On Solid Ground: Sequel to in Too Deep (35 page)

“No, I carried her home from Sig Chi, and she cried herself to sleep.” Jake stood and turned to me.

“Calon, I can’t thank you and Becki enough for watching out for her tonight. I feel awful that I was the one who crushed her like this.”

“Dude, when she finds out the real story, she’ll be okay. She’s a strong girl.”

“You have no idea.”

The comment pissed me off. He said those four words with the same fervor I felt when I said the exact same thing to Gracie in front of Café Best. He was right, though. I didn’t know her whole story like he did. For a moment, I allowed myself to feel jealousy, hoping it would clear it from my system.

Gracie’s body stirred and her eyes fluttered open. She sat straight up and stared at Jake like she saw a ghost. Her make-up was streaked with tears, and her eyes were red and swollen. She blinked a few times, and I worried she was going to go ape shit on Jake. Becki moved over next to me so our arms were touching, as though she needed to be comforted. I’d never seen her let her guard down. I wrapped my arm around her shoulder and pulled her into my side. She looked up at me and smiled. The emotion that filled my loft at that moment was off the charts. It was almost unbearable. Tears pricked behind my eyes, and I pulled Becki even closer.

“Get out.” Gracie’s raspy voice caught my attention, and I turned back toward my bed.

“Gracie, listen to me—”

“No, Jake, you listen to me.” She stood and he followed. They were toe-to-toe. She spoke quietly, like she was using the last bit of energy within her soul to gather the right words. “I won’t do this again. Of all the people on the planet, you are the last person I thought would break my heart, but you did. I saw you with that girl. You went upstairs with her. I know what’s upstairs, Jake. I’ve been—”

“Gracie, it was all part of a plan. Maverick came with me, and Chelsea was our way in to Sigma Chi. I wanted Noah to think Chelsea and I were together so he would assume I was over all the shit that happened last year. We needed to get into his room. We did it, baby girl, we got the DVDs.” Thank God he blurted that out. The pain in her eyes ripped me apart.

“What? The one of me? Wait...DVDs...plural?”

“Yeah, there was more than one. And we got all of them. There’s no part of you still in that house.”

Gracie looked stunned and was speechless for five full seconds. Then she spread her arms wide and wrapped her whole body around Jake. She cried and laughed at the same time. I looked down at Becki again, and this time, when I squeezed her, I leaned down and kissed her on the forehead. She gasped a little.

I don’t know what made me do it. Maybe it was the intensity of our evening, maybe it was the letting go of the idea that Gracie was my soul’s other half, but there was a freedom in that kiss, like I’d opened a door I’d walked past a thousand times.

Forty-six

Gracie

“You ready, G?” Spider clapped me on the back like I was one of the guys.

“I’m frozen to the stool, and my hands are numb. I can’t feel my face, and the room won’t stop spinning. How’s that for ready?”

“That means you’re ready. We’ve all been there.” Spider clashed a cymbal as though the sound marked the end of his advice.

“Gracie, you’ll be fine. You’ve sat and performed on that stage more than once. This technically isn’t the first time.” Calon smiled at me and brushed past as he got the guys all plugged in and set for the night. It was my first night opening for Alternate Tragedy at
Mitchell’s
.

“Do it for me, Gracie!” Becki lifted her drink and walked to the front of the stage.

Jake jogged over from behind the bar and wrapped his arms around me. I sat stiff on my stool and he rocked me back and forth. It was only minutes until Buzz would open the door at the top of the steps and throngs of people would flow down the stairs to their favorite booth. Girls would come right up to the edge of the stage and wait for Calon’s voice to send them into a tizzy.

“Gracie, you can do this.” He held my face in his hands and kissed me lightly on the mouth.

“Jake, I have no doubt I can do this. I know I can. It’s just, right at this moment, I don’t really
want
to. I’m so nervous. All these people think they’re coming to see Calon and the guys. They’re going to be disappointed when it’s some no name sitting here singing acoustic covers.”

“Gracie, you think Buzz doesn’t have all that taken care of?”

“Huh?”

“Excuse me, Jake. I need an autograph.” Buzz pushed Jake out of the way and thrust a thin piece of cardboard onto my lap and poked me in the forehead with the cap on the end of a black marker.

“What’s this?” I grabbed the cardboard and turned it over in my lap. It was a black and white, artsy candid photo of me and Josephine on stage. I looked up and grinned at the super proud smiles looking back at me. I glanced back down at the “Gracie Jordan’s debut” poster and looked back up at some of the people who helped get me where I was at that very moment.

“Girl, I’m so glad I didn’t kick you and Becki out on your asses that night you snuck in here to play. I need you to sign this so I can hang it behind the bar.” He pointed over his shoulder toward the wall of autographed “first timer” posters hung across what used to be a mirror.

I shook my head and took the marker. I’d never signed anything but forms and checks. I had no idea how to do an autograph. I twirled the marker in my fingers a couple times then just signed it like I would anything else. I wasn’t up on that stage to try to be someone else. Just me.

“Who took this picture?” I handed everything back to Buzz. Everyone pointed to someone else then walked away. As they all cleared the space in front of me, I could see how many people were already on their way down the stairs; some had even made it onto the dance floor. My stomach flipped over a couple times, but I took a deep breath and decided I was going to enjoy every damn second of what was to come.

A couple minutes later, the place was packed. Jake’s first night actually working the bar was my first night as Alternate Tragedy’s opening act. I couldn’t believe it. It felt like a celebration of sorts. The culmination of something coming to an end. Making peace with the shit of my past. A celebration of breaking a cycle. And definitely, a celebration of taking back my voice and not allowing Noah the power he thought he still had over me by having those DVDs of me to pass around. I was done feeling inferior to anyone. I was done being walked on and hurt. No one was going to force me into a Gracie-shaped hole. I was going to change and evolve into a boat load of different shapes throughout my life. I wanted to take chances and grab life by the balls.

“You good?” Calon ducked down until he was eye to eye with me. He rested his hands on my knees and smiled that huge sexy grin I’d become so attached to. Such a gentle heart took up space inside his larger-than-life persona.

“Calon. This is it. I feel like I’m opening a new chapter of my life. I can finally turn the page on the shitty ones that came before it. I can’t believe the emotions I’m feeling right at this moment. It’s like I’m touching a part of my life I’ve never known.”

Calon shook his curly head and chuckled. He looked down at his hands on my knees then right back into my soul, “Gracie,
you
are beautiful...and if you think you’ve touched something amazing already...just wait until you connect with them.” He spun around with his hand out like he was officially introducing the audience to me. The crowd went nuts. There were people yelling my name, people whooping and hollering. I glanced back to the bar, and the most beautiful soul in the entire building used both hands to blow me a giant kiss. Jake. My forever.

“Ladies and gentlemen, it is my pleasure to introduce you to someone very special to me.” Calon covered his heart with his hand and looked over at me and winked. “Give a warm
Mitchell’s
welcome to my friend and fellow rock star, Gracie Jordan!” He raised his hands and clapped over his head and the audience followed suit.

“You got this, Gracie.” He grabbed my face and kissed me on top of the head then joined the rest of the band at the corner booth closest to the stage.

I looked out at all the people in front of me. Their smiling eyes brought warmth into my soul. Some were people I knew, some were people I’d seen on campus from time to time, and some were complete strangers, but they were all giving me a chance to do something I hadn’t even known I craved. To just be me.

“Wow. Thank you.” I spoke into the mic, and they all quieted as though they were anxious to hang on every word. “I can’t tell you how surreal this is for me, but I’m glad we’re all doing this together. Music has been a lifesaver for me, and an unexpected boon that has pulled me from some pretty dark places. I’ve never played for this many people, but if I do this right, I will connect somehow with each one of you.”

I knew, at that moment, that I had uncovered a gift, a talent I’d never really invested in until after I walked away from Noah. And everyone knows, holding onto a gift for yourself isn’t nearly as amazing as sharing it with someone who will appreciate it.

“This song isn’t the typical
Mitchell’s
vibe. I’m not a Top 40s kind-of-girl, but I decided if I was going to take on this gig with Calon and the guys, I needed my opening song to be symbolic. This is ‘Skyscraper’ by Demi Lovato.”

I took a couple deep breaths as I got my fingers where they needed to be. But I sang the first two verses completely a cappella. The room went silent, and I lost myself in the lyrics. When I added Josephine, there was a remarkable resonance that filled the room. I made a decision, at that moment, to give them everything I had. By the end of the song, I was completely drained and wondered how I would get through the rest of my set.

My body jolted to attention from the ear splitting applause. And when I looked up, there was no doubt where I would find more energy. It would come from the people I just gave mine to. They were giving it back. I took it all in, every whistle, every holler, every sound.

“All right! Wow! Thank you! I am so in love with all of you right now. Calon paid you to do that, didn’t he?” There was laughter from all corners of the bar, and Calon actually stood and shook his head just to make a point.

“Okay, so I’ve got that out of my system. Who wants to hear some classic Nirvana?” I smiled at the reaction. I knew going from Demi Lovato to Nirvana would throw everyone for a loop. I hadn’t even told Calon what songs I’d do. He said he trusted me, so I looked over at his confused expression and winked. Just then, Yaz walked up to their booth and gave me thumbs up. He knew what I was going to play.

“This is ‘Come As You Are’ and I hope you like it.

They did.

I sang Avril Lavigne’s “Complicated,” “Kiss Me Slowly” by Parachute, and I ended with my own unique rendition of “Lucky” by Jason Mraz and Colbie Caillat. Jake heard the first few words and stopped in his tracks. He put the rocks glass he was filling on the bar and walked through to the center of the crowd.

Singing about how lucky I was to be in love with my best friend was the perfect way to end my very first opening act experience. When the song was over, I winked at him, and he headed my way.

“I can’t thank you all enough for being so patient with my jitters. I hope you enjoyed yourself...and if you didn’t, I can promise you will enjoy what’s coming next. The amazeballs men of Alternate Tragedy! Thank you so much!”

Jake walked right up onto the stage, wrapped his arms around me, and picked me up off the floor. He spun me as he pressed his lips to mine.

“You’re my favorite rock star.” His breath in my ear gave me goosebumps all over my body. I opened my eyes, and they just happened to land on a familiar face near the back. His face remained emotionless, and he turned and walked up the stairs. Alone.

Goodbye, Noah.

That night, I dreamed I was driving aimlessly through a town I didn’t know. Noah called and begged me to come find him. When I got to the address he’d given me, I could see him, but he never made it to the car. No matter how hard he tried to get to me, he couldn’t. Because he was nothing more than a reflection in the rearview mirror.

Forty-seven

Jake

“It was amazing. And I didn’t die. I truly enjoyed every single second of it.”

Her words all ran together. It was so fun to watch Gracie relive her first opening night with Calon and the guys. It had been four days, and she still shook from the sheer excitement every time she talked about it. I would be lying if I said it wasn’t a turn-on to see her up there on that stage, killin’ it. But even more than that, it was like watching a transformation.

“Well, you’ll have to tell me when you’ll be there again. I’d love to come see you, Gracie.” Sylvia’s request was sincere. I knew she would be thrilled to see Gracie the way I had Friday night. We sat in Sylvia’s office in the Student Health building, at our very first counseling session together. We had just filled her in on finding the DVDs. She suggested we turn them over to police and let them decide what to do with them, especially since there was a case already building against someone else in the Sigma Chi house.

Gracie had asked me to come to counseling with her so we could talk to Sylvia about Gracie’s healing and how we were doing as a couple...well, a couple that was taking a break. The difference I had seen in Gracie in just the last couple weeks was like night and day.

“So, Jake, how are you doing with the break you and Gracie are taking?” Sylvia positioned her pen over her yellow legal pad and readied herself to jot down notes.

“I have to be honest, when Gracie first told me she wanted to take a break, and she said it was because I deserved better, I was pissed. I was tired of her continually reverting back to the Gracie she was with Noah. I knew that wasn’t the real Gracie, so I knew she was still struggling. I guess I was afraid she would leave me altogether, and I wouldn’t be able to keep her on a positive path.”

“And is that what happened?”

“Not at all. Look at her. She’s strong and self-assured. And happy. She’s so happy and comfortable in her own skin.”