One-Click Buy: November Harlequin Presents (108 page)

The sound of his father's stick banging on the bedroom floor, beating in time to the throb of his neuralgia, as she blindly offered to stand by him. And it wasn't an idle promise—Hunter knew that.

He knew, with a certainty that chilled him to the marrow, she meant it.

He had to protect her from himself at
all
costs.

‘Look, I've got to go.'

‘We need to talk.'

‘We will when I get back,' Hunter simultaneously lied as he promised. ‘I'll be gone three, maybe four days. I have to be back for the ball on Saturday.' He gave a tiny wince. ‘It's your birthday on Saturday, too…'

‘It's no big deal.'

‘I'll make sure I'm back by Friday. You're sure you'll be OK?'

‘It's not your job to worry.' Lily said it without malice, just affirmed the wretched rules they had agreed to. She expected a wry smile or even a
‘Touché,'
but she was stunned when he shook his head.

‘It's not that easy, though, is it?'

And despite the row, despite the vile start to the day, it was the closest they'd ever been, the closest he'd ever come to acknowledging
them,
and at that moment she couldn't pretend, couldn't let him get on a plane without saying a little of what was in her heart.

‘No, it isn't that easy,' she admitted slowly. ‘Maybe if I was your glamorous mistress and we saw each other once a week for fabulous no-strings sex then we could play by the rules. But living together, lo—' She choked back the word and quickly rephrased it. ‘
Laughing
together, sharing our families, it's impossible not to care.' He gave a tired nod of understanding and it gave her the courage to continue. ‘I
am
worried about you. Please, tell me what's going on.'

‘There's
nothing
going on.' The tiny whirlwinds that danced on their horizon blackened then, an updated forecast looming in Lily's mind, and suddenly she was scared for him, knew for certain that he was lying.

‘I don't believe you,' Lily said softly.

‘It's really nothing,' he said more firmly, though it was almost as if he was trying to convince himself rather than her. ‘I'm just tired, I guess. Can't stand the thought of getting on another plane, crashing out in another hotel.'

‘Do you have to go today?'

‘Yes.'

‘And so do I,' Lily said. All the anger gone from them now and he actually nodded his understanding. ‘This is something I have to do.'

An impatient buzz on the intercom, no doubt from Abigail, fractured the rare moment of true intimacy, and Hunter reluctantly withdrew and gave her the briefest but most tender of kisses before picking up his briefcase and heading for the door.

‘Hey, Lily.' He turned and smiled, looking far more like the usual Hunter and certainly sounding it when he spoke. ‘When all this is over, do you think we might manage that?'

‘Manage what?'

‘You as my glamorous mistress and meeting once a week for fabulous sex? I mean, I know we said we'd just end it, but…'

‘Worried you might miss me?' Lily raised a teasing eyebrow, even managed an easy wave as he headed out of the door, but her heart was hammering in her chest. She was almost relieved when he had gone so that she could let out the breath she was holding, could sit down on the couch and gather the thoughts that were swirling in her mind like a snowstorm.

They'd agreed to walk away at the end of a year, agreed to stay out of each other's lives, and, whether joking or not, Hunter had given her a glimpse that he wasn't finding things particularly easy either.

It was as if the ground had suddenly shifted—the rules that had been rigidly set melting like ice cubes on a warm day—only it wasn't just Lily who was flouting them.

‘C
ONGRATULATIONS
,
Lily!'

Lily shook the hand of her much-admired professor as the interview concluded, the smile on her face so wide as she left his office she was almost tempted to burst into giggles as she headed for Administration.

She was back—back to a place where life had been wonderful. A time before her father had died, a time before those wretched letters had blown apart her world, back to a place where she belonged.

And it was thanks to Hunter.

However much he'd opposed it that morning, Lily thought as she filled out the endless forms that were required, it had been Hunter who had suggested it, Hunter who had made it possible, Hunter who had made her delve deep and admit to her innermost dream, and for that she'd always be grateful.

‘The banking forms are missing.' Lily handed over the wad of forms to a rather harassed receptionist. ‘I'd like to pay in monthly installments, please.'

‘It's all been taken care of.' Printing off a sheet, she handed it to Lily. ‘Your husband's assistant rang through this morning. Sorry.' She reached out for a ringing telephone. ‘I need to get this.'

He'd paid.

Lily's eyes welled with tears as she read the form, saw that he'd paid in full for her tuition, had even provided credit for books. It wasn't the money that moved her—it was the thought behind it. Jewellery, a car, a house—nothing could compare to this. Education, to Lily, was the greatest gift, increasing her knowledge so she could reach out to others—those that wanted to be reached, anyway.

‘It's just one or two to unwind in the evening.' Dishevelled, anxious, Jinty gave the group an attempt at a smile. The whole, exhausting session—in fact, the last few weeks both in group and individually—had been heavily focused on Jinty's recent return to drinking, and though optimistic for her client's sake, even Lily was starting to wonder if she'd ever break through the fog of denial engulfing Jinty. ‘I know what you're all thinking, but it's nothing like that.'

‘Nothing like what, Jinty?' Lily asked, listening to the resounding silence, broken only by a couple of coughs from the group before finally Jinty answered.

‘Nothing like before.'

Before, when her life had fallen apart—before, when she'd absolutely refused to face up to the world and its problems. Sadly, if Jinty didn't want to see it, chose not to face it, there was absolutely nothing Lily could do except listen and hopefully, when she was ready, still be there for her.

‘It's all right for you.' Jinty suddenly snarled her rage focused directly at Lily, her anger palpable. But far from being shocked, Lily welcomed it with relief. ‘You sit there in your posh dress, with your fancy driver outside, and tell us where we're all going wrong. You don't have to worry about bills and kids and an ex…'On and on she went, tears, loathing choking every word, until finally it was over, her denial parting for a second, just long enough to choke the words they'd all been waiting to hear, absolute terror in her voice as she stilled just long enough to see her past and glimpse a futile future.

‘I don't want to go back there.'

Lachlan was waiting for her in the car park, quickly stubbing out a cigarette and rushing round to open the door as, drooping with mental exhaustion, Lily walked over. She waved for him to relax.

‘I'm going to do some shopping, take a walk perhaps.'

‘That's fine. Would you like me to wait here, Mrs Myles, or—?'

‘Thanks, Lachlan, but I won't be needing you today,' Lily broke in, brave all of a sudden and knowing what she had to do. Her troubled clients had unwittingly given back just as much insight as they'd received. If Jinty could face her fears then surely so could she. ‘I'll be making my own way home.'

‘Congratulations,
Mrs Brown
!' For the second time that day Lily accepted the congratulations graciously, shook another doctor's hand, then headed to Reception and paid in cash for her consultation. Only the similarities didn't end there. Heading out onto the busy city street, watching the world carrying on as normal as her entire world shifted, Lily found she was smiling,
really
smiling. The news she had dreaded, the utter panic that had filled her whenever she had dared to think about this moment curiously absent, the impossibility of the future put on hold for just a little while as she focused on the present—she was definitely having a baby. Hunter's baby. And even if it was the last thing she'd planned, the last thing she'd wanted to happen, she didn't feel cheated or trapped. Whatever Hunter's reaction, Lily knew in her heart that she'd manage, that both she and the little life inside her would be OK.

Staring up at the sky, watching the silver speck of a jet plane winging its way to a destination unknown, the smile faded from her lips, a shiver of fear running through her.

Hunter couldn't go on like this and it was starting to show. The endless, merciless schedule, the constant sex. It was like watching a beautiful tapestry being slowly but surely unpicked—black moods that seemed to come from nowhere, the sheer exhaustion that at times literally seeped from him.

She and the baby would be OK. Lily knew she could deal with it, that she wasn't the first or last woman to deal with an unplanned pregnancy, that she had enough love within her to share.

No, it wasn't the baby or herself that she was scared for—it was Hunter.

‘Y
OU
look fabulous!' Smiling up at her in the doorway, Emma would normally have been the most welcome of visitors. Normally Lily would have been thrilled to have Emma drop by.

Only there was nothing normal about this evening—not that she told Emma that!

‘I'm not breaking anything up, I hope?' Emma checked, her eyes anxiously darting to the beautifully laid table, sniffing the lamb that was roasting in the oven. ‘Stupid me—you two haven't seen each other in days! I'll go…'

‘Don't be daft.' Lily smiled. ‘And, no, you're not breaking up anything. Hunter's still not back. He rang and said he was having trouble at customs.'

‘But he cleared customs hours ago. I rang him and he…' Her voice trailed off, perhaps registering Lily's bemused expression, and quickly reassured her. ‘I must have misheard him he must have been just
about
to go through!'

‘Probably.' Lily shrugged, trying to inject some lightness into her voice as Emma pushed her chair along the polished floorboards. ‘Or he might just have stopped off at the office on his way home and forgotten the time.'

‘Well, he's an idiot, then,' Emma said stoutly. ‘Because you look stunning!'

Lily had actually felt
fabulous
and
stunning
a few hours ago. Not so guiltily she'd purchased the softest, blackest, most divine cashmere dress, which sat just above the knee and clung to her body like a second skin, perhaps a rather warm second skin for a hot summer night, but that was the beauty of Hunter's apartment—the temperature could be controlled with flick of a switch.

Unlike Hunter, Lily thought darkly.

Where the hell was he?

It had been five days and four extremely long nights since he'd left for Singapore, since he'd promised they'd actually talk. Over and over Lily had wondered what he'd have to say, while attempting to fathom how to tell him her own huge news!

‘I just wanted to check that he was OK.' Emma pulled herself out of the wheelchair and sank into the suede sofa, smiling gratefully as Lily put it away out of sight. It had become if not a routine then an unspoken ritual that had evolved whenever Emma came around to visit, as if somehow with the beastly chair out of sight, Emma could forget its existence for a moment, sit on the sofa in her brother's apartment and gossip with his new wife, forget for a moment the restraints. And in its own way the absence of the chair helped Lily, too—allowed her perhaps to forget one of the real reasons she was there. Parking the chair, Lily made her way back to join Emma on the sofa as she resumed the conversation. ‘I wasn't sure how he'd be, what with today being our parents' anniversary and everything. Especially with him being in Singapore.' Thankfully, Lily was just about to sit. Her back was to Emma's so she didn't see the shock on her face as the importance of the day was revealed—a detail that surely a
real
wife would know.

‘It must be hard for him, being away from everyone…' Lily took a sip of water, her mouth impossibly dry as she swallowed down the latest update on what was happening in her husband's life. ‘But apart from a quick call from the airport before he took off, I haven't really spoken to him. I really don't know how he's doing.'

‘I've been looking at my watch all day. You know the sort of thing—thinking that this time last year I was walking. In fact, at this very moment I was in Singapore, too, chatting to Mum, Dad and Hunter, putting on my make-up and waiting to go on stage.'

‘In Singapore?' Emma was too wrapped up in her own grief to hear the confusion in Lily's voice, shards of information stabbing her, glimpses of realisation starting to hit.

‘The stupid thing is, had it been any other night I'd have caught a taxi with a few friends and we'd have gone somewhere cheap and cheerful to eat.' Emma closed her eyes in bitter regret, taking a moment to regroup before continuing. ‘You know, no matter how many times I go over that night, I know it's only a fraction of the amount Hunter must do it. He blames himself.' Lily felt her heart still in her chest as Emma spoke, felt fingers of fear clutch at her heart at the certainty in Emma's voice as she spoke on. ‘This ball we're going to tomorrow…'

‘I thought you weren't going.'

‘I am now.' Emma gave a tight shrug. ‘Hunter's never done a thing for charity and suddenly he's organising a ball in aid of spinal injury research—'

‘Research?' Lily checked, voicing the word Hunter had omitted.

‘He thinks he can somehow fix this.' Emma gave a wan smile. ‘He thinks somehow he can make up for what happened. He can deny it all he likes but I know it's eating him up.'

‘But it wasn't his fault!' Lily croaked, trying to find out more without revealing just how little she knew. ‘I mean, it's not as if he was driving—it was an accident.'

‘Thank God you're here to keep telling him that.' Emma smiled her engaging smile. ‘Till you came along, he was on a collision course for disaster. He simply won't talk about it with me, just buries himself in his ridiculous schedules and even more ridiculous social life. I know he's still working at a frenetic pace, but at least he's got you to come home to, you to confide in now.'

Only he didn't confide.

Every time she'd broached this sensitive topic, Hunter had either turned up the music or turned on the charm, thus avoiding the issue.

And it was an issue.

She knew that now.

It was Lily looking at the clock now, wishing she could see him, talk to him, wishing he would let her be there for him—wishing she knew what the hell had happened that night.

‘I still can't believe it, actually!'

‘Believe what?' Lily asked, forcing her mind away from Hunter and back to Emma.

‘That not only is my eternally single brother married, but I actually
like
who he's with!'

‘I bet you say that to all the girls.' Lily gave a wry smile, could hear the jealousy in her words no matter how she tried to keep her voice light.

‘Oh, Hunter's had plenty of girlfriends, that's for sure.' Emma laughed, but, sensing perhaps she'd touched a nerve, her laughter faded. ‘He married you though, Lily, and don't ever forget it. You just have to look at the two of you together to see how much you adore each other.'

And Emma must have been as lousy a judge of character as her own mother was, Lily thought, because her attempt at comfort was genuine—Emma truly believed that Hunter had married her for nothing other than love. ‘Can I tell you something, Lily, between us?'

‘Just
between us?' Lily checked nervously.

‘I'd rather you didn't say anything to Hunter.' Emma gave a tight shrug. ‘Look, I know that's perhaps a bit unfair, to ask you to keep something from him, but I hope we're more than just
relatives
. I hope that we're friends, too.'

Oh, God, she'd never envisaged this. Not for a second, when she'd agreed to the marriage, had she considered that she might actually like Hunter's family. She adored Emma, and if it had been a real marriage, if Emma was actually her
real
sister-in-law about to spill her secrets, about to invite her right into her world, Lily would have embraced it. Instead, she recoiled. Instead of leaning forward, she muttered something about getting a drink and stood up, headed to the kitchen and opened some freshly prepared dips from the restaurant below, poured perfectly chilled wine into a slender glass for her guest, praying that Emma would have regrouped, that the moment of closeness, of friendship and trust would have passed.

It hadn't.

‘You know how I've been seeing Jim an awful lot, and, Lily…' Her voice was brimming with excitement. ‘I think that this is it.'

‘It?'

‘That he's the one.' Emma gave a tiny shocked giggle. ‘I can't believe I'm even thinking it, let alone admitting to anyone. He's amazing. For the first time in my life I feel as if someone loves me just for me, and I'm not just talking about since the accident. I've never felt like this before. I've never met someone I could so completely open up to, love so unashamedly…' She looked over at Lily, clearly expecting some sort of affirmation and bemused when none was forthcoming.

‘You don't seem very pleased.'

‘Of course I'm pleased, it's just…' Lily raked her fingers through her hair as she worked out what to say. ‘Emma, you've only known him a month.'

‘You'd only known Hunter two weeks before you were married.' Emma laughed. ‘If anyone should understand a whirlwind relationship, Lily, it should be you!'

Lily was saved from a response by Hunter's incredibly delayed arrival—and her eyes narrowed in concern as he walked in, his complexion grey, his stance utterly exhausted but still with enough dash about him to fill the room.

‘Hi, honey.' Drooping with weariness, he planted a kiss, and it churned Lily's stomach as it landed on Emma's cheek rather than hers, the tender reunion she'd been secretly hoping for dissipating further if that were possible. ‘I didn't know you were coming over—customs was a bloody nightmare.'

‘Poor you,' Emma groaned in sympathy. ‘Never mind, I've been keeping your lovely new wife company—someone has to. Oh, hi, Abigail!' she added as the woman herself breezed in the door, looking more like she'd stepped out of a beauty parlor than a plane. Her hair and make-up were immaculate, her suit completely unruffled, and she raised a perfectly tweezed eyebrow as she surveyed first the room and then Lily, the tiniest hint of a smirk on her face as she zipped open her bag and pulled out a small silver laptop.

‘Do you want me to check if those figures are in, Hunter? Then I can prepare the report for your morning meeting.'

‘Please.' Hunter yawned without covering his mouth, then planted a rather haphazard kiss on Lily's cheek, barely even glancing in her direction—the hours of preparation she'd put in for this moment, the thrill of anticipation at their reunion dissipating as Hunter practically ignored her, chatting amicably with Emma, with his back half turned to her. Feeling like an outsider in her temporary home, Lily stood up and retreated to the kitchen, but there was no solace to be found there. Abigail had beaten her to it, frothing the milk like some professional barista, rescuing the burnt lamb Lily had lovingly prepared from the oven and slicing it onto bread.

‘You don't mind?' Abigail checked with a sweet smile that was definitely false. ‘Only Hunter's starving.'

‘Help yourself,' Lily retorted, refusing to jump to the bait, refusing to belittle herself as her lovingly prepared dinner was shredded before her eyes but allowing herself the luxury of pointing out an obvious fact. ‘After an evening spent in customs, he probably wants to just eat and go to bed.'

‘Customs?' Abigail turned and crinkled her pretty nose, her botoxed forehead attempting to frown and spectacularly failing! ‘I've no idea what you're talking about. We cleared customs in five minutes.'

‘I thought they'd never go!' Hunter rolled his eyes as he finally closed the door on their uninvited guests. And now that they were alone, now there was nothing to distract him, he graced her with his attention, pulling her into his arms and burying his face in her neck, holding her fiercely against him, just as she had imagined he would—only several hours and a whole lot of hurt too late. ‘God, I'm exhausted, Lily.' He almost groaned the words out, his hungry mouth for once not searching for hers, just holding her against him, almost leaning on her. Screwing her eyes closed, she fought resistance, knew that no matter how much he denied it today was a brutal day for him, knew that even if he couldn't admit it, today he was hurting like hell—and it would be so easy to put her feelings on hold for tonight, so, so easy to ignore the questions that were buzzing in her mind and give him the comfort he craved. But she knew there and then she couldn't do it for a second longer.

Couldn't make love to him without revealing how she felt; couldn't give just her body for even one more night.

Couldn't be the wife he wanted.

‘I need to clear up.' Ducking her head, she tried to pull back, but Hunter held her tight.

‘The cleaner will be here in the morning,' he murmured. ‘Let's got to bed—I've got to be up at six.'

But she wriggled out of his arms and proceeded to clear away the glasses and plates that littered the table.

‘Leave it, Lily.'

Ignoring him, Lily carried the dishes through, staring at the remains of the dinner she had so carefully prepared hacked to pieces by Abigail as Hunter followed her in.

‘Can we just go to bed?'

‘You don't need my permission to go to bed, Hunter.' Lily filled the sink and flicked on the tap. ‘You go in and I'll be in when I'm ready.'

‘I'm sorry I was late and ruined the dinner.' His voice was tense, each word bristled out through strained lips. ‘I'm sorry that Emma and Abigail stayed so long, but I've had one hell of a day and right now I just want to go to bed—with my wife!'