I collapse on him, throwing my arms on his shoulders, holding him tight. “It’s okay, it’s okay,” I murmur. “It’s not your fault, it’s okay.”
His blue eyes search deep into mine. “I don’t do it anymore. I swear it. Not in a very long time.”
I hug him tighter.
“Can I have my shirt?” he asks meekly. Aren hands it to him, I help him to his feet and he puts it back on.
Everyone is still crowded around him in a concerned silence.
“I’m fine, really,” he says, a weak smile on his face. “It’s history. I learned to get rid of the emotions in more productive ways years ago. Unfortunately, my scars will always reflect my past.”
Baron puts his hand on Nodin’s shoulder. “It’s alright, man. We all have our struggles. There’s no shame in that.”
Nodin nods.
“Overheating won’t be a problem again. You have nothing to hide anymore,” I say, looking straight into his eyes so he knows I mean it. I know it’ll be an adjustment for him, though. Hiding is all he’s ever known.
We head back to the village, Aren and I flanking Nodin protectively. I hear Mapiya giggling at something Aadam says. They get along quite well, being the youngest of the group. He’s taken sole ownership of the role of leading her, which I think is immensely sweet.
As we near the village, Baron and I drop to the back of the group. He takes my hand in his. I’m arcing and, just as a precaution, I hasten our pace until we are just steps behind Nodin. I begin to arc with him, too.
He seems fine. He’s worried about Ama, the yellow-eyed girl, knowing about his scars. I didn’t realize she meant that much to him. Maybe that’s because he’s fighting it, for fear he’d have to share that part of himself.
My brother reminds me of myself more than I’d like to admit. We’ve both been guilty of avoiding intimacy to keep part of us hidden.
I walk faster, pulling Baron with me, ahead of the group and away from Nodin’s thoughts. We enter the village and our energy throttles into high gear.
Keb is back.
Relief spreads through my muscles, relaxing them.
I see Keb standing with Ashon, and Ama waiting for Nodin. As we get closer, thoughts other than Baron’s invade my mind. I see myself from across the clearing and realize it’s Keb I’m sensing. She has something for me. Something Master Tran handed her in an envelope.
Something from Ben.
My throat tightens.
•◊
29
ץ
ASHES
K
eb doesn’t give me the envelope for several brutal hours. She waits until I’m alone, on my way back from the gross-hole-bathroom. She calls me over just outside her hut.
“This is for you. A message sent to the temple.”
I take it and ask what Master Tran did with the skull.
She smiles. “He gave it to a friend who leaves for Germany in the morning.”
I want to read Ben’s message in private, so I thank her for all she did and walk to my hut. I lean against the outside wall, open the envelope and read:
I think you may be in danger. I detected someone watching you. When I tracked him down, I found his property burned to the ground. The police say no bodies were found inside. I believe he’s on the run, possibly coming to you. Look at the address on the police report. I’m sorry you have to find out this way.
I turn the page and see it’s the police report. I don’t have to look at the address, recognizing the black and white photo.
Our old house. Joe’s house. Burned to the ground. All of it. Even my tree.
I crumble into a heap on the ground, moaning like a wounded animal, my sadness and confusion spilling out of me.
Joe was the man Ben sensed watching me. Baron and Ashon were right. He gave me the hematite skull so he’d be able to read me after Ben started blocking me.
How could I be so stupid? How could I be so fucking gullible?
The reality of how unsafe I’ve been all those years in his house hits me hard in the gut and I’m shaking.
Keb kneels beside me. “Child, what is the matter?”
“Get Nodin,” I croak. “Please, get Nodin.”
She returns with him and I hand the crumpled pages to Nodin. His face grimaces in anger as he reads.
Baron rushes up beside us and Nodin hands the pages to him. “Joe,” he says in explanation.
“I fucking knew it,” Baron says. He sits next to me on the ground and puts an arm around my shoulders, comforting me.
“The tree’s gone,” I say, looking up at Nodin with teary eyes.
His shoulders sag with the weight of my emotions.
“I don’t understand,” I say. “If his goal was to find us, why didn’t he just take us years ago, in Odessa? It would’ve been so easy.” I choke back a sob. “And why set the fire?”
“I don’t know why he burnt everything down. I don’t understand that either.” Nodin is pacing. “What if the Tabari were waiting? What if they were content knowing where we were, just waiting for a sign the Order had begun?”
“Why would they do that?” Baron asks.
“Think about it. If they captured us before that, they’d obviously be holding us against our will,” Nodin says. “And if they lost us to the Order, we’d have a chance to escape them and they’d have to find us all over again. But Joe is a mystic. He knew of your dream and your visions in the tree. He knew a rune summoning was imminent. So they watched. And they waited. And they plan to take us after the Order is carried out.”
A full-body shudder rattles me and Baron holds me tighter. I think of the tree of life charm and promise myself to flush it down the toilet when I get my hands on it back home.
If
I get back home. All those hours I spent with Joe. I trusted him. And it was all a filthy fucking ruse to spy on me. I want to vomit.
•◊•◊•
It’s been two days since I read the letter from Ben, but the shock and pain are in my bones, festering, burning, punishing me for being so blind.
We’ve been sleeping, eating, and practicing in an endless cycle, waiting for those first early hours of January seventh. It’s crucial we become intimately familiar with each other’s abilities and how they work. No glitches, no surprises.
Keb channels by sitting with her palms pressed to the ground on either side of her legs, although getting into position is all I’ve witnessed since we work simultaneously.
Nodin hasn’t overheated again, partially from dressing less like an Eskimo, partially from knowing what to expect and standing a safe distance from the energy. After supporting me at the tree, he stands with Mapiya, away from the heat, ready to ease her transition back to awareness.
Aadam calculated Sirius will be in line with the Alta Stones at exactly two in the morning, which means we only have tomorrow and the next day to prepare. By sunrise on the seventh, our job will be done.
I lie in the hut wide awake after a full day’s practice. Mapiya and Baron sleep, so exhausted they have both collapsed fully clothed. I want to collapse and sleep too.
Instead I think of our mother, who sacrificed her life protecting Ashon, and ultimately us. I think of the tremendous burden Nodin carried while protecting me from knowing what I am, all the while grappling with his own crippling struggles. I think about how naïve I was for trusting Joe, and how much danger I’ve put us in as a result.
I led the Tabari straight to Africa.
Anguish swirls in my gut like a virus, a sickness I need to purge before I can heal.
I sit up quietly so I don’t wake Mapiya, and jostle Baron’s chest. His eyes bolt open.
“What’s wrong?” he asks.
“Nothing,” I whisper. “Come outside with me. I need to talk.”
He follows me out. I take his hand and lead him away from the huts, toward the trees. When we get somewhere secluded, I turn and look at him, his face softly lit by the moon. My lips tremble as I fight a total breakdown. His body is warm and solid and I need that. I need something to lean on.
Baron holds me tight, whispering reassuring words in my ear. The hug is comforting, but I need more, and at this moment the consequences no longer matter. In fact, I welcome them.
I dare them.
I want the energy to bash me. I want to be punished.
My mouth finds the warmth of his skin, the salted-caramel taste of him an elixir. I kiss along his collar bone to the hollow of his neck.
“Devi,” he says. It’s both a warning and a plea.
“Shut up.” I pull his mouth to mine and then I’m lost, tumbling weightlessly with the intensity of our kiss.
We’re breathless, our energy throbbing in our veins. I run my hands under his shirt and trace a red ray slowly down to his navel. I hook a finger in his waistband and tug him to me, our lips a millimeter apart, and undo the button of his jeans.
He grasps my wrists. His green eyes smolder, but he shakes his head no.
“Please,” I whisper. “Right now. Don’t stop no matter what.” I twist from his grasp and tug at his zipper.
He closes his eyes and grabs my hands again, holding them to my sides firmly.
“We can’t risk this three days away,” he whispers, his body rigid, caging his undoing.
“We’ll stop if we need to,” I say, pressing against him.
“Last time we tried that, you got a cannonball to the chest,” he says. “Is that what you want? A repeat of that?”
“Yes,” I whisper.
I deserve it.
“Devi.” He pulls my arms around his waist. “I know what you’re doing and this isn’t the answer.”
My body goes lax in defeat.
“What’s going on with you? What’s wrong?” he says, and then the floodgates open.
“I haven’t even tried to bond with my father, but I do love him, so much, and I’m not cold or unfeeling,” I sob. “I feel so damn much but I don’t know how to show it, and I’m pissed I trusted Joe and he’s after us and it’s all my fault, and my tree is gone, I can’t seem to get ahold of myself, which makes me feel like a weak idiot, and—”
Baron cups my chin, forcing me to look at him. “Don’t be ridiculous. No one blames you for anything. And you’ve known your father for a couple days, in the midst of incredibly stressful conditions. There’ll be time to get closer to him. You’re being way too hard on yourself. Besides, I don’t feel like you were ever cold with me. On the contrary, you’re quite warm.” He smiles a little and pulls me against him.
His words comfort. But excess guilt burns in my veins. I have one final confession. Something I’ve felt increasingly terrible about.
“That’s only because I knew for a fact I could trust you.” I hesitate, then let it out. “I arc every time we touch.”
He stills.
“I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you right away.” I try to meet his eyes, but he stares past me. “I was in a different place a few months ago. So much had been kept from me, I didn’t know who to trust. I didn’t want to look like a fool again. I was afraid if I told you, Ben could find out.” I place my hands on his shoulders. “I’d never do it again.”
“You know what I’m thinking now?” Baron asks.
I nod with renewed anxiety. “You’re surprised and hurt. You have every right to be.” I start to pull away, but he doesn’t let me.
“It’s okay.” He sighs. “I get it.”
“You forgive me?” I ask, but I already know the answer. He understands.
He trusts me.
Baron smiles his crooked smile and shakes his head, tucking my hair behind my ears. “Of course I do. Let’s get back,” he says, and buttons his jeans. “Besides, you’ve officially drained me of all my willpower for one night. And no, that’s not a challenge.”
We walk back to the hut. I’m overwhelmed with exhaustion and relief, and collapse on my pallet with my hand curled in Baron’s. Sleep comes easily this time.
•◊
30
ץ
JANUARY 5, 2011
I
awake, unsure for a moment of my surroundings. An arm tightens around me, and something scruffy nuzzles the back of my neck. Our temporary hut.
The ground is hard and cool but Baron is warm. I nudge closer.
Tomorrow, we leave well before sunrise for the Wonderboom Preserve two hours away. We need the extra time there to see what surroundings we’re dealing with, and Aadam needs the day to set up his measuring instruments so we will be exactly where we need to be at the precise moment. Master Tran will pick us up and take us to the front gates of the preserve. The rest is up to us.
I feel bad for Nodin because he has become quite attached to Ama, and now must leave her to do something incredibly dangerous. I watch them sit together while we eat breakfast. It warms me to my toes to see Nodin smile. The sight of the two of them together is a beautiful juxtaposition, like a human yin-yang, jet black and ivory white.
Baron arrives, fills his leaf with cassava and sits next to me. We look at each other in surprise.
“What the hell?” I wince. “Why is the reaction so strong?”
Energy is whipping around us, lashing me from left to right so hard it hurts. He rests his knee against mine and it calms a little. Baron calls Keb over and she notices the same thing. The hum between the three of us is downright throttling.
“Our abilities are getting stronger. Peaking,” she says, without an ounce of concern.
I’m envious she had a father to mentor her about the Order.
Baron leaves for the gross-hole-bathroom, and Aren strolls by with his leaf of cassava. As usual, he arrives later than the rest of us because of his morning yoga. He is soaked in sweat, and it occurs to me I’ve never seen his hair out of a bun.
“How long is your hair?” I ask.
He takes it down for me. Wavy hair with intermittent thin dreadlocks falls to the bottom of his shoulder blades.
“Cool,” I say and he twists it back up in a bun. I point to his dreads. “Do those things smell? I heard they smell.”
Aren laughs and shakes his head. “Do you want to sniff them and let me know? I mean, we’ve been out here for days with nothing but swims in the river. I imagine you smell, too.”
Giggles bubble out my chest and I shake my head.
He laughs also, then his smile fades and he studies me. “I feel different today,” he confesses. “Stronger. Like I could focus the energy of the sun all the way across the galaxy.” His gaze lowers. “I guess it’s time. Our abilities are heightening.”