Once Broken (31 page)

She placed it between her teeth, copying the boys. “Who’s got a light?” Jerry held up a match, and she drew in deeply.

“Don’t inhale!” John and Louie warned in unison.

She took the stogie out of her mouth between her thumb and forefinger and puffed out smoke. “Geez, you guys think I don’t observe anything. Okay, let’s get down to business. What horses are we betting today?”

Louie nudged John. “Gina has this princess thing. Any horse with princess in its name works for her. And believe it or not, she usually wins.”

“That’s right boys. Today’s pick is Princess Calli. Sounds like a winner to me. Who cares that the odds are 75 to 1.”

The boys roared with laughter.

She nudged John and whispered, “Jesus this thing tastes like shit. But when in Rome
…
” She smiled with the stogie between her teeth.

April 2003

I
n celebration of Gina’s twenty-fifth birthday, John planned a romantic picnic. It was a warm spring day and Gina bounced into John’s white 2002 Lincoln Navigator. She was wearing a teal-and-beige striped scoop-neck jersey and beige khakis. Her dark hair was pulled into a bun. She threw her North Face into the backseat, just in case.

“Happy Birthday, sweetheart.” He kissed her and said, “You’re the love of my life. You know that, don’t ya?”

“And, you’re mine.”

John put the car in drive. “Such a nice day for early April; seventy degrees and sunny. Perfect for a picnic.”

John turned the corner at the end of the street. “And it’s a beautiful day for a brand-new start!”

“What does that mean?”

“Ah, nothing.” John shrugged, with a sparkle in his eye.

“Where are we going?”

“Lake Walden.”

“Sounds nice.” She synced her phone and chose an upbeat playlist of her favorite 90s tunes, starting with Britney’s “One More Time,” then crossed her legs and enjoyed the ride.

*

Following a walk around the lake, Gina and John spread their blanket on the sand. They dined on antipasto, Italian bread, and indulged in champagne and the romantic warmth of the afternoon.

Strolling around the lake, they stopped periodically to relax on a boulder or felled tree, kissing intermittently and admiring the vista. Drooping willows, statuesque evergreens and fluffy cumulous clouds reflected in the sparkling lake.

They settled back on the blanket. Sounds of chirping birds, and quacking ducks were interrupted by the sound of small plane approaching. Glancing up at the light blue sky, the plane, pulling a banner got closer.

“WILL YOU MARRY ME GINA?” Gina read.

John took Gina’s hand and repeated the question. “Will you marry me, Gina?” He flipped open a small jewelry box, blinding sparkles cast from a two-carat square-shaped diamond ring bordered with two baguettes.

Gina gasped. “Oh my God John, I love you!” She threw her arms around his neck and kissed him sweetly. “I can’t believe you did this!
How
did you do it?”

“Ah, when a man loves a woman mountains can be moved. But you’re keeping me in suspense. What’s your answer?” He slipped the ring on the third finger of her left hand.

Splaying her fingers to appreciate the gorgeous ring, she gazed up at him. “Do you think we’re financially ready?”

“Well, I
am
an investment banker. I make a few bucks. We won’t be able to buy the house of our dreams right away, but I’m working on that down payment. In the meantime, we can live in my apartment. It has plenty of room for the two of us.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to wait until we’d be more comfortable?”

“Gina, I don’t want to wait. We’ll be fine.”

“Then yes! A thousand times, yes!” She opened her arms wide. “Does my mother know?”

“No actually.” John chuckled nervously. “You guys are way too close. If she didn’t tell you, you’d read her mind. I hope she’s not mad.”

She lifted her index finger. “Hmm, good point. She won’t be mad at you. She loves you way too much.”

*

Jackie heard Gina come in, and shouted from the kitchen, “Hi honey. I just took a quiche out of the oven and made Caesar salad. Want some?”

“No Mom, we’re not hungry. Thanks though.”

Jackie wiped her hands on a dish towel as she came out of the kitchen. “Sure you’re not hungry?”

“No, but we’re pretty excited.” Gina’s smile lit up her face.

“You look like the Cheshire cat. What’s up?”

Gina held her left hand up in front of her mother, who squinted as if to refocus. “Oh my God!” She jumped to hug them both. I’m so happy for you guys. I couldn’t be happier. How did this happen?”

“Mom, it was awesome! We spent this beautiful day at Lake Walden. The place was empty. I heard a small plane coming and looked up to see a banner, ‘WILL YOU MARRY ME GINA?’” Sitting beside John on the couch, hand in hand, she kissed her fiancé’s cheek.

“Jackie, I should’ve asked you for Gina’s hand in marriage. But you guys are way too close. I figured somehow she’d read your mind, even if you kept the secret. I hope you’re not mad.”

Jackie chuckled. “You raise a good defense. And of course I’m not mad. I’m delighted. But I would’ve warned you about her penchant for gambling that she inherited from her grandfather.”

“Oh, don’t you worry. I’ve heard all about the Dorito scores and I’ve met the boys. It’s nothing I can’t handle.”

“Hey, hey!” Gina held her hand up in a stop sign motion. “Louie also taught me to bet only what you’re willing to lose. He was a responsible gambler.”

“Just teasing, honey.” John placed his arms around Gina’s waist.

“Yeah honey, we know, you’re a responsible gambler. Okay, where’d you get the idea of using an aerial banner, John?”

“Oh, from my friend’s dad. They’ve been married twenty-five years with four kids and his wife still talks about it. They’re the happiest couple I know. So I figured I’d give Gina something to talk about for the next twenty-five years and hope we’ll be as happy as they are.”

“How sweet,” Jackie said. “But I’m not ready to lose my little girl.”

“Oh Mom, you’re not losing me.” She kissed her mother’s cheeks. “You’re gaining a son. I can’t wait to tell everyone. So many peeps to call.”

*

“Gina’s getting married,” Anna told Tony. “They stopped by yesterday. My goodness, her beau gave our little darlin’ the most beautiful ring.”

“Tony felt an ache in his pounding heart.

“Yes. John’s a dear boy. She couldn’t have done any better.” Anna fiddled with her crochet.

“He’s perfect for her,” Louie added. Noticing his son’s aggrieved countenance, Louie changed the topic. “Any news about Carmella these days, son?”

“Yeah. I ran into Katrina yesterday. Carmella’s been attacking workers up there. They’re constantly restraining her. They’ve done shock treatments. Nothing works. Too bad, I had hoped she’d get the help she needs, even though I still want to kill the bitch.” He rose from the couch and headed for the kitchen. “I’m getting a soda; want anything?”

“No thanks,” his parents said together.

Anna looked up from her crochet and whispered to her husband, “He looks sad.” Louie nodded and shrugged. Returning from the kitchen with a can of cream soda, Tony sat on the opposite side of the sofa from Louie. He stared into space before asking, “Ma, how’s Jackie?”

“Oh, she’s fine. Gina says she loves her job and being a lawyer.” Anna wrapped yarn around the crochet hook. “She’s done well for herself. When she decided to go to law school, I didn’t think she could manage school, working, and being a single mom. But she proved me wrong.”

“If there’s one thing I’ve learned it’s never to underestimate Jackie Martin,” Tony said. “When she sets her mind to something, she’s unstoppable.” Tony imagined middle-aged Jackie.
She’s nearly fifty. And Gina’s nearly a bride.
His heart needed to ask so his mouth obeyed. “Does she have a serious boyfriend?”

“Gina says she dates now and then, but there’s been no one serious since Sean.”

“How’s the house, son?” Louie changed the subject.

“Lonely. It was lonely when Carmella was there, but her insanity was quite a distraction. Now, it’s just quiet. If I didn’t have the dog, there’d be no reason to be there. Thank God for Bailey.”

“I’m concerned about you, son. A yellow lab’s great company, but he doesn’t replace female companionship. A guy needs more than a great sales career and a pal like Bailey.”

“We’re okay,” Tony said.

*

The realization that Gina was getting married made Tony toss and turn that night. He was confronted with the reality of his insignificance in his only child’s life.
Not only am I not giving her away, but I’m not even invited to the wedding
. He paced his bedroom floor.
I’m such a fool. Gina’s the only person in the world who’s part of me and I turned my back on her. What would happen if I went to her? What if I told her how sorry I am? Could she forgive me? Why should she?
At three a.m., he went to the kitchen, got a Sam Adams from the refrigerator, and took out a pen and paper.

*

Gina opened an envelope addressed to her and a five-thousand-dollar check dropped out. Dumbfounded, she read the card.

Dear Gina,

Congratulations on your engagement. I’ve enclosed something toward your wedding expenses. It’s the least I could do. Please accept it along with my best wishes for a happy married life.

Always,
Tony

“Mom!” Gina bolted up the stairs and burst into Jackie’s bedroom. “Look at this.” She waved the check. “I never got one birthday card from this bastard. He thinks
this
will make up for missing my entire freaking childhood. There’s not enough money in the freaking world.”

Jackie was sitting at her mahogany desk; she shut her laptop and turned toward her daughter. Gina handed her the card. Reading it, memories of Tony flooded Jackie’s mind. She looked up at Gina. “I always thought if he regretted leaving, I’d enjoy his misery. But, this is sad.”

“Sad?” Gina lay across the bottom of her mother’s mahogany sleigh bed with her head propped up by her arm. “You always had a soft spot for this bastard. Not me. I’ve always seen him as the useless asshole he is.”

“Honey, I’m surprised you’re so angry. It’s a nice gesture. He’s not asking you for anything. He’s offering a gift.”

“When I needed him, he was nowhere to be found. It’s not a gift. It’s a way to ease his guilt. I’m not interested in helping him do that. He
should
feel guilty. He should feel like the piece of shit he is.”

“Your viewpoint is certainly valid, but I don’t see it that way. What are you planning to do?”

“I’m sending this freaking check back with
VOID
written across the front with a black Sharpie. It’ll signify the void he should feel in his life.”

Gina left the room to carry out her retaliation. Jackie put her thumb under her chin and her index finger across her lower lip as she lost herself in memories of Tony, Gina, and herself.
What a long sad story. Two misdirected souls meet and completely screw up with their innocent offspring wounded in the process.
Could we have done better for Gina’s sake?

November 2003

“G
ina, this is Tony.” His voice was ragged. “I’m calling to tell you that my father suffered a catastrophic heart attack last night and died in his sleep. My mother wanted to call you, but she’s inconsolable and couldn’t get the words out. Arrangements haven’t been finalized. I’ll let you know as soon as we know more.”

The impact of the news and the shock of who delivered it left Gina stunned. She hung up the phone and relayed the news to Jackie. Gina rested her face on her mother’s shoulder, sobbing.

*

There was no line of mourners when Gina, John, and Jackie walked into Louie’s wake. Gina signed the guest book and looked at the casket a few feet before her. John and Jackie each took an arm and walked with Gina to the kneeler. Gina gently placed a stogie in his pocket. “I won’t tell anyone,” she whispered. A tear dropped on his suit coat.

As they rose, Anna, eyes swollen, met them and put her arm around her granddaughter. “Oh dear, remember how he’d light up when you walked in the room? I can hear him saying ‘There’s my darlin’.’ Look at him now.” She waved her hand toward the casket. A sob escaped.

“Oh, Nana.” Gina bent to hug her grandmother.

John and Jackie flinched watching Gina alone at the casket. Tears welled in Jackie’s eyes. She took Anna’s hands in hers. “Anna, I’m so sorry.”

“Oh dear, this is so much harder than I imagined.”

Jackie recalled the pain of burying her fiancé. She could imagine the heart-wrenching pain of losing someone with whom you’ve shared more than half your life.

Regaining her composure, Anna said, “Come, all of you. I want Tony to meet John.”

Sniffling, Gina glanced at her mother. Jackie shrugged and waved her arm to encourage Gina to follow her grandmother. Tony sat beside Luke. Jackie was shocked by how much Tony had aged. He stood and reached for Jackie’s hand. “Thank you for coming.”

“Tony, I’m sorry for your loss.”

“Thank you, Jackie.” He turned to his daughter. “Gina, this is as much your loss.”

She responded with a nod.

“This must be your fiancé I’ve heard so much about.” He turned toward John.

“Yes.” She put her hand in John’s. “John, this is…” Her gaze shifted to her grandfather’s chestnut casket and she blurted, “I’ve got to get out of here!” She bolted for the door. John followed.

Jackie was left standing awkwardly with Tony. “Thank you for the flowers,” he said, studying her.

“No problem. I loved Louie too. He was a heck of a guy. Are the boys here? I’ve heard so much about them.”

“Oh, they left about an hour ago.”

“Oh.” Before turning to leave, she repeated, “Tony, I’m so sorry. I know how much your dad meant to you.”

“Thank you Jackie. But I also want you to know how sorry I am
…
for everything.” The tears in his eyes made her want to rush outside like Gina. When she left the funeral home, the poignancy of Tony’s words registered with her.

In the parking lot, Gina was sobbing in John’s arms. “Honey, are you okay?”