Out of the Ashes (12 page)

“Because I miss you, and I want you to come back.” There, I said it.

There’s a long pause followed by banging.

“Logan?”

“Anton’s knocking on the door. He’s got to use the bathroom. I’ll talk to you soon.”

He hangs up without acknowledging what I said. Is it possible his imprint has faded already?

Chapter Fourteen

Logan

I don’t know what to make of Cara’s phone call. Does she really want me in her life? I’m not eager to go back there and get my heart stomped on again. Maybe Jeremy does love her in this life too, but he doesn’t remember her. I was convinced kissing her would bring back what she felt for me, and I was wrong. I tried to tell myself that being near her, showing her how much I care for her would somehow fix all this. Instead, here I am, trying to forget her like she forgot me. Only I can’t do that now that she admitted she misses me.

“Fuck!” I hold up the empty Corona bottle and debate throwing it at the TV. I pull myself together in time to remember I’m at Anton’s. Even though I’m sure his dad can afford to buy him a new TV, I don’t want to have his dad hate me or think I’m a raging alcoholic. I’m convinced he knows Anton drinks, but I’m sure he has no clue how much.

“Chill, man,” Anton says, opening another bottle. “We have plenty more.” He holds it out to me.

I get up and start pacing the room. “It’s not about beer, Anton.”

“Yeah. It’s about a certain girl who’s got you whipped.”

“She wants me to go back.” I stop pacing when I reach the window and look out at the view of Manhattan. There was a time I couldn’t even imagine leaving this place, but that was before Cara.

“Maybe you should.”

I whirl around and narrow my brow at Anton. “You’re not going to tell me to stop being such a pussy and get over this chick?”

He shrugs. “I suppose some girls really are worth the effort. Maybe Cara’s one of them.”

This doesn’t sound like Anton at all. “Am I so hard to live with that you’re trying to get rid of me?”

He takes a long sip of Corona before answering. “Well, you do mope around the apartment, and you totally ruined our double date, so I wouldn’t be heartbroken if you left.” He smirks, showing he’s only kidding.

“What if I go back and it’s more of the same shit?”

“Might be. I guess you won’t know if you don’t try.”

Am I willing to try?

“Look, man, if she’s forgotten you—”

“What?” I don’t remember ever telling him about Cara’s memory loss.

“She doesn’t remember you, right?”

“How did you—?”

“You get chatty when you’re drunk. Started blabbing about cinnamon and how hot Cara is. Literally, I mean.”

Shit. Maybe Garret was right. I
am
a liability to Cara and the rest of the Phoenixes.

“What else did I say?”

“That was pretty much it. Well, except for that guy Nick trying to hurt Cara. Whatever happened to him?” He takes another long drag of beer, his eyes never leaving mine.

I don’t know what to say about Nick. I can’t tell Anton that Cara killed Nick while she was burning. No way would Anton understand without me confessing about Phoenixes being real.

“It was all kind of crazy. There was a fire—”

“A fire? What kind of fire?”

“Um, I’m not really sure. It started before I got there. We were in a chem lab. Tons of flammable chemicals, so you know…” I shrug, trying to act casual. “I was too worried about getting Cara out of there to keep an eye on Nick. I guess he got out.”

“Or not,” Anton says. “Wouldn’t you know if he survived? I mean he lives in that backwoods town, doesn’t he?”

“Yeah, but after confessing to killing Henry Baker and then trying to kill Cara I’m sure he wouldn’t stick around.”

Anton heads for the kitchen. “What did Nick do to Cara? I mean, how did he try to kill her? Did he have a weapon?”

“He hit her over the head with something. Hence the memory loss. He cracked open her skull.”

“Was that before the fire?”

“What’s with all the questions?”

Anton opens the fridge. “Just curious, I guess. You never told me much about that night, and
I’m
the one who called 911 for you.”

That’s true. Of course if Anton hadn’t called 911, Garret might not have found Cara and me and I wouldn’t have been held hostage by the Phoenixes. Maybe I would’ve been able to reason with Cara before she went home and talked to her mom. Maybe she would’ve listened to me, and I’d be…No. I’m not going to play the “what if” game. Nothing good can come from it.

“I think I’m going to go for a run. Clear my head.”

Anton shuts the fridge even though he’s empty-handed. “You can’t run from your problems, Logan. I get that you’re a city boy at heart, and I like having my best friend back, but coming here was the wuss move. Things got tough and you bailed. That’s not the Logan Schmidt I know. I’ve seen you run toward things in the past, but never
from
things. This is crap, man, and you know it.”

“Tell me how you really feel.” I slump down on the couch again.

“What? You want me to hold your hand and tell you everything will be all right?” He marches over to the couch and yanks me to my feet. “It won’t. If you stay here, you
will
lose her. She’ll forget you for good. Or you can man up, grow a pair, and go after her. Decide which guy you want to be. The loser who never gets laid, or the guy who gets his girl back by showing her what she’s missing.”

“Did you just give me a pep talk?”

Anton bursts out laughing. “Call me Oprah.”

I clap him on the back. “You’ve got nothing on Oprah.”

Anton’s face turns serious again. “So what are you going to do?”

I let out a long breath. “Go for that run, right down to the train station to get a ticket back to Ashlan Falls.”

He clasps my hand and pulls me in for a one-armed hug. “Good to have the real Logan Schmidt back. Now go get her.”

***

The run to Penn Station takes longer than usual because I’m trying to soak up as much of New York City as possible. This has always been home to me, and I have to say good-bye for good. I have to make Cara see that we belong together. I jog past the hordes of people heading down to the train station, and go right to the ticket machines. I know what I’m doing, so I avoid the actual booths where countless tourists are asking billions of questions about how to take a train back home. As if it’s rocket science. I purchase my ticket and start back up the steps when I see Shannon, a girl I used to know.

“Logan?” She reaches for my arm and I stop. “I thought that was you. Damn, you look good. When did you get back?”

“I’m not really back. Just visiting, and I’m on my way home today.”

She pouts. “Bummer. I was hoping we’d have time to catch up.” She bats her eyelashes and leans into me.

I gently remove her hand from my arm. “Sorry.”

Shannon cocks her head. “Are you here visiting someone? Maybe a girl from our class?”

Of course she’d think I came back for a booty call. The old Logan would have.

“No. I was visiting Anton.”

“Oh, he’s back?”

“Did he go somewhere?”

“Yeah. He was gone for a few weeks. I kind of thought he went to see you.”

I shake my head. “No. I hadn’t seen him until a few days ago.”

“Doesn’t matter. Now that he’s back, tell him to give me a call.” She wiggles her fingers at me in a little wave and walks away.

I can’t say I’m surprised. I’ve met plenty of girls like her. Me, Anton—doesn’t matter much to her who she hooks up with. This definitely isn’t the life I want to go back to. Cara made me work to get her. Sure, I knew she was attracted to me from the start, but she never threw herself at me. Well, she did at the end, though I guess that was because she knew she was going to be reborn. Something inside me clicks. She knew she was going to forget me, yet she let herself love me anyway. I’m not sure how I feel about that. Did she know I’d end up like this? Not that she’s much better. I know she’s hurting too. Still, could I love her knowing it wouldn’t end well for either of us?

If I go back, that’s exactly what I’d be doing. I know there’s no future for us. At least not a long one as far as a Phoenix is concerned. I’ll die, and she’ll keep on living. She’ll be as jaded and bitter as her mother, and it would be because of me. Maybe going back isn’t the right thing to do. Maybe leaving her now is what’s best for the both of us. I hate to think Garret and Mrs. Tillman are right.

The run back to Anton’s doesn’t clear my head at all. I’m more confused than ever. My mind changes with each passing second.
Stay. Go. Stay. Go.
Ugh, it’s so damn hard to figure this out.

“What’s up with you, man?” Anton asks, clicking off the TV.

“I got my train ticket, but I’m not so sure about this anymore.” I tear off my running shirt and drape it over my shoulder then pull the train ticket from my shorts pocket and place it on the kitchen counter, staring at it like it holds the answer.

“Did she call you on your run or something?” Anton shifts on the couch so he’s facing me.

“No. I didn’t even bring my phone with me. It’s charging in your bedroom.”

“What happened then?”

I can’t tell him why I’m so confused. I’d be outing Cara. “She keeps changing her mind about me. How do I know it will be any different when I get back there?”

“You don’t.” He furrows his brow. “Didn’t we have this conversation already? I swear, you’re turning into a chick, man.”

“Thanks.” He’s right though. I’m so caught up in what this all means when really I should get my ass to Ashlan Falls and take my life back.

“Hey, I’m—”

I hold my hand up to stop him. “No, I mean it. Thanks. I’ve got to stop being a damn pussy and get back to Cara.”

I grab a Gatorade from the fridge and down half of it without stopping. “Oh, hey. I ran into Shannon.”

Anton scrunches his face like he’s trying to place the name.

“Leggy, brunette, nice rack.” I wait for him to connect the dots.

“Is she the one with the birthmark on her ass cheek?”

I shake my head. “Wouldn’t know. Anyway, she was asking for you. I guess she tried to hook up with you a little while ago. She said you were out of town. She thought you were visiting me, actually.”

“Huh?” Anton grabs the TV remote and turns on ESPN. Some beer ad with a half-naked woman fills the screen and captures his full attention.

I put my Gatorade on the counter next to my train ticket. “Did you go somewhere?”

“What?” He doesn’t even look away from the TV.

“I said, did you go somewhere? Visit a relative or something?”

Anton nods. “Yeah, I guess I forgot. You know what relatives are like. You repress the memory the second you get home.”

“Where’d you go? Upstate?”

“Nah, some rinky-dink town. I don’t even remember what it was called.” He waves it off and raises the volume on the TV.

He’s never been one to talk about his family. His dad is sort of the oddball because he’s rich. I didn’t even think Anton talked to his relatives.

“So when are you leaving, country boy?” he asks.

“As soon as I shower.”

“Keep me posted on how she’s doing, okay?”

“Sure.” I head to the bathroom and can’t help wondering why Anton gives a crap about a girl he never met and one he’ll never get in bed. It’s not like him at all, but maybe he’s just trying to be a good friend.

Chapter Fifteen

Cara

I dial Logan’s number but hang up before pressing send. If he wants to come back, he will. I can’t force him. I know it’s best for him to stay away from me, though I can’t help thinking he’s the key to remembering my past. He’s the key to fixing everything. Maybe I’ll end up like Mom and regret this decision one day, but what if I don’t? What if the Hunters catch up to me and I wasted the little time I have left pushing Logan and my former self away?

Jeremy knocks on my open door.

I pull my knees to my chest and pat the bed. “Come on in, Jer.” He’s up early, and I can’t help thinking that means something is wrong.

“Linette’s asking for you.”             

“Is she okay?”

She’s been getting around a little, but still needs so much help. I’m not sure she’ll ever fully recover from the attack, and being around her reminds me that the only reason she’s like this is because the Hunters screwed up when they came after me. They followed the wrong scent to the wrong house, and Linette paid for it.

Jeremy pats my knee. “She doesn’t blame you. No one does.”

“I do, and I know Garret does.”

“He’s panicking. He can’t find a way to destroy the dagger, and now it looks like there’s another one out there. There may be a dozen of them for all we know.”

“You’re not exactly making me feel better.” I squeeze my knees tighter.

“I’m just saying that Garret has a right to be freaked. We all do. But we’ll figure this out.”

“Were you always this level-headed?”

He laughs. “How should I know?”

Right. We’re both clueless about our pasts. “How are you being so calm about all this? I mean, the Hunters might know me by name, but you’re just as big a target. You have the same amount of lives left that I do.”

“We have something the Hunters don’t.”

I cock my head, waiting for him to continue and hoping he has some brilliant plan to get us all out of this in one piece.

“Firepower.” He holds up his hand. A tiny flame rises from his palm and then turns into a ball of fire. He closes his fingers around it, stifling the flame.

“Linette has firepower too,” I remind him, “and look what the Hunters did to her.”

“Yeah, but I’m going to be ready. I don’t trust anyone. I even interrogated Rachel.”

“Really?” My voice rises.

“Yeah. I wasn’t about to make out with a Hunter.”

Gross. I don’t want to think about my little brother making out with anyone. “Spare me the details, okay?”

He shrugs. “Whatever. I don’t think we have to worry about her, though.”

My mind replays my conversation with Rachel yesterday. “What do you know about Rob?”

“Not much. We haven’t interacted much since my rebirth. Why?”

“Rachel said Rob was in Bridgewater.”

Jeremy’s eyes widen. “At the time of the murders?”

“How many murders were there?”

“Before your rebirth, there were two murders in Bridgewater. One was a human and the other was a potential Phoenix. The Hunter screwed up and killed her before she went through her rebirth. We don’t think he got her essence or any years added on to his life because the girl wasn’t a full-fledged Phoenix yet.”

“Did I know about this? Before, I mean.” I thought Phoenix stuff was supposed to carry over. Why didn’t this?

“Yeah, you knew. We don’t know if it was Nick, and since you can’t remember what happened in the chem lab…”

My missing memories are screwing up so much for us. “So it could’ve been Nick, or it could be whoever’s still out there with another dagger.”

“Exactly.” Jeremy stands up. “You should go talk to Linette. Don’t keep her waiting. She sleeps a lot.”

That’s because her body is working so hard to heal itself, only it isn’t working.

“Okay, I’m just going to get dressed first.”

He walks out, closing my door behind him, and I head for my dresser. I pull on a pair of jean shorts and a black tank top. I’m still not ready to face Linette so I brush my hair and pull it up into a ponytail.

“You’re stalling,” Jeremy says from the other side of my door.

“I’m going.” I open the door and step into the hallway. Jeremy walks with me to Mom’s room where Linette is lying in bed. He gives me a gentle, much needed push through the doorway.

“Good morning, Linette,” I say in a voice barely above a whisper.

Linette turns her head toward me. “Cara, I’m glad you came. I wasn’t sure you would.”

“Of course.”

“Come sit.” Linette grimaces as she tries to scoot over on the bed.

“It’s okay. I can stand.” I take two steps into the room and look around. Mom has pictures all over the walls, all of Dad, whose face I only know from my memory book. I squeeze my eyes shut and try not to wonder what my bedroom walls will look like after Logan’s gone. Dead. Will I really become Mom?

“She loved him so much,” Linette says.

I open my eyes. “Were you always able to read my thoughts?”

She shakes her head so slightly I can’t be certain I didn’t imagine it. “I just know what I’d be thinking if I were you.”

I blink back the tears threatening to spill over. “So, Jeremy said you wanted to tell me something.”

“Yes. The day I was attacked, there were two Hunters.”

“Yes?”

“One seemed to know he had the wrong person.”

“Know how? I thought they were wearing ski masks.”

“He was facing me when the other hit me over the head. I saw him take a step back, like he was surprised. I could be wrong, but I think he might know what you look like.”

Wonderful. So Nick had sent my picture to his Hunter friends. That’s the only explanation. That or he’d told them enough about me to know that Linette was too old to be the right target.

“I wish I could remember the night Nick…died.” I can’t bring myself to say “the night I killed him.”

“I doubt he told you the names of any of the other Hunters. He wouldn’t have given up information like that, even if he did think he’d make it out of there alive and with your essence.”

Linette coughs, and I step toward her. “You shouldn’t be talking this much.” I reach for the glass of water on the nightstand and hold it to her lips. She takes it, and I let go. I don’t want her to think I’m babying her. If it were me in that bed—like it should be—I’d hate having people baby me.

“Don’t you go worrying about me. I’m going to be fine.”

“Let me know if you remember anything else, okay? And I guess I’ll do the same.”

She sets the glass back on the nightstand and looks at me for a moment before speaking. “Cara, don’t pressure yourself to recover memories you shouldn’t be able to recover.”

“Can I tell you something and it just stay between us?”

“Are you asking me to keep things from your mother?” She swallows hard, and I know all this talking is taking its toll on her.

“We’ve already talked about it, but I don’t think she wants me to dwell on the subject much. You know?”

Linette nods.

“It’s just that…” I clasp my hands in front of me to keep from fidgeting. “Being around Logan is sort of making me tap into the person I used to be.”

A quizzical look crosses her face. “How so?”

“He says I’m saying things I said to him in my first life. Don’t you think that could mean something? Like maybe the imprint is tapping into my memories somehow?”

She tries to sit up, then cringes. “Don’t put all your faith in that imprint. You’ll only end up hurting yourself if you do.”

“What if being around Logan does make me remember? I might be able to remember what happened that night with Nick. It could bring us closer to finding the Hunters that are coming for me. The ones that did this to you.” I force myself to look at her. “I have to try. I owe it to you to try.”

She reaches for me, and I step closer, giving her my hand. “You don’t owe me anything. We’re family, Cara, all of us. Maybe not by blood, but we’re still family. I’d die for any one of you.”

“So would I. Even though I might be the newest Phoenix in our group, that doesn’t mean I’m not every bit as committed to putting an end to this war as the rest of you are.”

“I know you are, honey. I don’t doubt it for a second. But the rest of us have a responsibility to you and Jeremy because you’re the youngest. We have to protect you above all others.” She swallows hard. “If I have to—”

“Don’t say it, Linette.”

She clenches her jaw for a second before saying, “If I die because of this injury, I’ll die happy, knowing I saved you from this fate.”

I crumple onto the bed next to her. I may not remember how close Linette and I used to be, but I can feel how much she loves me, and knowing she’s glad she’s the one in this bed and not me is too much for my heart to handle.

“Is everything okay in here?” Mom asks, stepping into the room.

I raise my head to her. “I can’t sit back and wait for the Hunters to find me, or worse, another one of you by mistake.” I stand up, gathering all the courage inside me. “You have to let me draw the Hunters out so the rest of you can kill them. It’s the only way.”

Mom moves toward me and grabs me by the shoulders. Her head lowers so we’re looking into each other’s eyes. “We don’t even know how many there are.”

“Linette was attacked by two. We outnumber them.”

Mom lowers her gaze, unable to look at me any longer. “Just because only two went after Linette doesn’t mean that’s all we’re up against. There could be any number of them.”

I can only think of one other solution, one other way to find out what Nick knew. “Someone else was there that night. Someone else might have heard Nick say something that could help us.”

Mom turns around again. “Logan is gone, Cara.”

“I called him yesterday. I told him I miss him. I think I might be able to convince him to come back.”

“You’d be putting him in danger. Nick knew about Logan. You two were very public with your relationship.” She glances briefly at Linette. “It’s possible the reason the Hunters went after Linette by mistake is because they knew she was connected to Logan. His scent mixed with hers could’ve fooled them.”

Logan’s scent? What, are Hunters like dogs or something? They can sniff people out? Phoenixes give off a strong cinnamon smell that we have to work so hard to cover up, but humans don’t have strong scents.

“Do Hunters have superhuman abilities or something?”

Mom spins her wedding band on her finger. “They are born having a bias toward Phoenixes, but they aren’t actually superhuman. They just grow up knowing what to look for and how to harm us. They’re trained for this. You can’t underestimate them. We’ve been doing that for too long, and because of it they’ve taken Henry Baker and they almost took Linette. We have to stop being so naïve and start being smart.”

I level her with a look. “You’re not though. You’re acting scared. For me. I get that you want to protect me. I’m your daughter. But I’m also our best weapon, Mom. They want
me
. And you’re overlooking that. You’re running scared when we need to be making a plan, one that centers on me. Until you realize that, you’re putting us all at risk.”