Once Broken (21 page)

“You’re kidding, right?”

“I’m
not
kidding.” She sat up. Her voice was calm. “I watched you drooling over her. You were going to play with yourself any minute.”

“Carmella, stop it!”

“Oh, I’m not mad. I’m glad I woke up before you got carried away. I’ll make you forget her. Turn off that TV and make love to me again.”

Unnerved, Tom denied the sickness in what she said. He turned off the television and lovemaking began. In the heat of passion, she asked, “Are you thinking of her now?”

“Who,” he panted, smothering his wife in kisses.

“That tramp on TV.”

Tom murmured, as the lovemaking continued, “Stop it Carmella. I love
you
.”

*

Tom understood that when his attention was diverted from Carmella, his wife became psychotic. He wasn’t looking at other women. However, the fact that other women existed was enough to send Carmella into a fit of rage. Before the honeymoon ended, Carmella’s pathological insecurity made Tom so fearful that even taking in the sites of the breathtaking Amalfi coastline was stressful. If a woman stood in his line of sight, whether he noticed or not, he was barraged with accusations of lustful infidelities. By the end of the honeymoon, Tom was convinced of Carmella’s serious instability. He had been aware of her insecurity before marrying her and had experienced her jealous temper, but he had failed to see that she was a psychotic maniac.

*

After enduring six months of Carmella’s assorted accusations, raging tantrums, broken possessions, physical attacks, and general madness, Tom McKenna moved out of their apartment and filed for a restraining order and annulment on grounds of his wife’s mental illness. Both were granted.

June 1982

“T
ony honey, now that we’re back together there’s no need to waste time on that tramp or her stupid little kid.”

“Don’t refer to Gina like that. She’s a sweet kid, Carmella.” Tony lay on the couch with his head on her lap. Carmella caressed his hair. “But you’re right about Jackie.”

“Of course, I’m right. You never wanted her. You wanted me. I understand how it happened. She’s a slut and had the hots for you. She seduced you with too many beers and then climbed on you and you couldn’t help yourself.” She ran her hand down his chest. “You’re a red-blooded guy. Then after you did it, she laughed saying she wasn’t on birth control and she hoped she’d get pregnant because she wanted to trap you.”

“Yup, that’s it,” Tony agreed.

“What a bitch. She’s still using that kid of hers to get her hooks into you. But Carmella’s here to save you, baby.” She led his hands to her breasts. “Come on, baby. Let Carmella take care of you.”

*

Tony was uncomfortable with his relationship with Carmella. Yet, Carmella provided a great excuse when his parents and friends tried to convince him to go back to Jackie or to see Gina. He explained his position to Louie. “Jackie’s impossible. Dad, I wanted to see Gina. My God, I’d have done anything to see Gina. But Jackie refuses to let Carmella see her. And Carmella’s so mad that she’s forbidden me to see Gina without her. What am I supposed to do? You can’t expect me to let go of the woman I love in order to work things out with Jackie?”

“It’s not Jackie we’re worried about, son. It’s Gina.”

“There’s nothing I can do. There’s no changing Carmella’s or Jackie’s mind.” Tony’s anger and resentment prevented him from seeing the self-deception in his explanation.

His parents’ relationship with Gina solidified, much to Tony’s dismay. Her toys littering his turf were a constant reminder of Gina. Tony appealed to his mother. “Ma, I realize I don’t live here, but I’m here a lot. I’m not comfortable with Gina’s stuff all over the house when I come in. And, when Carmella comes with me, she gets upset too.”

“Fine dear, I’ll have her pick up her things.”

“And I don’t want her around when I’m coming over.”

“Tony, remember when you carried your ‘bragging pictures’ around, as you called them? You were so proud of Gina. Now you can’t even be in the same room with her for a few minutes? Jackie wouldn’t be here. It would just be Gina. What’s the problem with seeing your daughter?” Anna asked, surprised at her own audacity.

Tony stammered. “Uh… Um… It wouldn’t bother me. It’s Carmella. She’s so mad that Jackie won’t allow her to see Gina that she’s forbidden me to see her too. So, if I see Gina, Carmella will hit the roof.”

“Oh, it’s Carmella’s fault?” Turning away from her son, she rolled her eyes. “I see. Any other demands?”

“Not now, Ma.” He kissed her cheek. “Thanks.”

*

The smell of fried pork chops filled Carmella’s apartment later that evening. Carmella placed a full plate—complete with two pork chops, mashed potatoes with gravy, carrots, and apple sauce—in front of Tony. “This looks fantastic, Carmella. And smells great too!”

“Thanks, honey.” She poured Chablis in each of their glasses.

Carmella brought her own plate to the table. “Tony baby, I don’t want that kid around your parents’ house anymore. I don’t know why your parents betray you like this. It’s not fair to you, me, or our relationship, and I won’t stand for it any longer.”

Tony cut his pork chop, taking the first bite. “Funny you should bring it up. I talked to my mother about it and told her I didn’t want to see Gina’s stuff around the house. She gave me shit. I mean, it’s
their
house and they want to see her.”

“Well, you’re their son and if they want you there, you need to tell them that it’s a problem for us and it needs to stop.”

“Yeah, right. If it were that easy, I’d have done it long ago.” He pushed his nearly full plate away, and sipped his wine.

Carmella slapped her hand on the table, her eyes blazing. “Listen Tony, I want that kid out of that house and out of our lives. And you better get that message across to your parents! Or else, I’m leaving you.”

Tony sighed. “Fine, I’ll ask, Carmella. But, it’s a losing battle. Now can we stop discussing it so I can enjoy this delicious dinner?”

“Okay, honey. But I’m not kidding. You should demand it.”

“We’ll see.” He retrieved his plate and scooped a bite of mashed potatoes.

*

Tony was at his parents’ house for dinner the following evening, and broached the delicate subject. “Hey Ma, Dad
…
uh
…
Carmella’s upset about Gina coming over here. She’s threatening to break up with me unless you stop seeing Gina. I don’t know what to do. I love her so much and you’re screwing things up by shoving Gina in our faces. It makes her crazy. I don’t need that
—
”

“Sorry son. It’s one thing that you don’t want to see Gina. I respect that choice, although I’ll never understand it. But neither you nor Carmella will dictate what we can and cannot do in our own home. And neither of you will dictate our relationship with our granddaughter.” He passed the bread basket to his wife.

His mother’s beef stew was his favorite food, but his appetite disappeared. He put his fork down. “Dad, you don’t understand how upset Carmella is
—
”

“Son, I don’t care.” Louie didn’t even make eye contact with his son. “This conversation is over.” Looking at his wife, he said, “Anna, you’ve outdone yourself with this stew.”

Tony’s jaw dropped

*

Louie was sitting with his wife in the living room watching the evening news. Without taking his eyes off the television, he said, “We should be so lucky to have Carmella leave him. Maybe he’ll return to his senses and we’ll have some chance for a normal life. He was so happy when he first started seeing Gina.” He looked at Anna. “What the heck is wrong with him?”

“Louie, dear, I’m afraid we’ve spoiled him rotten.” Anna shook her head. “And our poor little darlin’ suffers the consequences.”

*

“My parents aren’t budging on this one,” Tony said to Carmella later that evening. “My dad says their relationship with Gina will not be dictated by us.”

“Well then, you and your parents can go to hell! If that piece of trash and her kid keep coming around, we’re done! She just
—
”

“Enough,” Tony shouted. “What the fuck do you want me to do? Believe me, Carmella, if I could stop it I would. Not because you insist, but because I’d insist, if it made a difference. But it won’t! Jesus!”

“Oh, honey.”
I’m not losing him now! He’ll go right back to that bitch. I’ve got to stay cool.
“You know I could never stop seeing you. I’m addicted to you!” She took his face in her hands and kissed him. “I love you.” She massaged his chest. “Baby, you’re the man of my dreams. Let’s get married like we planned before. Once we’re married, everything will change.”

“Marriage …” Tony retreated. “Carmella, we need time to readjust to each other. You know that thing with Jackie really
—
”

“Everything’s about damned Jackie! You still love…” Seeing Tony’s rising anger, she stopped herself and resumed her seductive tone. “… me. You always have. Why fight it honey? Let’s get married next summer.”

“We’ll see, Carmella.”

“I love you.” Taking his hand, she led him to the sofa. She knew it was time to heat up this interaction beyond dangerous words.

August 1983

With Gina entering kindergarten, Jackie assessed her future. Soon she’d have freedom to get her career on track. Based on her experiences with the lawyers she’d encountered previously, she wanted to advocate for women like her, confident that she could do a much better job. She decided to go to law school. Hoping for significant financial aid, she applied to Suffolk Law School and was admitted. With a few shifts at the restaurant and the financial aid package she received, she started law school with high hopes. Anna, Louie, and Lucille agreed to take care of Gina after school. Mother and daughter began school at the same time, and Jackie was excited about their future for the first time in five years.

April 1986

The second-grade kids were buzzing about First Communion, taking stock of each other’s preparations and plans. Are you having a party? We’re going to a special restaurant. My aunt is coming from Canada to see me.

On the school bus, as she did every day, Gina sat with her best friend and classmate, Krissy McGrath. Leaning over the back on their seat, another classmate, Jessie Billings, said, “Hey Gina, will your dad be there on Sunday? He never goes to anything! But he
must
be coming to this?”

Jolted by the question, Gina responded, “Oh no, my dad lives in California. He couldn’t get plane tickets. He’s so upset. He wanted to be there a lot.”

“Wow.” Jessie absorbed the lie. “I’d be sad if my dad couldn’t be there.”

“Yeah.”

Krissy glanced at Gina, knowing the story was a lie. As they got off the school bus, Krissy said, “You don’t have to lie, Gina. Some kids don’t have dads. It’s okay.”

September 1987

Things were falling into place by the time Gina was in the fourth grade. After earning her law degree and passing the bar exam, Jackie became a family law associate at The Rodman Law Group, a midsize Boston law firm. The salary and benefits were great. Anna and Louie provided after-school day care, when necessary. She could afford to leave Vic’s and rented a spacious three-bedroom townhouse. Progress was being made.

June 1987

The week before Father’s Day, Gina’s class made picture frames for all the dads. Miss Hunt, Gina’s favorite teacher’s aide, stopped at her desk to compliment her work.

“Gina, your daddy will love your picture frame.” Miss Hunt squatted beside Gina’s desk. “You must love him so much because you’re working so hard. You know that’s how people know we love them. It’s not what they buy us, it’s how much time or effort they spend on us. Great job!”

“Thanks.” Gina felt a heaviness in her little heart. She wished Miss Hunt would go to another kid.

“How will you hide that from your daddy until Sunday?”

“My mom will help me.” Her eyes remained fixed on the frame, as her heartbeat increased.

When she got off the school bus that afternoon, she spotted a trash can on the sidewalk and flung the frame into it.

November 1987

Needing child care for Veteran’s Day, Jackie asked Anna and Louie to take Gina. They were delighted to spend the day with her. When Jackie arrived to pick up Gina, she found Anna and Gina sitting on the front steps waiting for her. Gina ran to her mother.

“Dear, I must tell you, we had an incident,” Anna said.

Gina’s arms were around her legs; Jackie placed her hands on Gina’s back. “An incident?” “Yes, dear. Gina and I were waiting for you here on the steps because it’s a beautiful day. Tony didn’t realize we had Gina today, so he stopped by. He was shocked to see Gina so he stepped on the gas making his tires screech. Scared poor Gina half to death.”

“Oh?” Jackie contained her anger. “Thanks for letting me know.” Shepherding Gina to the car, she said, “Okay, I’ll talk to Gina.” She added, “Thanks Anna. We’ll see you soon.”

They waved as they pulled out of the driveway. As she turned the corner she saw her daughter’s forlorn expression in the rearview mirror. “What happened today at Nana’s?”

“Tony saw us sitting on Nana’s steps. He stopped the car really fast. It made a loud screech! He looked at us really mean and his car screeched again. Smoke came out of the back when he speeded away. There were black marks on the street.” She shrugged her shoulders. “Why did he do that?”

Disgust made Jackie want to gag. “Honey, I don’t know why. All I can say is that he can be a jerk. But I want you to know that whatever Tony does has nothing to do with you, even if sometimes it might feel like it does. Nana and Louie are great, but they raised him to be a brat. I’m sorry he scared you.”

*

Carmella and Tony dated sporadically for the next year and a half. While she peddled marriage, Carmella managed to contain her jealousy. Tony didn’t intend to marry her. She was his protective cover. And he was well aware of Carmella’s instability.

September 1988

Gina entered the fifth grade. Tony, almost forty years old, had created a quandary for his parents. They loved their granddaughter, but remained protective of their son and committed to both relationships. Anna’s embarrassment over Tony’s abandonment of his daughter prompted her to tell Gina stories about the lovely presents Tony buys for her and Louie, how funny he is, and that he asks about Gina all the time because he loves children. She needed Gina to believe Tony was the wonderful man they believed he was.