Our Chance (23 page)

There wasn’t one part of me that wasn’t ridiculous. I should just keep to myself, be a hermit, and then I couldn’t make stupid, mind screwing choices.

On the top of my to-do list today was the thing I should’ve done before: re-set boundaries. Being close to him was amazing but that had to be over now, and I only half felt sad about it. Some people never get even a second of what I had. Four days was incredible, especially since I was so sure I would be one of the never-get-it ones. I hungered for more but I was also grateful for what I’d had.

I walked into my office and reality smashed me in the face with a mallet. The Ogre was sitting on my desk with his arms folded over his chest. “We need a chat,” he said, scratching the stubble covering his double chin.

“Um, okay,” I replied, doing a mental inventory of all the things I’d done that this ‘chat’ could be about. There was nothing that he could have found out. Well, that I knew of. Occasionally I indulged in a little Internet shopping during work hours but I’d never failed to get my work done. “What’s up?”

“You’re having too many days off, Nell.”

“I haven’t been sick since I started.” What the hell was his problem? I put my bag on my desk and straightened my back defensively. “The only time I’ve had off has been booked as holiday and as far as I’m aware I’m entitled to take that.”

“We have an understanding here that we don’t take time off too close together. We’re constantly busy and it doesn’t help when an employee takes a few days off here and there every month.”

“Okay first, no one has ever told me that. Second, I don’t think you can dictate that unless it’s in my contract – which is isn’t. And third, why was my request signed off by management if you don’t allow someone to have blocks of holiday close together?”

His chubby face turned red. He hated knowing that I was right and he couldn’t say a thing. “You deliberately went to Harry to sign the request off because you knew I’d done the last one.”

“No, I didn’t. My friend set the date of their wedding, it was only five weeks away at the time, and you were away, so I asked Harry because I knew I wouldn’t see you until Monday.”

There was absolutely no way I was backing down. “Harry, come in here for a minute,” Ogre snapped. His voice boomed through the offices and everyone looked up from their desks. Great.

I had never felt like telling him to shove his job more. The weekend was perfect but I was still a little delicate over losing what I’d had with Damon. This made me want to scream, punch Ogre and Harry, and cry. In that order.

“What’s wrong?” Harry asked, folding his arms in the doorway.

“You signed Nell’s holiday form off?”

Harry blinked rapidly and then said, “I did. She never mentioned how long it’d been since the last time.”

“Why should I?” I snapped. “That ‘rule’ was never made clear to me.”

“Nell!” The Ogre bellowed. “Harry, that’s all.”

Oh bugger. Harry made a swift exit, happy that he’d covered his own arse even though I was the innocent party here.

“Yes, Reg?”

His fat face was red and dripping with sweat. “If you ever talk to a member of management like that again you’ll be out. Consider that your verbal warning.” Without another word or giving me a chance to defend myself, he walked out and slammed my door shut.

My heart raced in the worst way. His approach scared me and then what he had to say/shout plain pissed me off. How dare the bastard yell at me for sticking up for myself? What I’d said was right.

With shaking hands, I sat down. My ears rang and it took every ounce of self-control to stay. They wouldn’t push me out. As much as I wanted to, I wouldn’t leave without another job to go to. They could keep paying me.

I turned my computer on and waited for it to boot up. My phone rang just as the screen popped up. Thankful for the distraction, I rooted around until I felt it at the bottom of my bag

“Hi,” I said to Damon, trying to be cheerful when I was so close to tears.

“What’s wrong?” He asked.

“Nothing, why?”

“You sound…upset. Has something happened?”

All I’d said was ‘hi’ how could he know I was upset? “I’m fine, it’s just my boss.”

“Tell me.”

I explained the whole thing to Damon, careful not to talk too loudly in case anyone heard. It’d look great now if one of them came in and saw me chatting away on my phone. When I’d finished, Damon spent a full two minutes listing swearwords and telling me in three different ways how he was going to kill The Ogre.

I said, “Calm down!”

“Calm down? He had no right to talk to you like that even if you had done something wrong – which you hadn’t!”

“I know that and he knows that. It’s over now, really.”

“It’s not fucking over. He’s been a prick to you since you got there and he can’t get away with it.”

“Damon, I really don’t want to ever bring it up again. It’s finished and I want to move on. Things are pretty unbearable here as it is so I just want to keep my head down until I find something else.”

“You’ve got a job here,” he said.

“You know I haven’t. I’m going to go now and get something done before his coffee demands begin.”

“Lazy wanker,” he muttered.

“I’ll speak to you later, okay? Please let it go now, I don’t want to think about how he made me feel anymore.”

He practically growled down the phone. I bet he was pacing his office and rubbing his forehead. “Fine. I’ll pick you up at lunch,” he said and hung up.

We didn’t have any lunch plans but he was coming here. I made a mental note to leave a few minutes earlier so I could wait for him outside. There was no way I wanted him to come in when he was angry. Things here were shit and having Damon yelling at my boss would not make it better.

I put my mobile back in my handbag and opened Google. The very first thing I was going to do was search for another job. In The Ogre’s time. On his computer. Fuck him. Of course I knew I needed my job and should keep my head down like I’d just told Damon, but the anger simmering under the surface and the longing to be anywhere else told me it was a fabulous idea.

Twenty minutes later I had emailed five job possibilities to my personal email address to follow up with later.

By summer I
would
have a new job and finally be working my way to where I want to be. With the email sent I felt lighter. For too long I’d been standing still and getting on with it while I should have been making things happen for myself. Things were looking up and I was so positive that I didn’t even care when The Ogre started calling for coffee.

I was so engrossed in making Harry a spread sheet that I didn’t notice the time and Harry was knocking on my door. “Someone’s here for you,” he said.

“Oh,” I replied, grabbing my handbag in a fluster. I wasn’t prepared for Damon or his anger towards my boss and his shithead of a son. “I lost track of time.”

“Perhaps in future you could have your men meet you somewhere else,” he sneered.

Cheeky bastard. He made it sound like I met up with someone different every day.

“Who the fuck do you think you are?” Damon spat. I couldn’t see him yet but I sure as hell would soon. I leapt out of my seat and ran to the door just as he stopped in front of Harry.

Holding my arm to his chest, I tried to stop him getting closer to Harry. “Damon, it’s fine, let’s go.”

“It’s not fine, Nell.”

The Ogre came stomping over and I groaned inwardly. “What’s going on here?”

“I was just letting Nell know her friend had arrived,” Harry replied.

“You arse kissing little prick,” Damon said. “You know exactly what you said to her.”

“Now listen here,” Ogre said, “I don’t know who you are, nor do I care but I won’t have you coming in here and talking to my son like that.”

“You don’t seem to give a shit about how you and your son talk to Nell.”

“She’s an employee,” he said.

That was clearly not the right answer for Damon. Or me. I put my hand on his chest as he stepped forwards, tilting his head in a threatening manner. “You fucking what? You hired her so that gives you a right to treat her like shit, is that what you’re telling me?”

“I’m not telling you anything. I don’t need to justify anything to you or anyone else.”

Damon’s body tensed under my hand and any other time it would have turned me on. “It’s not about justification, it’s about not being a tosser. You treat her with the respect she deserves or I’ll be coming back.”

“Damon, please,” I whispered. I was so goddam pissed off with him for coming in here I wanted to kick and punch him.

“Are you threatening me?” Ogre asked, trying to straighten his back but the weight of his gut prevented him moving too much.

“Yes,” Damon replied, not missing a beat. “What the fuck else could I have meant by that?”

Sighing, I closed my eyes and fought the urge to cry for the second time. Crying made me feel like a helpless, scared child and I didn’t ever want to feel like that again. A dark cloud wrapped its way around me and I felt sick.
I’m okay, I’m not a kid anymore.

“Come on, Damon,” I snapped, pushing him towards the door.

I looked back and winced.

The Ogre’s face was bright red as he added, “Back by one, Nell.” As if I’d suddenly forgotten when my lunch break ended.

I didn’t reply or look back again as we left the building. “What the hell was that?” I yelled the second the door closed.

Sighing sharply through his teeth, he threw his hands up. “I’m not sorry, Nell. I wasn’t going to do that but the more I thought about it the more it pissed me off and then I heard what he said. He has no right to treat you that way.”

“I know he doesn’t but I can handle it. Damon, shit, I need this job.”

“No you don’t.”

“I can’t live off hopes and fucking dreams, can I?” I hissed, throwing my arms in the air.

He caught my hand and I felt him instantly calm down a fraction. “How many times do I have to tell you there’s a job where I work? Can working with me really be worse than what you put up with?”

“Of course not, Damon, but…”

“But what?”

“Things would get complicated if we worked together as well as slept together. You said yourself years ago that there were certain rules to making this work.”

He looked at me like I’d grown another head. We were both comfortable with being friends and hanging out but we didn’t want to cross the line by putting ourselves into positions we couldn’t easily get out of, like not sharing student accommodation when we went on to the same Uni and working in the same place.

“Yeah, back when we were sixteen and still feeling our way through the boundaries that worked for us. Things have changed, Nell. We’re older, more mature, and I’d like to think we’re capable of working for the same company without killing each other. Or whatever else you assume will happen.”

I
assumed
that being around him so much would make me need more than I already did and when that all blew up I’d be heartbroken and still have to see him every day.

Narrowing my eyes, I pulled my wrist free of his grip. “That’s not the only reason. I don’t want help to get wherever I go.”

“It’s not always a bad thing, Nell. You shouldn’t turn down great opportunities just because of some misplaced pride. You may hear about the job through me, I could recommend you, but at the end of the day getting the job and working your way up would be on your own merit. Jesus, why are you so fucking difficult?”

“Me?” I asked. “You’re the one changing things without talking it through.”

“Like what?”

Like making me fall in love with you, you bastard!
Instead of the whole truth I went with, “Duh, the work thing.”

He signed in frustration. “Fine. I think we should change the work rules.”

I narrowed my eyes. That wasn’t exactly what I had in mind. “Look, I’m getting hungry and I need to be back by one. Can we please go and argue over lunch?”

“Absolutely,” he replied, gesturing to his car.

Actually I had hoped he’d apologise for shouting at my boss and tell me he didn’t want to argue anymore. For the hour I got away from work I didn’t want to talk about it.

Damon drove us to a nice restaurant five minutes from my office and we were shown to a table. The place was just starting to get busy with the lunchtime rush but we’d managed to get there just in time.

Once we ordered it was time to continue our argument. “So,” he said. “Are you going to finish being a brat about me wanting to protect you?”

“I was not being a brat. Excuse me for not wanting the guy I fuck to threaten my boss.”

His eye twitched and shoulders stiffened. “And excuse me for giving a shit about you. Obviously I made a mistake.”

He pushed his chair out but before he could get up I reached across and grabbed his wrist. My heart leapt in the worst way. The fear and panic I felt at him leaving, killed me.

“No, don’t leave. Please. I’m sorry, okay. That came out badly. You know what I mean, though. This could cause more issues at work.”

Looking up, he closed his eyes and blew out a deep breath. I didn’t know which way this was going to go but I knew I hated the thought of him walking away from me right now. Finally, he lowered his head. “Maybe it will, but you can’t let them talk to you like that.”