connor that I hadn’t seen earlier, saying they were coming and we should go out for pizza after the game.

Great. It had been sent before the game. Had Jenna said anything to them? Would they still want to go out for pizza, or would they rather take me behind the arena and kick my ass?

I swallowed and texted him back that I’d meet them at Marciano’s.
Then I sat on the bench in front of my cubby with my phone in my hands, trying to gather up the guts to go out there and face them.

Well, I couldn’t sit in that dressing room forever. I hauled my gear out to the old beater of a car I drove and headed to Marciano’s. They were there at a table for four when I walked in. There were lots of other people I knew there too, and I had to stop a couple
of times on my way to the table to accept congrats on the win and the two goals. I was the guy who’d been drafted into the NHL, so yeah, BMOC. Everyone knew me. I forced a smile even though my gut felt like a rock was lodged there.

I took the empty seat across the table from Jenna and met her eyes. I was asking her questions without saying a word, but Connor and Daniel’s hearty greeting and the
easy vibe as they offered me more congratulations reassured me they didn’t know. Then, with a subtle shake of my head, my questions to Jenna turned to a wordless warning, or maybe a plea to not say anything to them.

I read the confusion and concern on her face when I kept myself back from her. I didn’t smile, didn’t touch her, and sure as hell didn’t greet her with a kiss, even though hours ago
I’d had my tongue down her throat and we’d both been naked.

It took everything I had to act normal, to smile and laugh at Connor’s and Daniel’s jokes. To pretend nothing had happened. To hide the guilt I felt. Jenna was quiet, and the rock in my stomach got bigger, lodging beneath my diaphragm, to the point that I could barely swallow the pizza.

When Connor and Daniel finally left, I assured
them I’d get Jenna back to her dorm safely, more guilt making the pizza I’d just choked down churn in my gut. We did backslapping guy hugs and they patted Jenna on the head, and then Jenna and I sat in silence as I drove back to campus. In my peripheral vision I saw her sitting with her arms wrapped around herself as if she were freezing.

I parked and walked inside with her, trying to figure
out what the hell I was going to say and how to handle this. I’d already messed up so bad and I didn’t want to make things worse. I’d already lost one family. When my brother had died, our family was already falling apart. Everything had been about him. I didn’t resent that. Or maybe I did…who could blame a fourteen-year-old boy for resenting something like that? I’d been angry when he died, at him
for leaving me, at my parents for not saving him, at the world for letting something shitty like that happen to such a good guy.

After that, I’d lost my dad and then my mom. I’d been alone in the world and Gary and Brenda had taken me into their home and made me feel welcome and wanted there. How could I betray that? I’d been determined that I would never let them down. I wasn’t going to renege
on that now.

Even if Jenna and I did try to have a relationship, it wouldn’t last. Nothing did for me, and I’d be moving to L.A. at some point, since I’d been drafted by the Kings. She had her life and her family here. If we broke up and she got hurt, her parents wouldn’t be mad at her—they’d be mad at me. So would Connor and Daniel.

I followed Jenna up to her room but hovered barely inside
the door, leaving it open. She turned to face me.

The look on her face nearly sent me to my knees. She knew what was coming. “Jenna…”

She held up a hand and, in a thick voice, said, “Don’t. It’s okay.”

I frowned.

“I know.” She sighed. “I know. It was a mistake. It was chemistry. I get it.”

She understood. My shoulders hunched as I watched her.

“It can’t be any more than that between us,”
she added. “I know.”

I swallowed. “Jenna. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize!” She waved her hand. “It’s not something you have to apologize for. We were both here, we both consented, we both enjoyed it. Now it’s done.”

I nodded slowly. “I care about you. If you ever need anything, I’m there. Anything, Jenna.”

She gave a tight smile, also nodding. “Thank you. Same goes.” She paused. “Good night,
Andrew. And…good game.”

I stood there a few more seconds. The air around us felt bruised and throbbing. Tension radiated off Jenna despite her words, and my stomach burned. It felt like I should do or say something more. I wanted to hold her, but I couldn’t do that. And there was nothing I could say to make this better. “Thanks.” I closed my eyes briefly and gritted my teeth. “Night, Jenna.”