Out in the Country (11 page)

“Great,” Jason said. He fell in step beside her as they navigated the weary crowds thronging the train station. “Let’s just go back to your place. I just want to see you and talk to you.”

“Okay.” Outside Molly hailed a cab and they were soon speeding across town, the city streets no more than a blur of lights. Jason sat back, smiling ruefully. “I’m not used to all this city stuff.”

“It’s very different,” Molly agreed, and heard a certain brittleness in her voice. Jason glanced at her.

“How’s the teaching going? Is it still hard?”

“I think it will always be hard, but it’s getting better.”

“Good.” He was silent for a moment before saying a bit awkwardly, “I’m sorry if I wasn’t there for you, Molly. I should have realised that starting a new job would be difficult, and I got so wrapped up in my research--”

“I understand.” She still sounded brittle. “Nineteenth century farming laws will do that to you.” She’d met to sound joking but realised it had come out spiteful instead. “How is your thesis going?” she asked and Jason shrugged.

“The more research you do, the more you realise there is to do. I could spend years on it, if I really wanted to.”

Years. The word seemed to echo through her. When they’d graduated from university and planned their separate careers, they’d never talked about a future. Their future. They’d both been so excited about their individual opportunities, and now Molly could barely get her head around next week, much less next year. Yet it occurred to her as they sat in the darkened cab, that their future as a couple was more than uncertain if Jason planned to spend years in New Hampshire... and she? What did she plan to do? Stay at Cooper? Follow Jason?

Follow Mom?

“Not that I plan to spend years on it,” Jason added. He cleared his throat. “Actually, I’ve been thinking I could finish my thesis in eighteen months and then take a teaching job... maybe even in the city.”

“New York?” Molly stared at him in surprise, his face lit by the red wash of a traffic light as the cab waited for green. “But you’ve never been a city person.”

“No, but you are,” Jason said with a crooked smile. Molly was saved from answering by the cab pulling up to her building, and she dealt with paying while Jason got his bag from the back.

Once inside she busied herself making tea and opening a tin of soup even though Jason said he wasn’t hungry. She needed something to
do
, something to keep her mind from spinning. What was Jason saying? And why wasn’t she happier about it?

“You don’t seem so thrilled about that idea,” Jason finally said as he sat at the kitchen table with a bowl of tomato soup. Molly leaned against the counter, a cup of tea cradled in her hands.

“It’s not that,” she said quickly, gazing down at her tea. “It’s just I’m surprised. Can you be happy in the city?”

“I can be happy with you,” Jason replied. He lowered his spoon and looked at her with an endearing intentness that made Molly’s heart begin to drum. “Molly, I’ve realised these last few weeks just how much I miss you. I don’t want us leading separate lives in separate states. And I hope you don’t, either.”

“Of course I don’t,” Molly murmured.

“I didn’t want to say it like this--so quickly--but maybe it’s better this way.” Jason took a breath and Molly felt her heart lurch. “Molly, will you marry me?”

CHAPTER FIVE

Molly heard a buzzing in her ears, the relentless echo of Jason’s heartfelt question.
Will you marry me... marry me... marry me...

“Marry you?” she finally repeated, as if it needed clarification. She took a hasty sip of tea and burned her tongue.

“I see I’ve completely blindsided you,” Jason said, smiled crookedly, yet Molly could tell she’d hurt him. The only good answer to such a question was an absolute, heartfelt yes... and she realized with a stab of painful disappointment that she couldn’t give that to Jason. Not now, and maybe not ever.

“Blindsided is a bit strong,” she finally managed, turning to put the kettle back on. A second cup of tea was definitely needed. “But you’ve only just got here and we haven’t talked properly in weeks...” She turned back to Jason, taking a breath and managing a smile. “So yes, a marriage proposal is a bit of a surprise.”

“Right.” Jason stared down at his soup. “It’s just... I was hoping you’d missed me as much as I’ve missed you. And that maybe we were thinking in the same way...” He trailed off hopefully, and Molly felt a sudden, surprising spurt of anger.

“If you missed me so much, Jason, then I would have thought you could have visited sooner, or at least called. From here it hasn’t seemed like you’ve been missing me all that much.”

Colour stained Jason’s cheeks. “You know I’ve never been that good at phone calls,” he mumbled and Molly laughed, not a particularly pleasant sound.

“And so that excuses weeks of silence?” She sounded angry, Molly realised, like she wanted to pick a fight. And perhaps she did. She knew then she was more hurt by Jason’s lack of communication than she’d admitted even to herself, and somehow the sheer audacity of his proposal--heartfelt as it may be--after weeks of silence made her angrier.

“You weren’t exactly burning up the phone lines either,” Jason replied a bit resentfully. “What am I supposed to think?”

“I don’t want you to think anything,” Molly cried. She could hardly believe they were fighting--they never fought! They’d been the steadiest, strongest couple in college--except now they weren’t in college, and nothing felt particularly steady or strong. “I just want you to understand,” she said in a quieter voice. “Starting this job has been really difficult for me. It’s been a much bigger adjustment than I ever imagined, and to have you come visit and then pop the question less than an hour after you arrived... well, I can’t take it all in.” She took a breath and looked in Jason’s kind hazel eyes, now clouded with a sorrowful confusion. “I need some time. Time to just be with you, without any pressure.”

“I didn’t mean to pressure you,” Jason said. “I was hoping it would be quite the opposite.” He sounded tired and sad, and he pushed his half-eaten bowl of soup away. “I know your job has been difficult, and I thought this would give you some security--”

“Security?” Molly repeated disbelievingly. “I don’t need security. I need
support
--” Yet even as she uttered these words, a treacherous part of her wondered if Jason could even give her the kind of support she needed. He was a country boy, born and bred, and as Luke had said, he really had no idea what she was going through.

Luke
... was this really about Luke? Molly found her gaze moving uncomfortably away from Jason’s.
She didn’t want Luke intruding on this moment, especially when she couldn’t untangle her feelings for him, or know whether he even had any for her. Yet even that realisation shocked her, for it made her acknowledge there was a possibility she did have feelings for Luke. She turned back to Jason. He looked weary and disappointed and somehow it reminded her of all they’d shared together, all they’d had and perhaps could still have. “I love you, Jason,” she said, and knew she meant it. “But I can’t give you an answer tonight. I’m sorry.”

Jason shook his head, moving to embrace her in a gentle hug. After an awkward moment Molly found herself leaning against his shoulder gratefully, remembering how he felt and missing that comforting warmth. “I’m the one who should be sorry,” he said. “I’m a first-class idiot, springing something like this on you so suddenly. It’s just I was so happy to see you, and I don’t want to lose you, Molly. I love you.”

Molly closed her eyes and breathed in his woodsy, familiar smell. “You haven’t lost me,” she whispered.
Not yet
. Behind her the kettle began to whistle shrilly, and as she moved to take it off the heat she wondered if anything really had been resolved.

Lynne resisted the urge to press on her car horn as the hundreds of cars around her seemed to be doing. Eve at ten o’clock at night the traffic on FDR Drive was moving at a snail’s pace, and the voice on the radio droned on about accidents and closed lanes and forty-five minute delays.

She closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the seat. She didn’t miss this. Of course, no one missed New York City traffic, the endless snarl of cabs and discontented drivers. Yet as Lynne opened her eyes and took in the grey cityscape stretching in every direction, visible under a sickly yellow wash of street lights, she was surprised to realise how little she’d missed the city during her two weeks in Vermont. She missed Molly, of course, and Sarah and her other friends, but the hustle and bustle of the Big Apple--the urban energy she and Adam had thrived on for over twenty years--she didn’t miss at all.

“A penny for your thoughts,” Jess said, smiling whimsically. Lynne smiled back.

“I was just thinking about the city,” she admitted, “and how little I miss it.”

Jess nodded. “I haven’t missed Edinburgh very much either,” she said. “Any of it, really. I’ve been so taken up with our plans in Vermont...” She ducked her head almost shyly. “I mean, your plans--”

“Oh, Jess.” Lynne shook her head, covering her friend’s hand with her own for a brief moment. “They’re your plans too. This project is as much yours as it is mine.”

“Thank you,” Jess said after a moment, her eyes bright. She looked out the window at the stopped cars, the murky East River moving sluggishly by under a pall of moonlight. “I think the hotel in Perthshire was really Rob’s plan, now that I look back on it. I was excited about it, of course, but it was his idea. His dream.” She shook her head, biting her lip. “Sometimes I wonder if I was just a vehicle for making it happen. Miss Moneybags.”

“Surely he didn’t have to marry you for that,” Lynne replied, trying for a little levity. Jess gave a shrug.

“I cooked as well,” she said, her mouth crooking upwards in a cynical smile. “It was a good deal for him, until the money disappeared.”

“Well, I think the fact that neither of us has been missing the city shows we’re ready for a change,” Lynne said briskly. “And once this appeal goes through, we can head back to Vermont and really get started.”

“You do think it will go through?” Jess asked.

“You spoke to Mrs. MacCready. What do you think?”

“She’s a character,” Jess said with a sigh. “I honestly think it will depend on what sort of mood she’s in at the moment.”

“Let’s hope blood really is thicker than water,” Lynne replied with a grin. “After all, you MacCreadys need to stick together.”

The traffic began to move, and Lynne’s spirits lifted. Surely Agnes would relent. The last time she’d spoken to John, he’d been so confident. Just the memory of his warm smile and steady eyes made her anxiety lessen... even as her pulse rate kicked up a notch. Yet that little flutter of excitement wasn’t unwelcome... just a bit scary.

By the time they arrived back at the apartment, it was nearing eleven o’clock. Jess took herself off to bed, and feeling too wound up to sleep, Lynne switched on the kettle. She took in the rather disconsolate sight of a discarded meal: a single soup bowl and mug, and two tea bags lying damply in the sink. She felt a ripple of unease; Molly had told her Jason was visiting this weekend, and she would have expected them to go out for a meal or something equally celebratory. Perhaps they were still out, Lynne decided, only to have Molly appear in the kitchen doorway, alone.

“Hi, Mom. Good trip?”

Lynne took in her daughter’s pale face and weary expression and felt the ripple of unease turn into a full lurch of alarm. She walked over to give her a quick hug. “Hello, darling. It’s good to see you. Did Jason come for the weekend, then?”

“Yes. He’s gone to bed.” Molly spoke flatly, and after a brief hesitation Lynne decided not to press. “How are things with the house?”

“Moving slowly at the moment due to the trouble with these zoning laws,” she said. “But John told me they should be sorted out soon, and then we can really go ahead
with things.”
“John?” Molly repeated curiously, and to her dismay Lynne realised she was blushing.

“Yes, John Tyre. Dad’s old schoolfriend.”

“Right.” Molly tilted her head to one side, regarding Lynne with a knowing little half-smile before she nodded. “John,” she said again, and it almost sounded approving.

Lynne woke the next morning to the phone ringing. Sunlight streamed in from the windows overlooking Park Avenue, and to her amazement she saw it was nearing ten o’clock. She hadn’t slept so late in years.

She reached for the telephone and pulled the receiver towards her ear. “Hello?”

“Lynne? I’s John.”

Lynne sat up, adjusting a pillow behind her back and wondering why the sound of his voice, so warm and reassuring, made her toes curl and a ridiculously sappy smile spread across her face. “Hello,” she said again and she heard John chuckle.

“I hope I didn’t wake you.”

“Actually, you did,” Lynne confessed. “I can’t believe I slept so late.”

“The last few weeks have been exhausting,” John returned. “But I have some good news now.”

“You do?” Hope and excitement bubbled up within her and she found herself tightly clutching the telephone receiver.