Offensive Behavior (Sidelined #1) (35 page)

Cara
tried out the new windows. They opened smoothly instead of grinding open inch
by inch. “It’s not like what you were afraid of has happened?”

“What
was I afraid of, little Miss Thinks She’s So Clever?”

“That
he’d be an asshole.”

He
wasn’t, it was worse. He broke one of her rules. “I don’t think he needs a
girlfriend.”

“What
do you mean?”

“It’s
not like he was a serial dater before me. He was a loner.” That’s as close as
she’d come to explaining Reid. “His passion was Plus and now he’s got it back.”

“Oh, Zar.
That can’t be right. That man loves you. Can tell by looking at him when he
looks at you.” Cara leaned against the pantry cupboard door. “Always could.”

“That’s
what makes this messy. He does love me. But there’s not a lot of him left over
and he’s happy. I’m the one with the problem.”

“Everyone
who knew Reid before his meltdown says he’s changed. He’s still as obnoxiously
up in everyone’s business as before, just as annoying and intimidating, but
he’s more considerate, has more of a sense of humor about it. Sure, he learned
his lesson losing Plus, but I think it’s having you that’s mellowed him. Fight
for him. Give him an ultimatum. He makes more time for you—”

“Or
what?”

“I do
like the color they used. I see your point. You’re miserable, aren’t you?”

“The
towel rails in the bathroom are cute.”

“Zarley.”

She
sighed and jumped to sit on the countertop. Her feet were sore from her shift,
standing for hours on a concrete floor. “I am miserable. It’s like we’ve come
full circle. We were all about the sex when we started, because I didn’t want
anything serious, now we’re all about the sex because we’re addicted to it. He
needs the outlet and I’m too weak to say no, and there’s no time for anything
else.”

“Reid
is using you for sex.” Cara buried her face in her hands. “Na, na, na, nana. I
can’t hear that. Work for the man, live in his apartment till I sign a new
lease here.”

“He’s
not using me anymore than I’m using him. But it’s like living with us isn’t
enough for you, what we have isn’t enough for me.”

Cara
eyed the bench. It was the only place to sit except the floor. She eased her
backside onboard with a wince and a grunt. “Hmm, sturdy. Want to know what I
think?”

“Not
really.”

“Excellent,
so I’ll tell you. The Zarley I trained with, the one who was around when I had
my accident, who worked harder than any other gymnast I knew, was good at
getting what she wanted.” Cara put a hand up. “Don’t say anything. I’m trying
to be profound, but I opened my mouth a little ahead of my brain figuring out
what I was going to say. Anyway. That Zarley chased what she wanted hard and
apart from a few years where she was wobbly, that’s what she’s good at. So the
way I figure it is you have to work out what you want and then go hard.”

“Is
that it for profound?”

“Wasn’t
my best ever piece of advice. I’m distracted by the shiny.”

“Sometimes
you don’t get what you want.”

Cara
shuffled her butt closer and laid her head on Zarley’s shoulder. Zarley rested
her cheek on Cara’s hair. Both of them had wanted more from their gymnastics
careers, and not getting it because their bodies weren’t in sync with their
ambitions and their spirits still hurt. It would physically hurt Cara for the
rest of her life.

“The
part about figuring out what you want, that’s profound, so what do you want,
Zar?”

Wishes
and dreams, unicorns and rainbows. Her own business her own way. “I can tell
you what I don’t want.”

“Slippin’
zippers, I always get second best with you.”

Zarley
straightened up and Cara reacted. “Sorry, bad choice of words.”

“But
that’s the thing. I don’t want to be second best with Reid, or with any man I
love enough to live with.” To have contemplated forever with. “I don’t want to
be what exists in the gaps he makes when he’s not working. He’s doing what he
loves most. For a while I got to be that thing and it was wonderful. I don’t
want to go on like this, half resenting him for not being there for me and yet
clinging because I’m too scared to step away. I don’t want to put my ordinary
life on hold because his is more amazing.”

“Because
you could be amazing too.”

“Because
I want to be amazing and I don’t know how many chances you get at that and I’ve
already blown one.” And because you only deserved approval and respect when you
got things right and not before. Every coach ever. But Reid had it all out of
order—and she hadn’t done anything to continue to deserve his respect.

“So do
what you need to be amazing and if you think that means leaving Reid I might
not need a new roommate.”

Zarley
looked at the new kitchen floor. It was white and would be hard to keep clean. The
new lease had a special rent break so Cara wasn’t in a hurry to find a roomie. “Maybe
when you’ve gone it will be different.”

It
wasn’t. Cara moved out and Zarley worked nights at Sports Pro and came home
with an aching back from standing for hours. She earned a third of what she’d
taken home from Lucky’s.

Reid
wanted her to quit, got annoyed with her for being stubborn about paying her
own way and then disappeared into work again. She could’ve told him about her idea
for a new Lucky’s but she didn’t, and struggled to understand why, except that
it was the last piece of herself she’d not given him.

And
still they came together in the dark and loved each other as if there were no
barriers between them. Until the night Zarley knew if she kept coming second,
more and more of herself would disappear until she self-sabotaged any chance
she had coming first for herself.

She met
Reid in the living room that night, even though he’d called to say his plane
was late and not to wait up. He’d not had a great day. Owen’s recovery was
stalled, and Reid worried for him, he’d had an argument with Dev who made Reid
anxious because their friendship was still tenuous, and the major customer he’d
gone to see had spent hours complaining about technical issues that had nothing
to do with Plus.

He
looked tired, but he lit up when he saw her. “Damn, it’s good to see you
awake.”

And
right there when he smiled, dropped his bag on the floor and shrugged his coat
off as he came across the room to her, she knew she couldn’t tell him with
words.

He’d
argue, he’d persuade, he’d make a strong case. He’d leave her with no easy way
out. He’d win because he loved her exactly as she was and she didn’t understand
why that wasn’t enough.

It
should be enough. There was something wrong with her it wasn’t.

She
stepped onto his shoes and stood on her toes. “Did you eat? I could heat—”

His
arms banded around her. “I ate. I had a nap on the flight. I don’t care what’s
waiting in my messages.” He glanced toward the office. He had to will himself
not to care. “Looking at you makes a bad day better.”

“Imagine
what kissing me can do.” She’d left a sex lesson or two off their list and
tonight she’d play them out, complete his education, and take one last lunge at
pleasure for herself.

He
lowered his head, his voice going honey-dipped. “Rewrite the code that runs the
universe.”

He
kissed her as if that was the case, with a devotion that made her heart seize. Had
she taught him that, or had the capacity to make her feel so loved always been
in him? How was she supposed to leave a man who could relate to her body so
well? With Reid she could fly in ways a sprung floor, a springboard, a vault or
a pole had kept her tethered.

He
walked her to the sofa, she broke away and jumped to its seat. “I don’t understand
why you’re still dressed.” She was inspired. “But I’ve decided it’s because my
big bad warrior boss is too tired from slaying all those corporate thugs and
narcissists that he can’t even undo a button.”

Reid
quirked his head. “Okaaay.”

“My big
bad warrior boss needs his little secretary to help him get ready for bed.”

He
laughed. “They’re called team assistants.” She reached for his shirt. A regular
pale blue business shirt, the collar undone, the cuffs rolled back and tucked
in his jeans. She undid the top button, taking her time as if it was
microsurgery, keeping her eyes on his face. “Ah, see where you’re going with
this.”

She
placed a kiss at his throat and Reid’s hand came up to tangle in her hair. “My
boss needs some tender loving care.”

“I like
where you’re going with this.”

She
undid the second button, pressing a kiss to the underside of his jaw. He
stepped closer to the sofa so more of her body grazed more of his. She undid
the third and fourth buttons and slipped her hand over his pec. “My boss is the
best boss in the whole wide world.”

He
grunted. “There are witnesses against that.”

“Hush.”
She pulled his shirt aside and dipped her head to flick her tongue over his
nipple.

“Ah,
Zarley.” His hand moved through her hair and cupped her skull.

“Miss. Halveston,”
she corrected, moving out of his hold and pulling on his shirt so it came out
of his jeans.

He
laughed softly, “Miss. Halveston is attempting to corrupt me.”

“No
sir.” She pushed his shirt open, stood back and looked at him a moment before
her hands went to his belt buckle. “I corrupted you a long time ago.”

“Best
night of my life.”

He
reached for her but she avoided his hands. “It’s a good secretary’s job to make
her boss comfortable at all times.” By comfortable she meant aroused and he
was, it showed in his eyes and his want to touch her, and in the way it
deepened and thickened his voice.

“Comfortable
is not how you’re making me feel.”

She
took her hands away and cast her eyes down. “If I’ve made you unhappy, you
should discipline me.”

He put
his finger under her chin and brought it up, eyes data-mining hers. “Like that
is ever going to happen. You have me caught in every breath you take.”

He
wasn’t playing. It made her hands shake. She put them back on his belt and
yanked it, pulling it around his body, out of the loops. Though she’d started
this, it wasn’t a game to her either, it was the foam pit where she’d learned
to tumble. It wouldn’t matter how high she soared or how badly she fell, she’d
be protected from injury.

“My big
bad boss is a huge softie and nobody knows that like me.” She jumped down from
the sofa and circled behind Reid, needing to avoid his scrutiny. She tucked her
fingers in the collar of his shirt and pulled it down his back, keeping his
arms imprisoned. He turned his head to watch, so she kept her eyes up to his
while she explored his shoulders with her hands and her lips.

“Zarley.”

“Miss. Halveston.”
He would turn and hold her. And ruin her. She stepped back, pulled on his shirt
and he let it come off his arms. By the time he turned she was on her knees
ready to deal with his shoes. She knew he watched. He helped, shifting his
weight, lifting his feet until he was barefoot. Kneeling up she reached for his
jeans. His stomach jumped when she undid the stud. His chest heaved as she drew
down the zipper.

None of
what she did to him was new but he reacted as if it was the first time she’d
kissed his belly, the first time she put her teeth to his hip and dragged her
open mouth down his dick as she freed it from his pants. He trembled, his hands
moved on her, he let her hear what he liked with indrawn breaths and low moans,
from harshly coughed praise and stuttered gasps.

She
could take him apart with her mouth and put him back together with her hands
and when she used both, she made him lose his mind.

He swore,
he grabbed at her, his breath labored and he shook. She pushed him back to the
sofa and knelt between his legs to finish him, watched him watch her, until he
couldn’t keep his eyes open, his head fell back and his hips took over.

When
she pulled away and sat back, the effect of her work made her smile. The
tension he’d carried into the room was gone, but she’d woken the hunger in him.

“Why
are you still dressed?”

She
needed another bit of secretary talk to fill in the role-play, because much as
he’d thought it was fun, she needed it so she didn’t give herself away. She
wished she’d thought this through, worn a skirt and a shirt with buttons, put
her hair up, looked like she was business instead of leisure, before stripping
it all away.

“An
oversight, sir.”

She
knew what he wanted, and could give it to him so easily because it cost her
nothing and it made her feel everything.

Except
tonight, it might cost her heart.

She
pulled her sweatshirt off without ceremony, then gave a lot of wiggle to losing
her yoga pants, going back to her knees at his feet in her underwear.