Out of the Ashes (11 page)

Chapter Thirteen

Cara

Logan’s been gone for four days, and I can’t honestly say I don’t miss him. I’m not sure what that means, though. I’ve been going through the motions, doing what I think I’m supposed to be doing, which is hard to know when I can’t remember anything about my life other than what’s happened since I was reborn.

“Cara, are you even paying attention?” Garret asks.

I sit up straighter on the couch. “Sorry, what?”

He throws his hands up in disgust. “This is great. We’re trying to figure out how to keep you safe, and you can’t even bother to pay attention.”

“Don’t start, Garret.” Mom places a hand on my shoulder. “I can’t blame her for tuning us out. We’re shouting more than discussing.”

“Can I go to my room? I really want to lie down for a while.”

“No!” Garret yells. “You’re one of us now, Cara. You can’t just go running off when things get tough. You’re the one who—”

Mom jumps to her feet. “Don’t you dare say she brought the Hunters to us. That’s crap, Garret, and you know it.”

“Nick was
her
friend,” Garret says, not backing down.

“Yeah,” Jeremy says, stepping in front of Garret. “And she took him out so he couldn’t get to the rest of us.”

“No, she took him out because he was a threat to her and her boyfriend.” Garret shakes his head and walks to the fireplace where he rests his hand on the mantel.

Was that true? Did I kill Nick because I was afraid he’d hurt Logan? If only I could remember. I could figure out if Rachel or Rob is a danger to us. I could fix Logan’s broken heart and bring him back here where he belongs. I could put an end to the misery we’ve all been in because of the Hunters.

“Garret’s not wrong,” I say. “All this comes back to me. We’re questioning my friends. I’m the one who put us all in danger, though I don’t remember doing it. Garret has every right to be pissed at me.” I look around the group. “You all do.”

“That’s enough.” Monique sits down next to me on the couch. “You didn’t tell anyone our secret. When you found out Nick knew about us you…stopped him.”

“You mean I
killed
him. I’m a killer.” I say the words slowly, letting them sink in. “I can’t figure out why everyone keeps sticking up for me when everything I know about my first life is leading me to believe I’m a terrible person.”

“Cara,” Mom says, but I put my hand up to stop her.

“No. Logan said I broke up with him. I broke his heart before I went through my rebirth, before I forgot him.”

“You were trying to protect him,” Mom says.

“Only I didn’t. I hurt him and got him wrapped up in all this instead. And now the Hunters know about me, and Linette is…” My gaze falls on Linette, who doesn’t look any better than she did the day Mom brought her home from the hospital. “Because of me. They were looking for
me
.” Tears spill down my cheeks, sizzling against my skin.

“Stop it,” Mom says. “I won’t have you blaming yourself for any of this. Nick had us all fooled. Every one of us. Including you, Garret. How many times did you bring him into the station to question him about Henry’s body? And you didn’t pick up on any clue that he was a Hunter?”

Garret’s jaw clenches, but he doesn’t try to defend himself.

Mom stands and the red streaks in her hair flicker like flames. “I let that boy into my house. He taught Jeremy to play the guitar. Monique served him at the café. None of us knew who he was. None of us questioned why his parents were never around. We are
all
equally to blame for what’s happened.”

“So what do we do now?” Linette asks, her voice weak with worry and pain.

“Hunters are naturally drawn to the presence of the Phoenix dagger,” Garret says. “Once they have it, the only thing on their minds is using it to kill us so they can live longer. We’re not safe as long as it’s in our possession, and that means we have to destroy it.”

“Is that even possible?” I ask.

Destroying the one weapon that can kill us would definitely put an end to all of this. We’d be free from the Hunters for good. They’d have no way to hurt us anymore.

“Not that we know of,” Monique says with a shake of her head.

“That doesn’t make it impossible, though, right?” Jeremy asks.

Mom shakes her head. “Maybe not.”

“So we’re agreed,” Garret says. “We find a way to destroy the dagger.” He walks out of the room, ending our meeting for the night.

Monique and Mom help Linette up to Mom’s room where she’s been staying so we can keep an eye on her and Mom can keep trying to heal her. It’s hard for me to look at Linette, knowing I’m the reason she’s so near death.

“You okay?” Jeremy asks, taking a seat on the couch.

“I heard what Mom said, and I can’t help feeling responsible.”

“I know.” He pats my hand.

“You do? Do you remember anything from before your rebirth? Anything at all?”

He shakes his head. “Stop trying to defy the laws of the rebirth, Cara. You’re only going to drive yourself crazy. When I was reborn, it killed me to see you so upset that I couldn’t remember you or how close we once were. Then I decided to let go of the past and focus on
this
life. It didn’t take me long to realize that I do love you. I’d do anything to protect you because you’re my sister.”

So even though he didn’t remember loving me, he was able to love me again in this life. Oh my God! Logan was right. Allowing myself to be near him, to kiss him, would have made me love him again. Maybe that’s why I pushed him away. Because in my heart, I knew that, and I also knew I’d lose him when I didn’t age at the same rate that he did.

“I feel like my mind is going in circles.”

“About Logan?”

I nod. “I loved him, and I know I would again if he was still here.”

“He’s coming back, you know. Once school starts up again next month.”

The imprint would fade by then, and maybe Logan wouldn’t want me anymore. My chest tightens at the thought.

“I can’t decide if I want him to love me or not.”

“Because you know it can’t work out for the two of you in the end.” It’s not a question. Jeremy understands why I’m so conflicted.

“What would you do? I mean, you like Rachel, right?”

He smirks. “Yeah, but I know there’s no future there. Rachel’s not ready for a serious relationship, and I’m fine with that because I can’t have anything long-term with a human.”

His words cut me because I know what he’s saying.
I
can’t have a long-term relationship with a human either.

“So you think it’s best that I stay away from Logan even when he comes back.”

Jeremy sighs. “Yeah, but if I’m being totally honest, I don’t think you will. You’re too full of emotion, Cara. When I was reborn, you basically said I was unfeeling in addition to not remembering anything. You always complained about it. You’re different, though. You came through your rebirth with even more emotion than you had in your first life.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know.”

“I think we all know.” I turn around to see Mom walking into the living room. I’m not happy she was eavesdropping, but she looks so distraught I let the issue go. “I’m sorry, Cara. I’ve been so worried about protecting you—” she lowers her head, “—and me, that I kept telling everyone it wasn’t possible for an imprint to carry through a rebirth. Looking at you, I know it can.” She walks around the couch and sits on the other side of me. “I should’ve prepared you for this instead of trying to make you stop seeing Logan.”

“You were trying to protect me.”

And herself. I know what this means for her. She’ll continue to love Dad through all her lives. Just like I’ll love Logan for all of mine, even without my memories of the time we shared together.

“But I—”

I stand up, not letting Mom finish. “I need him to come back.”

“Cara,” Mom and Jeremy both say.

“I know. He’ll grow old, and I won’t. He could forget me and live a normal life with a normal girl if I let him walk away. I feel like a terrible person for saying this, but I don’t think I can let him walk away. Even though I don’t remember him, I still feel…” I can’t describe what I feel. All I know is it’s overpowering me. “Ever since he left, I’ve just existed. I need him in order to be me.”

Tears line Mom’s cheeks. “I know, honey. I know.”

I can’t believe she’s not fighting me on this. She must see how much this means to me. Logan is part of my past, a part I’m not willing to give up on. Mom’s not going to let me go to New York. Not with Hunters after me, which means I have to call Logan and convince him to come back. Convince him I’m worth coming back to. I take a deep breath and head for the stairs. I can’t call him in front of them. I need to be alone.

I walk to my room and lock the door behind me. I don’t want anyone interrupting me. I have no idea how much convincing this is going to take. How much groveling I’m going to have to do. My hand shakes as I pull my cell from my pocket and press three on my speed dial. It rings four times before someone picks up.

“Logan Schmidt’s phone. This is his assistant Anton speaking. Which lucky lady am I speaking to and what time should I tell Logan to expect you?”

Oh my God! I nearly drop the phone. Has he moved on already? And to how many girls? My stomach churns.

“Hello?”

I hear a scuffle on the other line and then Logan’s voice. “Hello?”

I can’t answer. I have no idea what Logan was like before he met me, but if he was a total player who slept with a different girl every night, then I’m not sure what I’m trying to fight for by bringing him back to Ashlan Falls.

“Cara?” He must have checked his caller ID. “Cara, are you still there? Look, Anton was just messing around. He didn’t mean anything by that.”

“Oh shit!” I hear Anton yell. “That’s Cara?”

“Um…” I can’t get anything else out.

“Are you okay?” Logan asks.

I know he’s pissed at me, but his first thought is to make sure I’m okay. That has to mean he still cares about me.

“Yes. No. I don’t know.”

“Hang on a second.” There’s silence for a minute, and then I hear a door click shut. “Sorry about that. What’s going on? Why did you call?”

“I…I figured something out.”

“Okay.” He drags the word out, obviously not understanding where I’m going with this.

“Jeremy told me he loves me. As his sister.” Dear God, I want to staple my own lips shut so I stop sounding like a complete and utter idiot.

“Yeah, I kind of figured that’s what you meant.” There’s a hint of laughter in his voice.

“Right. So, he said he doesn’t remember me but his feelings for me came back pretty quickly.”

“And?”

He’s going to make me say this. I can’t blame him after all I’ve put him through, but this is killing me. “And I thought that if he was able to love me again, then maybe…”

“I was right?” There’s no emotion behind the words so I have no idea if he’s excited, hopeful, or ready to tell me off.

“Yeah, maybe. I mean, I do feel something for you, Logan.”

“This isn’t a conversation we should be having over the phone, Cara.”

He’s right. I owe it to him to say this face-to-face, but how do I get him back here so I can do that?

“You still there?” he asks.

“Yeah.” My mind races with ways to tell him I want him in my life again, but I’m too much of a coward to say them out loud.

“I guess this is something we should talk about when I get back to Ashlan Falls.”

When he gets back? If I wait, his imprint will fade and all of this might be for nothing.

“When do you think you’re coming back? I mean, I know in time for school and all, but do you think you’re going to spend the rest of the summer in New York?”

He exhales. “I don’t know. It’s not like my dad is going to miss me, and I’m sure your family is happy I’m gone.”

“What if…?”

“What if what?”

“What if
I
miss you?”

“Do you? I mean, you don’t remember me, right? Or has something changed?”

I shake my head, not that he can see me. “I still can’t remember things, but I have had a few déjà vu kind of feelings. I think being around you helps me…be more me. You know?”

“I’m not sure.”

“You said I was saying things I said to you in the past. Maybe on some level I
am
remembering you.”

“Oh. So you think talking to me might help trigger your memory?”

“No. Well, maybe, but that’s not why I called.”

He lets out a long breath. “Then why
did
you call, Cara?”