Out of the Blue (10 page)

But she couldn’t stop thinking about him, not after last night. Not after the kiss. Not after he cried in her arms.

“That bad? Or that good.” Nicole wiggled her eyebrows up and down at an alarmingly quick rate and Molly broke.

“Good,” she said. “I don’t have a lot of data to compare to, but it was nice. Gentle. Soft.” She touched her mouth. “Soft.”

“Do I need to leave you alone?” Nicole laughed. “Looks like it was great. The first time I kissed Sean was like fire.”

“Fire?” Molly thought back to the beach. “No, it wasn’t like that for me at all,” she said. “It was like waves, like the ocean.”

Nicole pressed her lips and rolled them together. “I don’t know what that means.”

“I don’t know what fire means.”

“All right,” Nicole said. “So tell me more about the talk then. You don’t have to tell me exactly what he said; you can just say how you felt.” She stood and grabbed the curling iron. “I’ll control myself this time, promise.” She looked at the iron, then back to Molly. “Although, actually it wouldn’t hurt if you warned me before surprising me again.”

Molly looked at the hot iron like the enemy it was. But she wanted to be beautiful tonight. For Justin. “Fine. How will I know what will be a surprise to you?”

“Use your best judgment.”

“Okay,” she said. “I don’t know what else I can say. I felt shocked. Felt like it was a little much, like I was invading his privacy.”

“What, did he just start ranting at you? That doesn’t sound like him. Then again he does act weird around you.”

“You keep cutting me off,” Molly huffed.

“Sorry. Touchy.” Nicole pouted and wrapped a piece of hair extra firmly. Molly winced but didn’t say anything.

“No, it was my fault,” she said. “I wanted him to tell me.”

“I think there is a lot of history here I don’t have,” Nicole said.

“In short, he left five years ago, no warning,” Molly said. “We’d been friends for two years, in the same major.” She puffed out her cheeks and blew out air. “That night I went out with his friends. He insulted me when he thought I wasn’t looking. I ran before he could explain. The next day he didn’t show for school.”

Nicole took in air and froze. Hair sizzled. She quickly unrolled it and exhaled. “And then?”

“The next time I saw him was at the club with you,” she said.

“So that’s why you were punishing him.”

“Yup,” Molly said. “So I asked why he had disappeared. And he told me.” She folded her hands in her lap. “And now I don’t know what to do with it.”

“You know we told him about your stalker I guess.”

“You did?”

“Yup,” Nicole said. “He seemed way too interested. Determined to shove his nose in.”

“Why?”

Nicole smiled and grabbed another piece of hair. “Who knows?”

But Molly felt Nicole did and just wasn’t saying.

“Anyway, that’s probably why he called last night,” Nicole said. “At least that was his excuse. Obviously from the kiss we know there’s more going on there.”

“Really?” Molly said. She picked up a curl and twirled it on her finger. “Doesn’t he kiss everyone?”

“Did he used to?” Nicole said. “I’ve never seen him do it.” She pulled Molly’s hand away from her hair. “Watch your fingers.”

Molly frowned and sat back, slumped.

“So now Miss Molly, if he’s not a kissing fiend, and he kissed you, can you maybe put two and two together and think about why that may be?”

“No,” Molly said. “How much longer is this going to take?”

“Don’t rush me,” Nicole said. “I get to girl dish with you so I’m not hurrying this. You’re at my mercy, mwa ha ha ha!”

Molly sighed.

“Fine. In a rush to get to the club tonight?” Nicole released another curl. “Gee, I wonder why.”

Molly folded her arms.

“You know. My advice about what he told you is that it seems like it was really tough for him. I would take it as a gift. When a man lets you in, when anyone lets you in like that, it’s kind of your responsibility to handle it carefully.”

Molly opened her mouth to protest.

“I know, you’re not telling about it, that’s a start. But also, how do you think he feels now? Vulnerable probably,” she said. “I’ve always wondered if Justin wasn’t a bit messed up. I mean look at his profession.”

“Sean was in it too.”

“Not for the same reason. He did it for me. Which makes him weird in a different way. Justin, he did it on his own. He found it.”

“Yeah.”

“So I’ve always wondered if he wasn’t a bit messed up, like me,” Nicole said.

Molly thought. Light bulb. “Abused?”

“Yeah,” Nicole said. “Not that I assumed that, just a thought that crossed my mind.”

Molly wondered if abused people could sniff each other out or something. Did Justin also know about Nicole? It was different, wasn’t it?

“Let’s just say you did tell someone Nicole,” Molly said. “And this has nothing to do with Justin. Please. Nothing.”

Nicole nodded.

“How would you want them to act?”

“I’d want them to treat me the same,” she said. “I’d want to know they didn’t think I was dirty or different for telling them.”

“I don’t think of you different and you told me.”

“You’re pretty nonjudgmental Molly. Not the most empathetic, but not judgmental either,” Nicole said. “And we’ve been friends for a long time so I felt safe. Plus, after telling Sean it was much easier.”

“What do you mean?”

Nicole looked down for moment, and seemed to be pulling strength from the bottom up.

“It’s the hardest to tell someone you’re interested in, someone you want to be with. Especially if you love them, or they are your best friend. The risk of rejection is so much worse. They could obliterate you. And they could have a right to. Abuse is something that really affects a relationship.”

“But you’re happy with Sean.”

“It takes work,” Nicole said. “And I’ve had a long time to heal. He’s patient with me, I’m patient with him. He loves me despite my past. Or maybe because of the strength I have because of it.”

“I get that,” Molly said. She thought of Justin and his compassion.

“Thanks,” Nicole said. “So anyway, I think you should just act normal around Justin.” She finished the last curl and laid it over Molly’s shoulder. “Your hair is so much longer not frizzy.”

“You won’t tell Sean?”

“Tell Sean what?” Nicole turned off and unplugged the iron and grabbed hairspray. She sprayed it over Molly’s face and Molly shielded her eyes. “A bunch of suppositions and assumptions? I don’t know anything. Justin isn’t a subject he wants to talk about anyway.”

“Yeah.” Molly laughed. “Is he coming to the club tonight?”

“Nope,” Nicole said. “Boys night. So we can go enjoy all the good-looking boys together.”

“You’re married.” Molly stood and leaned into the mirror. She admired the shiny brown hair that seemed to have been transplanted onto her head. “I seriously need to hire you to do this for me. It’s not my hair.”

“Well, you can enjoy them for me,” she said. “And I’d be happy to do it anytime you want to have girl time.”

Molly smiled at her and touched the ends of her hair again. “I’d like that.”

He’s not here
, was all Molly could think. She scanned the club. Almost all couches were full, and seemed to have at least one well-dressed man surrounded by multiple women who flirted with him. She’d thought he’d be here tonight. Where else would he be? But she couldn’t miss him, Justin’s blond hair shone silver in the blue light of the club, and no one here was reflecting.

“Where do you want to sit?” Nicole asked from beside her. “So crowded. Doesn’t look like Justin’s here, does it?”

“No,” Molly said. “I thought he would be.”

“Is that a disappointment?”

“No.” Yes. Molly regretted all of that time in the chair getting burned for this. He wouldn’t even see her hair. How stupid she’d been for thinking he’d be here tonight.

“It’s really full.” Nicole walked ahead of her into the room and began walking between low tables and the couches around them, nodding to women who smiled and waved. Molly felt like an outsider. The only person she’d come for wasn’t here. She hadn’t realized how much the idea of the club bored her until now. Why would she want to talk to some shallow man who got paid to talk to her?

“Ooh look, there’s Jason,” Nicole said, pushing through a small group at the bar. “He’s never here anymore.” She squinted. “Looks like he’s got a new host with him too. Haven’t seen him before
.
”

“Doesn’t Sean think it’s a little weird that you still come here without him?”

“It’s a social life,” she said. “Get married and tell me how valuable that is.”

Molly scrunched up her nose at Nicole’s shady commendation of marriage and followed her toward a man who was facing away from them.

“How do you know it’s Jason?”

“Only one with red hair, well, more like auburn.”

“Oh,” she said. “Couldn’t he be new?”

“No,” she said. “Look at the sweater. And the stiffness. Jason’s a bookworm. Actually I think you’ll like him a lot. That must be why Justin isn’t here. Jason’s the other guy who runs things for Hope.”

“Ah.” So that sealed it, huh? She’d picked the wrong night. All of a sudden she wanted to pull out her hair, and go back to the other Molly, the one who wore sweaters and didn’t try to please anyone but herself. If he’d wanted to see her, he would have come.

She berated herself for sounding like a stalker. Something about him made her feel addicted. Maybe just having a friend, that narcotic feeling of being able to go back to the past and change things, to feel like bad things had never happened.

Jason turned. “Nicole!” They hugged and gave Molly a chance to check out this other host. Glasses. Green eyes. Face lined by intelligence. Angular. She supposed handsome. Too smooth and stiff for her. She preferred men a little less staid …

“Working for Justin tonight?”

“Actually.” Jason turned to face the other host, who turned at the same time and fixed Molly with a smile.

Was that? That couldn’t be.

Beneath shocking black hair, Justin’s face peeked out. It looked right with his dark lashes and brows. His face however, was completely altered. Less feminine, much sharper. Then he smiled and completely ruined the image.

“Justin?” Nicole screeched. “What have you done?”

Molly rubbed her ears with her hands. “I think it looks good.”

“It does, it’s just …” Nicole went forward and grabbed onto Justin’s hair before he could move away. “It’s so…it was so…beautiful. Shiny, blond.”

“Feminine,” Jason said. “Looks masculine now.”

“Yeah because dyeing your hair is so masculine.”

“I used your husband for inspiration.” He looked inordinately proud of himself.

Molly grinned. “It’s hardcore.”

He smiled at her.

She waited for him to notice her hair, but he simply looked her over, said something vague about it being good to see her, and walked away.

Her elation that he was actually at the club evaporated as he moved to a table of women and sat in the middle of them, drawing coos and appreciation. She put her rock face on. Rocks couldn’t be hurt.

Jason looked from her to Justin, and narrowed his eyes. He pulled off his glasses and polished them with a cloth from his breast pocket.

“So Molly, Nicole says you’re a reader, is that true?”

“Oh?” Molly looked over and realized that Nicole and Jason had been talking while she’d been zoned out.

“What do you like to read?”

“Everything,” she said. “Everything but computer code.”

“Cereal boxes? Advertisements?”

“Yes, how did you know?” She looked at him, really looked at him for the first time since she’d entered, letting Justin slip away.

“Reading addict here too,” he said. “Should we pull up some chairs for just us? I don’t get to talk books with the women here much.”

Molly nodded, glad he had rescued her from the embarrassment of Justin’s friendly diss. Nicole looked at her and smiled, but seemed to be asking her a question with her eyes. Molly didn’t understand why she looked so concerned.

Jason brought them to a corner of the room along the window where they could watch the rest of the club but have relative quiet.

“So Nicole, how’s married life treating you?”

“Great.” Nicole looked disappointed to not be playing and laughing with the other hosts.

“All right you, get over there and flirt and play, and Molly and I can enjoy intelligent conversation.”

“Fine,” Nicole said, standing and already pinpointing with her eyes where she was probably headed. “You okay here Molly?”

Molly nodded. Maybe this would even make Justin jealous. He’d been jealous before.

Jason moved his chair closer, and Molly studied him. He looked back with the same rock face and she knew she’d met an essentially male version of her. This was going to be boring.

Justin felt hands slide over his body, and though it wasn’t pleasant, it was familiar, and empowering in a way. Unlike seeing Molly. Her smile at his hair, her hair down and smooth and beautiful. Had she done it for him? He’d given her the wrong impression. He’d led her on. He shouldn’t have kissed her. He wasn’t ready for anything serious. Anything with Molly would have to be serious, regardless of how she protested otherwise. She wasn’t a casual girl. It wouldn’t be good enough for her. He wouldn’t be good enough. Not with his screwed up grasp of emotion. He smiled at the girls around him. The faces blurred together. All the same. Morphing into some blond monster, morphing into HER. He tried to pull back from the feeling that he was falling down a mineshaft, fear whooshing through him. This wasn’t her. It wasn’t her. Why was it so the same?

Had he only ended up in this place because of her? The thought made him retch. The women around him didn’t notice. They continued to feel his hair, his pants, his arms, and his chest. It was their right. The privilege they’d paid for. Like the lady who’d adopted him. He stood suddenly, startling them and pulling away from their hands.

“Sorry ladies. Need a drink.” And they followed him, like he was the ringleader of a gang. He hadn’t thought dark hair would attract even more women. When he’d seen his face looking back at him with dark hair, he hadn’t thought he’d widened his appeal. Why had god given him such a useless face?