Our Totally, Ridiculous, Made-Up Christmas Relationship (14 page)

“Can I tell you something without it being weird?” he asks, rubbing his hand against his jawline. What a perfect jawline it is.

“No. Please make it weird. I like weird. I
love
weird.” He crosses his arms and smirks, and I am almost certain that my heart has never loved the idea of making someone grin more in all its life. If I could, I would make it a daily routine to make those lips curve up in pleasure.

“I lust you, Jules. I lust
you
so hard
right now. It’s almost impossible for me to be around you and remember that this is all an act. I just, I haven’t felt…” His shoulders shrug up and he bites the bottom corner of his lip. “I haven’t felt anything in such a long time. I avoid my feelings like the plague. I sleep with random girls to forget about emotions, to get lost in the act of sex, to make those kinds of moments lose their true meaning. I haven’t made love in years, but after meeting you, I want you to know that I may consider it someday in the future. I may consider falling in love again, because I like the way I feel when I’m with you.

“I want you to know I appreciate the fact that I can talk to you about who I am and where I come from and not feel awkward about it. I appreciate that I can kiss you and not want to retreat after the kiss. I really appreciate how whenever I make you laugh I feel like a better man. I know this isn’t real or anything, and I know I may be suffering from actor’s syndrome where you fall in lust with your co-star. But dammit, if I had to be in a fake relationship with someone, I’m really fucking happy it’s with you.”

When he finishes speaking, I sit quietly and contemplate what he has just shared with me. The way each word replays in my mind makes me glow from the tip of my head to the bottom of my feet. “I lust you, too.” We stare at each other, and momentarily, I forget.

I forget about all of the past hurts. I forget about all of my insecurities when it comes to guys. I forget that right here, right now is all an act; and I allow myself to fall so deeply in lust with this stranger I feel I have known all my life. It feels so damn good to be forgetful.

“Hot cocoa?” he asks. I bite the bottom of my lip, and glance toward my cell phone, seeing that it’s almost five-thirty in the morning.

“Hot cocoa.”

Entering the kitchen to see our pancake mess still there is pretty nice.
It wasn’t a dream.
This is simply the weird, awkward, totally ridiculous life I’m currently living. Moving to the cabinet, I reach up to grab the mugs and feel two hands land on my waist.

“I don’t want hot cocoa,” Kayden whispers, his lips ever-so-slightly touching the edge of my ear. Twirling me around, I meet his stare. He brushes his finger against my chin and my insides churn in frenzy. His green eyes focus on me, and I cannot tear my gaze away from him even if I want to. He’s smirking with such a strong sense of knowing that I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else on this planet.

“Kayden…” I whine with pleasure as he brings his lips close to mine, millimeters apart, and our breaths comingle into one. His hands wrap around my waist, and he lifts me onto the top of the marble counter. Any minute now, Dad will be around to start his six a.m. coffee pot. Mom will wander down the steps of the isolated cabin soon after, wanting her peppermint tea, her chocolate croissants. “We can’t…” I whisper, pulling him closer to me, rejecting the very definition of my own words.

He doesn’t kiss me, but I want him to. I want him to kiss me in a way that makes real lovers cry out of mere jealousy. I want him to hold me the way he’s never held anyone before. My back arches my body toward him, pressing me against his chest, making our bodies become one.

I don’t know how we got here; I don’t even fully understand
why
he’s here in Wisconsin with me. Why did I even decide to hire an actor? Why did Stacey decide to sign Kayden that day? Call it a moment of weakness, call it a dark period in my life—or hell, call it fate. All I know is that within the past twenty-four hours Kayden Reece has interjected himself into my life and I am oh so glad he did.

He wraps his hand around my neck, pulling me closer as he separates my legs, stepping in between them. His lips brush across mine, and my eyes want to close, but he warns against it.

“Stay with me, Jules. I want to experience all of you. I want to smell your strawberry lip gloss. I want feel your smooth thighs. I want to get lost in those blue eyes, I want to hear all of your whispers, listen to your secrets, and I want to taste your lips against mine.” When he kisses me, he makes sure I’ll never forget it. I run my hands through his hair, light moans fighting to escape my covered mouth. His hands run up and down my back, holding me still against the countertop.

He kisses me as if we have been doing it all of our lives. He kisses me as if he wishes to do it until the day we die. He kisses me as if he’s so deeply in love with me and he fears that it will be the last kiss we will ever share.

And I kiss him back. Ohhh do I kiss him back… Wanting nothing more than his taste, his body, his words. I kiss him back, wishing to know how his mind works, why his heart beats. I kiss him back, knowing that, even if we say this thing between us is only an act, it’s far from the truth.

The steps from upstairs start to creak, giving us our first warning signals. He allows for our lips to find comfort against each other one last time before he pulls back and gives me a smile that melts me faster than the rising sun melts the fallen snow. He turns me into a complete pile of mush, and I’m absolutely, positivity crazy about the feeling of being his mush.

Creak. Creakkkk.

His eyes move to the mess we made with the pancakes and the batter from earlier. “You want me to clean this up?”

I shake my head as he helps me off the countertop. I smooth out my outfit and nudge him in the opposite direction of the footsteps, toward our bedroom. It’s fine if I’m caught in the kitchen, but being caught with my fake boyfriend would just be awkward for me.

One last kiss to my nose and he disappears.

Nothing about this moment is counterfeit. Nothing about our intense connection can be tagged as a lie. Kayden may be my made-up Christmas boyfriend, but he’s far from being just an act.

That’s when I hear “Stop it, Tim!” followed by a fit of giggles and the sound of people crashing into the hallway wall. “Get over here, sexy. Mama wants to taste you some more.”

My hands shield my wide-open mouth. Oh my gosh! That’s Grandma’s voice saying some really disgusting, disturbing things. I pause and then shift my body back and forth, trying my best to think what to do next, attempting to figure out how to not throw up at the thought of my grandmother tasting someone.

Oh my gosh.
Gross
!

Their stumbles get closer and I slide to the ground, hiding behind the kitchen island.

“That’s right, baby. Slap Mama’s booty.
Harder
!”

Involuntary gagging starts now. You ever have a fantastic dream and then it slowly creeps into a nightmare? And there’s no way whatsoever to wake the hell up? Story of my night.

Kayden re-enters the kitchen through the same door by which he had just exited, and sees me crouching on the floor. “Jules, what are you—”

“Shhh! Get down here!” I whisper in panic. If I have to listen to Grandma getting some, Kayden should be by my side suffering with me! He slides down to join me just in time to hear a deep male voice call my eighty-year-old grandmother his naughty Tinkerbell, and I swear to God I pee my pants a little. It’s like in those horror movies when the killer is right around the corner from you and you are so afraid that you tinkle just a little out of fear.

The footsteps are closer and I know they are inches away from us. I can feel the island shake when this mysterious Tim character pushes my grandma up against it.

“It looks like someone made us breakfast. Here, try this pancake,” Tim laughs.

“Ohh, get the syrup. Pour it on right here,” Grandma moans. Oh my gosh I swear Grandma just moaned and everything about making out, lust, and sex is officially ruined for me. And I never want to see another freaking pancake in my life.

“Who is that?!” Kayden whispers, and my head falls to the palms of my hands.

“Some random guy, and my grandma.”

When I look up at Kayden, his face is contorted in laughter, which he is trying his best to control. My fingers find his skin and pinch him hard as I send the look of death to him.

“Tim, why don’t you get some ice cubes?” Grandma coos. My eyes shift to the refrigerator sitting directly in front of Kayden and me. Kayden’s face mirrors my ‘oh shit’ face, and we edge closer to one another, curling into a tight ball, trying to make ourselves smaller. Maybe he won’t see us?

Creak. Creakkk.

This Tim guy is getting a lot closer, and I instantly hate him because he ruined the specialness of my early morning pancake date by feeling up my grandmother with pancake syrup. It isn’t until Tim’s back is to us that the knot in my stomach forms and I realize that this Tim guy is much, much younger than Grandma. He’s also shirtless, and I see syrup dripping down his neck.

Ewwww!

When he pulls out the ice tray and his body swivels around, it’s almost impossible for him to miss us. He looks down, our eyes lock, and I gasp along with Kayden. It’s not just some random Tim guy—it’s Tim. As in Tim Faulter from the television show
Goners
.

He doesn’t say anything, but a smirk is plastered on his face. He tips his invisible hat at us, and all I do is wish that I am invisible, too.

He moves away from us, toward his eighty-year-old girlfriend, and I hear her squeal at what I assume is the ice cubes finding her body.

Cue the return of the involuntary gagging.

“Okay, okay, okay! That’s enough!” Standing, I wave my hands around and around to stop whatever the freaky-freak is happening on the other side of the island. Grandma’s eyes find mine and she smiles so sweetly.

“Oh hey, baby!” she sings, as if she’s not aware that she just scarred me for life. “What are you doing up?”

“What?! Are you kidding me?! What are you doing here with
Tim Faulter
?!”

Tim has that same goofy grin that Grandma has on her face, as he extends his sticky hand toward me. “Oh, so you know my work? Nice to meet you. Joyce has been telling me some great things about you.”

Did he just call her Joyce?! Grandma doesn’t
have
a first name! And I’m definitely not touching his sticky fingers. The idea of where those fingers have been is quite disturbing to say the least.

“I thought you were going to be in the Alps for the holiday?”

“Why in the hell would I be in the Alps? I’m always at the cabin for the holiday. Your mommy dearest was throwing a big hissy fit about me bringing Tim along, saying it was supposed to be a family gathering, but I figured, what the hell? It’s my damn cabin, I’m a grown woman, and I can bring whomever I want into this place. Besides, she said you were bringing that Richard guy along, and no offense, but he’s not exactly family.”

Tim leans over the island and looks down to Kayden. “I’m assuming you’re Richard.”

Kayden slowly rises and looks as if he’s been caught by his parents doing very bad things. “Yeah.”

Grandma’s eyes send this weird wave of energy to Kayden, and she places her hands on her hips. “Who are you?”

He distributes his top-of-the-line smile her way and his long eyelashes blink once before those sexy eyes reappear. “I’m Richard.”

“No you’re not.”

I feel every hair on my body stand up straight at Grandma’s simple comment. “Yes he is.”

Her sassy attitude almost sends me away to my room in despair. “Julie Anne Stone, do you really want to stand in front of me right now and lie straight to my face?” My gaze falls to the ground and I feel her stern look staring me down. “Don’t make me ask again,” she warns.

“His name is Kayden,” I mutter, watching Tim eat our leftover pancakes.

“And how do we know Mr. Kayden?” Grandma uses her scolding voice and now I feel like I’ve been caught in a terrible act.

“He’s an actor from my agency.”

A short laugh is heard first, followed by a landslide of laughter that gives my grandma the hiccups. “You hired an actor to be your boyfriend?!” More hysterical laughter is heard as she bends over in a fit, as though I am the funniest clown in the room. Seriously though, it’s not that funny. “Oh my…Just when I think this family cannot become anymore dysfunctional.”

“How did you know it wasn’t Richard?” I ask.

“You texted me some weird picture of some nerd guy wearing a headset that said ‘I love my Richard.’”

Ohh, so Stacey really didn’t get my picture of Richard the other night. I owe her an apology.

Grandma walks over to me and kisses the top of my head, leaving me confused and afraid until she says, “I’ll keep your little white lie a secret, Granddaughter.” Her eyes travel to Kayden and there’s a soft grin on her face. “If you hurt her, I will cut off your penis.”

With that, she takes Tim’s hand and walks off, leaving me to witness the terrified expression her final comment has left on Kayden’s face.

Heck, if I were him, I’d be scared shitless, too. I’m kind of surprised Danny is still alive after what he did. Kayden doesn’t blink, and I chuckle at his fear. “We should get to bed for a few hours. Today’s going to be a long…long day.”

Before we can leave, Tim rushes back into the room, grabs the bottle of syrup, smirks, and tips his invisible hat again before disappearing.

Mother-flipping gross.