One Pink Line (14 page)

“Don’t be a smart ass, or I’ll make you drink the pink stuff.”

As I waited patiently for our drinks I heard a familiar voice from behind me. “Is this one giving you trouble, Jeffrey, my good man?”

I turned around just as Kevin finished his sentence and lifted me off my feet. “What’s up, sugar?”

“Hey, Kev,” I said and wriggled free.

“I’ll have what she’s having,” he shouted to Jeff, then looked back at me. “You here with Jenna?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Rocco’s looking for her,” he said with a smile.

Jeff handed me my drinks, and I turned to walk away.

“Where are you ladies sitting?”

“We’re, uh, over there under the television with some people from Jenna’s film group. I mean film class,” I muttered

“Okay, we’ll be over in a minute.”

“Great,” I said and headed back to our table.

I squeezed a little more aggressively back through the crowd and made my way over to our table. “Kevin and Rocco are here,” I said to Jenna. A statement that on any other day would’ve been entirely uneventful, borderline dull, even. But things had drastically changed within the course of twenty-four hours, and from then on Kevin’s name would forever be associated with a mass of nervous tension.

“Where are they? Do you want to go?” she asked, grabbing her beer and craning her neck over the wood partition.

“No, I don’t want to go, I’m fine. It’s a little awkward, but only for me, so don’t worry about it,” I told her. “And obviously, don’t say a word about anything!”

“I need my shot, I don’t know how you’re handling yourself like this, but I’m freaking out,” she whispered and downed her tequila shot.

I lifted mine off the table, but the smell made me nauseous, so I just drank my beer instead.

“They’re coming over, Rock just waived at me.”

“It’s fine,” I said.

“Hey guys!” Jenna stood and hugged them, then introduced her film friends.

After about an hour or so, her friends cleared out, and Rocco and Kevin joined us in the booth for jalapeño poppers and cheese fries with ranch dressing. The four of us sat and talked and laughed and teased each other like we had for years, except that every time I looked at Kevin, all I could see were those two pink lines. Seeing him sitting across from me in that crowded booth, so clueless and naïve, made me claustrophobic. I glanced over at Jenna, and she was hysterical over some story that Kevin was telling us about a guy named Mitch in their fraternity house who lit his farts with a match.

“I’m going to head out.” I stood abruptly and threw my purse strap across my chest.

Jenna composed herself. “You okay?”

“Yeah, it’s just that I should be studying, and this has been a long enough break.”

“Come on, Syd, I’ll drive you back,” Kevin offered.

“That’s alright, seriously, I’m fine.”

“You sure?” he looked at me sincerely, like he was genuinely concerned, which he always was.

Kevin and I had been friends for a long time, and he always did right by me. Taking me to dances, driving me home when I was too drunk to find my car, stealing bags of cereal from his fraternity house for me, and hanging out for nearly four years. We were close, and he was one of the people whom I’d met in college that I knew would always be a part of my life. Even more so than high school, college was a place where I developed life long friends, like Kendra had said I would. People that knew the real me, and people that I knew would support me in any given situation, regardless of how many years passed between conversations or visits. These were friends who’d spent the critical developmental years of young adulthood with me, and we’d cherish each other forever. Friends who’d shared proud times and unmentionable times together, and would never judge each other for anything. Take Mitch from the Beta house, for example: he’ll be the head of a fortune five hundred company one day, but he’ll never live down the fact that he sat in a room with Kevin and Rocco and lit his farts for a crowd of onlookers. And for that, they’ll never take him seriously, no matter how much he accomplishes.

“I’m sure, thanks, Kev,” I said and squeezed past Jenna to get out of the booth.

“Why don’t I join you?” she asked, and stood.

“Totally your call, I seriously have to get to bed at a decent hour, so don’t let me drag you down,” I glanced at the clock behind the bar, and it was just after midnight.

“I’ve had my share, let’s hit it,” she said and kissed the boys goodbye.

We walked the seven blocks to my apartment building, and all Jenna wanted to talk about was my maternal situation.

“How are you?”

“I’m fine.”

“I think you’re going through some crazy denial, state of shock thing,” she diagnosed. “In fact, I’m sure of it.”

“You may be right.” I was in no mood to argue.

“Was it weird seeing Kevin?”

“It was,” I answered honestly. “I don’t know what the hell I’m doing, I really have to admit…I just don’t want to think about it. I know that sounds so stupid, but the second I saw those two pink lines, it was like, my brain started desperately searching for something else to focus on.”

“Oh, honey.”

“I mean, how am I supposed to get through finals?” We stopped to let a car pass, and then crossed the street to the front of my building.

“I don’t know, but I think we should go to the student hospital first thing in the morning and you should get a proper blood test, or whatever,” she suggested. “I know Amanda Rosen has been there like sixteen times.”

“You’re right,” I nodded. “Will you come with me?”

“Wouldn’t miss it. I’ll pick you up at ten o’clock with a sausage biscuit and a Supersize Diet Coke.”

Jenna was on time, bearing greasy food and artificially sweetened soda, and it was exactly what the doctor ordered. We waltzed into the student hospital just after ten-thirty, and were asked to take a seat. We often joked about the slutty girls who went there for the free pregnancy tests, which made me wonder if every single person within ten feet of the building knew exactly why I was there. I myself knew of almost no other reason to go to the student hospital. It wasn’t long before a nurse called me into the room, took my blood and asked me to sit back in the waiting area again.

“How’d it go?” Jenna asked.

“It went pretty quickly.”

“How long does it take to find out?”

“Few minutes, I guess,” I said and we waited, but I knew I was pregnant. I went to the student hospital because it truly did seem like the right thing to do, but my instinct didn’t need the blood test. I knew.

Sure enough about fifteen minutes later the nurse called me back in and told me what I’d expected her to say. She then proceeded to hand me a pamphlet from Planned Parenthood and asked if I had any questions. I did not. None she could answer anyway.

Jenna took me back to my apartment and dropped me off because she had a calculus study group at noon.

“Are you going to be alright?” she asked before I got out of her car.

“Yeah.”

“Okay, I’ll be over as soon as I’m done, okay?”

“Thanks, Jen.”

“Don’t worry, Syd, we’ll take care of this together.”

I gave her a nod, and watched her drive off.

Although I knew what the nurse was going to tell me, there had still been a tiny glimmer of hope. I thought there might be the teeniest chance that the technologically embarrassing First Response stick could’ve been wrong. I mean, pee on a stick! Come on, seriously!? But a blood test would tell me for sure, and that nurse very well could’ve entered the room, closed the door behind her and said, “It’s negative!”

But she didn’t, and so I was left to cry it out on the curb where Jenna left me.

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

M
y denial hit full swing after my trip to the student hospital, and I spent the next few days focusing on finals and getting drunk with my senior class. Self-pity and morning sickness were going to have to get in line.

Once my last exam was complete, I figured it was time to face the music and take control of my affairs, so I decided to call my sister. She was working at an advertising agency in Chicago, and just recently moved into her own condo. I couldn’t quite bring myself to call Taylor, and the last person on earth I could imagine confiding in was my mother. But I needed to talk with someone about it other than Jenna, because I desperately needed to dissect the Ethan angle.

Kendra picked up on the first ring. “What’s up doll?”

“Do you have a sec?”

“Of course, are you okay?”

As soon as she asked me that I started to shake and cry like a little girl who’d just dropped her popsicle in the sand.

“Sydney, what’s the matter?”

I answered her, my voice cracking. “I’m pregnant.”

She gasped. “Oh my God,” she whispered. “Oh, Syd, shhhhh, it’s okay, it’s going to be okay. Did you tell Ethan?”

I paused and shuddered. “It’s not his.”

She wasn’t as quick to reassure me. “Whose is it?”

“It’s this guy named Kevin, he’s just a friend, and we went to a dance together…about eight weeks ago.”

Kendra was a very rational, organized person. “Listen to me, try and relax, and just don’t get upset, okay? No one died, no one has cancer, and we will handle this.” She took a breath. “I can’t leave today, but I will come see you tomorrow and we’ll figure this out.”

“Okay, thanks.”

“Everything will be okay, Syd, just take it easy.”

“I will.”

As promised, Kendra drove down to West Lafayette and made it there by noon the next day. We met for lunch at a Hardee’s, and I hugged her for two whole minutes before we sat down at a table in the back of the restaurant.

“I located the Planned Parenthood on campus, and made an appointment for us at one-thirty.”

Everyone was dying to get me into Planned Parenthood. “What are they going to say?” I asked and emptied a sugar packet into my iced tea.

“They’re going to try and determine exactly how far along you are, and let you know your options. No one has to find out about this, and I will be there for you one hundred percent,” she looked at me questionably. “I assume you want to have an abortion?”

I wasn’t sure what I wanted, but I knew that’s what both she and Jenna assumed I was going to do. And quite honestly, if it were me sitting across the table from a pregnant Kendra, I’m sure I would assume the same thing about her. But much to my own surprise, I was leaning toward keeping the baby.

Kendra read my mind. “You’re not seriously considering having a baby, are you?” her expression was severe.

“I really don’t know yet,” I said and stirred the ice cubes in my drink.

She sat back in her chair, and folded her arms across her chest. “Syd, do you have any idea what you’re saying? Any idea how this will change your life? You’re starting your job in a few months.”

I felt myself getting emotional again, damn hormones. “Please don’t look at me like that, I have been thinking about this every waking hour, and I always go back to the same conclusion. I think I want to have this baby.”

She was delicately shaking her head, and trying to get me to maintain eye contact with her. “I just don’t think you can make a decision like that with so little knowledge of what is required of you. How will you support it? How will you pay for daycare? When will you tell your new employer? The list goes on and on!”

“I know, I know, but I don’t want an abortion. I’m scared of having an abortion, and for some strange reason, I’m not scared to have this baby. And you really shouldn’t be yelling at a pregnant lady,” I attempted to lighten the mood.

She smiled for the first time, but she wasn’t going down that easy. We spent the next couple hours talking it out at my apartment, and missed my Planned Parenthood appointment.

“When are you going to tell Mom?” she asked me.

Kendra never really understood the tyrant that was my mother, because my mother treated her differently. My sister was well aware of the struggles I’ve had with our mom over the years, but she consistently forgot about them, and would often act like there was no tension between Mom and I.