Out of Breath (19 page)

‘Cole knows
Evan
,’ I admitted, staring out the window.

‘No. Way!’ she gasped. ‘Emma, this –’

‘Is going to be the worst summer of my life,’ I finished, thumping my head against the glass.

‘We don’t have to stay,’ Sara suggested. ‘Maybe we head back to Palo Alto when Cole goes back for the summer quarter in a couple of weeks.’

I sighed, disappointed that I might not have the quiet summer alone with Sara I’d hoped for. ‘Maybe.’

‘We’ll get through it,’ she assured me. I didn’t really believe her.

When we rolled to a stop on the landing strip at the small airport, the passengers started to stand and grab their bags. Sara and Emma were seated a few rows ahead of me, so they were off
the plane before I was. I adjusted my backpack on my shoulder as I walked across the pavement towards the canopied baggage claim. I breathed in the warm air. I’d missed California.

Sara’s hair was hard to miss. I caught sight of the girls just as I heard, ‘Hey, Emma.’ I stopped short, nearly making the guy behind me run right into me.

Emma approached him, and he leaned in to kiss her.

‘Oh, fuck.’ I stopped breathing for all of a minute, then eventually found the strength to keep moving towards the baggage area, unable to avoid them in the small space.

‘Evan?’ I looked over and Cole was eyeing me curiously. ‘I didn’t know you were coming back too.’

‘Hey, Cole,’ I responded, trying to keep my voice even and pleasant. ‘Yeah, I’m spending the summer at Nate’s.’ I looked from him to Emma, who wouldn’t meet my eyes, and said, ‘I didn’t realize you and Emma knew each other.’

Cole’s brows twitched, starting to put this entire scene together. ‘Yeah,’ he said, picking up her bag. ‘We do. Uh, you need a ride?’

‘What?!’ Emma blurted, her cheeks crimson.

‘He’s staying right down the street. So … do you need a ride?’

‘Sure,’ I responded, surprised by his nonchalant demeanour. I glanced at Sara and thought she was about to fall over.

Cole slipped his arm around Emma’s shoulder, and she jerked her head up in surprise.

This was about to be the worst summer of my life.

I
SLAMMED THE CAR DOOR AND YANKED
my bags from the back, practically knocking myself over. I stormed to the front door and turned the handle. It was locked. Of course it was locked! I tapped my foot impatiently and waited for Cole, who was taking his frickin’ time walking over from the car.

I stared at the door. I didn’t look at Cole, who had betrayed me
again
during the drive by inviting Evan over for burgers. I didn’t look at Evan, who accepted without hesitation. And I didn’t look at Sara, who couldn’t seem to keep her mouth from dropping open every time the guys spoke to each other, like they were great friends and couldn’t wait to catch up. I just stared at the door and waited for it to open.

When Cole
finally
unlocked it, I cut him off and rolled my suitcase into the spare room. Sara scooted after me.

‘Umm … are we sharing this room?’ she asked, examining the full-size bed and flipping her eyes back towards me in confusion.

‘Uh …’ I fumbled.

‘Emma.’ Cole poked his head into the room. ‘You can put your stuff in my room.’

My breathing faltered. I nodded and rolled my suitcase back into the open living room.

‘Want a beer?’ Cole asked Evan.

‘Sure,’ Evan responded casually, looking around, running his fingers along the puzzles on the bookshelf.

Unable to stand seeing him touch the boxes, I tucked my suitcase by the kitchen table and continued out onto the deck, turning a chair around to sit facing the water with my arms crossed.

‘Hey,’ Sara said cautiously, sliding the glass door closed behind her. ‘I’m sorry this … sucks.’

‘That’s an understatement,’ I said between clenched teeth. ‘Why is he here? Why couldn’t he have stayed away …’ I clamped my eyes closed. ‘This can’t be happening.’ My world was so far off balance, I could barely stand upright.

Sara leaned against the railing in front of me, sliding over so I could still stare at the waves rushing towards shore.

‘Why did you automatically go into the guest room with your things?’ she asked.

I looked up at her in surprise.

‘I, uh, that’s where I stayed before,’ I explained. ‘We don’t …
sleep
together. Sara, we’re not
dating
. You know that.’

‘Right.’ She nodded. ‘It didn’t look that way to me at the airport.’

I didn’t really even remember what had happened between Cole and me at the airport. I’d been way too
consumed by the awareness that Evan was somewhere behind me.

‘Maybe you should –’ Sara stopped. Her head jerked to attention.

‘I should what?’ I asked in confusion.

That’s when I heard, ‘So why weren’t you at the funeral?’ I practically choked.

‘She didn’t want me there,’ Cole explained, still remaining much more relaxed than seemed reasonable. ‘I wanted to be there, but I respected her wishes. So I stayed here.’

I nodded.

‘And I take it you were there?’ he asked, raising his eyebrows slightly.

‘I was,’ I answered. I hadn’t let Emma’s wishes keep
me
from attending.

‘And she was a mess,’ Cole concluded, like he expected as much.

‘That’s one way of putting it.’ I nodded carefully, wondering exactly where this conversation was headed.

‘They’re talking about me,’ I sputtered in disbelief. ‘Why are they talking about me? Don’t they know I can hear them?’

‘Shh.’ Sara hushed me, listening intently.

‘Is that why you came back with her?’ Cole asked Evan.

I couldn’t move. Every cell in my body anticipated Evan’s response.

‘I had plans to spend the summer here,’ I told him, evading the entire truth. ‘I just thought I’d come a little early, that’s all.’

‘Really?’ Cole returned sceptically. ‘Look, I know you have a history with Emma. I get it. She was a mess at the funeral, and you’re worried about her. It makes sense. And I also know you
didn’t realize I’d be here for her either. But I am, so you don’t need to be.’

I took a swig from the beer bottle and glanced out at Sara and Emma on the deck. I caught Sara’s eye, and she dropped her gaze quickly, appearing to be in conversation with Emma.

‘Shit,’ Sara muttered. ‘Evan just caught me listening.’

‘I can’t believe we
are
listening to this. I mean, this shouldn’t be happening. He shouldn’t be here. They should not be talking about me. Shit. Don’t they know I can hear them?’ I squeezed my fists, my pulse racing.

‘I’m not going to interfere,’ I said, turning towards Cole. ‘I just … was hoping to … get closure. Things didn’t exactly end well between us.’

‘I figured as much,’ Cole said with a shrug.

‘She told you?’ I looked at him curiously, wondering exactly how much Cole knew about Emma and her life in Weslyn. I couldn’t figure out how close they were; their body language was all over the place. But I hadn’t come here prepared for her to be involved with anyone.

‘Not exactly.’ He laughed lightly. ‘Let’s just say I figured it out.’ He paused. ‘So, does she want you here?’

I hesitated, knowing that I could make things difficult if I said the wrong thing.

‘I never asked her,’ I replied honestly. ‘We didn’t have an opportunity to
talk
when she was in Weslyn.’

‘Then maybe you should ask her,’ Cole advised, his forehead creasing in warning. ‘And if she doesn’t want you here, you need to leave her alone.’

‘Emma, where are you going?’ I heard Sara yell from the deck. I immediately headed towards the glass door.

‘Don’t they know I can hear them?!’ I screamed, stomping
down the stairs and practically tripping over the rocks in my haste to escape their conversation.

‘Emma!’

My feet pressed defiantly into the sand, leaving a dent in the firm surface with each forceful step.

‘Emma, wait!’

My heart beat frantically. I shook my head.

‘Please, Emma!’

I whipped around, the wind blowing my hair in my face. ‘Leave me alone, Evan!’

‘Come on, Emma. Please. Stop,’ he pleaded, jogging to catch up.

‘You’re not supposed to be here!’ I yelled at him, my eyes filling with tears.

I stopped. A tear escaped and rolled down her cheek. She was so tense, she was practically shaking.

‘I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I was coming,’ I said. ‘I should have.’

‘You should be back in Connecticut!’ she yelled at me. ‘You shouldn’t be here at all! Just go back! Just … go away.’ Her voice faltered as the strain of emotion broke through.

I closed my eyes. Her words were difficult to swallow.

‘I can’t,’ I said, my voice almost lost in the wind gusting off the water. ‘Not yet.’

‘You’re supposed to hate me!’ I couldn’t stop the tears from flowing or my body from shaking. ‘Why don’t you hate me, Evan?!’ My lip quivered.

He appeared … crushed by my explosive words. Evan’s chest caved slightly, and his eyes twitched in pain.
Hate you?
he mouthed.

I collapsed to the sand and stared at the ocean with my knees hugged to my chest, my face slick with tears.

‘Why would you ever think I could hate you?’ he asked so quietly I could barely hear him. Evan lowered himself beside me. I could feel him looking at me, but I couldn’t bring myself to face him.

She kept her teary eyes fixated on the water. ‘Emma, I could never hate you. I’ve told you that before, and it’s still true.’ Her expectation that I could made me feel like she’d just punched a hole through my chest. ‘But I need closure, so I can move on.’

Emma turned her head towards me. A tortured expression flashed across her face. ‘It’d be easier to hate me.’

I scanned her eyes, and the pain held within them cut me open. She looked away, knowing I’d seen too much. She had always been protective of her emotions, keeping them locked up. But her eyes always told the truth. My jaw clenched. She wasn’t who I hated. But I hadn’t exactly forgiven her for leaving me that night … with Jonathan.

‘Give me one reason why I should hate you,’ I asked her, not truly expecting an answer.

Her face became smooth and her eyes sharp when she said, ‘How was your birthday, Evan?’

His eyes flinched. I knew I had hit a nerve as I’d intended. He had to know. He had to understand why he should hate me. And I needed to remind him, as difficult as it was to watch his face flicker with the remembrance.

But I wasn’t expecting his expression to change and the cocky grin to emerge when he said, ‘It sucked actually. Yeah, you kinda ruined those for me.’

My brow knitted in confusion. Why wasn’t he angry?

Evan laughed with a shake of his head. ‘Well … you ruined chocolate for me too.’

‘Chocolate?’ He wasn’t reacting the way I expected. But then again, he never did.

‘The house, it smelled of chocolate that night,’ he reminded me. ‘So … I can’t eat chocolate.’

‘That sucks,’ I said, redirecting my gaze back to the water, wiping my wet cheeks with the palms of my hands.

‘You have no idea.’ His voice was sarcastic.

‘As much as you’d like me to hate you, I can’t. And I’m not here to ask for you back either.’

Emma’s shoulders tensed. I hadn’t expected this to bother her. Especially after she’d just begged for me to hate her. I thought she’d be relieved.

‘Will you let me
try
to forgive you?’ I asked her.

‘I think it’s easier to hate me,’ she stated firmly. ‘It’s easier than you think.’

She believed it. It reflected in the confidence in her voice. And that disturbed me.

‘Let’s make a deal,’ I offered, wanting the answers I came here to get.

Emma shook her head.

‘Wait, hear me out.’

‘Fine. Go ahead.’ She swiped her tear-streaked face, and looked to me with a sigh.

I grinned. ‘Nate and the guys arrive in two weeks. So let’s say you have two weeks to convince me to hate you.
But
you have to talk
to me. Answer my questions. All of them. Let me try to forgive you.’

‘All of them?’ I asked cautiously, my heart skipping a beat just considering the questions he could ask.

‘Yes,’ Evan confirmed. ‘And you have to tell me the
truth. In the end, I’ll either hate you, like you insist I should, or I’ll have the closure I came here for.’

I was quiet, looking into his eyes, questioning if he was truly serious. He held the slightest smirk on his face, challenging me, which only baffled me more.

‘Why is this so important to you?’ I asked.

‘Emma?’

I looked up with a start, not realizing I’d been staring into Evan’s eyes, waiting for him to say … whatever he was going to say. Cole’s approach broke me free from his gaze, and I took in a deep breath to rid myself of the shivers that trailed down my neck.

‘Everything okay?’ Cole asked, inspecting our faces.

‘Yeah,’ Evan answered for both of us, standing up and brushing the sand from his jeans. I offered a tight smile. Evan turned towards me. ‘So … I’ll see you tomorrow?’

I knew this was his way of asking if I agreed to his proposal. Even though I still didn’t understand why, I shrugged in agreement. ‘See you tomorrow.’

I watched him walk away till my attention was redirected abruptly by Cole, who sat down next to me, blocking my view.

‘Are you sure you’re okay?’ Cole asked, taking my hand in his. My back tensed at the gesture.

Walking away was more difficult than I’d imagined. And it sucked that I’d left her there with Cole. But she’d agreed to tell me the truth. I could finally find out what happened. Why she chose Jonathan. Why she trusted him when she couldn’t trust me. I bit back the anger I could feel rising at just the thought of him, wishing he’d never set foot in her life.

I was about to venture into the unknown. But that’s what life with Emma had always been. The truth might be more than I could handle, but I knew it would change everything.

I walked up the steps to the deck and slid the glass door open, stopping short. I hadn’t anticipated a room full of girls.

‘Where’s Emma?’ Sara asked, sitting on the chair across from me.

I thumbed back towards the beach, meeting one set of eyes after another.

‘Hi, I’m Serena,’ the girl with powder-white skin and dark-lined eyes said cheerily. She jumped up from the stool and offered me her hand. Her frail, thin hand got lost in mine as she stared up at me with a broad smile.

‘Nice to meet you,’ I said, still having no idea who she was.

‘These are Emma’s room-mates,’ Sara explained, reading my confused expression.

‘Oh,’ I said, still thrown. I’d always pictured Emma living by herself, for some reason.

‘I’m Meg.’ The girl with the curly auburn hair and cautious green eyes waved from the couch, clearly not as thrilled to see me as Serena.

The petite blonde just glared at me.

‘That’s Peyton.’ Serena leaned towards me. ‘She doesn’t like you very much.’

My mouth opened in shock at the honesty.

‘Shut up, Serena,’ Peyton snapped, obviously overhearing her.

‘O-kay,’ I said slowly, not exactly comfortable with the judging eyes. ‘I think I’m going to go now.’

‘I’ll drive you,’ Serena offered in a rush. ‘Peyton, give me your keys.’

Peyton rolled her eyes, but tossed the keys to Serena anyway.

‘I’ll see you later, Sara,’ I said, uncertain why I was a little
afraid to get in the car with Serena. Sara nodded. I picked up my things and followed the girl dressed all in black out the front door.

‘So you went to the funeral,’ Serena said, hopping in the red Mustang parked on the street. Her voice was upbeat and friendly, not at all reflective of the Goth persona I’d expected.

‘Yes, I did,’ I answered cautiously, very aware this was more than just a polite offer to drop me off.