Origin (Eternal Sacrifice Saga Book 2) (23 page)

“I assume you intend on fighting for your family.” He set his hand on my shoulder.

“You know me so well.” I nudged his shoulder. “Where do I start?”

“I’m calling a Genesis meeting one week from today. The Eternal Guardians are being given a week to settle their affairs and return to Aravot indefinitely. In the meantime, we’ll continue to train you as well as formulate our initial plan.”

“Do you have a starting point at least?”

“You know me so well.” He smiled. “Where is Cade?”

“He went out for a walk. Said he needed to clear his head. Does he do that? He's never left like that.”

“When I ask.”

“Oh?” I stiffened. “Why do you need to speak to me alone? Is something going on?”

“Always.” Raz sighed. “I need you to be candid with me. Can you do that?”

“Of course. Why wouldn't I?” I narrowed my eyes. I had no clue why he would think I’d ever lie to him.

“I wanted to speak with you regarding what transpired before your rebirth.”

Uh oh.
I stared over his shoulder, the voice from my vision without a vision rang in my head.

I couldn’t tell Raz. Couldn’t tell anybody.

“Zoe?”

“Sorry. I don't remember anything before. Just random things. Why?”

Raz tilted his head. “Are you sure there isn't anything you need to tell me?”

My heartbeat sped up, and I tried my hand at another poker face. “Like what?”

“The prophecy.”

“The Evanescence thing?” I relaxed a little.

Fortunately, Raz was digging for information I didn’t have. And although there was something more that happened I was part of, I didn’t have any details. So technically, I wasn’t lying.

“Yes.” Raz clasped his hands together and got that
I’m reading your mind
look in his eyes.

“I swear I don't know a thing about that. Don't you think if I did and it could help, I would tell you?” I gripped tighter, feeling the knot return to my chest.

“I know before your incarnation, you and Gabrielle spent much time together, and I could no longer breach your mind. And I can never breach hers. So there’s a part of me that wonders if something happened that you’re not telling me.” He narrowed his eyes. “And if you do, and are keeping it from me…”

Gabrielle.

Should I talk to her? I wasn’t sure. Maybe she was the voice from my vision?

“I don't remember anything before I died.” I glared. “But if there was something that could help, and I could tell you, of course I would.”

“I apologize, Chayah.” He bowed, his expression flattened. “I mean no disrespect. I’m simply concerned all is not as it seems. That perhaps there is more to this than you or the Archangels are letting on. I feel we need you back one hundred percent, but either your memories are going to stand in the way, or you’re purposely withholding imperative information, and I don't know why.”

He was right. I had to reach my memories.

“Well I can assure you, I'm not withholding anything intentionally. And if something did happen I need to know about, I'll find out and let you know.”

“So you agree if you find anything, you will share with me?”

“Well—” I clicked my tongue. “I'm not sure how this Eternal Mother thing works yet, so I won't make any promise I can't keep. But if it's something you need to be part of, I to let you in on it.”

Raz gave a hint of a smile.

“You are returning, after all. I expected you to agree without question.”

I smirked. “Yeah, well I can't do that, Raz. Not anymore. I finally get it. All of it. This thing is important, and I can't take any chances messing it up. I'm all in, now.”

He nodded. “That is comforting to know.”

“So what made you think something was going on before I died?”

“A century or two before the rebirth, Zoe left on a mission. She disappeared for weeks, months at a time, working closely with Gabrielle.”

Yep, Gabrielle was the key. I’d have to find time to get away to talk to her.

“I do know Cade said Zoe—I mean me, Cade said I told him I was afraid this incarnation would be worse than the others, and he would never underestimate my visions again. Did I tell you or him about the visions?”

“No, nothing.”

“Huh.” I narrowed my eyes and blew out a breath. “Why would I do that? Why would any of the Elder Council even agree to that?”

“I don’t know. Which is why I’m asking. I’ve always been part of any missions, but neither Gabrielle nor Michael would tell me, and you were kept busy. So I was unable to find out anything, but it was clear something was going on, I just didn't know what.”

“Hmm. Okay, well I'll do some digging of my own, then. See what I can find out for myself, then if it's something I
can
share, I will.”

“Fair enough. Now we need to decide if this is something you want to share with Cade.”

“Why wouldn't I?” I asked, although deep down, I already knew the answer.

“In any other circumstance, I would never even suggest it. Cade is your Gemini. Your partner. He deserves to know everything, but if you kept it from him before, there had to have been an important reason why. And it would be wrong of me to interfere in something I know nothing about. So for that, I promise to keep this to myself. And by that, I mean not share with Sophie either.”

“Are you okay with that?”

“Sophie understands how the Council works, as well as my role within it. She is my Gemini, but the Council and Genesis come first. Your decisions must take precedent over her feelings. If it's something she needs to know, we’ll share it. Until then, this is between you and me.”

“Okay. So, what if Cade tries to read my mind?”

“I don't think that's going to be a problem.” Raz laughed.

“No?”

“Chayah, you've not remembered your own life. You’re blocking it out intentionally. Given that, there’s no way Cade can breach your thoughts. They’re protected for a reason.” He sighed. “Which is what concerns me more than anything. If even your mind is being protected from your own information, then that means it's bigger than you, me, or anything we’ve even believed possible.”

“Perfect.” I crossed my arms over my chest. “This thing was bad enough when we knew what we were in for. We need to figure out what's going on. Where do I start?”

“With Gabrielle. And meditation. Although I’m beginning to believe all the meditation in the world will not bring back your memories until you’re meant to have them.”

“So how do we get around this? What should I be doing in the mean time? Is digging up dirt or asking questions even going to make any difference?”

“Not likely. You're best to focus on finding Micah's Gemini while we train the Firstborns. Then deal with Lilith and Samael. One problem at a time.”

“One thing at a time.” I scoffed. “Find an invisible Gemini, no, make that
two
invisible Gemini and a Genesis who doesn't want to be found. How the hell am I going to do that?” I shook my head. “And I thought rescuing Cade was hard.”

“Well, it gets worse.”

“Doubtful.”

“I'm afraid so. Now that the Gemini Doctrine is void and the Eternal Doctrine has been enacted, everything is one hundred percent off the rails. What will happen now is anybody's guess.”

“So how does this prophecy play into it? I’ve been having visions of Cade getting… nevermind.”

“Zoe?”

“No, seriously. You told me to trust my instincts. Well, I can tell you this much. I had a feeling I needed to talk to Gabrielle, not you, so—I’m going with my gut. Sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“No apologies. I understand.” He nodded.

Wow.
No arguments? Maybe I could trust Raz.

“So what if I remembered things, but believed I shouldn’t tell anybody. Should I keep that to myself, too?”

He rubbed his jaw.

“Yes. Over the years, your instincts have been on point every time. You must trust them. Do as necessary, as your Origin deems to be the right course of action. I will follow your lead.”

“That makes me feel a little more confident.” I nodded. “So, Azriel. How much does he know? And what about this cross breed demon? What do we do about him?”

“We aren't sure. But it’s always best to assume they know everything, perhaps even more than us, and go from there. As far as the cross breed, we’re keeping tabs on him. It’s all we can do.”

“Is it?”

“What do you mean?”

“We take matters into our own hands. I mean, they did with me, kidnaping me. Moves and countermoves.” I glared. “I think it’s our move.”

Raz scrubbed his chin, grinning. “I like the way you think.”

“Yeah, well back in hell, I told Lilith if she took me on, I’d come back with a vengeance. I meant it.” I crossed my arms over my chest. “I promised her if I was going to play her game, I was playing to win. And she just stepped into my game.”

“What’s the plan?” Cade came up beside us, drawing me into his arms. “Did I give you enough time to sort things out?”

“Yes. Chayah does not recall anything, but has promised to tell me when she can,
if
she can.” Raz glanced over giving me a look I can only assume meant
play along.

“That seems fair,” Cade said. “And you've discussed a plan?”

“Nothing you don't already know. We can sit down and determine where to go from here, depending on what the Eternals know. The continental teams will brief me this evening, then we will meet with the Elder Council in the morning to determine our next move.”

“For tonight.” Raz paused. “Take this evening off.” The Angel pursed his lips. “Tomorrow, everything changes.”

~

“It’s not working, Cade.”

“Shh. Keep quiet. Focus.”

We laid in our bed, lights out, blinds closed, trying to simulate nighttime and hoping to Converge our souls the non-sexual way.

Nope. Definitely not working.

I was beginning to understand the whole sexual frustration thing, only lack of sex was the least of our problems.

Soul Convergence was a strange act and probably impossible to explain to a human. I was just now understanding the complexities and benefits of it.

Cade explained it well, though. Our souls were old. Tired. The only way to rejuvenate them was to merge and become whole, for however brief a moment the Convergence may might be.

I guess it’s like sleep for humans. A chance to shut it all off and just exist.

“Can’t we just fool around?” I blinked, fluttering my eyelashes.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Cade pursed his lips, pulling away.

Cade was keeping his distance like he did in Chicago. Like I was going to steal his virtue. To be honest, it was giving me a complex.

“Why?”

“Because I have little self control when it comes to you. Especially after twenty-one years apart.”

“Well, I personally don’t believe this whole Evanescence thing. The whole preggers deal.”

“Preggers?”

I laughed. At least I still could.

“Pregnant. Slang. I keep forgetting you’ve never spent time on earth like Zoe. I mean me.”

It was hard imagining myself as having been here before. And not as me, or who I think I am. Who I feel I am.

Raz was right, he just didn’t realize it yet. I wasn’t feeling like Zoe on purpose. I had to find out why. Conduct my own research, starting with Gabrielle.

I couldn’t talk to Cade, and it was kind of bothering me. I’d kept things from him for so long, and now that I wanted to share with him, I couldn’t.

Man, this sucked.

I was alone. Isolated.

“You’re not focusing, Zoe.”

“I can’t.” I sighed. “Too much to figure out.”

Cade opened his eyes. “I know what you need.” He tightened his grip around me, nudging my cheek onto his chest.

I sucked in his scent. Musky with a hint of something, I still couldn’t figure out what. I closed my eyes, feeling his steady pulse under my skin. My senses were heightened since I Eternalized. Everything was on hyper drive—touch, smell, hearing and sight.

“Better?” Cade asked.

“You have no idea.”

He let out a laugh.

“Or maybe you do.”

“I have been your Gemini for over five-thousand years, love. I know exactly what you need.”

“That’s still so weird. I guess it’s hard to hide anything from you, huh?”

“On any normal day, yes.” He ran his fingers through my hair. “But since your rebirth, everything is different. You are different.”

“Different, bad?” I tilted my head and stared at him. “Or just different?”

“Just different. Raz has right to be concerned.”

“Well, Zoe 2.0 is all I know.”

All this you’re not yourself stuff was wearing on me. Did they not like who I was?

“What’s wrong, love?”

I set my chin on his chest. “You want the truth?”

“Always.”

“Everyone keeps talking about who I used to be. And it’s making me feel like who I am isn’t good enough. How the hell can I compete with myself?”

Cade nudged my chin back to his chest.

“I’ll always protect you. Support you. Love you for whomever you are, no matter if you recall our lives together or not.” He lifted my chin, butterflies stirring in my belly, as his lips inched closer, softly brushing over mine.

“I’ll never get enough of your lips,” I whispered between kisses. “Or anything else.”

My hands skimmed over his ribs, down to his hips, settling there for a second, then moving down to feel the curve of his ass under my fingertips.

“Zoe.” He pulled back and shook his head. “We can’t.”

“You really believe this prophecy, don’t you?”

“I’m not sure what I believe, but I don’t want to risk it. Not with this.”

“I understand, but I need you. I need to Converge with you. We just got married. Well, kind of. Though now we have a real wedding to plan. Well, we did have.” I rolled my eyes, confusing even myself. “Geez, who the hell knows what’s going to happen.” I laid back and threw a pillow over my face.

“Chayah. You will have your wedding. One you’ve always dreamed of. I made you a promise, and I intend on keeping it.”

“Okay.” I tossed the pillow aside.

“Now rest.” He pulled me back to him and returned my cheek to his chest. “Stolen moments like this are going to be sparse after tonight. We must enjoy our time while we can.”