Out of the Ashes (13 page)

I know we
vowed to be completely professional with each other and things have been going really well.  But it seems for my heart things are going too well. There’s no longer any doubt about my feelings for this man. I can’t lie to myself anymore; I’ve seen below the beautiful exterior of him and as Connor predicted, I discovered a good man.  A man that any woman would be proud to have.  And so everyday has been a struggle against my heart and everyday I have felt the crack, which started the night of the gala, grow larger and larger with the knowledge that he doesn’t want me.

I d
on’t know what to think.  Why almost 3 months later would he choose to bring up the night of the gala?  And why would he say I looked incredible that night?  How could he even remember what I wore or looked like that night?   With these thoughts scrambling my brain, I climb in the backseat of the Audi for Connor to drive me home.  This was the custom since Ian felt more comfortable with me in his car rather than a cab with the late hours we were keeping.  I think Connor suspects something is off since I don't try to chat him up as usual.  I simply stare out the window trying to make sense of what Ian said to me.  Even after arriving home, his words continue to ring in my head until finally I drift off, only to have him invade my dreams as well.

My alarm goes off far too early pulling me from my dreams of all things Ian.  This particular morning I truly d
on’t want to awaken to find it was all a dream.  Since working with Ian, my nightmares have faded.  No, they aren’t gone completely but they are no longer an every night occurrence.  And then to make things better, or worse depending on your view, the nights I’m granted a reprieve are the nights that I spend with Ian in my dreams.  I find I look forward to those nights.  I am only torturing myself with visions that will never be but in them I’m happier than I’ve been in a very long time. 

I finish
putting my last bag by the door, feeling a little bad that Connor will most likely have to carry them down to the car.  I then peek into Gavin’s room.  He flings his arm over his eyes to shut out the light I let in.  “What time is it?”

“Almost 6
:00 a.m.  Just popping in to say goodbye.”  I hadn’t expected this to be so hard but now that the trip is indefinite, I feel like I’m leaving a piece of myself behind.  Gavin has been there through very difficult times for me.  Those first few months in the city were particularly hard.  I often had violent nightmares, waking up screaming and covered in sweat.  Gavin would soothe me and stay with me until I went back to sleep.  He only asked me once what the nightmares were about and when I shook my head not saying a word as I continued to sob, he just put his arms around me and held me.  No questions asked.  Like I said, Gavin always seems to know just what I need and when not to push.  Eventually things got better, the nightmares stopped; well at least, the waking up screaming part stopped.  Sometimes I still dream of him; I can see the looks on their faces, his face. I remember with perfect clarity the moment I knew there was only one thing left I could do.  My dreams often held the fire, the burning car on the night that Lauren died.  Through the fear, I can still smell the smoke and see the blood.  A tear slips down my cheek partly from the thought of missing Gavin and partly from the thought of all that I’ve already left behind.

You’re not running fro
m Gavin, I remind myself, simply going away for work.  Gavin was gone on shoots for weeks at a time and things were always okay.  I can call, he can call and we can always email and text each other.  It won’t be much different than the last few months have been except we’re on different sides of the ocean.  Seeing my tears, Gavin calls me over to him.  “Babe, there’s no reason for the tears.  You’ll be fine; I’ll be fine.  I hope you get some time for sight seeing and that the tyrant doesn’t keep you chained to your work all the time.  Though since your work is him, I take it back; I totally hope he chains you to your work.”  He says with a naughty wink.  That gets me to smile, which is exactly what he intends.  “I’ll call you whenever I can and even if you can’t answer, I’ll leave you a voicemail and I will text every day.  Deal, darling?” I nod my head and vow to do the same just as the buzzer sounds.  “Now don’t keep Mr. Hot Boss waiting.  Run along.”  I stand up and he swats me on the butt.   With a little yelp, I go down the hall rubbing my sore behind.  After I buzz in Ian and Connor, I check my room to make sure I haven’t forgotten anything.  All the important documents are in my bag, I have my purse and I pretty much packed my entire wardrobe so yeah, I’d say I’m ready to go.

Connor d
oesn’t complain at all as he carries my bags to the car; it takes him two trips though because he insists that I not carry any of them and there’s no way he could get all three at once.  I expected some grumbling from Ian about the number of bags but even he’s surprisingly chipper this morning.  Maybe this won’t be such a bad trip after all.

Things go
smoothly at the airport and soon Ian and I, with Connor lurking somewhere nearby, are seated in first class sipping our mimosas.  “I could get used to this.”  I say as I sip my drink. 

“Ms. Brooks, don’t think I will allow drinking at breakfast to become a habit at work.” 
He says with a wink. 

It seem
s hot and playful Ian is back in full force.  “Oh, you really are a tyrant.  Next thing I know you’ll be tying me to the desk and not allowing me to have any fun.”

His eyes grow
wide at my comment.  Leaning over, voice barely above a whisper in my ear, “Celeste, I can think of lots of ways that having you tied up could be fun.”  Then he straightens back up as if he said nothing.  Molten heat shoots through my core; the dampness that I haven’t had to contend with for months is back between my legs; my thighs clench and I can feel my nipples pebble inside my bra.  The friction of them against the lace and the lace against the silk of my shirt is almost unbearable.  How am I going to sit through this whole flight with him?  Now all I can think about is me spread out on his desk, hands bound and him in all his glory doing all kinds of nasty things to me. You’ve got to stop, I repeat to myself over and over.  I’m so wet now; I’m sure he can smell my arousal.  I keep pushing my thighs together hoping to stop the pulsing between them but it’s impossible.  I look over at Ian, who’s facing forward, eyes closed but even from my angle, I can tell he’s grinning.  He knows what he’s done and he is very pleased with himself.

Well
, there’s only one way this ache will get alleviated.  So as soon as we reach cruising altitude, I excuse myself and head to the first class bathroom.  An airplane bathroom isn’t ideal but it will do.  I can’t handle the sensations building in my body any longer.  I bring one hand to my hardened nipple; the other up my skirt moving my panties off to the side.  Within mere moments I know it won’t take much more.  Pictures of Ian’s hands on me, his mouth on me run through my head as I press my fingers inside.  I bite down on my lip to stifle the noises coming from my mouth, though if anyone’s standing right outside the door, they will probably suspect something.  But I don’t care; in that moment all of my fantasies with Ian are reality once again.  Somewhere deep within me I know without a doubt that he is the man I will always crave.  It’s Ian loving me, touching me, moving in me in my mind.  As I build to the point of explosion, there’s a knock on the door.  “Celeste, are you alright?  You have been gone for a while and I wanted to make sure you were okay.”  At the sound of his voice, everything in my body lets go and my orgasm propels out of me. 

Holy shit!  Hoping it won’t sound like I
’m in the middle of a glorious orgasm and knowing the words are exactly the right ones to say at the moment, I yell out to him. “Yes, Ian, I’m coming.”  When my pussy finally stops tensing and my legs no longer feel like Jell-O, I straighten my clothes and hair and walk back to my seat.  I’m slightly flushed from my bathroom escapades but, dammit, I’m a hell of a lot happier than when I left too. 

“Everything okay?  I was getting worried.” 

The look on his face doesn’t say he’s worried in the slightest.  The look says I know exactly how hot I made you and I know exactly what you did in that bathroom.  Shit, he probably even knows exactly what I was doing when I yelled out to him.  Smug bastard!  The grin on his face is unbearable to look at so I lay my seat back and roll my head away from him.  I’m mortified and not sure I can face him.  But when I close my eyes he’s right there again.

~

“Celeste,” a gentle rubbing pulls me from my sleep.  “Celeste, ah there are those eyes.”  Ian’s peering down at me.  “Hey, we’re about to land.  They need your seat put up and seat belt put back on.”  His tone is so soothing and gentle.  My earlier indiscretion forgotten, at least in my mind.  I sit up, right my seat and belt myself in for the landing.

Connor collect
s the luggage and waits for us by the car when we walk out of the airport.  But this isn’t just any car; before me is a white Range Rover Evoque.  A shudder ripples through me as I think about the last time I saw one of these, the night that Lauren died. “So was everything alright?  You never did answer me.  Just laid down and went to sleep like you were exhausted or something.”  His smug grin is back.  “Shit, you slept the whole flight you have got to be starving. I will have Connor take us for some, what time is it?  I guess we’ll call it a late dinner.” 

“Thank you
, Ian.”  And that’s all I said; I felt that answered all of his questions.

Instead of going to dinner
, we check into the hotel and order some room service.  Ian booked us into the most spectacular suite.   Two bedrooms, of course.  But the place is huge.  Full living room, full dining room, a prep kitchen and 3 bathrooms.  When dinner arrives, I sign the ticket and arrange it on the table.  Ian decided he needed a shower while we waited for the food.  After my activities on the plane, I probably should have done the same but I decided just to wait for the food.  Just as I’m laying out the last plate, he steps out of his bedroom. Ah shit, I’m in trouble.  Look away, look away.  I yell at myself; willing my eyes to do anything except stare but it’s no use.  He stands there in the doorway oblivious to my stare; jeans hanging low on his hips, no shirt.  All hard muscles, tight abs and jeans that are so low I can even see some of his well-defined V as it dips below the waistline.  To top it off, he is in the middle of towel drying his inky hair and I watch as several drops sprinkle onto the carpet.  “Hey, did room service get here?”  He asks mid rub, peering up at me from under the towel.  I know exactly what look is on my face when he finally catches me staring but there’s no way to prevent it.  Sex on legs, remember?  My mouth hangs open; my fingers wrap into my skirt and hold on for dear life, my eyes glaze over in lust. I’m sure he can see just how hard my nipples are through the lace bra and material of my shirt.  Maybe a shower is just what I need; I can take care of this little problem that seems to becoming up every time I see him.

His
grin spreads across his face.  I can’t handle any of his smiles in the state I’m in.  My legs are already very unsteady; maybe I should sit down.  Yes, sit down, eat and then go take care of this.  Yes, that’s what I need to do.  Ian saunters over to the table; no, he doesn’t walk. He knows exactly what he’s doing once again and so he makes his gait purposefully slow using those hips in all the right ways.  He glides like his feet aren’t even touching the carpet.  Oh god!  I feel my knees begin to quiver and a familiar heat creep through my body as I watch him.  Thank god I’m sitting down.

“Mmm.”  He leans in close to me, “this smells absolutely delicious.”

“Okay that’s it.”  I shout.  I can’t stand but I can definitely shout.  “I don’t know what you’re playing at with all your little comments the last couple of days and all this shit you’ve been pulling since the airport but it has to stop.  We agreed to be professional and keep it that way.  And now here you are in all your… you know and with no shirt and the towel and the hair and ah, hell.”  Should have quit while I was ahead.

His grin doesn’t falter; he just stares back at me.  His eyes look as hungry as I feel right now and he is definitely not looking at the food.
  “Celeste,” his husky voice just above a whisper.  I look up into his eyes and for a moment I think he may kiss me.  His gaze drifts from my eyes to my lips and back again before he moves away and takes a seat next to me.  I turn to face him, my knees just brushing his as he continues, “There’s something I need to talk with you about but I’m not really sure how to say it or how you will react.”  His mood turns more serious and makes me somewhat nervous.  I have no idea where he’s going with this.  I had my performance evaluation last week and he seemed very happy then.  So happy that my bonus was off the charts in fact but here he’s with the ‘we need to talk’ speech.  If something is wrong, why would he wait until we were all the way in England before he said anything?  Ugh, this man stirs me up like no other.

If we were a couple
, I would be afraid that this is the break up speech by the tone of his voice.  When I look into his eyes though, I see something else, something completely different from the tone in his voice.  They are bright, happy, so perhaps the new is good.  “There’s something I’ve been keeping from you and I can’t stand lying, well not really lying, but not telling you any longer.”  I push away from the table even though I’m starving and have only had a few bites of my dinner.

“I need to go take a shower.”  I say standing up, finally getting some control in my legs.