Organize Your Mind, Organize Your Life (12 page)

Do more and harvest more from natural attention-producing activities

Expand your awareness and gratitude for these wonderful moments of flow described in the previous section. Make them even more special by ensuring that they are “clean” experiences, not polluted by frenzy. So close the door, turn off your cell phone and e-mail, and engage and enjoy the activity fully—and with a spirit of adventure, curiosity and discovery. Experiencing these natural attention-producing (or goal-directed) activities—the things that you love to do—in this kind of pure way will show you that there is nothing inherently wrong with your ability to be attentive and that your attention is optimal when the activity is interesting, engaging, uses your strengths and gives you energy and satisfaction.

Initiate moments of mindful attention

Now that you have connected with your many moments of peak attention—and the possibility of many more—start thinking about awakening from chronic frenzy and mindlessness and creating more moments of peak attention. Being present and mindful, enjoying the shower when you're in the shower, appreciating the aroma of freshly brewed coffee and basking in your child's innocent smile are all starting points.
Pay attention to the moment. Take a breath and notice where you are, how you feel, your surroundings, and just be. The skill isn't far from grasp—you had it in spades as a child, with a mind clear of years of clutter, thoughts, emotions and memories. Dig it out and try it on, like a new outfit, every day. Just
be
for a short while. Not do.

The more mindful you become, the easier it will be to initiate your attention and be in charge of your attention rather than allowing it to be out of control.

Explore and apply your strengths: unrealized opportunities for sustained attention

An important lesson from flow research is that we are more interested, engaged and energized when we are using our strengths, while engaging our weaknesses drains our energy, which makes it hard to sustain attention. Other research shows that fewer than one-third of adults have a good understanding of their strengths. So learn about your natural talents and strengths you've cultivated over time. Fortunately, as mentioned earlier, there are many assessments of strengths: VIA Survey of Character at www.viacharacter.org, Clifton StrengthsFinder at www.strengthsfinder.com or Strengths 2020 at www.strengths2020.com. Find a coach or buddy to help you think about your strengths and how you can use them more so that they are at your fingertips when you want to initiate your attention. When I recall that one of my strengths is persistence, it helps me reignite my attention when I am tired or drained. I'm good at persisting when it isn't easy—bring it on.

Convert moments and activities into flow experiences

You can make any moment or activity flow producing or attention sustaining by applying the ingredients that, as Csikszentmihalyi has taught us, can lead to flow.

First identify a goal-producing activity: “Tonight, I will find time to focus completely on my son's state of being…not to nag him about things he needs to do but to check in with him and see how he's doing.”

Set a goal for the activity: “I will give my son my undivided attention for ten minutes; I will make sure that I listen and resist the temptation to jump in and tell him what I think he should do. I will validate the positive things that he chooses to talk about and emphathize with the tough stuff. I will make him feel respected, loved and listened to.”

Look for signs of progress: “As we talk, I'll look to see that my son moves from beyond “yeah,” “okay,” “whatever,” and other typical monosyllabic responses to questions about how his day went, to complete sentences as he realizes that I am listening. I will look for him to smile, laugh, relax and hopefully hug me warmly at the end.”

Harvest the result: “I will thank my son for sharing his day's experiences with me; I will offer myself as a resource and sounding board for him anytime in the future. I will enjoy and appreciate the connection we have made during these ten minutes and feel good that it has strengthened our bond as parent and child.”

Recharge your brain

Our brain is like our muscles: when we use it too much, it gets tired and needs a rest. After intense periods of focused attention, no more than ninety minutes, take a brain break—take a few deep breaths or get out of your chair and change scenery. If you've been in front of the computer, some gentle stretching or a short walk will do wonders for your body, not to mention your brain.

Pay attention to small activities

Much of the above discussion has focused on longer activities because that's where we get traction and make forward progress in our lives,
building our families, friendships, careers and well-being. That's what builds our satisfaction with life over time, like a foundation of well-being to stand upon that grows with life experience.

Paying attention matters in the smaller moments in everyday life, too: driving to work, short conversations by phone, clearing a few e-mails, cooking a quick meal, folding laundry. Pay attention and appreciate how full small moments can be. Find the special in the ordinary. That “stop and smell the roses” advice we've always heard may sound trite, but there's truth there.

It's harder to be mindful when we're swimming in a soup of negative frenzy. Yet negative moments are part of being human and deserve our full attention. Don't distract yourself totally from the negative. It is often said that we learn more from our failures, disappointments or setbacks, provided that we are receptive to the lesson.

Here are some examples of how you can find the silver lining:

Learn how to handle distractions

While we can minimize distractions by closing the door, working in a quiet room and turning off the cell phone and computers, distractions will arrive despite our best efforts. First, listen to your needs: perhaps you are presently easily distracted because you're tired or overworked or you are not in a mindful place or the task before you has been badly designed to be boring or anxiety producing. Your susceptibility to distraction is a sign to pay attention to. What is it telling you?

Mindful attention works beautifully when a distraction arrives, knocking at your door demanding your attention. It allows you to make a conscious choice in the moment without creating frenzy—choosing to switch attention to something new or choosing to notice it and then tune it out. Getting control of one's choice of response is the real lesson here. You're in charge of your attention; you make the choice to follow the temptation of distraction. Get into the driver's seat.

The story about the television star's illicit romance pops up on the computer screen—do you really have to read that now?

You receive a call from your friend wanting to chat or the drop-in visit from a colleague who wants to gossip—can you politely tell them when they ask the perfunctory “Got a minute?” question that no you don't, but you would like to talk with them, and you'll get back in touch in a little while?

It's really not that hard to say “no” to distraction.

Train your mind

It may be that your brain has become wired into a state of frenzy and chronic distraction and, like a muscle group, needs some training to find the old wiring for your capacity to focus. Learning how to meditate is all about learning to pay attention to the present moment and may be one of the best investments you can make. Or coach yourself by setting goals for paying attention, and pair up with a buddy for accountability. How focused were you today? Rate yourself between 1 and 10. Focus on increasing your score slowly and surely over time.

Let your mind wander!

As Dr. Hammerness described in the first part of this chapter, attention is an innate, human ability to be tapped into and optimized. It's not like learning to walk but rather a skill that can be sharpened. Being attentive is critical to your becoming more organized, but let's not forget that there are times when it's good to be distracted, to let your mind wander. You can and should practice and work to become more attentive in many situations of your life—but not all. Make sure you do take time to turn off the switch once in a while. Enjoy the random thoughts and shiny objects.

D
EBORAH WAS FRIENDLY, CHEERFUL AND SELF-ASSURED
.
In her mid-thirties and the happily married mother of two children, she and her husband had a house in the suburbs of Boston, with a big backyard and a great home entertainment system. She was the class mom at her children's elementary school, she drove the kids to their soccer matches and music lessons and she tried to make healthy meals and keep the house warm and welcoming.

And to round out this picture of suburban bliss, Deborah and her family had a cute little terrier named Snickers.

What, I wondered, brought her into my office?

“I'm having trouble getting things done,” she explained, apologetically.

No need to apologize, I told her. And it seemed as if she was doing a pretty good job of raising a family based on the smiling wallet photos I'd just been shown. Even Snickers looked content. What exactly was going on?

Deborah calmly explained the problem she was having.

“I'm struggling to get the things done that I need to,” she said. “I start out planning to do A-B-C, and I never get past A.”

I asked her for an example.

“I've got a doozy,” she said, rolling her eyes. “Last weekend, we were going to clean out the garage.”

Alarm bells rang and red lights flashed in my mind. The garage! Uh-oh. I'm not sure why this is—although I am certain someone could probably earn a doctoral degree finding out—but I hear about the garage a lot in my line of work. Whenever I do, I know there's going to be a problem. People seem to go out to the garage and never come back—or at least not in the same frame of mind.

I listened, wondering what the insidious garage had done this time.

“We went out there to organize it,” Deborah said. “And we had tons of old toys and sporting equipment and some of my husband's tools and boxes. Let me tell you, there was a lot of junk out there.”

Sounds like most garages. Probably a good idea to get it sorted out. What happened?

“Well, let me just say I'm a person who likes to finish what I start,” Deborah said and then looked at me quizzically. “That's a good thing, isn't it?”

I nodded, hesitantly. “It can be….”

She went on. “So we started after lunch, I think it was about one o'clock. I said I'd work on it for an hour, and my husband was going to help.”

At 3:00 pm, Deborah was in the garage.

At 4:00 pm, Deborah was
still
in the garage.

At 5:00 pm, yup…you guessed it. In the garage.

Deborah ended up being out there for over four hours. She said she
had gotten caught up in the cleaning and organizing process—and just didn't stop. She looked through some of the stuff she was supposed to be throwing out: she began reading old letters, inspecting old clothes, perusing old books. Then she decided to pull apart some of the shelving that she'd noticed after rummaging through some boxes. She saw that the garage needed sweeping out. She climbed up to investigate what she thought was a squirrel's nest in the rafters.

“I'm a go-go type,” she said, as she recited the list of what she'd accomplished in the garage. “Once I get going, I can't stop, especially when I see something else that needs to be done.”

That's fine, but not when it means that a lot of other important things don't get done. Other appointments, other chores, other parental duties…all, she admitted, had been forgotten during her extended sojourn in the garage.

She even forgot to feed Snickers.

Had this happened once, or even once in awhile, it wouldn't have been an issue. But, Deborah acknowledged, this kind of thing was happening “all the time.”

And what exactly was the problem? Let's walk through our Rules of Order up to this point.

Rule 1:
Tame the frenzy.

Okay, here, Deborah seemed to be doing well. She was not emotionally distraught. Certainly she was annoyed and a bit frustrated by the fact that she couldn't seem to get from A to B, but in terms of her overall emotional state, she seemed quite stable and in control.

Rule 2:
Sustain focus.

Again, Deborah seemed to be doing well, meaning she could stay focused on one activity: organizing the garage.

Her problem involved our next “step.”

Rule 3:
Apply the brakes.

Applying the brakes means exercising “inhibitory control.” That has nothing to do with being inhibited, which in the common use of the word refers to a sense of repression, an inability to express feelings openly or behave spontaneously (as in, when a shy child is
inhibited
in the presence of a strict, disciplinarian teacher).

Inhibition, as we refer to it here, means an ability to restrain or regulate or control your attention. Those individuals who have difficulty doing this, who find it hard to stop some activity that is no longer effective or productive, just plow ahead without stopping to think (such as people with ADHD). It was telling that Deborah labeled herself a “go-go” person. One of the common cognitive tasks used by psychologists to study inhibitory control is called the “go/no-go” task, in which a subject is asked to respond to “go” signals and not to respond to “no-go” signals.

Deborah needed to exercise a little more “no-go” instead of just “go-go”—as do we all if we wish to become better organized in our lives, both at work and at home.

NOT INHIBITED BUT IN CONTROL

Your ability to apply the cognitive (or physical) brakes—to thoughtfully “inhibit” an action that may lead you down a rabbit hole of trouble and confusion—is a hallmark of an organized mind.

It's akin to the importance of a good set of brakes on a very expensive car. In Deborah's case, it would have been the ability to stop, think and walk away from a not-yet-totally-clean garage instead of attending to more pressing tasks. Inhibition allows us to be adaptable and to stop behaviors that are not needed and, in so doing, further supports our ability to stay organized and on top of our game in the face of a changing, evolving environment.

Researchers who study ADHD and cognitive problems consider inhibition as a self-regulatory act, critical in successful functioning. ADHD guru Dr. Russell Barkley has written that the inability to regulate oneself is an essential characteristic of the disorder. He elaborates on the ways that this can be seen in those with ADHD:

Even without ADHD, the inability to apply the cognitive or physical brakes can be seen in various aspects of our lives as well. Although Dr. Barkley is focusing on the behavior of children in that passage, adult examples of this lack of inhibitory control can be strikingly similar. Think about the guy at Dunkin Donuts who tries to cut to the front of the line in order to be served immediately, those who constantly interrupt conversations because what they have to say has to be addressed now, or the drivers who like to lean on the horn in traffic or who, rather than sit patiently at a light, will impulsively wheel their cars around and find an alternate route—one that may ultimately cost them more time than had they simply waited for the light to turn green—simply because they couldn't control the urge to keep moving.

Let's face it (and most of us have had to learn this from hard experience): sometimes the most important action is nonaction. Stand in line for a minute or two, and you'll get your hot cup of coffee and muffin anyway. Let other people finish their sentences, and they
might be more likely to listen to yours. Wait for the light to turn green, and you'll probably get home faster. Our ability to resist the competing demands of the world around us, to regulate our responses to them and to delay gratification—this is another key building block of success and of organization. Yet many of us keeping falling into the same trap. As Deborah's long afternoon in the garage demonstrates, even with a cool head and sustained focus we can be left with the most important tasks undone if we don't learn how to stay on task. It can feel puzzling, as it did to Deborah, given her clear ability to accomplish things. How can it be, that a person like her—or maybe like you—can be disorganized?

To find out, let's deconstruct inhibition—or “nonaction”—from a scientific perspective. As noted above, cognitive research suggests that several processes may be at work in effective inhibition. Keep in mind that our Rules of Order are like building blocks, laid one on top of another. One of the most important of these processes should be familiar from our last chapter: the ability to pay attention and handle distractions—that ability to block interference from irrelevant stimuli (remember the stimulus-driven attentional system we talked about in the last chapter?) in order to keep our goal-directed attention functioning well. Our ability to apply the brakes of our car begins with having brakes that are lubricated, balanced and ready to go. An effective pair of cognitive brakes keeps you prepared for distractions and ready to take them in stride. In so doing, your interference control system is primed and ready to be able to do two things:

• to inhibit what is considered an obvious or expected response to a stimulus
  
• to stop an ongoing response
  

These are two key aspects of good inhibitory control. Let's look at each a little more closely.

In the first situation, you are challenged by not reacting in a situation in which you might have reacted in the past, a situation in which it might seem quite reasonable to react. Maybe a friend calls on the phone. “Hi,” she says. “I'm stuck here at work, and I'm wondering if I could ask you a favor? Could you pick up my daughter from her soccer practice?” It seems reasonable to react with an automatic “yes” and grab your keys. But the organized mind pauses and thinks for a moment and then inhibits the instinctual “I'm on my way!” action and reminds your friend that today is an extended practice and she still has an hour to get there, thus saving you both a lot of time and stress. This is exactly the sort of “small” issue that can happen repeatedly throughout the day and week when inhibitory control is not working well. It can lead to wasted time, frustration and unnecessary stress. It can take a toll, like it has for Deborah.

In the second situation, you are again challenged, but this time you're in the midst of doing something. You are acting or moving, and you must come to an abrupt halt. Let's say you're at work, filing some important papers, when a new colleague comes in and ask one of those irritating but strikingly insightful questions, which often only come from a new set of objective eyes in the office. “Wow, you're still using a filing cabinet?” the newly minted college grad asks perkily. “That's, like, so 1999. I'm surprised you don't have a totally paperless office.”

The organized mind is quickly on top of this situation. Brakes are applied to a possible response questioning the age and maturity level of this colleague—or to snarky remarks to the effect of “Why don't you go listen to Lady Gaga and let the adults do the work?” Inhibited, as well, are defensive comments such as “This is way I've been doing it for years, and it's worked fine. So what's your problem?” No, the well-primed cognitive brakes bring that to a screeching stop. Instead, the organized mind remains calm, rational and focused and stops your
“so-1999” activity. You consider that the person has a very good point; this activity really is inefficient and is perhaps no longer the right approach for the office. Maybe it would indeed be a good idea to learn how to scan documents and make an ally in the process, so you suggest something mature and savvy like “You know, with my experience and your new eyes on the scene and tech know-how, we can make some real improvements here. Let's meet next week about how we can make some changes.”

Does some of this just sound like exercising good judgment—the admonitions to “bite your tongue,” “keep your eye on the ball” or the equally old adage to “look before you leap?” To some extent, yes. Those hoary words of wisdom instinctually recognized this complex process that modern neuroscience labels “inhibitory control” and also recognized the fact that there are lots of times in our lives when that kind of control must be exercised. But however you verbalize it, it's a real human phenomenon that is very relevant to how we live and function and organize ourselves on a daily basis.

How important? In a recent study by a well-known group of researchers in the Netherlands, including the eminent Joseph Sergeant, a series of cognitive tests were presented to adults with and without ADHD. The greatest difference between groups was seen in tasks reflecting inhibition; adults with ADHD performed worse. IQ didn't matter. Gender didn't matter. This study supports the idea of ADHD as a disorder of self-regulation. Considering again that our contention in this book is that we have much to learn about organization from people with ADHD—those who can struggle mightily with disorganization—the idea that inhibition may be
the
fundamental deficit in ADHD makes this an important process to consider in our pursuit to be organized.

However, the roots of inhibitory control are less understood. A recent study in
The American Journal of Psychiatry
by a Canadian research group found that poor inhibitory control in children can be
predicted by the abilities of their parents. At this point, we don't know the influence of genes or the environment on deficits in inhibitory control—is it genetic or can you “learn” poor organization from the environment and from people around you? It's an interesting question, and if those who seem to lack the well-lubricated cognitive brakes choose to blame it on their parents, go ahead. The truth is, regardless of the cause of your weakness in inhibitory control, it can be improved, as suggested by yet another recent study involving people with and without ADHD.