On His Honor (23 page)

* * *

JD
WATCHED
V
IOLET
SPEAK
to an assistant, who promptly brought him a chair. Someone else scurried over with a tray of fruits and breads, whispering the assortment of beverages that were available. “But whatever you want, Miss James says. You just name it.”

“I’m fine.”

“Oh, please. This shoot is costing buckets. We don’t want her unhappy. Whatever you’d like, just let me bring you something.”

Finally he agreed to a cup of coffee and saw the girl’s relief. Seeing how everyone in the place was focused on Violet made him newly aware of just how important she was, how many people fawned on her, how far up in the stratosphere she existed.

Was this trip a fool’s errand? Probably. Hopelessly naive to think he’d glimpse even one trace of the sunburned, laughing woman who’d shared tacos with him and argued over Jane Austen?

Almost definitely.

I’ve missed you so much.
Haunted lavender blue eyes.

He’d missed her, too—however miserable he’d been, he hadn’t truly realized how much he’d missed her until he’d seen her again in the flesh.

But observing her in her milieu, watching the power she wielded…the secret fantasies he’d been daydreaming when he couldn’t stop himself crumbled to dust now.

JD, please don’t leave.

He wouldn’t go, at least not yet, because even being slapped in the face with the reality of her life, being forced to witness the gulf that yawned between them…was better than not seeing her at all.

* * *

A
T
LAST
SHE
WAS
DONE
.
Violet didn’t want to let JD out of her sight, but all her usual detachment at being poked and prodded, stripped and dressed, vanished under the weight of JD’s gaze, and she found herself newly modest. “I’m just going to change,” she said to him. “Five minutes.” She waited until he nodded, then raced for the bathroom, assistants trailing her and muttering.

Once inside, she let them peel her out of the gown. “Where are my clothes?”

Someone shoved them at her, and she donned the yoga pants and hoodie quickly then slipped her feet into her flip-flops, trying not to wish she had something prettier to arm herself with for this conversation.

She raced back to the set. “Thank you, everyone. Great shoot.” She kissed Franco. “I’m going to take him out on the deck, maybe to the beach. How long do you have the place?”

“Take your time, dear heart. We’ll pack up, but we’ve got the property all day. I’ll keep security in place so no one bothers you. Just send them home when you’re done. What about your driver?”

“Would you tell him I’ll call if he has to come?”

“Sure thing. Good luck, sweetheart.”

“Thanks.” She bit her lip. “I need it.”

She crossed to JD, led him onto the deck overlooking the ocean. “We can go down to the beach—that is, are you okay to walk?”

“Been doing it for years.”

“I meant—”

“I know what you meant. I’m not back to full speed, but I’m getting there.”

He didn’t move.

Neither did she.

The waves crashed behind them. The air pulsed with the heat of emotions, the sweet sting of memories, the weight of too much unsaid.

“How are you feeling?” she asked at last.

“I don’t know why I’m here,” he said in the same instant.

Hope faltered.

She’d wronged him. She should go first. “JD, I’m so very sorry. It was all my fault. I don’t expect you to ever forgive me, but—”

“But?” The faintest curve of his lips encouraged her just enough.

“I guess… I wish there were some way to earn your forgiveness, anyway.”

“I lied to you, Violet. You had every right to be upset. I just…”

“Didn’t have any choice,” she finished for him. “I get that now. If I hadn’t been pitying myself so much, I would have realized it then. You were in an impossible position. You have nothing to apologize for. I’m the one who can never say I’m sorry enough. None of…
that
had to happen.” A lump the size of a basketball lodged in her throat, a ragged tangle of all her regrets.

She forced herself to straighten, to face him and what she’d done. “Sophie tells me you’re doing well in physical therapy. Are you in terrible pain?”

“Not enough to justify what a bear I’ve been to my family and friends. At least, that’s their opinion.”

She tried to smile, but guilt overrode her ability to see humor. “You’re completely justified. You—” Her voice broke. “You saved me. You nearly died doing it.” She ducked her head and brushed at her eyes.

He lifted her chin, and even that small touch zinged straight to her soul. “I didn’t, though,” he said gently. “Are you fully recovered?”

“Yes.” Physically, at least.

“You’re too skinny. I should have brought some barbecue.”

That did make her smile. “That was a fun day.”

“All of them were—okay, maybe not the last one.”

She dropped her gaze in shame.

“Hey…” he said gently. “It’s okay.”

“It’s not. It won’t ever be. Avery died. You nearly did. I live it over and over again. I can’t sleep because all I can see is you bleeding and still fighting to protect me. And me doing everything wrong.”

His free arm closed around her, gathered her in to his broad chest. The scent of him wrapped around her, the fragrance of so many dreams, such tortured, beautiful memories. She wanted to cling to him, to stay right here forever.

His cheek came to rest on her hair. “Hold on to me just a second,” he whispered. “I need to hold on, too.”

She dug her fingers into the back of his shirt. “I thought I’d never see you again.”

“I’m not all that hard to chase down right now.”

“I wanted to go back.” She raised her head, stared into his eyes. “Every day I wanted to, but…I didn’t have the right. I ruined your investigation. You almost died because of me. I’m so sor—
mmph!
”

His mouth closed over hers, and the world filled with sweetness. She moaned into his lips and held on tighter. This, this…oh, God, she’d missed this. Thought never to have it again.

His kiss lingered, soothing her, easing her, arousing her to want more, to hang on and never let go.

At last he lifted his head, and his eyes were that warm, smoky velvet she could practically feel against her skin. “I wasn’t going to come,” he said. “No matter that I wanted you so bad I’ve been a raving lunatic.” His face was serious. “Because I don’t have any answers for us. I don’t know how to make us work.”

“Because there’s something wrong with me? I can’t blame you. I can’t seem to get love right.”

“No! There is nothing wrong with you. You’re a romantic and you have faith in love, and not everyone measures up to it, but the world is a better place because you believe people are basically good.”

“You think so? I’m not just hopelessly naive?”

“No.”

“But you’re a good person, so why can’t we work?”

“Look around you.” He gestured. “I don’t fit in this world.”

“Why not?” She couldn’t let him just walk away, not now.

“You stood there in that room, and twenty people were focused solely on you. God knows how much money got wasted in the few minutes you talked to me. You have a wall built around you to keep the world out, to keep ordinary people like me back behind the ropes where we belong.”

“But that’s not who I am. You know that.”

“It
is
who you are, Violet—not all of you, maybe, but…you can’t just ignore how different our worlds are. Can’t you see it’s hopeless?” His brows snapped together. “And speaking of the differences between us, you are not paying my medical bills. I will not be a kept man.”

“What?” She blinked. “This is about money? Are you crazy?”

“It’s not crazy. It’s reality.”

She’d never expected to be angry at him. “You’d give up what’s between us over money? That’s insane.”

“That’s what Jenna said.” He looked insulted. “Face the facts, Violet. I’ll never make what you make.”

“Did Jenna say you were stupid, too?”

“She might have.”

Her anger faded at his truculent tone. She bit back a smile. “So if I gave away everything I make, would that make us fit? You’d be happy?”

“I don’t—I’m not saying I don’t want you to have it. You’ve earned every penny.”

“But?” She cocked her head. “Have you ever flown first class, JD?”

His brows snapped together. “No. And don’t mock me.”

“I’m not, not really.” She sighed, and for the first time in weeks, something inside her relaxed. “I thought you’d hate me.”

He exhaled wearily. “It’d be a damn sight easier if I could.”

“I like luxuries, JD, but I don’t need them.” She arched an eyebrow. “You might like them, too, though.”

“Not when I see what you have to go through to get them. I’d never feel right about that. Anyway, I’m a simple guy with simple tastes.”

A laugh burst from her. She covered her mouth. “Sorry, but you are the least simple guy I’ve ever met.”

“Watch it, Hollywood. I may not be at my peak right now, but that doesn’t mean I couldn’t wreak some havoc.”

“You already have,” she said, patting her heart. “Right here.” Then she rose to her toes and whispered in his ear. “Exactly how not at your peak are you?”

“Why, Ms. James, are you propositioning me?” His eyebrows waggled.

“You better believe it, cowboy.” She slipped her hand behind his belt buckle.

He stopped her. “Violet, this is no joke. I don’t want a fling, and I don’t know how we could have anything else. I can’t see where we can meet in the middle.”

“Do we have to know right this minute?”

“Yeah. Because I’m in love with you. I want to be with you from now on.”

Her mouth dropped open. “Seriously?”

“When you come that close to dying, you don’t kid about things like this.”

She spread her fingers over his chest as if she could protect him from now on. “I don’t want a fling, either, JD. And I don’t want you arguing with me or discounting it when I tell you I love you, too.” When he opened his mouth, she stopped his words with her fingers. “You came into my life out of the blue. And you saw me, JD, just as I am. You understand the roots I come from. We’re a lot more alike than we are different.” She shrugged. “Every bit of this—” she gestured around her “—could all vanish in an instant, and I know it. Anyway, I’ve been thinking about making some changes.” She bit her lip. “Since I thought I’d have to live my life alone.”

“You never have to be alone again. I’m here.”

She wondered if he could possibly imagine what that meant.

“What kind of changes?” he asked.

“I’ve thought a lot about those women you were trying to save, ones who’ve been victimized by people like Sage and—” She cleared her throat. “Like Avery.”

His gaze filled with sympathy. “He got into something he wasn’t prepared for. And whether or not he meant to involve you, in the end he paid for it. Sage and the bastards she was in bed with will have years in a cage to think about what they did. Their deadly pipeline has been severed, so good has come out of Avery’s sacrifice.” He covered her hand with his. “I’m sorry you lost your friend. Sorry he lost his way.”

Her eyes filled. “What he did was so very wrong. And I was more wrong not to listen to you. I’m sor—”

Another kiss, quick and torrid. “I don’t need any more
I’m sorrys.
Guess I’ll just have to kiss the socks off you until you stop.”

Her heart lightened enough to meet his teasing. “Well, then, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m—” He stopped her with another kiss. Tears mingled with laughter, and they embraced for a long, healing time.

He spoke into her hair. “I’ve been thinking about making changes myself. Truth is, I was getting pretty burned out. I’ve been doing undercover for a long while. Too long.”

“Do you know what you want to do?”

“I’ve considered all sorts of things—I could be a cop in L.A. as easily as Texas…”

“You don’t want to live in L.A. and you love Texas.”

“But
you’re
not in Texas.”

She lifted her head. “I could be, at least part of the time. And I don’t have to shoot so many films, one after the other. Seeing someone die makes you stop and reconsider everything you’re doing.”

“This work with victims of trafficking, do you know how you want to structure it?”

“No…I haven’t got that far in the planning. Maybe… Would you be willing to help me figure it all out, if you leave law enforcement?”

His look was considering. “I really might.”

“Well, if I’m taking a vow of poverty, I can sell all my worldly goods and start a foundation.” When he rolled his eyes, she smiled. “I think the point is that we’re both ready for a change. Sophie says love will find a way, and I want to believe that. We have some decisions to make, so why not think about them together?”