On the Edge (22 page)

“Are you in a hurry?” I tease.

“Yes.”

“That explains why girls are always so upset with you.”

“Fuck you, Kat,” he says, laughing. “At least I’m getting some.”

“Whatever, asshat.” I twist towards him as much as the seat belt will allow. “I choose not to get any.”

Justin snorts with laughter. “I can’t imagine my brother not getting any and having to jerk himself.”

Squirming in my seat, I can’t help myself as I think back on watching Cole do just that in the shower a couple weeks ago. I turn my attention back to the road in front of us and let my thoughts drift off to Juliana.

I’m thankful she is finally coming home. Her physical injuries are all but gone, but the emotional damage is deep. I wonder if she will ever be the same again and worry that the happy girl we used to know is gone. In her place is a quiet, yet moody girl. We’re grateful that Julie wasn’t sexually abused during her ordeal. However, she’s far from back to normal. We’ve all been concerned about her.

As soon as Justin shuts off the engine, we rush inside to Julie’s bedroom, unintentionally startling her.

“Sorry,” I say, slightly out of breath from rushing upstairs to get to her. “We were both just so excited to see you.”

“It’s okay,” she says in the flat voice that we’ve grown accustomed to over the last few weeks.

“Are you happy to be home?” Justin asks, flopping on the bed next to her and causing both of them to bounce a little.

“Be careful with your sister, asshole,” I yell at Justin with slight laughter in my voice. The last few weeks, I’ve been a little over protective of Julie. It’s as if I can’t help myself. I’ve been no different with Seth and was thankful when Ms. Bea started her job as a nanny this week.

It doesn’t matter that Sal is sitting in jail right now, or that there is no way he can get out of serving time in prison. But his goon, Ralph, the one I fucking shot, is taking the fall for all of this kidnapping shit. Fuck me, but it pisses me off. When I brought it up with Cole one night, he tried to make me understand it by saying there were guys, including my brother, who would take a rap for him. I wasn’t thrilled with the idea that Drew would allow himself to go to jail for Cole, but I knew Cole wasn’t lying. I could see Pete, Drew, or even Rocco going to prison for Cole in a heartbeat. I really didn’t want to think about any of them going to jail, and during the conversation, I told Cole to make sure that it didn’t happen.

“Did the tutor come in today?” I ask Julie while laying down on the bed beside her. I look at her, watching her face, to make sure she’s not hiding any pain. I’m content that she is fine, physically at least.

“Yeah. She’s an older lady. She’s going to help get me caught up with things, so when I go back to school next week, I shouldn’t be behind.” She replies in the monotone voice that I’m getting used to.

“That’s good. Are you going to be ready to come back to school?” I ask.

“Yes!” she hisses and I notice irritation written all over her face. “Dad’s driving me crazy. And all of you keep treating me like I’m going to break.”

Now I’m getting a little upset. “Fuck you! No one thinks you’re going to break, but excuse me for giving a fuck,” I snap, jumping off the bed.

“Fuck you, Kat! You don’t know what I went through or what it’s been like for me,” she yells at me.

“No, I don’t know specifically what you’re going through, but I have been beaten, too. You want to be pissy, be pissy, but I’m not putting up with your shit,” I say, starting out of the room.

All I think is… no, I didn’t go through what you went through, but you didn’t grow up with my mom, either. Julie isn’t the only one who’s had a shitty hand dealt to her. My life has been far from perfect. These last couple of months with the Knights is the most normal my life has ever been.

Justin finally speaks. “Damn, when did you become such a bitch. I can’t believe you said that to her.”

I don’t even stop. I head out and make way to my room. I barely to my door when I hear him before I see him.

“Who pissed you off?” My brother’s coming up the stairs with Cole right behind him.

This is just fucking great. I don’t want to see either one of them right now. I’m going to wind up fighting with one or both of them.

“No one!” I snap. I head straight into my room, slamming the door behind me and hoping they get the hint. I should have known better. The door is thrown open, and Cole and Drew come marching in.

“Kitten, what the fuck is wrong with you?” Cole asks, looking me over from head to toe.

I slam shit around on my dresser. “Your sister is a bitch,” I say, picking bottles up, turning them over in my hands, and then setting them back down hard. I pace around the room and move over to the bed. I pick a book up off the bedside table and hurl it across the room. I cut my eyes to the guys standing and staring at me like I have morphed into a unicorn or something.

“I blame both of you. I was better off without friends.” I huff, plopping down hard on my bed. I’m overreacting at this point, but I’ve just spent three weeks being scared for my best friend, and now,
she
wants to be pissy with
me
for caring. Fuck that. She also hit a nerve with me when it comes to my mom.

“Kat.” Drew breaks into my thoughts and I notice the guys exchanging looks.

“What?” I bark out. I know I shouldn’t take it out on my brother, either, but he’s convenient right now.

“I think I’ll let you two talk. I’m going to check on my sister,” Cole says, leaning down to kiss me on the forehead before turning and walking out the door.

“Go ahead, say whatever it is you need to say,” I testily say to my brother.

“I get it. You let yourself get close.” He sits down beside me.

“Damn right, and after you were the one to tell me to get the hell out of this town, look at where I am. Fucking living in the Knights mansion, dating Cole, being best friends with his sister.” I’m literally shaking the bed at this point because my legs are bouncing so much. “Now what am I going to do, Drew? I’m so fucking attached to these people, this family. It’s going to kill me to leave them in two months.” I pour my heart out to my brother.

“I know I told you to get the fuck out, but things change,” he says, nervously rubbing his hands on his legs. “You know you don’t have to leave.”

“Don’t have to leave? Are you fucking kidding me?” I jump up and begin pacing the room. Drew’s eyes follow me. “I worked too damn hard. I don’t ever want to be like the bitch we call mother. If I stay, I’ll never be anything more than Cole’s arm candy.”

“Fine, so you go off to school and you come back,” he says, watching me pace the room.

“My plan is to go to school and then come back. I love him, Drew. He’s the only man I ever see myself being in love with.” I sigh as the impact of what I said hits me. I sag into the chair at my desk. “Oh God, I’m so fucked.” I moan. “Don’t you tell anyone what I just said, Drew.” I warn my brother. Now is not the time for me to be admitting just how deep my love for Cole goes. With the kidnapping and then Juliana recovering, Cole and I have not talked about me blurting out that I was going off to school. Cole and I need to talk, but it’s just a matter of finding the time.

“It will work out, Kat,” Drew says while watching me closely. He’s searching for something, I’m not sure what, but he suddenly seems satisfied and visibly relaxes. I don’t know what he has seen to ease his mind, but I’m glad he found it because I’m still a fucked up mess.

“Drew, what am I going to do? He’s going to hate me.” I groan.

“He is not going to hate you,” he says, getting up and coming to me. He squats down. “Sure, he might be upset you’re leaving, but if he knows it’s only temporary, he’ll deal.”

“You have more faith than I do, Drew.” I fidget with the arm of the chair I’m sitting in. “Nothing ever works out for me.”

Later that evening, Cole and I are sitting downstairs in the family room, and somehow, we’re all alone. I’m not sure how that happened. We almost never have time just the two of us unless we’re locked up in a bedroom.

“We need to talk, Katarina,” His tone serious.

I cut my eyes to him and get a bad feeling from what I’m seeing. I’m not going to like this conversation at all.

“Whadda we need to talk about?” I turn my body sideways so I’m facing him. He turns to face me as well.

“First, my sister. Then Sal. And last, the craziness of you leaving for California.”

None of these are things I want to talk about right now. Once again, I find myself sighing. This is really not a conversation I want to be having now, or ever, for that matter.

“Let’s not and say we did.” I fiddle with the throw pillow, pulling it up against me and hugging it like it’s a lifeline.

“Kat! I’m serious.” His tone is formidable. I know I can’t keep avoiding this shit. He reaches for my hand pulling it away from the pillow. His thumb rubs circles around the top of my hand. “I think Julie just needs time to come to terms with things. Let’s face it, my sister’s not tough like you. This kidnapping has messed with her head.”

I jerk my hand away.

“No shit, I know this. I’m just not talking to her until I’m no longer angry. It’s better for everyone,” I snap at him. Yes, I’m more upset that we weren’t talking, but I don’t want to talk to her until I’m calm.

“Fine, I’ll drop the thing with Julie.” He grabs me by my arms and slides me towards him on the couch. I want to be mad at him, but I can’t seem to muster the energy right now. “Let’s discuss the thing with Sal. What we’re hearing is that he’s going away for a minimum of ten years, no matter what happens. So is Joe. The guy you shot will be lucky if he gets a taste of freedom ever again,” he says while still holding me close to him. His voice is a whisper in my ear as he speaks. His arms hold me tight to him, my back against his chest. I shouldn’t be so at ease in his arms, but I am. This attraction between us doesn’t happen for real, right? I can’t believe the way he makes me feel on a daily basis. I press against him.

“So, we won’t have to worry about Sal for a while. Is what you’re telling me?” I tilt my head up to look at him.

“No, babe, he won’t be a problem. The only problem we have is this bull shit about you leaving for California.”

“It’s not bullshit,” I say, sitting up straight as I feel myself growing angry with him.

“It is!” he says, anger clear in his voice. He has been keeping himself in check, but now he is angry and feeling it. “There is no fucking reason for you to go across country. You can go to school locally.”

I jump and begin pacing the room. “Are you fucking kidding me?” I ask while continuing to pace, my body on fire and alive with anger. “I’ve worked my ass off for UCLA.”

He’s now off the couch and standing in front of me, hating my relentless pacing. “I know and I’m proud of you, but it’s no longer necessary for you to move across country,” he says while reaching for me. I shrug him off.

“I’m going to UCLA!” I grit out each word, making it clear I’m not backing down.

He grabs me, pulling me to him, his chest rising and falling in anger. “Katarina, no, you aren’t.”

Who does he fucking think he is, telling me I won’t be going to UCLA after I’ve spent the last two years working my ass off to get there. He has fucking lost his mind.

I try to shake loose from his grip. “You’re not controlling this, Cole!” I spit out, getting angrier. As I squirm in his arms, he holds me around the waist. The television is still playing quietly in the background. I look around the room, wildly trying to find a way to escape Cole.

“Kitten.” His voice softens. My insides melt, but I keep straining to break loose from his hold. “I can’t lose you.”

I stop moving, his words halting me in place. “You aren’t losing me if I go off to school.”

“I would be,” he says to me.

“Asshole!” I exclaim. I can’t think because I’m so floored by the bubble rush of emotions. The anger at him trying to control me. The depth of love he shows for me is breathtaking. “You won’t lose me,” I say, my voice softening and my eyes cutting into his. “You have to let me do this though, Cole. Please,” I plead with him. “You have to let me find myself before trapping me here.”

“I’m not trying to trap you,” he says, his tone showing his anger coming back.

“You are. You want to keep me in this cocoon, but you have to let me become who I want to be, not who you want me to be.” I say softly, my hand reaching up to gently cup his face, making him look at me eye to eye. I want him to see that my leaving for UCLA does not have to be the end of us.

“You’re not going! That is final!” he finally bites out.

Now I’m pissed. I manage to break free from him

“Fuck you!” I yell back at him as I storm upstairs to my bedroom, slamming the door and locking him out. I can’t deal with him. I have to do something. Why can’t he see that it’s not a bad thing. That I will come back home on breaks, and when I graduate, I will come back to him. There is only one thing left for me to decide. How do I handle Cole now that my mind is made up?