One Song Away (7 page)

Chapter Ten

I don’t say much as Jake cruises down the highway. I’m not sure where he’s taking us, but I trust him. I’m more focused on not passing out than on making conversation. I’ve already said enough to land me in hot water. Flirting with Jake Cooper has never ended in anything but disappointment for me, and part of me wonders if I’m insane to believe it will go any differently this time just because we’re pretending to date.

As I twist my hands together in my lap, I think of how he stared at me in the movie theater. Of how close he pulled me, as if he didn’t want any space between us. If this is all just an act, I’m apparently good enough at it to inspire him.

“You okay over there?” He turns off the highway onto a road I know all too well.

My stomach rolls. We’re going to the Hay Loft. I should know the way by heart; when I was in high school, Jake, Sloane, and I partied there enough nights. It’s a three-acre plot of land Jake’s family owns, but they’ve never done anything with it. There’s an old barn still standing, but no one ever goes in it. The rumor is it’s haunted, and as far as I know, no one has ever dared to find out if it really is.

“Sure,” I say, too brightly. “I just realize where we were headed.”

As long as I can remember, the Hay Loft has been the gathering spot for the Cooper boys to throw parties. Jake’s older brothers tore up this town before he did. I heard Graham threw legendary bonfires. Jake used to sneak me into Nolan’s shindigs. I had my first beer at one of Ben’s parties, and I proceeded to throw it up a few minutes later. By the time I was in high school and old enough to get invited to Jake’s gatherings, I’d learned how to hold my liquor and hide my feelings for my best friend.

Jake flashes me a quick grin. “No better place. Figured you might be getting tired of the coffeehouse. And I seem to remember you challenging me the day we met again.”

“I did?” I draw a total blank on that horrible, babbling conversation. I mostly remember wishing the Earth would swallow me, and wailing internally when it didn’t.

“You did. You asked if I was still the fun-loving, charming troublemaker you remembered.”

“I wouldn’t have used those words. At least not ‘charming’,” I say, snorting.

“Alright, so I paraphrased for you.”

Letting out a laugh, I relax. He smiles as he makes the final turn for the Hay Loft, and I stare out into the darkness. I love his willingness to look silly for me. I’m selfishly glad he hasn’t changed in all this time.

Jake rounds the bend and the road turns into gravel. We crunch over it and start passing the vehicles parked on every side. I know he’s headed for the “reserved” parking. It sounds ridiculous, but everyone knows to save a few spots for the Cooper brothers. Sure enough, there’s a space for us tonight. At one point, there was usually one here for me, too. The brothers are all grown now, but their cousin is Cassidy’s age. I can’t even fathom little Logan being old enough to drive, let alone throw a party the size of this one, but it
has
been four years.

After parking, Jake kills the engine. “Come on, Claire.” Hopping out, he opens my door for me, and I climb out of the car.

I’m probably overdressed for the Hay Loft, in a red sundress and sandals, but I start walking that way anyway. Jake surprises me by taking my hand, so I let my fingers tangle with his. I wasn’t sure he’d want us to go public, but I guess he’s as all in as I am. His commitment to this role is making it harder to remember we have to end this soon.

“Let’s do it.” I squeeze his hand, and tell myself this won’t be the nightmare I’m imagining. It’s been a long time since I cared what people here think of me, but being associated with Jake as part of a couple is going to bring a new sort of attention.

We might as well have a spotlight shining down on us as we arrive. Everyone sees Jake first. People who are a year or two older than we are, former classmates, people a year or so younger. Jake fist-bumps the guys, and shakes hands with a few others. I say hello to a few acquaintances from high school, but that life already feels so long ago.

“Coop!” A striking brunette walks over to us. She attaches to Jake’s arm like a tick.

I feel my lips peeling back in a snarl. I just barely contain it in time for Jake to wink at me. The girl is going on and on about how much she’s missed him, how much she wants to take him to dinner to catch up, and blah blah blah.

“Actually, Valerie, I’m here with someone.” Jake brings our joined hands to his lips, kissing the back of mine. I’m glad he’s holding onto me, because I’m fairly sure my legs aren’t up for the job right now. “My girlfriend.”

My heart thumps enthusiastically in my chest at his announcement. We haven’t used monogamous terms yet. I suppose I didn’t think our fake relationship would last that long, but things seem to be changing, at least for me. I
definitely
don’t mind him calling me his girlfriend.

“Oh.” Valerie smiles tightly and then leaves as quickly as she arrived, which is fine with me.

Jake focuses his full attention on me, unleashing one of those mega-watt smiles, leaving me dazed. “Sorry it took me a few seconds to get rid of her.” He shakes his head. “It’s too bad, really. I think I could have gotten a free dinner.”

“Yeah, but I think she was after your virtue,” I say. He roars a laugh, and we draw a few curious gazes. I can see Valerie whispering to several other women, so I put my arms around Jake’s neck and lean into him. If he’s surprised, he doesn’t show it.

My eyes close as soon as his lips touch mine, and for a moment, I forget where we are. I feel like I’ve waited forever for this kiss. There’s nothing but the feel of his lips moving against mine, urging my mouth open for him. His arms lazily easing around my waist. His tongue sweeping over mine in gentle strokes. I’m drowning in him, in this moment—and I don’t want to be saved.

Jake kisses me as though he has all night. His mouth moves to my jaw, and I sigh as he kisses his way slowly toward my throat. When his hands drop to my hips, I vaguely hear a smattering of whistles and catcalls. I’m the first to pull away. I want nothing more than to stay close to him, but I force myself to remember we’re in public.

“
Day
-
um
!” Something big barrels into Jake, and he stumbles back a step. “Get a room, you two.”

Jake turns. Then he and someone who resembles the Logan I remember, but is taller and more muscled, engage in some sort of fist-bump/chest-smack/hand-shake thing. Jake’s grinning when he faces me and puts his cousin in a headlock. They both have the same brown-gold eyes, but Logan’s hair is several shades lighter. I study him, unable to reconcile the preteen I remember with this guy.

His mouth drops open when he really looks at me. “Sophie? How in the hell did I forget how beautiful you are?” He shakes his head, meeting my gaze. And oh, the girls in this town are in trouble. He inherited Jake’s smile.

“Thank you for the compliment.” I smile at him, but glare playfully at Jake. “Hey Coop, you wanted to be called charming? Take some lessons from your cousin.”

Logan beams. “It’s a little known secret that I’m the best guy in the family.” He shoves his hands in his pockets, winking at me.

I pat his shoulder. “I bet you are. Let’s go get a drink, Jake.” Tugging at Jake’s hand, I give Logan a wink of my own. “Don’t get into too much trouble.”

“Sophie, save me a dance later!”

Logan’s words trail off behind us as Jake and I move toward the bonfire and the keg sitting on a tailgate. I’m still giggling, but I finally notice a tall guy a few feet away from the keg, sipping something out of a Solo cup. Jake grabs us each a cup while I study the guy. It could be the firelight but isn’t he…

“Nolan?” I say.

“Sophie-Claire Wright, the most fearless girl in Wayne County.” Nolan’s drawl is even thicker than I remembered if that’s possible, but it’s home.
He’s
home. I spent too many nights to count at the lake fishing with him and Jake, or in detention with the both of them. He’s another part of Martinville I left behind, and as I stare at him, wondering what he thinks of me now, a pang hits me in the chest. I
missed
him. Them. This. Nolan and I emailed a few times, but nothing compares to being here in person.

I grin. “Oh stop.”

The next thing I know, I’m being swept off the ground and into Nolan’s arms. His blond hair spills into his eyes as he swings me in a small circle. I giggle and hold on tight to Jake’s brother. I’ve never been afraid of losing my heart to Nolan, so our friendship isn’t complicated like mine with Jake. I let him hold me as close as he wants, and I stay in his arms when he finally sets me on the ground.

“Whoa.” Jake scowls at us. “You’re stealin’ my girl.”

Nolan laughs his booming laugh. His blue eyes shine in the firelight as he plants a kiss on my cheek. “You don’t have to be
too
worried, little brother.”

“Not unless a cute guy walks by, anyway,” I joke. I poke Nolan’s arm. He and I grin at each other; his sexuality is old news to this town. Nolan and Sloane don’t know each other well, but I always thought they’d be great friends. They both have a “give ‘em hell” attitude when it comes to their convictions. Who they love is no one’s business. I’ve always admired them because of it.

I give Nolan another hug, and we talk for a few minutes while couples and individuals have their turn at the keg. I drink my beer plus another while Nolan and Jake chat. While Jake was off traveling, his closest-in-age brother was finishing college and managing a hotel in town. Now he’s ready to go into business for himself. I listen to him and Jake talk about the possibilities, but I’m content to be quiet and just let the boys have their time. They act as if they haven’t seen each other in weeks, even though it’s probably only been a few days. Graham and Ben both moved away, but Nolan is still local.

Finally, Jake pulls me away, and I wave to Nolan. We’re swallowed up in the crowd right away, and as the minutes pass, I catch more than one female glaring at me. They always turn it into a smile, but I let it bounce off me as I drink my third beer. Tomorrow, I’ll be worried. Tonight? I’m Jake’s girl, even if it will all end at midnight. Our temporary relationship gives me the confidence to circulate, because I can feel his eyes on me. Sure enough, every time I look his way, he’s staring at me, a new light in his eyes.

We both dance with other people, and I catch up with more acquaintances from high school. I walk into conversations that end as soon as I arrive, but I don’t give it a second thought. I’m too happy. Too floaty.

Mina is here, and so are Adam and Brenna from Freshly Ground. Mina winks at me when she sees Jake holding my hand, and Brenna seems surprised but happy. We talk for a while, but ultimately, Jake and I drift back to each other like magnets. We dance together in a slow, sweet circle, and the firelight kindles the gold in his eyes. I let him hold me, and I let the moment surround me. I lose track of how long we dance, of how many drinks I have.

When Jake suggests walking to the river, a notorious spot for couples, I go without a second thought. We pass Brenna and her boyfriend coming back, and I give her a thumbs-up that I try to hide from Jake.

Once we break through the trees that border the river, we can see the sky, which looks like someone sprinkled stars everywhere. Jake’s holding my hand, which is good, because I don’t feel very steady. My head is swimming when he stops and moves me so I’m standing in front of him. I let my head rest on his shoulder, and he puts both arms around my waist.

“This is nice.”

I giggle. Part of me feels like I’m standing apart from this whole scene, watching it all unfold. I feel bold. I feel as big as the sky, and as bright as the stars. “
You’re
nice.” Jake chuckles, and I feel the vibrations. I turn in his arms so that I’m facing him. I can be brave. I can be the kind of girl who takes what she wants.

“Kiss me.” I put a hand on the side of his face. Am I wobbling? He’s still holding me, but I want to be closer to him. I don’t want any space between us. I press my chest against his and he inhales sharply. “You want to, don’t you?”

“Claire…”

I stand on my tiptoes and brush my lips across Jake’s mouth. “Kiss me, Coop.” He looks like he’s starting to waver, and I know he’ll do what I demanded. But at the last minute, he lets me go, and moves a few feet away. “Coooooop.” Even though I pout at him, he shakes his head. I start toward him, but I weave, so I stop.

“I can’t.” He crosses his arms over his chest. “You’ve had too much to drink. And Claire, when I kiss you, I want you to remember it.”

“That’s not
fair
.” I stumble when I try to walk. He takes a step closer to me, and I laugh loudly. “That’s good. My hero.” I move forward again, and everything spins. I close my eyes just as I collapse into Jake’s waiting arms, and the world goes dark.

Chapter Eleven

When my alarm goes off at eight the next morning, I groan and manage to half-blindly push the snooze button. I’m just drifting into a wonderful dream that involves Jake, me, and last night’s kiss at the Hay Loft when my phone once again cheerfully trills another alarm. Seriously, was I drunk when I programmed that as my wake-up call? Oh, wait…

I throw my blanket off, then swing my feet over the bed. I step into my slippers and zombie-shuffle into the kitchen. Catching a fleeting glimpse of myself in the mirror, I wince. My hair is a rat’s nest, and my mascara apparently spent the whole night fleeing my eyelashes. I’ve broken my mother’s cardinal rule. She once told me that the difference between being a girl and being a woman was that a woman always washes her face before she goes to bed, no matter how shitty a day she’s had.

Well, my mama never fell in love with Jake Cooper, and he certainly
never
kissed
her
in a way that made her toes curl. Jake is basically the exception to all my rules, as evidenced by the fact that I’m a hot mess this morning.

Someone knocks on my door while I’m still trying to make coffee. I ignore it the first time, but when it happens again in a loud series of four, I stomp over to my door and open it for whomever is brave enough to intrude on my morning.

It’s Sloane, of course. Like a good best friend, she’s ignoring my lack of sleep or caffeine, and marching into the lion’s den. She saunters in, way more professional looking than me, in a blazer and slacks over a shirt that shows off her slender body. She plops down on my sofa and stares unblinkingly at me.

“What?”

She crosses her arms over her chest. “I heard you were at the Hay Loft last night with Jake.”

Ignoring her, I walk into the kitchen and finally get the sleep out of my eyes. I add some extra coffee, then start the machine, sighing happily when it makes the grumbling starting noise. Finally, I turn and face my best friend.

“What do you want to know?”

Sloane arches an eyebrow, waiting.

I resist the urge to snarl, since it’s Sloane, and I love her. “Fine.” I shift my weight nervously. “We saw a movie, and then I said I didn’t want to go home.”

Nodding, Sloane steeples her fingers under her chin. It’s such an “evil genius” move that I almost laugh, until she speaks. “Then what happened?”

This time, I
do
snarl, and squint at her. “We went to the Hay Loft.” Why is it so bright in here? “We kissed. Danced. Nolan was there. It gets a little fuzzy then.”

My coffee is finally ready, so I grab a mug from the cupboard. I’m grateful for the moment to gather my composure, as I fill my cup almost to the brim and then add a spoonful of sugar. I sip at the hot liquid, sighing gratefully. I’m not ready to deal with Sloane’s questions yet, because I did toss and turn last night. Every time I started to relax enough to sleep, I replayed the kiss, or how it felt to be on the receiving end of Jake’s adoration. How amazing I felt throughout the movie. How I wished it could be like that all the time.

When I finally lower my half-empty cup, Sloane is waiting calmly. I frown and look down at the counter, just to have something to do. That’s when I notice a folded piece of paper with my name on it in Jake’s handwriting. I unfold it and read it warily.

Claire,

I hope you’re feeling okay this morning. I didn’t want you to wake and panic, so I thought I’d tell you that I got you home okay from the Hay Loft. I didn’t realize you’d had too much to drink until right before you passed out. I’m sorry for that. Like I said, I brought you home, and got you inside. You woke up just as I got you into your room, so I laid you down, then told you goodnight. Oh and I got you some water in case you got thirsty.

I had a lot of fun last night, and I hope you did, too. Talk to you soon.

—Coop

I wordlessly hand the note to Sloane. Jake’s actions, combined with the fact he isn’t judging my behavior last night proves again he’s still the amazing guy I fell in love with years ago. Other guys wouldn’t have been as chivalrous last night, or as concerned about me today. Jake is, though. He took care of me last night when he didn’t have to. He refused to kiss me when I was tipsy. He got me home and in bed.

I didn’t know guys like him still existed.

He’s hazardous to my health
and
my heart, it seems. Between swooning over him and the way he makes my heart race, I’m gonna have to join a gym to get in better shape.

While Sloane reads the note, I check my phone. I also have a text from Jake. I read it twice, my heart fluttering wildly both times.

Morning, sweetheart. I left you a note. Call or text me when you’re up and feeling human. ;) I can’t wait to see you again.

“What do you want to hear, Sloane? That you’re right? That I dreamed about Jake? That I want more kisses like last night’s?” I shrug. “None of that matters.” I turn away and start loading the dishwasher, rattling the dishes with more force than necessary.

“Of course it matters.”

I spin toward her, even though it’s all I can do to keep tears from my eyes. “No. It
doesn’t
, because when this is all over, nothing will have changed. We’ll just be Sophie and Jake, and all this—” I make a gesture I know won’t truly encompass everything I’m feeling—“will just be…gone.” My heart is pounding.

“And you’ll pick up the pieces again.” She’s right in front of me now, her beautiful dark eyes fixed on me. I can’t bear the weight I see there. “And I’ll help you, because that’s what friends do.” She takes my hand, squeezing. “Soph… I’ve seen you here before. You get your hopes up over Jake, and then even if he doesn’t realize it, he lets you down. It’s a cycle I’ve never liked, despite loving you both dearly. And I just don’t want to see you go through it again.”

“But I
will
.” My shoulders slump as I lean against the counter. “Sloane, I love him. I’ve loved every version of him. I’m not sure who I’d
be
if I didn’t love him.”

“And that’s part of the problem.”

“I
know
,” I say sharply. I try to smile at her, but it breaks slowly, like a crack spreading through splintered glass. “I know, Sloane. I know you’re worried about me getting caught up in all of this…and I know I probably will. I know I already
am
.” My mouth trembles with the continued effort to hold back tears. “I’m trying to keep everything compartmentalized, but I’m not sure I can. And if I
can’t
, then that’s a risk I’ll take. If a few weeks is all I get with Jake, then it’s
worth
the tears I’ll cry when we end. He’s worth it all.”

Sloane is silent once I stop speaking. I hear her draw a breath as if she might say something, but I have my head bowed, so I can’t read her expression. I can’t tell if she’s disappointed in me, or sad for me, or upset. I stand there with all my broken pieces, all the little shards I’ve never shown anyone. When Sloane wraps her arms around me, I’m too stunned to do anything other than hug her. After a few seconds, I hold on as though my life depends on it.

And maybe it does.

___ ___ ___

When I get to Freshly Ground for the afternoon shift, I dive into work. I’m working with Brenna and Mina today, and I’m glad. We’ve all hung out after work several times now, and I adore them both. Mina quietly asks if I’m okay, and when I just shake my head, she and Brenna let me do my own thing. The place isn’t busy yet because we’re between the morning and afternoon rushes, so I gather some cleaning supplies and work on cleaning the booths and tables.

Later, Brenna comes over and helps. We chat about work, and she entertains me with funny stories about her boyfriend. I’m quiet, but Brenna fills in the silences when I can’t. I love that about Bren. She’s always doing what she can to put others at ease. She’s always cheerful and she loves uplifting others. I’ve yet to see her have a bad day or really lose her temper. I’m sure it happens, but it has to be rare. Our text conversations are hilarious thanks to her, and she’s got a filthy mind, just like me. We get along better than I ever would have expected.

It’s a relief to just be able to listen to her. I’m scrubbing the tables harder than necessary, but if she notices, she doesn’t say anything. I can tell she’s worried by the line between her auburn brows, but I know she’ll wait for me to open up to her, whether that’s today, tomorrow, or next week. Brenna doesn’t push me. She waits, and it’s a good thing she’s willing to, because I wouldn’t know where to start.

I feel fragile. Like those cracks from earlier are yawning through my limbs and heart. Something changed between Jake and me last night, even if it was only on my part. I wasn’t just flirting to keep up our cover. I didn’t kiss him for the audience. I
wanted
to flirt. I
wanted
to kiss him. I wanted to stay out late after the movie, because I didn’t want the night to end. All this began as a safe way of getting out of Mama’s matchmaking, but after talking with Sloane, I can’t deny what I’ve been hiding: I want this to be real.

More than
anything
.

And that scares the hell out of me.

I’m shaking when I take my break. I tear a napkin to shreds while I sit perched on the edge of a booth. I’m scared Jake will come out and talk to me. I’m scared he won’t. Finally, my break ends, and I rush back. At least when I’m working, I can take my mind off of everything. If I stay busy enough, I won’t think about how I’m setting myself up for heartbreak. And how I can’t seem to stop myself.

“Hey slacker.”

I jump when I realize I’ve just been staring into space between customers, during the first lull in about two hours. I open my mouth to apologize, but then I recognize the teasing tone.

“Cassidy!” I haven’t seen my sister since our family dinner. I’m working and staying so busy that I’ve…well, I’ve neglected her and the rest of my family. And my songwriting. And everything that isn’t Jake.

My little sister smiles at me, her blue eyes warm. “I figured I’d come see you when I got out of school. Mama said I could hang out here and do some homework…” Her gaze slides to the side, and I follow it. There’s a very cute teenage boy sitting all alone at a table for two.

“Why Cassidy Adele Wright,” I say, pitching my voice low. “Do you have a boyfriend?”

“No,” she hisses at me. Two bright splotches of color flare up in her cheeks. “Not yet at least.” She shifts her weight. “Besides, Sophie, I’m seventeen now.”

I stick my tongue out at her. “Yeah, yeah, whatever. You were just a toddler yesterday, and I bet this boy would
love
to hear some of those stories.”

Cassidy leans over the counter. “Nooooo.” She lets out a low moan, while I laugh. Slowly, the color fades from her face. “You’re just teasing me.”

Nodding, I kiss her cheek. “Of course I’m teasing you. Now what do you want to drink?”

She orders a hot chocolate and I hum to myself as I make it. Being around my sister always cheers me up. She’s such a force to be reckoned with that I can’t help but be happy around her.

“Here you go.” I hand Cassidy her drink. “I’m really glad you came by, Cass. Now that I’m home, I want us to hang out at least once a week…but for now, go ‘study’,” I say.

Cassidy walks to The Boy's table, but then winks at me. I watch them talk for a moment before I get back to work. I’ve visited as much as I could over the last few years, but most of Cassidy’s teenage years, it was just her, Mama, and Dad. Mama sheltered her because Cassidy was her last daughter, but I’m really proud of my sister. She’s a great kid, and I envy her. Her first big crush. Maybe her first boyfriend and first love.

I hope she has a lot of huge crushes, a lot of boyfriends, or boys who are friends, and kisses, and confidence. I wouldn’t change my life for anything, but giving Jake my heart at an early age and never getting it back definitely changed my teenager years. Now this situation has spun me again.

I don’t know what to do, but I know myself well enough to realize I was honest this morning with Sloane. However this ends, I’m all in from now to the finish.