Out of the Blue (20 page)

On Sundays I packed a picnic lunch, complete with some of Aunt Cece’s wine, and we’d sit on a blanket in the shade in the park. Just us, eating, talking, and dozing. Lying next to each other, hands linked and staring up at the clear sky through the leaves, we would talk about everything and nothing. The easy way we used to be became easy once more.

At the end of each date, I dropped Jake off at Caroline’s front door with a quick peck.

My balls were killing me.

I jerked off more times than I did when I was teenager, but I wouldn’t change it for the world.

That’s a lie.

I’d have Jake back in our bed in a second, but he’d let me know when he was ready. He struggled to separate the infidelity that was Luke and the kiss I shared with Kris. A small frown appeared on Jake’s face whenever we saw three men together. If the men were sharing a meal or walking in the street, I could see where his thoughts went.

With a plan in mind, I called Caroline’s cell during work.

“I need some information,” I started once Caroline picked up. “I need Luke’s full name.”

“Do you now?” The curiosity in her voice was unmistakable.

“If you want Jake and me to get back to normal, yes. I need to
show
Jake I’m not Luke. I’ve been telling him but I need to show him.”

After she gave me Luke’s full name, I thanked her. “What are you going to do, Cooper?” Caroline asked.

“I’ll let you know when I have all the information. I may not find anything, but I have to try. I’m hoping this will be the push he needs to come home.”

God, I hope so.

“You owe me one, Cameron.”

“More than one.”

Our ten-year anniversary was Sunday, a couple of days after my conversation with Caroline, and I was scheduled for a day shift. After some begging and pleading and an eventual payoff, I swapped shifts with one of the other crew who needed the overtime.

I couldn’t let our anniversary go by without celebrating somehow, and since it was a Sunday, I packed our regular picnic basket, but with some gourmet food and champagne instead of the usual wine.

If the problems we had faced—and still faced—hadn’t happened, that would have been the day Jake proposed to me. It was a Jake thing to do. By unspoken agreement, neither of us acknowledged the significance of the day.

“I thought you were working today?” Jake asked as I picked him up from Caroline’s.

“Shift change.” For whatever reason, I didn’t want him to know the lengths I’d gone to to get the day off.

Jake raised an eyebrow in disbelief. I shrugged, pretending it was just another day.

I laid out the blanket underneath the large familiar oak we’d always come to and unpacked the food. Jake waved the bottle at me, raising his eyebrow once more. “Champagne?”

“Thought it would be a nice change.” I shrugged. Jake obviously didn’t buy it, but he didn’t say anything.

We talked as we ate, both of us continuing to pretend there was nothing special about the day, and once the food was finished and the champagne gone, we laid back on the blanket. The sun filtered through the leaves above us, and with every sway of the branches the light sparkled around us. It was mesmerizing and peaceful.

Lying on our backs, side by side, I felt the air shift around us. Jake wanted to talk about something, about what, though, I had no idea.

As I stared at the blue sky visible between the leaves of the oak, Jake opened up.

“He was my first,” Jake said quietly as he continued to gaze into the branches of the tree. It took me a second, but then I realized Jake was telling me about Luke. Grabbing his hand, I entwined our fingers, encouraging him to continue.

“But I wasn’t his. I knew he’d been with guys before me and it didn’t bother me too much. I liked that he had experience and knew what he was doing, because
I
sure didn’t.” Jake chuckled sadly.

“We’d been together for a little over a year and were both accepted into the same college. Mom and Dad liked him. ‘Polite boy,’ Mom said. Luke was always polite around my parents. ‘When you’re polite you can get away with just about anything,’ he’d always say. I didn’t understand what he meant until afterward.

“He had a smile that screamed innocence, when he was anything but. There’d be times I wouldn’t see or hear from him for days, not knowing where he was or what he was doing. Then one day he invited me to go with him, saying he was meeting up with some friends. We ended up scoring some weed and we smoked it in his dad’s back shed. I presumed these were the friends he spent his time with when he took off. I didn’t mind that he smoked a little weed, there were lots of people in school that did it, but I didn’t like it, it screwed with my senses.

“I would’ve done anything for him, though, he was my first and I thought I was in love. I realize now that we didn’t have anything in common, and the only time we really spent together was in bed.”

Jake fell silent, but I sensed the most important part was on the tip of his tongue. I squeezed his hand in silent support for him to continue.

Jake’s grip tightened around my fingers, and he went on. “There was a pre-graduation party happening at someone’s house the week before the ceremony. Finals were nearly finished and it felt like the entire senior class had shown up. Luke said he’d meet me there, but when I arrived, I couldn’t find him. Someone told me he’d gone upstairs a little while ago… so I went looking for him.” Jake paused, taking a deep breath. The hurt I felt for him made my chest ache. I knew what was coming and I gripped his hand tighter, rubbing my thumb over the soft spot on his wrist.

“I found him not only being fucked by someone else… but being spit-roasted.” Although Jake’s voice was quiet, I could hear it break. “I was rooted to the spot in shock. Luke turned his head to look at me and smiled, well, as much as he could with a cock in his mouth. He fucking smiled at me. Fleeing, I ran down the stairs and heard someone laugh and say, ‘Looks like Jake’s found out what Luke’s been doing.’”

Rolling on my side to face Jake, I saw a tear slide toward his ear. I brought our entwined hands to my lips and kissed his knuckles one by one.

“I’m sorry, babe.”

“Luke caught up with me outside and he wanted to know why I’d left. I couldn’t believe he was that oblivious. He wanted to share the experience with me and he couldn’t understand why I had an issue.” Jake turned, his smile sad. “I found out Luke was never faithful. Not even in the beginning. He had some kind of fetish for having two guys at once and had been having sex with anyone who wanted to join in. Apparently he preferred to get high
and
fucked at the same time.”

Jake let out a long breath. “I never saw it coming. The next week at school was hard. The gossip was intense and I felt everyone’s eyes on me as I walked to class.
Everyone
knew, and the hurt and humiliation made for a very long week. Needless to say, once the ceremony ended, I didn’t attend any post-graduation parties.” Jake’s lips quirked in the corners as he tried to lighten the mood, but it came out sadder than ever and his eyes glistened with moisture.

I didn’t know what to say.
Sorry
didn’t cut it, so I leaned in and kissed him instead. I meant it to be a light, reassuring kiss to let Jake know that I was here and I heard everything he said, even the things he didn’t say, but his free hand wrapped around the back of my neck, stopping my retreat, and he tilted his head, deepening the kiss.

It was the first real kiss we’d shared in months, and I lost myself in his softness and warmth. Jake kissed me completely, and I moaned as his tongue found mine in a gentle coming together. He tasted of champagne and a familiar sweetness I’d missed. The kiss wasn’t heated or demanding, but it held a promise of possibilities. It lasted forever, yet not long enough.

Both needing oxygen, we came up for air, and I pressed our foreheads together as I brushed my nose against Jake’s. As our breath mingled in the space between us, I whispered, “I’m not him.”

Jake’s eyes glimmered. “I’m beginning to realize that.”

With work and preparations for our anniversary picnic taking up most of my time, I hadn’t had a chance to look into Luke’s background. Not knowing what I’d find, if anything, I hit the Internet the next day.

Google is my friend.

Jake’s high school was my first point of call and both Jake’s and Luke’s senior year pictures were easy enough to find, but tracking Luke after that proved to be a little more difficult.

I pretended to be a former student organizing a reunion and was having trouble tracking down some students that had moved out of the Chicago area. I made numerous phone calls, and it wasn’t until I found Luke’s brother that I hit pay dirt. Armed with the information he gave me, I called in a couple of favors.

It took me a week to compile my findings, but I was ready, and the information I obtained would either make us or break us. I hoped Jake would see it the same way I did: as a way to move forward.

It was ‘wine and dine’ date night. But this time, instead of going to a restaurant, it was at our apartment and I was armed with Bessie’s special meat sauce.

The buzzer sounded signaling Jake’s arrival—he wasn’t comfortable using his key yet—and my heart leapt into my throat.

God help me if this doesn’t work.

I opened the door to find a perplexed look on Jake’s face, and I gave him a kiss on the cheek. “What’s the matter, babe?”

“Why are you making Bessie’s sauce?”

“Because I know you like it?”

“Is that the only reason?”

“Yes. Why?”

“It’s just that… last time you made it was just after the freeway accident… and…” Jake’s voice trailed off and sadness filled his eyes. I wrapped my arms around him in a tight hug.

“Oh, babe, please don’t be sad, I promise the only reason I made it is because I know you love it. I’d forgotten that your favorite dish had previously come with some tough memories, but I promise I’ll fix it so that we’ll make new,
good
memories with this dish. Okay?”

Jake’s arms tightened around my waist as he breathed into my neck. “Okay.”

“C’mon, I’ve got a nice bottle of red to go with it.”

Jake

I set the table as Cam dished up the meal. It was a big deal, me being here again, and Cam appeared a little nervous. He poked his tongue out and licked his upper lip anxiously, and I was a little on edge myself. It was my first time really being home since I’d left, and it felt a little surreal. If I didn’t think too hard, it felt pretty good, normal even, but then I thought about the last few weeks I was here: the arguments and cold shoulders, the feelings of betrayal and unbelievable amounts of hurt. And, of course, the deepest sadness, and I was back on edge again.

Trying to appear relaxed, I leaned back in my chair, patting my stomach. “God, I’m full.”

“You want the good news?”

There’s news?
“What?”

“There’s leftovers,” Cam said with a wink.

“Ooh, I know Caroline would love some.” Cam winced but quickly recovered. I knew how much he wanted me to come back home, and I was making progress. I loved spending time with him on our dates, he was always thoughtful, never pushing for anything other than a hug or a brief kiss.

Our last picnic turned out to be a surprise, for both of us. Cam had shift that day and it was never easy to get a day off, so I could only imagine how much trouble he’d gone to, but he wouldn’t have forgotten the date. We both knew I would have proposed had our lives not gone to hell.

I had always planned on telling Cam about Luke, although not at the beginning of our relationship when I didn’t want to think about it. After a while, though, I should have. After we’d been together for a while it didn’t seem like such a big deal, and I had almost forgotten about Luke and his infidelity. Once I told Cam, the weight of it lifted from my shoulders and I could breathe easier. There were no longer any secrets between us, and it was liberating.

I wanted things to be normal again. Sleeping in a large bed all by myself was getting a little old, and as much as I loved Caroline, she’d never be my lover.

As Caroline predicted, Cam showed me the new Cameron Cooper—not that the old one was bad, but the new one talked more.
A lot
more. The new Cameron Cooper told me all about his shift, what accidents or fires he’d attended, and the politics that went on at the fire station. These were things that I’d never heard before. It wasn’t that I hadn’t been interested, but our day-to-day working life wasn’t something we’d ever shared much of. I’d never known just how much stress Cam had with his work or how dangerous it could be. I knew he was brave and ran into burning buildings. I knew he needed complete trust in his crew in case things went wrong; he needed to know that they had his back, and he had theirs in return. Cam told me about Kris, as well as Mason and Brandon, and what a great team they were together. I was beginning to see Kris as a different person—strong, dependable, and loyal—not the man-poacher I had first thought.

“Come on, bring the wine to the sofa. I’ve got something to show you,” Cam said hesitantly, bringing me out of my thoughts.

Sitting on the sofa, nervous Cam was out in full force. I hadn’t seen him like this in a while. Cam’s leg bounced and the hairs on the back of my neck stood up, his nerves feeding mine.

Sitting on the sofa together, Cam faced me before pulling out a manila envelope from beneath the cushion. Rubbing the back of his neck with one hand, he handed me the folder without meeting my gaze.

“Um, what’s going on?” I didn’t want to see what was in the envelope; whatever it was had Cam nervous enough to drain the remainder of his wine in one gulp.

“I need you to look at what’s inside. I… I did some research.”

Cam looked up and his eyes were pleading with me, to do what, though, I had no idea. I carefully opened the folder and was confronted by an image of a man. I couldn’t tell what age he was, but he didn’t look well. He had large sores all over his gaunt, gray skin, and his hair was lank and hung in dirty threads around his face. Sunken, bloodshot eyes and cracked bleeding lips completed the picture. It was a mugshot, and when my eyes finally rested on the name at the bottom, I almost fell off the sofa.