Operation Cowboy Daddy (7 page)

Still, she wanted Tony and that want filled her with both a wild exhilaration and a bitterness that she’d thought she’d left behind her.

“Are you all ready for the craft fair?” he asked.

“As ready as we can be. I’ve rented a truck to take everything to the fairgrounds around dawn on Friday morning and we’ll be open for business by nine thirty. You’re coming on Saturday?”

“Actually, I talked to Adam and got my work schedule shifted around so I could be there all day on Friday, Saturday and Sunday.” He smiled at her. “I figured maybe you could use a carnival barker and a babysitter while you and Halena work.”

“Thank you. That would be terrific and we could definitely use your help with Joey. Now, how about I make us some after-dinner coffee?”

“Sounds good.”

She stood and plopped Joey into his lap and then went into the kitchen. As she stood at the counter and waited for the coffee to brew, the sound of Tony talking and Joey’s gurgling responses filled her heart.

She hadn’t wanted to love the little boy, but it was impossible not to. She also hadn’t wanted to care about Tony, but he was also weaving a path into her heart that would make it difficult to forget him when he was gone.

And eventually he would be gone. Even though Mick Blake had yet to find out anything about Amy’s whereabouts, this current arrangement wouldn’t last forever, nor should it. Sooner or later Tony would have to figure out what his future with Joey was going to look like.

With coffee cups in each hand, she returned to the living room and set the cups on the coffee table. Tony continued to hold Joey as they drank their coffee and talked about the craft fair.

“We travel to Dallas in the spring for a big craft fair there and then do this one in the fall,” she explained.

“And doing those two fairs keeps you financially solid for the year?” he asked and then grimaced. “Not that it’s any of my business.”

“No, it’s okay, and yes, between the two craft shows and my internet business, we do just fine.” She looked at him curiously. “Have you ever thought about leaving the Holiday ranch and striking out on your own? Maybe working your own ranch?”

“Occasionally, the thought has crossed my mind, but I’m satisfied where I’m at. I enjoy the company of the other men and I don’t have the burden of responsibility that comes with owning a place. We all just hope Cassie doesn’t decide to sell the place.”

“You think that might be possible?”

“Definitely. She’s a New Yorker at heart and I know Raymond Humes has approached her a couple of times about buying the ranch.”

“Raymond Humes and his men are a disgrace to this town,” she replied.

He looked at her in surprise. “They’ve given you problems?”

“They say terrible things just beneath their breaths whenever I see them in town. They’re a bunch of racist, unintelligent pigs.” She flushed. “Sorry, just thinking about them gets me all riled up.”

“All of us on the Holiday ranch feel the same way about them,” he replied. “They’ve set fires on our property, taken down fences, and we even believe they’ve stolen cattle, but we can never find the evidence for Dillon to charge them with anything.”

They continued to talk until nine, when Joey started fussing for his fill-up bottle before his bedtime. Mary fixed the bottle and then Tony fed Joey.

When Joey was finished with the bottle, Mary took him from Tony. “I’m just going to change him and then put him down for the night. I’ll be right back.”

She left the room and went into her bedroom to change Joey’s diaper and put him in a pair of pajamas. When she was finished, she carried him into the spare room, where his playpen awaited him.

She placed him in the center of the pen and leaned down to stroke her finger down his baby cheek. “It’s time to say good-night, little man,” she said softly. “I hope your dreams are filled with sunshine and happiness.”

When she straightened and turned around, Tony stood in the doorway and his dark eyes were lit with a fierce hunger that weakened her knees and stole her breath.

Heaven help her but she wanted him. She walked to where he stood and without saying a word he took her into his arms and she didn’t protest.

As they kissed, she steered him down the hallway and into her bedroom. She was aware that this was wrong on a hundred different levels.

She knew she had to stay in complete control if this was going to happen. If she didn’t maintain control, then things would spiral into an ugly mess.

She also knew no matter what she would regret it. But none of these thoughts could override her desperate desire for him.

“Mary, Mary,” he murmured into her ear when the kiss ended. “I’m crazy with wanting you.” His warm breath caused a shiver of pleasure to shoot up her spine.

His mouth found hers again in a hot and hungry kiss that nearly stole all of her breath away. He held her tightly enough against his body that she could feel he was already fully aroused.

As he kissed her, they moved closer to the bed. Although her mind was hazy with need, it wasn’t so hazy that she didn’t know what she needed to do in order to keep her most intimate secrets safe.

He moved his hands up and down her back and it was only when he began to stroke her bare skin beneath her T-shirt that she dropped to her knees in front of him.

“Mary.” He groaned as she nimbly unfastened his belt and then his jeans. She pulled both his jeans and his boxers down to his knees and then stroked his hardness.

It would be easy to lose herself in the sensual haze that threatened to overtake her, but she couldn’t. She had to remain completely in control.

When she took him into her mouth, he tangled his hands into her hair and moaned with pleasure. The fire inside her only burned hotter.

She moved her lips up and down the velvet length of him and he grew harder with each of her movements. His harsh panting, coupled with her own quickened breathing, filled the room.

He grabbed her by the shoulders. “Mary, stop. I want to be inside you.”

She stared up at him. “And I want the same thing.” She got to her feet and then pulled off her underpants from beneath the skirt she wore and then lay back on the bed with the skirt bunched around her waist. “Quickly, Tony. I’m ready for you now.”

He kicked off his boots and stepped out of his jeans and boxers. With his eyes half-glazed he crawled onto the bed between her opened thighs. He slid into her and at the same time took her lips with a ravaging hunger.

When the kiss ended, he stared intently into her eyes and began to stroke in and out of her. Mary reached up and pulled the tie that contained his hair at the nape of his neck.

Silky strands spilled around him, making him appear wild and beautiful as he took possession of her.

Sensations of pleasure raced through her as he moved faster and faster against her...into her. Her hands moved back and forth across his muscled back, loving the feel of his warm skin.

This was what she’d wanted, what she’d needed. She’d wanted his body against hers. She’d wanted his hot and hungry kisses. She felt so beautiful when he gazed at her.

He suddenly stiffened and moaned as he reached his climax. He leaned down and captured her lips once again, this time in a soft kiss that moved her more than anything.

He braced himself on his elbows and gazed down at her, a small frown line appearing across his forehead. “You didn’t...”

“No, but it’s okay.”

He released a ragged breath. “This all happened so quickly. We didn’t even use protection.”

“There’s nothing to worry about. I—I can’t have children.” She wanted up and away from him now. She’d been a fool to allow this...to encourage it in any way.

She gave his chest a shove. “I need to go to the bathroom.”

He rolled off her and she jumped up and hurried into the adjoining bathroom, closing the door behind her.

“Stupid woman,” she whispered to her reflection in the mirror. By making love with Tony, she’d probably set up the expectation in him that this was the beginning of something. But she knew it was both the beginning and the end. All she had to do was make sure before he left here tonight that he understood that.

When she left the bathroom, Tony was no longer in the bedroom. She pulled her panties back on and left the room. She found him seated on the sofa and the warm smile he gave her nearly stole her breath away. Yes, he would definitely expect things now that she couldn’t give to him.

She sank down next to him and he immediately took her hand in his. She should jerk it away. She should tell him to take Joey and get out of her house, get out of her life. But she didn’t. She allowed the warmth of his hand to surround hers, knowing that after tonight everything would change.

“Mary, you said you can’t have children. What happened?” His somber expression and soft gaze invited her to share.

“When I was twenty-four, I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. I had to have a complete hysterectomy to save my life.” Thankfully, her voice didn’t betray any of the tumultuous emotions that filled her when she thought of that terrible time in her life.

His hand tightened around hers. “I’m so sorry.”

She shrugged and pulled her hand from his. “It was eight years ago and it feels like it happened in another life.” She paused a moment and then continued, “Tony, about what just happened—”

“Next time we go slow,” he interrupted, and his eyes once again filled with a hunger and a sweet promise. “Next time we take our time and I promise that you’ll leave the bed completely fulfilled.”

“Tony, there won’t be a next time,” Mary said and stood. “We just made a mistake and I’m not willing to make another one.”

He looked at her in surprise. “Why was it a mistake? We’re two adults who have an intense attraction to each other. We acted on that attraction tonight and there’s nothing to stop us from acting on it again.”

“I’m stopping it. Our relationship should remain social and not intimate, if nothing else but for the sake of Joey. Any continued intimacy will only complicate things between us. Besides, I’m just not interested in that kind of a relationship with you.”

She hated the darkness that crept into his eyes, the frown on his lips and the lines of concern across his forehead.

“Okay, Mary. Of course I’ll honor your wishes.” He got up from the sofa. “And now I guess I should go.”

“Yes, it’s getting late and I’m tired.” Relief shuddered through her as she walked him to the front door. It was done. She’d had him for a few minutes, and for those minutes had felt like a real woman, but now it was definitely done.

He turned to her and before she realized his intention he slowly trailed a finger down the side of her face, his gaze holding hers intently.

“Mary, whatever is between us is like a force of nature. I’m not sure either of us can control it.” He dropped his hand back to his side.

“I can,” she replied firmly.
She had to.
“We’ll see you tomorrow night.”

With a nod of agreement he left the house. She moved to the window, watched until his truck lights were swallowed by the dark of night and then went back into her bedroom.

A force of nature, yes, that was what had occurred tonight. It had been a hurricane that rained want, a tornado that had blown need and a volcano spewing white-hot flames of desire.

It could never happen again. Tonight she had controlled how things had unfolded between them. She had made sure that it was fast and frantic and without any foreplay, other than what she had done to him.

She couldn’t take a chance that she’d be in control the next time and so there would never be a next time. There was no question that her feelings for Tony were growing, but she had to resist them...and him.

Stepping out of her skirt, she remembered how warm, how wonderful he’d felt against her. It had been so many years ago that she’d been in any man’s arms. Tony’s kisses had been magic and she would have loved to kiss him forever.

She tossed her skirt to the floor and then pulled off her T-shirt and threw it aside as well. A faint tremble began in her legs as she drew in a deep breath and squeezed her eyes tightly closed.

Turn around. Open your eyes and look at yourself
, a little voice whispered in her head.
Remember how it was when you thought Rick loved you enough and then he turned away from you in revulsion.

He swore he was in love with you, but he couldn’t deal with the reality of your scars. Men don’t want damaged goods.

Slowly she turned around to face the mirror she hadn’t looked in for years. She still trembled when she opened her eyes and stared at the naked woman in the reflection.

Not a real woman, not with real breasts. They were the lumps that a plastic surgeon had put on her chest, lumps that were bisected with scars and without nipples.

They had no feeling, no sensations left for any kind of pleasure. They couldn’t nurse a child. They were just useless lumps to fill out a blouse in an attempt to look normal.

Rick had told her he loved her, but the first time they were going to be intimate when he saw her naked, he just couldn’t deal with it and he’d run. That had been two years ago and nothing had changed. Her body was still ugly enough that no man could ever love her.

She whirled around from her reflection as a sharp grief stabbed into her heart and squeezed her stomach. She grabbed her nightgown and yanked it on as tears burned hot at her eyes.

She turned off her bedroom light and crawled beneath the covers on her bed as the tears began to fall and she unleashed uncontrollable sobs.

Choctaw women were the givers of life. That was their place in the world, but Mary would never bear a child of her own. She would never have a husband or a family to love and support.

When she’d gotten ovarian cancer, she’d had no real choice. It was either have a hysterectomy or die and she’d chosen life. Because her mother and her mother’s sister had both died of breast cancer, Mary had the genetic testing done. The test had come back with bad news. She had the BRCA gene mutation and as a result she faced another life-and-death decision.