One Last Love (3 page)

‘No problem, see you soon. Oh, by the way, Dr, McManus will be calling by about seven. Dinner is at around six-thirty in the dining room but if you’re not feeling up to it, you can have it in your room.’

‘I’ll give the dining room a try I think.’

‘Great. It’ll give you a chance to meet a few of the others. I’ll be back soon.’

‘Thanks.’

The orderly, who Bonnie now knew was Paul, helped him from the wheel chair and onto the side of the bed.

‘I’d prefer the sofa if that’s alright.’

‘Sure. No problem,’ Paul replied and helped him over to the sofa. ‘I’ll put your things in here,’ he said as he pointed to a chest of drawers.

‘Thanks. That’s fine.’

‘The rose garden’s just out the door here and to your right,’ Paul said as he opened the glass sliding door to the terrace in front of Bonnie’s room. ‘Would you like me to leave the door open for a while?’

‘Yes, thank you. It’s a nice breeze.’

‘Anytime you need anything, just press the call buttons. There’s one near you bed, another just beside you there next to the sofa. There’s one on your writing desk and another in the bathroom.’

‘Thank you. I’ll try not to be a pest.’

‘Oh, I’m sure you won’t be. So can I get you anything?’

‘No. Thanks. I’ll just get myself comfortable and rest for a little while.’

‘Ok. I’ll be back a little later.’

Bonnie changed his mind about Paul and his first impression that he was wearing a plastic smile. He was probably just as uncomfortable as Bonnie felt when he got out of the ambulance. Or had seen new arrivals too many times. There was little for him to do other than get used to his new abode, but he decided to see what he could manage. He shuffled his backside along to the other end of the sofa and grabbed for the walking frame sitting beside it. With a bit of effort and one or two false starts, he managed to stand, steadying himself with the frame. It hardly seemed only six weeks ago that he had taken the bus from home and walked into the hospital without any effort. It was only supposed to be for a few days as Dr. Phillips had booked him in for some tests with a view to changing his treatment. Unfortunately the tests revealed several new tumours, so his stay was prolonged. After three weeks, he knew that things were getting grim as he felt his body weakening and walking became very difficult. It was then that he started using a walking frame to get around the hospital, and go outdoors on the odd occasion for a smoke.

But it had been about ten days now that he hadn’t been able to move around without the help of the nurses. He stumbled a little with his first tentative step with the frame, then managed a second step. Heading towards the bathroom.

‘Let’s see if I can manage a piss by myself,’ he mumbled to himself as he started off. After a great deal of effort, he made it to the bathroom and with the help of his frame to keep him steady, he managed his task. He watched as the tinges of blood in his urine passed into the bowl, reminding him of why he was here. With more effort, he flushed away the offending reminder and washed his hands, then made back for his room. Stopping a moment to check his things in the chest of drawers. He discovered that Mrs Lloyd had made good choices. Jeans, t-shirts, pullovers, underwear, socks and three pairs of sneakers. Alongside was his backpack she had packed his things in. He checked to see if there was anything else inside, but it was empty. He felt that there was something in the outside pocket. He unzipped it and found two packets of cigarettes and a lighter she must have found in his bedside table. He smiled at her find, then slipped one packet and the lighter into his cardigan pocket.

Bonnie shuffled his feet between the legs of the frame and headed for the door to his terrace. Knowing he probably didn’t have the energy to make it to the rose garden, he decided on a deckchair on his terrace instead. And a smoke.

It took some more effort but Bonnie finally plopped onto the deck chair and being a little lower than the sofa, he immediately knew he might have a problem getting out of it. But for the time being he was comfortable and after catching his breath after a coughing fit, he waited for his breathing to settle down. When it did, he reached for his cigarettes and lit a smoke. The first puff filling his lungs and going straight to his head. It had been over a week since he’d had a smoke, so he felt a little lightheaded. He took another long puff and savoured the flavour in his mouth. Then coughed violently.

‘They’ll kill you, you know,’ a voice from nowhere said. Coming from behind Bonnie from the pathway alongside the building, he couldn’t see who was talking.

‘Well, they’d better hurry up and do it,’ Bonnie said to the unknown voice.

‘Just arrived then?’ the voice asked as a man in a wheel chair pulled up alongside Bonnie. ‘I’m Danny by the way.’

‘Yes, just an hour or so ago. I’m Bonnie.’

‘Nice to meet you Bonnie. I only arrived two days ago.’

‘You wanna smoke?’

‘Thanks no, I don’t smoke. Tried lots of times but just didn’t like the taste.’

‘Probably a good thing. Once they get you hooked, you’re done for.’

‘So are they why you’re here?’

‘You’re direct.’

‘One of my faults I’m sorry.’

‘Better than beating around the bush, I reckon.’

‘Well? The fags got you then?’

‘Probably didn’t help, but more to do with a lot of poisonous shit I used to work with. Didn’t know about the dangers back then, or weren’t told more likely.’

‘Yeah. Same happened with my granddad. Asbestos.’

‘Had a few friends with that asbestosis. Hell, we used to live in asbestos houses. Whole suburbs of ‘em. Didn’t have any idea they were dangerous,’ Bonnie said and coughed for a minute, then took another puff of his cigarette. ‘Anyway, cancer’s as common as mud now. Just a shame when it gets kids. So that’s why you’re here too? Cancer?’

‘Na Bonnie. Aids.’

‘Aids huh? Thought you looked a bit young.’

‘Thirty-seven a couple of weeks back.’

‘Well I made it to seventy-eight so I can’t complain. Um, Aids? So you’re a pufta then?’

‘Sorry? Not sure what you mean?’

‘Homo, queer.’

‘Oh, homosexual, yes. Does it offend you?’

‘Not sure. Probably would’ve a few years back. From a different generation I s’pose. It was all kept in the closet back then along with the priests and the choir boys. Just something you didn’t talk about. Worked with a bloke who was a pufta once. Got the shit kicked out of himself by a bunch of blokes one Saturday night. He died a week later.’

‘Not a lot’s changed Bonnie. Had quite a few friends who got bashed. Never heard the word pufta before though. Thought I’d heard them all,’ Danny laughed.

‘Well, different time and place.’ Bonnie said while thinking about his younger days and how different their meeting would’ve been back then. ‘So you had this Aids thing long?’

‘Been battling it for about ten years.’

‘Sorry to hear.’

‘And you?

‘Only about six years really, so can’t complain,’ he said and the silence that often greets new acquaintances who know little about each other followed. Bonnie took the last puff of his cigarette and looked around for an ashtray. He coughed again and finding no ashtray, let the butt just drop to the ground, as he thought about his mates drinking in a beer garden somewhere right now. They’d laugh into their beer if they knew he was talking to a queer.

‘You don’t like gays then?’

‘You want an honest answer?’

‘Probably better than a lie.’

‘You know Danny, I’m having trouble figuring out who’s the more direct here. It’s usually me who offends people.’

‘Well, not much time left for lies.’

‘Nope. Never thought about it like that.’

‘So?’

‘Never liked puftas. Have to be honest with you. Don’t know why really – just seemed unnatural I suppose.’

‘I can understand that. It was very hard for me to accept what I was for a long time and even harder for my family. My dad never spoke to me after he found out.’

‘Sorry about that.’

‘I think families get a bit messed up over the years.’

‘A truer word was never spoken Danny. All of mine sort of fell away and broke off into bits here and there. Always someone not talking to someone and upsetting others. Most of what’s left of my family are down south so I don’t see ‘em anymore.’

‘My mum and sister come to see me. They’ve always stuck up for me and helped. But the rest I think … I don’t know. I think they were probably scared of catching Aids.’

‘Geez, are you still contagious?’ Bonnie laughed. ‘Don’t want to catch your bloody pufta’s disease. Could bloody well kill me!’

‘Oh Bonnie!’ Danny started to laugh loudly. ‘I can imaging the humiliation you’d suffer being diagnosed with Aids right now.’

‘I’d blame it on the priests when I was a choir boy,’ Bonnie laughed, which induced a long and painful coughing fit. Danny sat quietly and waited for it to pass.

‘You’d better have another smoke Bonnie. At least have an excuse for that cough of yours.’

‘Well Danny, I must say that even though you’re a bloody pufta, you do seem to have a sense of humour.’

‘It helps. Eh look Bonnie, I’ll have to push off. My mum’s arriving shortly. But maybe I’ll catch up with you at dinner.’

‘Yes ok. I’m going to give the dining room a try this evening. See if my legs can make it that far, so maybe see you then.

‘Ok. Later then.’

Bonnie watched Danny wheel himself away slowly then disappear back into the building, thinking that this was probably the first time in his life he had met and spoken to a homosexual. He could recall abusing a few; and putting his boots into a couple more. It was easy then, when he didn’t know their name or that they had a mother – watching her son slowly die.

He shook his head slowly as if to clear his thoughts. It didn’t work. Then turned his head to the right and saw the rose garden just a little further on. A couple of people sitting on the benches in front of two perfectly kept rose beds. Although too early in the year to be in full bloom, he could see the healthy green of their leaves, then decided to make that his destination for tomorrow. If indeed he would have one.

Twenty minutes passed and when he tried to get up from the deck chair, he realised it was far too low for him to be able to get back to his feet. He tried once more, but to no avail. As there was no call button he could see, he was stuck. It was then he decided that he might as well have another smoke and enjoy the afternoon sun. Either someone would come along to help, or he’d die in relative comfort. Once he’d finished his smoke, he sat, as he had no other choice, and enjoyed the warmth of the sun.

‘Well it seems my efforts in finding some smokes for you weren’t needed,’ Odele smiled when she found Bonnie on the terrace with his packet of cigarettes and a lighter on his lap.

‘I’ll need to thank Mrs Lloyd for her forward planning. I found them among my things that she collected for me.’

‘So are you comfortable there?’

‘As a matter of fact, I seem to have got myself stuck and can’t get back up.’

‘Yes, they are a bit low, aren’t they. Here, I’ll give you a hand,’ she said as she helped Bonnie to his feet. He rested on the frame waiting for his legs to obey his order to walk.’

‘I’ll help you get inside. It’s getting a little fresh,’ she said as she helped him inside. ‘Perhaps you might find a wheel chair more convenient Bonnie. I’ll arrange for one for you.’

‘It’s only the last couple of weeks that walking’s been a bit difficult.’

‘Well better not to push yourself too hard Bonnie.’

‘It’s all happening quite fast I think,’ he said with the first hint of fear in his voice and the first traces of a tear in his eyes.’

‘Best to take one day at a time. I can arrange for a counsellor to have a chat if you like.’

‘No. But thank you. I’m alright. I just need a rest I think,’ he said as Odele helped him onto his bed. Within a few minutes he was feeling sleepy. She left and made a note to have a counsellor come to see Bonnie the next morning. As with every new arrival, fear was the first reaction.

It was a little after four-thirty when he woke. Paul busily filling his water jug, checking the bathroom provisions and making just enough noise to wake Bonnie.

‘Hello.’

‘Hello Bonnie, would you like your dinner in your room this evening?’

‘Actually, I’d like to try the dining room if I can.’

‘Alright.’

‘Odele suggested I’d be better with a wheel chair.’

‘Ok, I’ll check and have one here for you before dinner time. Alright?’

‘Thank you. That’s very kind of you.’

*****

Only two people were seated in the dining room when Bonnie arrived. Even though Bonnie was confident with strangers, he was quite happy to see Danny, who was sitting with someone with their back to him, and beckoning Bonnie to join him. Bonnie nodded and wheeled himself over.

‘Come and join us Bonnie,’ Danny said with a smile. ‘This is Angeline,’ he said as Bonnie pulled his chair into the table between them.

‘Hello Bonnie, Danny was just telling me about you.’

‘Nice to meet you too Angeline,’ Bonnie said, and hoped he had hidden the shock from his face as he answered. Angeline’s face telling him instantly that she could hardly be twenty years old. Her head covered with an orange and yellow floral scarf, but he could see that she’d lost her hair. He assumed due to chemotherapy. Her skin was sickly pale and her green eyes deeply set, yet her smile shone.

‘And don’t worry Bonnie. I’m not a pufta so you won’t catch anything nasty from me,’ she said with a girlish giggle.’

‘I’ve been teaching Angeline some of your colourful vocabulary,’ Danny said.

‘Hopefully not the really colourful stuff.’

‘Certainly not,’ Danny said with mock seriousness. ‘Only the pretty words.’

‘Didn’t know I used any.’

‘The food’s good here Bonnie,’ Angeline said.

‘Well, I look forward to it then. I can’t say the food in hospital was all that flash. Always had bloody tripe on the menu. Can’t stand the stuff.’

‘Oh yuk, me neither. My mum used to try and make me eat it and I’d puke before it even got near my mouth.’