Off the Record (11 page)

I’m sitting in a hospital room and I couldn’t feel more out of place. The room itself is lovely. It’s lavishly decorated with hardwood floors and ambient lighting. The furniture looks to be mahogany and even the windows have expensive treatments adorning them. It looks like a room at the Ritz...or so I would imagine. I suppose if you’re married to a New York Ranger, you get star treatment.

The chair that I’ve taken in the corner lets me observe everything, despite the awkwardness of the situation.

We are here to visit Danny Burnham, who just had her baby last night. Danny looks amazingly beautiful, especially given the fact that she went through several hours of hard labor. She’s watching her mother-in-law hold the baby, a dreamy look on her face.

The room is full of family and I am an outsider. Emily hasn’t talked to me yet but she gave me a hard glare when I walked in. Linc quickly introduced me to everyone and explained that I was doing a follow up piece to my original article. This statement was met by polite smiles but I can tell everyone is pissed at me for what I wrote.

I have no right to let it hurt my feelings. I deserve it.

Linc woke me up this morning at 6:00am and we went on a run. I had no problem making the five miles, although I am a little sore. It also probably has something to do with the fact that I tried to work out with Linc at the gym yesterday afternoon. But after an hour, I had to give up and watch him...counting reps as he told me I would do.

The man is a machine. I’ve never seen anyone push their body as hard as he does. I thought I’d be bored, just watching him workout, but I’d be lying if I said it was a chore. His body is unrealistically beautiful. He’s all tanned skin and hard muscle...chiseled perfection. Hell, even his sweat is sexy.

And his work ethic is beyond amazing. I’m starting to understand that there is no summer long vacation for NHL players. They work year round and have to make a lot of sacrifices, which causes my respect for him to increase a little.

I watch Linc talking with Congressman Burnham. He is naturally at ease, his hands casually tucked in his pockets. They’re talking about golf, a sport that I found Linc enjoys playing. He tells a golf joke—which I don’t get—and Mr. Burnham laughs with gusto. It’s a marvel to me that Linc is so poised at age twenty-four, but I guess when you are in the public eye, you learn how to handle yourself.

Admittedly, my feelings about Linc are conflicted. On the one hand, I have accepted the fact that I misjudged the situation that had occurred last Friday. He wasn’t the complete man-whore I thought him to be, but he’s by no means a monogamous angel either. I have not been able to get out of my head when he told me that he had fucked that woman, and fucked her hard. My sensibilities say I should be offended. Instead, I’m a little jealous and that bugs the crap out of me. The way he said that to me—his voice low and vibrating with promise—had me imagining the dirtiest of sexual scenarios.

On the other hand, I am still having a hard time reconciling that Linc is quite the playboy. He has every right to be but it grates on my nerves. I cannot help but wonder what would have happened had we gone out to dinner that night. If I had just said yes, rather than sensibly saying no.

I’m not stupid enough to even look at Linc as a potential love interest. My walls are still firmly in place and I don’t expect I’ll be letting them down again. Twice burned, and all that. But the young and sexually curious part of me is looking at Linc differently.

Yes, it bugs the crap out of me. And frustrates me. And confuses me.

Last night, after we ate dinner, Linc informed me that he had to go out for a bit. He didn’t invite me to go with him and I didn’t ask where he went. The fact that he didn’t invite me, particularly when he seems to want me with him at every other moment in the day, leads me to believe he was going out on a date. Which in my mind equates to sex.

And yes, that bugs the crap out of me, too.

I stand from my chair and Linc looks at me questioningly.

“I’m going to go talk to Emily,” I tell him and he just nods, turning his attention back to Congressman Burnham.

Emily had walked out of the room a bit ago, followed by Nix. I assume she’s still around as she didn’t bother with telling anyone goodbye.

It doesn’t take me long to find her. She and Nix are standing in the lobby, their arms wrapped around each other in a hug. Her face is buried in the crook of his neck and his chin is resting on top of her head. They look utterly content with one another, an emotion I am not in the slightest bit jealous over.

Nope! Committed relationships are for suckers and fools.

As I walk up to them, I know I’m intruding on something personal, but I need to take this opportunity to tell Emily that I’m sorry for what I did.

She sees me as I approach and pulls away from Nix. Her look is not welcoming but it is resigned to talking to me. Nix turns to see me and leans down to whisper something in her ear. He gives her a kiss on the temple, shoots me a wink and then leaves.

Emily crosses her arms over her chest and says, “How could you do that, Ever?”

“I know. It was awful. I’m awful. And I’m so sorry I did that.”

I’m taken aback when she practically hisses at me. “Sorry isn’t good enough. I trusted you with my family and you abused that. You of all people know what it’s like to have a friend abuse your trust.”

I don’t know what to say to that. She’s talking about my friend Kelli sleeping with Marc. It’s apples and oranges...the two scenarios, but the abuse of trust is the same. I know exactly how she feels right now.

“Lay off of her, Emily. She said she’s sorry.”

I spin around and see Linc behind me. He’s glaring at Emily and I’m shocked into further silence. Linc is the last person that should be speaking up for me.

“Fine,” Emily huffs. “But if she screws you over a second time, don’t come whining to me.”

Emily walks away without another word to me. I can feel tears prickling in my eyes and I blink several times to push them back. I never once considered how my actions would affect Emily and I’m kicking myself right now.

Linc lays his hand on my shoulder. It’s comforting and I have no right to be seeking that feeling from him. “Don’t worry about Emily. She’ll cool down.”

I look into his eyes and they are filled with kindness. Kindness that I don’t really deserve and I am immediately suspicious. “Why are you being so nice to me?”

Linc squeezes my shoulder and laughs. “I’m not really. I just don’t want to give you any reason to write a bad article about me. It’s not good for my image. Now come on...let’s go get some lunch.”

Linc turns to walk toward the elevator but I grab his hand to stop him. He reflexively squeezes mine back. My skepticism has now morphed into utter confusion over this man. “Seriously. Why are you being nice to me? I don’t deserve it.”

He tilts his head at me in sincere curiosity. “Why don’t you think you deserve it?”

“Because of what I did to you. I’m the last person in the world you should be nice to.”

He looks at me with patience...like I’m a child almost. “Did you apologize to me?”

“Yes.”

“Were you truly sorry?”

“Yes.”

“Are you putting forth an honest effort to get to know the real me?”

“Yes...but—”

“Well then...why shouldn’t I be nice to you? I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt, why don’t you do the same for me?”

I feel a little of the guilt that I’ve been harboring ease up in my chest. His words are so simple, yet they have a major impact on me. A smile overtakes my face, one that I am powerless to hold back.

He answers me with a smile of his own, but it is different than mine. It actually looks predatory in nature, like the way I imagine a lion would smile when it realizes it’s captured the gazelle. My insides squirm. Linc steps in close to me, so his next words are for my ears alone. “Your smile would bring a lesser man to his knees. But if you wore your glasses and smiled at me like that, it would topple me.”

Linc is teasing me, I know it. But I can’t help the heat that floods through my body at those words. That same heat has flooded my face and I’m sure he’s taken stock of my reaction. The downside to being so pale is that it is painfully obvious when I’m embarrassed.

Before I can even think of what to say, we are interrupted.

“Linc? Is that you?”

We turn to see a young, pretty nurse in pink scrubs walking toward us. Linc steps back from me slightly but doesn’t release my hand. “Hey, Monica.”

She offers me a smile and turns to Linc. “Are you here to see Kyle? He’s having a bad day and you will certainly brighten it.”

“Actually, I was here to see someone else but I’ll stop by his room and check on him. Thanks.”

“Sure thing,” she says and then walks off, glancing back at him once and smiling flirtatiously.

I look to Linc questioningly.

“Do you mind if we make a quick stop before we leave?” he asks.

I shake my head and Linc leads me to the elevators, still holding my hand. My head tells me to pull it away but I’m enjoying the warmth and feel of it. I also couldn’t help but notice the way the perky, nurse Monica looked at Linc, and it made me feel nice that Linc was not acknowledging that look.

And just as soon as I have that thought, I mentally chastise myself. That’s exactly the type of thinking that led me to fall for Marc. Feelings of security and self-worth parceled out to me by a man pretending to love me. I quickly pull my hand out of Linc’s grip and he doesn’t say a word about it.

Linc takes us to the fourth floor and when we get off, it looks like we stepped into Disney World. The walls are painted bright colors and adorned with cartoon characters. Even the floors are painted with bright flowers, butterflies and birds. All of the nurses walking by are wearing colorful scrubs, many covered with the same cartoon characters that grace the walls. I even see one nurse walking by wearing a red clown nose.

Obviously, we are on the children’s ward.

Most of the nurses and even some doctors that we pass say hello to Linc. He’s definitely not a stranger here and that has got my reporter’s curiosity raging. I watch as he walks up to the nurse’s station and reaches over the counter to grab something. He acts as if he owns the place. His hand pulls back and he’s holding two red balls.

He hands me one with a grin and takes the other, putting it on his nose. I can’t help but laugh at him.

“Red and bulbous is not really my style. Do you have something else?” I ask.

He takes the red ball from me and reaches back behind the counter, pulling out a pair of black rimmed glasses with a large nose and mustache attached.

I take them and put them on. “There. That’s more my style.”

“You know how I like it when you wear glasses.” And once again my insides are warmed by his words.

Idiot!

Linc leads me down a hall. No one looks funny at us for the props we are wearing. He enters a room and I follow, a little curious and a little nervous as to what I will see.

Inside is a little boy, maybe ten years old. He is pale and thin...his body frail with sickness. His bald head has a few thin wisps of hair still sticking out. His eyes are looking at the TV but they are dull and lifeless. But then the boy sees Linc and a sparkle immediately appears.

“Linc!” the boy shouts as he struggles to sit up in the bed. “What are you doing here? You were just here last night.”

Last night?  That’s where Linc went? I can’t help but wonder why he didn’t tell me, or even invite me along.

Linc crosses to the bed and helps the boy sit up. “Hey buddy! I had to come to the hospital to see a friend of mine and thought I’d pop over to say hi.  Monica said you’re having a rough day?”

The little boy nods. “Yeah. I’m not feeling so hot.”

Linc looks over to me. “Kyle...this is my friend, Ever.”

“Hey, Kyle,” I say as I walk to the edge of the bed. I recognize the ravages of cancer and focus in on the green tinge to his face. “I’m pleased to meet you. Feeling a little nauseous today?”

He nods.

“How about I go get you some ginger ale? Sound good?”

He nods again, staring at me. I turn around to the sink and grab a washcloth. I run it under cool water and wring it out. Placing it gently across his forehead, I say, “That should help a little. My mom was sick for a while and she seemed to like that.”

“That feels good. Thanks.”

“Sure thing, buddy. I’ll just go get that ginger ale for you.”

I glance at Linc and he’s looking at me funny. But I don’t have time to puzzle out what he could be thinking. I’m on a mission to find ginger ale.

When I return to the room, Linc is in the bed next to Kyle, still wearing that ridiculous red nose. He’s raised the top portion of the bed up so they are both sitting, playing a video game together. I smile because Linc is too big to fit in the bed so he’s got one leg on the floor, holding himself up.

Yes, Linc Caldwell is about as hot as they come. But I don’t think I’ve ever seen him look more attractive than he does right now, sitting in a hospital bed with a sick little boy.

I don’t want to intrude. I put Kyle’s ginger ale on the bedside table and tell Linc to take his time, that I’ll be waiting in the lobby for him. He just nods and waves me away.

As I sit here and wait for Linc, I take stock of my feelings about him.

Less than a week ago, I was beyond infuriated with this man, believing him to be the lowest form of scum on this earth.

Now?

I see someone different.

I not only misjudged his character, but I’ve learned very quickly that it runs deeper than I would have imagined.

So sure...he has the hotness factor down pat. But I find myself being attracted to him now on a completely different level. And that makes me uneasy. Because it’s easy to ignore physical perfection. Well...that’s not true.  It’s hard to ignore his physical perfection, but it’s easy to control my impulse around it.

However, factor in the fact that Linc seems to be a much nicer guy than I could have imagined, and it’s not so easy to ignore the attraction that seems to be building.