One Step Too Close - Coffin Nails MC Louisiana (Gay Biker Stepbrother Romance) (Sex & Mayhem Book 6) (31 page)

Wolver was the first to
speak out. “Fucking cunt,” he slammed his fist against the table. “But for
you,” he looked to Jed, “I hope it’s a fucking lesson not to take those fucking
pills again. Fucking fuck.”

Mikey rubbed his
forehead. “I got the video as well. I was shocked, but I didn’t want to mention
it, ‘cause it’s some vengeful-bitch-from-hell shit. Didn’t want to let her win
against a brother.”

Ryder had a shiver going
down his spine when the other guys nodded knowingly. They all got it? And none
said a thing? He could hardly believe what he was seeing.

Bert laughed. “What a
confession. I’m feeling like a priest now.”

“Leave him be,” moaned
Ryder. “It’s that bitch that needs to learn her lesson, not Jed,” he said, more
than keen on moving everyone’s attention from the video.

“Yeah,” Grease added all
of a sudden. “It’s not him who’s the cocksucker. It could have happened to
anyone.”

Jed leaned against the
back of his chair and nodded, but Ryder could see him clamming up. He shifted his
hand underneath the table and brushed their calves together. This way at least
he could express his support without anyone noticing.

“Shut up, Grease,”
growled Wolver. “I can’t believe this shit. I’m not having my son be the
laughing stock for everyone if this cunt puts this online or whatever the fuck
else she can do to mess us up. I will not have our chapter be humiliated. We
have to do something. And I’m not saying this just as a father. I’m saying this
as your prez. How about I put out word to find her and Toro? This is unfinished
business, and we do not have a strong chapter without respect.”

Ryder raised his hand
with his heart beating furiously in his chest. No one hesitated, and very soon,
the gavel struck the tabletop again, possibly even louder than it usually did.

Dana had it coming.

*

With fresh burgers from
their favorite local joint on the back of his bike, Ryder sped between the
trees with Jed at his side. The wind combed back his hair, taking away some of
Ryder’s worries before he reached the lonely bridge over the lake. The same one
that could have taken Jed from him not so long ago. He was slowly hitting the
brakes as they came closer to the clearing. He tried not to think much about
this place recently, but after what he’d witnessed earlier that day, he needed
to make sure Jed wouldn’t have any stupid ideas again. The guilt and
self-loathing wouldn’t wait long to creep back into Jed’s heart. And all just
because he heard some judgmental words. There was only one spot he believed was
appropriate for the conversation.

Even the weather was on
his side for once, with the sun shining brightly and white clouds rolling across
the sky every now and then. There would be times in the summer when they’d all
but pray for rain, but now all he wanted was warmth. They parked their bikes by
the bridge and Jed pulled out his own takeout bag from the saddlebag, and they
followed a small path down to the lake.

“This is a grim choice
for a picnic…” Jed tried to joke, but it came out flat.

Ryder bit the inside of
his cheek and faked a smile. “Is it? Didn’t you always love this place?”

Jed sat in the shadow of
the bridge, on a block of cement that served as the base of a pillar. “I did.
And then you started bringing girls here, not me.”

Guilt stabbed Ryder straight
in the heart as he walked closer over the sandy ground that sloped to the lake.
The air was damp despite the good weather, and it oddly corresponded with
Ryder’s mood. “I didn’t know.”

Jed opened a can of
Coke, and put his paper bag between his legs. “It’s not your fault. You
couldn’t have known that all I could fantasize about was for you to take me
here so I could suck you off. Right under this bridge.”

Ryder shuddered and
stepped closer, dropping his own food to the block of cement, next to Jed. He
couldn’t stand the amount of pain he’d inflicted on Jed throughout the years by
rejecting such a major part of his nature. Jed didn’t have the option of sating
his lust with all the women available to him.

“Did you watch me?”

A silly smile bloomed on
Jed’s face. “A few times.” He pulled out his burger and bit into it with a
happy groan. At least something that Ryder was sure could always cheer Jed up.
Ryder sat down at Jed’s side and pushed his hand into the paper bag.

“You can still suck me
off here, you know,” teased Ryder, leaning over to kiss Jed’s neck.

The familiar glint of
excitement was there in Jed’s eyes when he gave him a side-glance. “You can’t
take this offer back now.”

Ryder sighed and
unpacked his burger. “I promise not to bring anyone else here. You’re right,
this should be our spot.”

Jed took a sip of Coke.
“I wish I hadn’t drowned my bike. I loved it.”

“You want to try to get
it out or bury it along with all the bad stuff that led you to that edge?”
asked Ryder, slowly grabbing Jed’s hand.

“I think I’d just rather
forget it. I’ll get a new one some day. I still got my Harley.” Jed squeezed
Ryder’s hand back. “It’s all easier to bear when I’ve got you.”

“And you will have me,”
insisted Ryder. “I just... I didn’t like what happened to you back at the
clubhouse. I don’t know what’s going on in your head.”

Jed traced Ryder’s hand
with his thumb as he ate. “What do you mean? That it was humiliating to have to
tell them about the video?”

Ryder chewed a bit of
his own burger, and it tasted almost bitter. “No. Of course it was humiliating.
It would have been even if it was a girl in that vid. It was you just...
talking about this guy like he were some kind of dirty rag, just because he
sucked your cock.”

Jed frowned and took his
time to answer. “I guess that’s what everyone thinks.” He didn’t need to say it
for Ryder to know that it wasn’t what Jed was thinking when Ryder had his mouth
on him. Yet the dissonance was there.

Ryder swallowed the food
and put his arm behind Jed’s back, enjoying the warmth streaming from his body.
“Well, they’re wrong. And I was fucking stupid to believe that too. I hated
that you had to say it.”

“You did? Dad seemed to
be more pissed off about it than over Toro leaving us with Dana at his side.
Worst thing that can happen to him. A gay son. At least I’m not his blood.” Jed
stuffed his face with the rest of the burger, looking at the lake.

Ryder pulled him close.
“So what if he thinks that? There’s plenty of people who think what he’s doing
is wrong too. Doesn’t mean it is. And then that idiot Grease added his own two
cents, and you just shut down on me.”

Jed put his head on
Ryder’s shoulder, eating fry after fry. “Yeah, cause it
is
me who’s the
cocksucker. And even a guy like Grease can feel better than me, just because he
likes to eat pussy. It feels like I’m always at the bottom of the pile.”

Ryder growled, more
agitated by the second. “Fuck him. I bet he’s shit at eating pussy anyway. Just
look at him.”

Jed snorted, and hearing
him bark out even a short laugh had Ryder elated. Most of all, it was a relief
that Jed was willing to talk to him, not just pretend he was fine. “I can just
imagine his lips all greasy from his fucking chicken, getting all up in there.”

Ryder laughed and kissed
Jed’s salty lips before eating a third of his burger in one bite. “You
shouldn’t have to care what he thinks. It’s not their business. This is between
you and me only.” Ryder swallowed his food, looking into the bright, hopeful
eyes that were ready to suckle on every bit of praise. “I like to suck your
cock, Jed,” whispered Ryder, more than a little self-conscious about saying it
out loud, but he knew that he needed to step up. “It’s warm and tastes so clean
and juicy.”

The smile in Jed’s eyes
made up for Ryder’s embarrassment. “Yours is hot, and hard, and I don’t feel
dirty or used when I suck and swallow. I feel that I love you and that I want
more. I just wish I wasn’t expected to speak the way they do. About
fags
,
and
cocksuckers
.”

Ryder snorted, kissing
Jed with mustard-stained lips. It was such an immense relief to hear Jed’s
words. “Good. That’s how you should feel. I’m not gonna talk like that ever
again.”

“I used to think it
doesn’t matter, but now that I’m with you, and I’ve faced the fact that I will
never stop liking men this way, the words do hurt. The guys don’t know that
they’re talking about me, but they are. I am the fag they hate so much.”

Ryder pushed the rest of
the hamburger into his mouth and pushed closer to Jed. He’d do anything he
could to keep him happy, even if it would get him alienated. “It’ll be fine,”
he promised, helping himself to Jed’s drink. Just sitting like this with Jed,
smelling the fresh forest air, and hearing nothing but birds singing, reminded
him of times when he brought his first girlfriends here.

“Do you ever think it
would be easier for you if you got back with Jess?” Jed asked.

Ryder’s brain froze.
“W-what?” he barked out with an uncertain laugh. “Why would you ask that?”

“Just asking…” Jed
gulped down some Coke.

Ryder shook his head. “I
don’t want to go back to her. And at this point, I’m not even sure what would
have been easier.” Things were always easier with Jed. With him, Ryder felt
like he could truly be himself. They could spend a whole day naked, just
chilling out and fucking with no bullshit. Watching Jed play around with Daisy
in bed in the morning was still engraved in Ryder’s mind, and kept warming his
heart every time he thought of her fluffy paws on Jed’s chest. Jed’s fists
could unleash so much violence, yet he cuddled Daisy with so much tenderness.
And Ryder was privileged to know this side of him.

“But you still wanna see
her, don’t you?”

Ryder pressed his lips
tightly together. That thing with Jess was a thorn in his heart. No girl ever
cheated on him. “Yeah. You wouldn’t?”

Jed sighed. “I probably
would.”

“Like... I wanna know
why she just left me like that.” Ryder chewed on his lip, suddenly getting
anxious. “I’m not sure whether I want this kid to be mine or not.”

Jed straightened up a
bit and put his arm around Ryder’s waist, and it was nice to realize how
different it was to have a guy do something as simple as hold him this way.
With the girls Ryder had been with, he was always expected to be 100 percent
alpha, a brick wall to be there for them and never crack.

“It’s kind of scary that
you might have a kid. Do you want to have one?”

Ryder shrugged and
fished some fries out of his bag. He was torn on the issue. He hadn’t been
ready for kids, but who was ready for them, ever? “I wanted them... in the
future. But now... if that kid isn’t mine, and she really cheated on me, then I
won’t ever have one,” he whispered, glancing at Jed.

That much was true. They
could never have a normal family the way other people did. “I don’t know if I
want children. I want to go on that road trip one day. See the world. But I
won’t block you. If you feel you need to see her, do it.”

“I’m not going back to
her,” said Ryder firmly, even though he knew he’d try if Jed weren’t in the
picture. Even if what he felt toward Jess was shallow in comparison to the depths
of his feelings for Jed.

“Do you think we’ll ever
go on that road trip?” Jed licked his fingers and wiped them with a napkin.

“Of course we will. As
soon as the club’s stabilized, we’re going. Just you and me,” whispered Ryder,
slowly moving his fingers up Jed’s back. He pushed them into Jed’s thick hair
and tickled the soft skin underneath.

Jed smiled and kissed
Ryder’s jaw. “I love the club, it’s my life, but I don’t want to spend my whole
life here. Especially since I’m not gonna have a family like the other guys.”

Ryder looked down at their
boots, not knowing what to say. “Where do you wanna go?” he asked eventually.

“Miami, LA, Seattle,
even freaking Yellowstone. But it doesn’t mean I want to bail on the club. When
I got patched in, I meant being a Nail for life, and I still do. So don’t think
I’m looking for a way out.” Jed put his hands on Ryder’s thigh. “I wanna be at
your side when you make our chapter amazing. Then, when I have enough money, I
will plan the whole thing out.”

Ryder dropped his hand
off Jed. “What about me?”

Jed slid his hand to
Ryder’s jaw and forced him to look up. “I want us to go together. We’ll just
have to work around the club needs. We don’t need to go away for
a year
.
I wish, but I know it’s not realistic for a VP. Maybe we could go to a
different place every year.”

Ryder nodded and slowly
sank against Jed, with relief flooding his heart. His mind wandered to the
impossible territory where he and Jed could take a year off and just live on
the road. His heart longed for quiet nights together and wild wind in his hair,
but leaving the club? With things as they were, he might as well toss all his
brothers into the abyss. They needed structure. All of them, even Wolver. “I
want that. Just you and me.”