Official Truth, 101 Proof: The Inside Story of Pantera (36 page)

Despite all the issues I’ll say this: going out selling the merchandise for Darrell every summer has given me a whole different perspective. When you are with all the people that Pantera’s music touched and you hear the stories they have about how a certain song got them through, even if they never got to see them, it makes you realize that you’re being selfish and that your issues are petty and false. I’m not the big picture.
They
are. I’m so grateful for all the things I learned from Darrell and I want to try to be that kind of person you know. Better.

I love Philip as a brother like I always have; we still speak on the phone and have agreed not to talk publicly about each other’s musical projects, and that’s the best way our relationship can possibly be left. Despite a measure of disagreement on some levels, there will always be that mutual respect between us, and that will live forever. We went through everything together since we met as naive teenagers with the same drive to succeed, and that bond just cannot be broken by petty disagreement or a desire to mature in different directions.

RITA HANEY

I wish Vince was more like his brother when it comes to welcoming new people into his world, instead of feeling strapped up or that it’s a problem or an inconvenience. Of course it can be overwhelming, I used to watch Darrell every day and marveled at how amazing he was at handling it, but I wish there was more of that in Vinnie. I know he has never really dealt with the death of his brother head on, and instead he’s chosen to shut it away and hope that he’ll never have to discuss it. If he was open to sharing some of his stories with people, he might just find peace, and if he let people in, he might also just see the big picture I’m talking about.

As for Vinnie Paul, who knows? We generally don’t communicate and it’s hard to know what will change that situation because he’s extremely stubborn when he’s made his mind up about something. As I’ve already said, I do feel empathy for him on a human level, and all I know is that I genuinely believe that if his brother Darrell was alive today, we would still all be playing together in Pantera. That was always my intention, and it’s important to my brother Vinnie that he knows that …

A WORD FROM THE AUTHOR

BARELY A DAY PASSES THAT I DON’T THINK ABOUT PANTERA. I
dream about Pantera, have nightmares about Pantera—it’s always there and I imagine it always will be. It’s inevitable. After all, it was—and still is—a huge part of my life, despite ceasing to exist almost ten years ago. It might sound like a cliché, but we really were like brothers: me, Philip, Vinnie, and Dime. Unified from the beginning by a shared sense of how tough it was to be accepted in this business; as one, we lived and breathed every second of the wild ride that changed our lives in so many ways and came to a sickening, premature end one night in Columbus in 2004.

Along the way, as terrifying fame and huge piles of dollars start to fly at us from every fucking angle on the way to selling almost twenty million records across our major label career, our personalities changed—not always for the better either—and in doing so we began to want different things from that one precious shot at life that we were given. The problem was that while the albums and tours were grinding on relentlessly, we never got a chance to breathe, far less figure out who we were and where we really wanted to go, so instead of pulling us all together, the tension caused each of us to seek different, dark avenues of escape, which in turn drove us apart.

There were lots of valid reasons for writing this book and many sound arguments not to, but with the benefit of time and the critical perspective it brings, I felt that the real story of this band—at least from where I was standing—needed to be told. I intentionally never said much back then and in a many ways I’m glad I didn’t because I know now that whatever had come out of my mouth would have been motivated by something other than simply an honest desire to tell my story as I lived it.

Instead I left the talking to the other guys, because that’s just the kind of person I am. I’m the Silent Bob character in this whole scene, and while people look up to me, I don’t really see myself that way—as famous—and I definitely don’t need or want the attention. But being the buffer—the guy in the middle of warring factions—
was
draining and even if I’d wanted to, I just didn’t have the energy to get involved in what quickly became a shit storm of accusations and counter-accusations.

I thought plenty, though, and after years of tight-lipped silence while dealing with my own personal Pantera aftermath, I gradually came to realize that in spite of everything negative that comes along, you have to be thankful for whatever is put in front of you in life, and only once you reach that point of realization can you even think about recounting the past with any semblance of clarity.

A NOTE FROM THE CO-AUTHOR

THE PHONE CALL THAT STARTED THE CONVERSATION ABOUT
writing this book came at around 3 a.m. U.K. time. In fact, quite a few of Rex’s calls came in the middle of what was my night. He’d been good enough to lend some interview material for a previous book of mine, and during that short process I felt that we formed a bond, despite being, in every sense, from two different worlds.

We talked at length about the process of telling the Pantera story from his point of view, and the well-known conflicts that had blighted the last few years of the band’s existence. I soon learned that the gravity of the situation could not be underestimated and also that an honest account of what really happened would make for compelling reading.

Our conversations continued over the next year or so, some of that time being amid a few of the most challenging months of Rex’s life, but throughout he was always forthcoming, usually in good spirits, and
never
late for a phone call or Skype session. That’s just the kind of guy Rex is. He arranged for me to travel to Bucharest, Romania, in May 2010, where Down was brought in to support AC/DC on short notice due to a cancellation by Heaven & Hell. That was the night we heard that Ronnie James Dio had died. Rex was devastated. Nothing else mattered to him that night because, as I said, that’s the kind of guy he is.

Then I went to Northern Spain for a week with Down while they headlined a metal festival in Ribeiro, a place none of us had ever heard of, but the thousands of fans who descended on the place for the weekend obviously had directions. Rex and I stayed in a remote cottage in the woods—not unlike the cabin in
The Evil Dead
—and the plan was that we’d conduct the bulk of the interviews for this book, which we did over endless cups of tar-thick black coffee we just kept on reheating and refilling. To break the days up we drove around the little Spanish town incognito, in a rental van that had only one CD:
British Steel
by Judas Priest.

We also strengthened our connection, while I also gained an understanding of how the personal dynamics of Pantera worked, now that I was around two of the former members at close quarters. I learned a lot of things during that week, not least the sheer gravity and depth of the project I was involved with: the tensions, the resentment, the deep hypocrisy, and the not-so-easy life of a rock star … I also discovered that the only item in the bedroom that would be my home for two long weeks was a large axe. I’m just glad I never had to use it on Rex!

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

AS YOU’VE READ IN THIS BOOK, I’M NOT A SAINT, NOR HAVE I EVER
aspired to be one. I’ve simply tried to shine some perspective and insight onto my life so far, and the many beautiful people that have surrounded it. With all the trials and tribulations, sacrifices and tragedy, I’m very grateful for even having the chance to put a smile on the fans’ faces. That’s what it all boils down to after all, and it sure put a smile on my face.

When I was approached with the offer to write this book, I was somewhat skeptical. But after discussions with my friend Mark Eglinton, I thought that the time was right. I knew I was a little too young to write an epitaph,
ha-ha,
but this book isn’t that at all. It’s simply the account of a period in my life that I never previously explained fully in the press.

Particular thanks go to my co-writer Mark Eglinton, my agent Matthew Elblonk, my editor Ben Schafer, and all the in-house staff at Da Capo Press. I’d also like to offer special thanks to Christine Marra for project-managing the editorial production with the help of her excellent support staff: Jane Raese, Marco Pavia, and Jeff Georgeson. Your combined efforts resulted in a book I’m extremely proud of.

I’m truly in love with my kids. They are my salvation, my understanding of this life, and two of the greatest kids that I’ve ever met. I think everybody says that about their kids, but these truly are two people that have been unscathed by what has gone on between the relationship, the moving outs, and all the crazy shit. I’ve omitted their names in this book for obvious reasons, but they are my end-all.

I’ve been blessed in many ways. I also believe that a higher power has always been present in my life, even though at times I didn’t fully acknowledge it. I truly believe that God has somehow watched out for me. There’s no other way to say it.

There are two people in the book that have affected me deeply: My ex-wife Belinda, who is not only a great mother to my children but also had to put up with my bullshit for all those eighteen years. The other is Elena, my first love. It’s kind of unbelievable that we’ve reunited after all these years, and spending so much time together, it’s as if we’ve never been apart. Even though we’ve matured intensely since those younger days. Without these two extraordinary women in my life, I don’t think I could have dealt with everything that has come my way. I learned a lot of things through the years: struggle, the power within, patience and brotherly love that sometimes in life can run cold. Especially with four egos melting into one ice-block disaster.

I’ve been blessed again, in the form of Vinnie Appice, my dear old friend and the baddest fucking drummer alive. Mark Zavon, my new right-hand man, as I used to call brother Dime. And the ever-fabulous Dewey Bragg. We all have a kinship for life like I remember from back in the old days of Pantera. The name of the band is Kill Devil Hill, and it has brought back the fire, the hunger, and the innocence I so desperately needed at a time that was crucial in my recovery from surgery and departure from Down. The future of this band is undeniable. We’ve worked our asses for almost two years and we’re really making great strides for the future ahead. I haven’t been this excited about jamming in a long time.

As for the legacy of Pantera, we’ll keep rereleasing the old records, sometimes with a bonus track that will pop up with the weirdest and coolest timing. As far as Philip and Vince are concerned, Vinnie still carries around his hatred, and I’m not sure that will ever change. It’s sad in every way imaginable, being that we used to be so tight in so many ways. Personally, I would love to give it one more shot, to not only play live, but to squash all the futile animosities that have thrown us so far apart. I want to give a big hug to Philip, Vinnie, Darrell R.I.P., and everyone else that we interviewed for this book.

About the only thing a man can sell out are his values. Something that he can never, ever get back.

Rex Brown, 2012

MY DEEPEST THANKS
to my agent, Matthew Elblonk, who’s always supremely calm under pressure; to Joel McIver; to both my families, especially my amazing sons, Andrew and Jack; and finally, to my fi-ancée, Linda Lee, without whom I don’t know where I’d be.

Mark Eglinton

REX BROWN COMPLETE DISCOGRAPHY

Album Appearances

PANTERA

1983
Metal Magic

1984
Projects in the Jungle

1985
I Am the Night

1988
Power Metal

1990
Cowboys from Hell

1992
Vulgar Display of Power

1994
Far Beyond Driven

1996
The Great Southern Trendkill

1997
Official Live: 101 Proof

2000
Reinventing the Steel

COLLABORATIONS

1998 Jerry Cantrell,
Boggy Depot
(“Dickeye,” “My Song,” “Keep the Light On,” “Satisfy,” and “Hurt a Long Time”)

2008 Cavalera Conspiracy,
Inflikted
(“Ultra-Violent”)

DOWN

2002
Down II: A Bustle in Your Hedgerow

2007
Down III: Over the Under

2010
Diary of a Mad Band: Europe in the Year of VI
(CD/DVD)

CROWBAR

2004
Lifesblood for the Downtrodden

DAVID ALLAN COE AND COWBOYS FROM HELL

2006
Rebel Meets Rebel

KILL DEVIL HILL

2012
Kill Devil Hill

ALSO BY MARK EGLINTON

James Hetfield: The Wolf at Metallica’s Door

www.mark-eglinton.com

Copyright © 2013 by Rex Robert Brown

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the publisher. For information, address Da Capo Press, 44 Farnsworth Street, 3rd Floor, Boston, MA 02210.