One Voice 02 - Here Without You (13 page)

Z
ANDER
Z
ANE
’
S
One Voice Blog Spot—by invite only

Your host, Zander Z

Got ten new people, maybe even twelve, at the Student Involvement Day rally. Most of them were dudes, but we got maybe three more girls too. So I’m super pumped. And we had a decent-size crowd at the table for most of the day and right into the night.

Britta’s stellar cookies didn’t hurt our cause. Some kids took One Voice’s club information home with them and said they were gonna think about whether or not to join, so we may even get more members over the next few weeks.

I stuck around the One Voice table all day and right up until nine at night when we shut it down. I only took a quick break to take a piss in the Porta Pottis down by the library, right after lunch. Casey stayed for most of the day too. But in the early afternoon, he said he had to go and hit the books. Everybody who’d signed up to contribute in the club meetings came at the right time and brought what they’d promised. So it was all good.

And only one thing was missing. Nate DeMarco.

I can’t think too hard about that right now. The subject gets me down, and I still gotta write up a positive article for the school newspaper saying what an extraordinary success One Voice’s participation in Student Involvement Day was for our club.

But this whole situation that Casey, Nate, and I are caught in just isn’t fair. In fact, it really bites. But it’s Wednesday, and if everything goes according to plan, our partner will be here in two nights. Hope like hell everything goes according to plan.

I know I may seem like the strong one, the level-headed one, but I need them—
both
of them.

13

N
ATE
’
S
D
IARY

COLUMBUS DAY WEEKEND

October 7

I’
M
SO
fuckin’ psyched. Cindy’s got a friend who said she could come and stay Friday after school ’til friggin’ Monday, seein’ as it’s a long holiday weekend and all. So right after work, I’m gonna make sure Cindy’s packed, take her to Mickey D’s for a burger, and then bring her over to her friend, Madison’s, house. And I’m gonna fill her pockets with cash. There’s this fair up north in NH that Madison’s dad is gonna take ’em to. I want her to have an awesome time. Cuz I know I’ll be havin’ a fuckin’ awesome time with my guys.

I been doin’ a lot of thinkin’ cuz I promised my guys I would. And I came to the conclusion that maybe I oughtta talk to my Aunt Terri sooner rather than later, and see if she can take Cindy in for the rest of her time in high school. Cindy seems to be okay with Aunt Terri, and she likes Jana good enough. Plus, I’d be only fifteen minutes away from her if I lived near Boston City College with Casey and Zander.

I ain’t plannin’ on mentionin’ nothin’ to Cindy ’til I check it out with Aunt Terri. Then I’ll have to prepare myself for the predictable explosion. Not sure if Cindy’s gonna be too thrilled with uprootin’ herself from her school and friends and shit. So far, I been the only one who’s got beaten on. Probably she thinks it ain’t never gonna happen to her. But I’m pretty damn sure it’s gonna eventually be her turn for a beatin’ if we stick around here with Uncle Rich, and cuz of that I think I’ll be able to get her to see reason if I try hard enough.

Gonna tell Casey and Zander all about my plan this weekend. Them two are gonna be totally psyched.

I get to spend a weekend in seventh fuckin’ heaven, and I can’t wait ’til tomorrow.

C
ASEY
’
S
REAL
LIFE

W
HEN
N
ATE
arrived Friday night, I didn’t hold back. I basically attacked the man.

After I finally released him from my grasp—yes, I eventually had to let go of him with both my arms
and
my legs—he was grinning, and his eyes were sparkling with what might have been happy tears.

“I missed you,” I said when I stepped back to look at him, but I couldn’t stop myself from scanning his face, looking for evidence of new and old bruises. And unfortunately he wore evidence of both, a puffy lip and scattered yellowing marks.

Nate bent down and kissed me thoroughly. “I missed ya too, babe.”

Zander, as usual, waited patiently through our long kiss. Or
two kisses
, since I very well may have grasped Nate around the neck and pulled him down for one more smooch. And then I tugged on Nate’s hand, drew him to the grass near the parking lot where Zander stood, and pushed them together. “Hug and kiss, you guys.”

I loved watching them greet each other. I knew they missed each other as much as I missed Nate, but they were more reserved than I was. For a couple of seconds, they just stood and stared at each other. I would call it “drinking each other in with their eyes,” but I wouldn’t say that out loud because they would both roll their eyes and say it was too dramatic, even if it was true. Nate placed his hands on Zander’s hips and pulled him in so their chests were pressed together. Zander, who tried so hard to be our emotional rock, let himself be pulled in and rested his head on Nate’s shoulder. I observed quietly as Nate patted the middle of Zander’s back. And Zander just slumped against Nate and let Nate love him.

“Kiss. Go ahead, kiss each other,” I suggested breathlessly.

Very obediently, Nate tilted Zander’s face with his hand and softly touched his lips to Zander’s. When the kiss was over, Zander reached up to Nate’s swollen bottom lip and touched it with his thumb. I started to worry that Zander was going to say something about it and I knew the time was not yet right.

“Come on.” Suddenly I was impatient. “Let’s go back to our room.”

I wanted to be alone with them so badly that I started to run in the direction of the dormitory. Once they got Nate’s bag out of the truck, my boyfriends trotted behind me.

“I
WANT
you both so much.” There my voice went, again speaking without my permission. “Please take your clothes off now.”

Nate and Zander looked at each other and smiled. Then Nate winked at Zander. “What do ya say we get
our boy
into his birthday suit first, huh?”

And that was how all the fun got started. The two of them removed my clothes, piece by piece, until I stood before them naked—and shivering a little because we’d left the window open a crack to make the room feel fresh. “I put the fancy sheets back on the bed. Right after me and Zander pushed the beds together this afternoon.”

Nate winked, but it was directed at me this time. “Well, I guess it’s time we got you inside of there.”

He pulled back the sheets, and I slid to the very center of the bed, as I knew they expected. I watched as Nate and Zander pulled off their T-shirts. When their chests were bare, I couldn’t help but admire the masculinity of their forms.

Nate was bigger than Zander, more broad, muscle-bound, and bulky. He also had a fair amount of dark hair on his chest, which masked the healing bruises pretty well. And Zander’s smooth chest, his whole body really, was well-defined and toned—the body of a runner or a soccer player. They both sported some leftover color from their summer tans, and I think I was drooling before they even started unbuttoning their jeans.

I noticed that they didn’t watch each other the way I was watching them as they disrobed. They always acted more detached with one another. But I could still see them taking sneaky glances when they thought nobody was looking. It didn’t bother me that they behaved this way.
Reserved
was how they were with each other. I thought this selective shyness was about as sweet as could be.

Once they were naked, they slipped in on either side of me. I pointed out, “Zander, you didn’t get to make love to Nate when we were together the weekend before last.”

Zander gasped predictably, and Nate turned bright red, also predictably. “I made love to him,” he said defensively.

“You know what I mean, Zander.” The look on his face told me he knew precisely what I was talking about. And Nate knew too. Magenta blushes don’t lie. “You didn’t go
inside
his body.”

They both nodded and looked at me, as if for direction.

“I think that should be where we start.”

Again my boyfriends nodded.

“Well, good. I like it when we’re in agreement.” I reached my arms up and pulled them both in for a three-way kiss.

I could tell by the way they kissed, their lips tight and controlled, that Nate and Zander were nervous—much more so than they had been when we first made love a few weeks before. I set my mind to getting them in the best possible position to move past their anxiety. So I decided I was going to do something I’d been wanting to do for quite some time.

First I got up on my knees and backed out from my spot between them. “Lie right beside each other on your backs. And Nate, pull Zander toward you so his head is on your chest.”

My lovers looked up at me with wide eyes but didn’t move.

“Go ahead, you guys. Get moving.” I smiled at their blank expressions. Once they dutifully arranged themselves this way, though, I lifted Zander’s leg and draped it over Nate’s, locking them together. “This is how I want you guys to stay.” Then I bent down and pushed my face into the area between Nate’s legs and, a few seconds later, against Zander’s privates, which were in pretty close proximity to each other. I breathed him in. Then I went back to Nate and took him in my mouth. I stroked Zander with my hand while I loved Nate with my tongue and lips. I really had no clue what I was doing, so I just went with what I thought would feel good on me. After a couple of minutes, I switched and took Zander in my mouth.

Oral sex was clearly a new experience for Zander. He gasped when I took him between my lips and continued to breathe heavily as I explored him. Nate, it seemed, had a sudden urge to swallow each of Zander’s gasps. When I looked up at them, Nate had tilted Zander’s head up with his hand the way he had done in the parking lot and sealed his lips over Zander’s. The sight was so perfect that I paused to watch.

“I wanna make love to you, Nate.” Zander’s voice was gruff when Nate finally released his lips. “Can I get inside you?”

Nate nodded and asked simply, “How do ya want me?”

“All fours, okay?”

I sat up as they got into position, and then I leaned over and got the lubricant off the bedside table. Nate, so big, burly, and sometimes even wary, appeared supremely vulnerable. It was not a way I was accustomed to perceiving him. Zander tapped my arm to break me from my daze. He held out his hand, and I squirted lubricant on his fingers. He rubbed his fingers against mine to share the lubricant, and then we got Nate ready.

Nate was completely silent as we touched him so intimately. His breathing was very controlled, and I thought his whole body seemed rigid. So when Zander was slowly entering him, I knelt beside Nate and massaged his body—the arm that was nearest to me, his shoulders, even his thigh.

“Kiss me, Casey. Please.” It almost sounded like Nate was pleading with me—as if he needed an additional intimate connection with me while Zander made his way into his body.

So I lay flat, almost directly beneath Nate, and put my face where he could easily access it with his lips. Zander pressed time and again into Nate’s body, while Nate’s lips found mine and stayed there, unmoving. The inside of his bottom lip was swollen into a hard lump and cut on the right, and I knew that meant Rich had punched him very hard. Hard enough to make Nate bleed. I suddenly felt protective of him. I wanted to comfort him, to please him—to take him away from the pain of his life. I grabbed his penis with one hand and mine with the other. I stroked and stroked, keeping time to the sounds of Zander’s pleasure above us.

“Wanna come all together… like all at the same time,” Zander uttered from behind Nate. “And I’m getting close.”

Nate also seemed close to orgasm, as was I. “Can you wait just a few more seconds, Zander?” I managed to ask.

Zander grunted, and Nate didn’t utter a sound, as he was beyond speech—which was fine. Zander and I were in charge of his body, and I loved that he had given himself over to us completely.

And a few seconds later, I heard, “I’m gonna… g-gonna… now….” Zander did his best to warn us. “Come with m-me.”

And so we did. All three of us, as one being, released the love in our hearts and gave it to each other.

N
ATE
WAS
almost bashful after we made love… or after he took such a submissive position in lovemaking. Like Zander and in many ways me, Nate hadn’t been given many reasons to trust people. I understood that his ability to maintain a rough, scary image was the ace in his pocket. He relied on it when everything else failed him. It protected him and defended him. He hid behind it. Loving him as we had, and in particular, as Zander had, we had taken that away from him. We had made him soft, sweet, and vulnerable. He needed some time to adjust to this new Nate.

Luckily Zander also understood this and quickly made a plan for the night so Nate didn’t have to feel so openly awkward. We spent the evening at Quincy Market and ate dinner at Bangkok Express. Then we went to Boston Chipyard, where we indulged in the best cookies I ever tasted, with the exception of Britta’s chocolate chip snickerdoodles. After that, the three of us headed to the Museum of Science, where we saw a laser show set to rock music.

By the time we got to the laser show, Nate was back to his usual self—still quiet and reserved but less awkward. I wanted to put him between us so both of us could cuddle with him. But he wanted me in the middle, which was the position with which the guys seemed most comfortable, especially in public. During the laser show, I held their hands on my lap, and I made sure to push their hands together without mine between them every now and then. The night out together was a real date. It was fun, delicious, loud, shiny, and everything we needed as a throuple.