One to Hold (9 page)

They clinked glasses and Patrick covered Elaine’s hand with his again, smiling.

I looked back at Derek, giving him a tight smile. “It’s so bright in here.”

His eyes were warm now, focused on me. “The fire pit is a much nicer setting, I think.”

“And you’re in Wilmington,” Patrick said to Elaine.

“Yep,” my friend replied. “Been there all my life. It’s where Melissa and I met.”

Derek glanced at me. “But you’re not there now.”

“No,” I said softly, wondering when I’d been so unguarded to tell him that. My home location was definitely a one-week stand rules violation.

“She’s hours away in Baltimore,” Elaine complained.

“It’s only six hours. Don’t exaggerate.” Now I wished I’d thought up a different topic of conversation. I wanted this exploration into my personal life to end. “So tell me about your day. What all did you do?”

That did it. Instantly she was off describing their hike up Camelback Mountain. They’d found a secret cleft in the rocks, she continued, and from the way my friend grinned at that detail, it seemed they’d done more than hike while there. Patrick smiled and squeezed her hand, a little spark in his eye. Our waiter took our orders, and I selected the steak I’d been craving earlier. Derek followed suit.

“At least your food orders are better than your drinks,” he teased.

I smiled. “I never stopped choosing my own food.”

“Shall I pick a wine to go with it?”

“Please do,” I said, wishing I could reach out and touch his hand the way our dinner companions kept doing. His eyes flickered to mine, and it seemed he might be thinking the same thing.

Elaine continued detailing their day, a tour of Taliesin West, a visit to one of the nearby ghost towns. I was amazed they’d been able to fit it all in.

“Tomorrow I was thinking we’d drive to Sedona,” Patrick said, looking at Derek.

Derek waved his hand. “Do what you want. We’re pretty much finished as far as the conference goes.”

His words made my heart sink, knowing the end was so near. I lifted my glass and took a long sip of the pinot noir he’d ordered—perfect for the petite filet I was having. I felt him studying my reaction, and I wondered how he felt about the end of this week. Did it sadden him as much as it did me?

“We’re pretty much done here,” he said, rising. “I’ll ask the host to put it on my bill if you’d like to take a walk outside with me?”

Elaine’s eyes flew to mine, and she gave me an encouraging smile.

“Sure,” I said, standing.

“I think you can take your glass if you’d like to finish it,” Derek said, holding my chair.

“That’s okay,” I said. “I’ve had enough.”

Patrick and Elaine stayed behind, and she smiled in a way that I knew meant she was dying to give me two thumbs up. If she only knew how behind she was. I just shook my head and took Derek’s arm, allowing him to escort me from the large dining area.

It was another beautiful twilight, the sun slowly setting, turning the desert sky a myriad of dusky autumnal shades. I couldn’t stop my mind from counting the time we had left—only two nights. We’d fly out early Sunday, and I’d return to my situation in Maryland.

We strolled along the path lining the resort’s large golf course. I had so many things I wished I could say, and none that I could truly act upon. I wanted to exchange contact information, make plans to follow up when we got home, to be together, to hold onto him…

Derek wasn’t speaking either. He seemed a million miles away, and I wondered if his thoughts were following a similar course as mine. As always, he was incredibly handsome in grey, tailored slacks and a navy, short-sleeved sweater. It was thin and hugged the lines of his torso.

“Patrick and Elaine seem to be enjoying the trip,” I finally said, holding his arm as we walked.

“Hm,” Derek nodded, but he didn’t say more.

“Is anything wrong?” I asked, not sure if I wanted to know his answer. If something was wrong, and it was anything like I suspected, I wouldn’t be able to ease his mind.

His forehead creased, and he looked out at the horizon, speaking quietly. “This afternoon, being with you… It wasn’t what I expected.”

“It wasn’t?” My chest sank. To me this afternoon had set the bar on intensity so high, I was pretty sure I’d never top it. Hearing he might’ve thought less of it almost killed me.

He exhaled then gave me a sad little smile. “It was intense.” We took a few more steps, and he added just above a whisper. “Too fucking intense.”

My breath returned, and I gently squeezed his arm. “I’ve made some pretty lasting memories with you this week.”

He stopped then and faced me. “Patrick’s got a big mouth. He’s said things about me I thought were best left off the record.”

I looked down, not wanting to meet his eyes, not wanting him to see the tears forming in mine. “Elaine, too.”

“In my line of work, when people don’t want you to know their story, they usually have a damn good reason.”

I wasn’t sure if he was talking about himself or me, but I had to agree. “You’re right.”

“And pursuing that story only leaves everyone, well, pretty damaged.” His voice wasn’t angry, but it had a definite tone. I just couldn’t tell what he was getting at. Was he saying he understood my need for privacy? Was he trying to tell me his? Or worse, was he trying to cut the week short? Had it gotten too intense for him?

The last thought sliced painfully through my heart. “Sometimes, the damage is already done.”

“Listen to me,” he put his hands on my cheeks and tilted my face up to look at his. When he saw my eyes glistening, his expression changed. His eyes closed and he lowered his forehead to mine, exhaling the words. “What have I done?”

My hands clasped over my aching heart. “What have you done?” I managed to say.

He’d fucking made me fall in love with him is what he’d done, and now I’d return to Baltimore worse off than when I got here. But I couldn’t say that out loud. It wasn’t his fault I’d lost control. He’d said one week. I was the one who’d ended up wanting everything I couldn’t have.

He lifted his head and then kissed me, softly at first. His lips held mine a moment before the softness turned less gentle. His mouth moved, opening mine and finding my tongue. Heat flared through me as they touched, and his hands moved to my butt, lifting me against him. Easily my legs went around his waist, my arms around his neck. I was kissing him back in spite of the pain.

How could I waste time on self-preservation when our time together was so short? He broke our kiss, dropping his forehead to my cheek. His hands were securely holding my rear, and I moved my hands to his face, making him look up at me again. His brow was creased and his blue eyes were so earnest, yet so full of all the things he wouldn’t tell me. How could I be angry when there were so many things I wouldn’t tell him?

“If things were different,” I said. “I’d tell you I love you right now.”

His forehead relaxed, and his eyes closed. The smallest hint of a smile tried to form on his lips, but I wouldn’t let myself see it. Instead I leaned forward and kissed him hard on the mouth. He kissed me back with an equal amount of passion, then I pushed against his chest, lowering my legs. He released me, brows pulled together again not understanding. I didn’t stay to explain.

I turned and walked fast, not looking back. A few more steps and I was jogging across the grassy area that separated the patio from the spa hotel. He didn’t follow me. He let me go back to my room, where I collapsed into the bed, tears rolling from my eyes.

Elaine didn’t come back to the room that night, and when I awoke the next morning, a note had been slipped under the door.

Please call the front desk. A parcel has been left for you.

Curiously, I picked up the in-house phone and pressed
0
. Alerting the hostess I was awake, she said she’d send the parcel right up, and I went to retrieve one of the thick robes that hung in the bathroom. I paused, checking my reflection. My eyes were only a little puffy from crying. I picked up a washcloth and wet it with cold water, holding it gently to them.

All night I’d dreamed of him. We didn’t stay in the little box in my mind, we jumped out of it and ran free and clear all over my life. Derek carried me back to Wilmington, and we made love on the beach in my old hometown. We ran hand in hand through all of my favorite places from my memory, and everywhere he fit in as perfectly as if he was always meant to be there. It broke my heart. My dreams could be so cruel.

Just then the tapping started on my door. I jumped out of bed and ran across the room. The girl handed me a small package, and I handed her a tip. Then I closed the door and went back to the bed, ripping off the paper and pulling out a black velvet box.

For a moment, I hesitated. Then I carefully pulled the top open. Inside was a delicate gold chain on which a floating heart hung. A small note dropped out, and I opened it.

What I would give you. If you hadn’t already stolen it. –D.A.

My lips pressed together as my eyes misted. Gently pulling the chain from the box, I fastened the necklace around my neck. The tag indicated it was 24 karat gold. It would never tarnish. I could leave it on forever if I chose. In the mirror in my room, I saw the delicate charm sat just at the base of my throat, in the little hollow between my collar bones where he’d often kissed me. I touched it gently.

He’d survive without his heart. He had mine to use in its place.

Chapter 8 – Something Truly Major

Elaine called to say she and Patrick were driving to Sedona as planned and wouldn’t be back until late. I assured her I would be fine in her absence.

“Did you make any progress with Derek,” she asked eagerly. “The man is sex on two legs, don’t you think?”

Yes.
“What are you saying?” I replied. “Aren’t your eyes only for Patrick?”

“Of course! Patrick is amazing, and I’m not interested in trading at all. But I’m also not blind.”

“Derek is very sexy.”

“Very alpha,” she said in a tone like she was reading my mind. “And ex-military. I know you tend to shy away from those.”

I almost wished that were true. “He is a lot of man, but at the same time, he can be tender.”

Her voice rose in excitement. “So you did get to know him better? Oh, Mel, if you got laid on this trip by that hunk of—”

“Hey,” I cut her off. “Have fun today and be safe.”

“You, too,” she said. “Please do everything I would do.”

I laughed, fingering the little heart floating at my neck as I hung up the phone. “Okay.”

When I’d run off last night, leaving him at the fire pit, I’d also left without a plan for us meeting today. At the same time, when I reflected on our conversation up to that point, I wasn’t sure if the door was still open to us meeting today.

Yes, I’d kissed him and told him I wished I could say I loved him. And he’d sent me this lovely gift, but the words we’d said before that…

Was it best to leave these tokens as our last goodbye?

Everything in me screamed
No!
If he was within steps of me, I had to try and find him. I considered going to Room 213 and pounding on his door, but I hesitated. If I did that, I’d be sending a message I couldn’t live up to. I’d be saying I was his, and I couldn’t say that.

I lay across my bed, again touching the floating heart on my neck. My eyes warmed. But I wanted to see him so badly. What could I do? As if on cue, my room telephone rang, and I snatched it up without hesitation.

“Good morning,” his low voice touched me through the wires.

“Good morning,” I replied softly. “I was just thinking about you. And you called.”

“Did you get my gift?”

“I love it so much.” My voice was tight with longing for what we couldn’t have.

“I wasn’t sure if you’d want to see me—”

“I do!” I sat straight up, clutching the receiver against my face as if it were his. “When? Where?”

He breathed a laugh. “Want to meet at the pool again?”

“Why don’t we meet at the main hotel pool? Then you can save the fifty.”

“It doesn’t matter,” he said. “I’d spend it again gladly.”

“Give me thirty minutes,” I said, throwing the covers back.

“I’ll be there in five.”

Walking out to the main pool, a dry breeze blew across the desert easing the heat beating against my face. The thin cover-up I’d slid over my shoulders billowed out behind me, and my red bikini glinted beneath it. The pool was enormous, and it seemed most of the conferees had decided to blow off their last day. I wasn’t sure I’d find him, and for the first time, I regretted not having my mobile phone. Although, he didn’t have the number even if I did.

I paused, scanning every face, when I felt a warm presence behind me.

“Looking for me?” His deep voice caused my eyes to close automatically in delight.