Outing of the Heart (105 page)
Read Outing of the Heart Online
Authors: Lisa Ann Harper
âI brought it up with me from the States. You like?' She looked pleased as Ten nodded.
âVery much. What happened to the Porsche?'
âIt got sold. All right my dear. I'll call you soon and we'll pick a day.' She leaned forward and gave her just a little goodbye kiss, but made it on the lips this time. Ten was surprised, but it was over almost before it was delivered. She waved goodbye and returned upstairs to call Sid.
Out of luck. Although it was before ten o'clock she couldn't get anyone to pick up the phone. She would have to try again in the morning before work. Not feeling tired, she cleared away and washed up, mulling over the day's events, busying her mind while her hands completed the tasks. She knew Sid had been disappointed at the way things had turned out. She hated that and wished she'd been able to speak properly at the time, but she'd been caught in a bind. If she had known then that communicating would be difficult, she would have acted differently. Well, she would just have to be patient and wait 'til morning. She could explain everything then.
The night was restless. No longer used to sleeping alone, she very much missed Sid by her side. “
She's probably feeling the same way.”
Opening her eyes to check the time, it was only just after two ⦠hours to go yet. At last she dropped off into a fitful, dream-tossed sleep.
When the alarm woke her at six-thirty she didn't feel refreshed, but a shower did much to restore her energies and a strong brew of perked coffee finished the job. After her muesli it would be time to phone. No luck this morning either. She was able to leave a message though and had to settle for that.
Whilst standing by the phone, her eye spotted her jotting of Lyndall's number. On impulse she decided to call and let her know she wouldn't take her up on the offer of a ride. She caught her just as she was about to rush out the door. Such disappointment, so sure had she been of a âyes'. She hung up with a: âSee you tonight, then,' trying not to let emotion show through.
The decision to return to work full-time had been a wise one. She did think about Sid lots, but the distractions around her helped to fill the void. Last night had been terrible. Only sleep had gotten her past the aching emptiness, but that had been a long time in coming. It was dreadful to feel so alone. She experienced this desolate longing in the pit of her stomach, almost like a sickness. She could see Sid's bright eyes and smiling mouth in her mind's eye, but she also heard that rather aloof voice explaining the house rules. This cold voice had left her uneasy. Unable to tolerate friction between them, she needed the harmony of before. She needed to talk to her.
The store closed at five, but they didn't get away 'til late. There was always the last tidy-up and the day's takings to be reconciled. She grabbed a bite at the Eaton Centre's Eatery Concourse and was glad of the âsit' to take the weight off her foot. The leg had held up surprisingly well. The girls had helped, running up and down for her when they could.
She took the northbound subway up to College then caught the westbound #506 streetcar to #519. The Counselling Centre was on the third floor. She arrived well after six o'clock so everyone was already in full swing. âSorry guys. I came straight from work and didn't realize how long it would take by Transit.'
âRelax Tenille. It's cool. Can I get you a coffee?' Rory, her helper on reception, offered. She looked flustered and in need.
âThat would be great, thanks.'
The evening flew by, as it always did. No dramas this week, but she did have to field constant calls. Colleen wasn't there with Sundance tonight. She and Alida were off on a two-week vacation, leaving him to holiday with a friend in Markham. At the end of the night Lyndall approached and offered a ride home. This time Ten gladly accepted, knowing her limitations. She was anxious to make a speedy return, sure of a phone call tonight. In reflective mood on the journey, her thoughts were already with Sid. Lyndall tried to stimulate a conversational exchange, wanting to make the most of this opportunity, but knew better than to force anything.
At that time of night the street was devoid of traffic. There were no pedestrians, no barking dogs, the silence complete. At the door Lyndall reiterated her offer; at any time if she needed a ride, just to give her a call. They both got out of the car. A chill breeze disturbing the shrubbery, blew on their faces. Winter, which had been waiting in the far horizons, was moving ever closer.
âThank you Lyndall, that's very kind of you. I really appreciate this lift home. It's saved me a lot of time and trouble.' Ten looked up at the tall woman and was truly glad to have her as a friend. She had a lovely smile, she noticed, softening the severity of her features.
âMust dash. I'll see you next week and ⦠thanks again,' she called back as she made her way up the path.
Sid phoned shortly after she got in. Ten was so happy to hear her voice. âYou got my message, darling?'
âYes. I've been trying to get you all day, except I knew you'd not be home tonight.' She sounded put out, her own had been difficult too. âWhat's going on?' She felt so out of touch. This distance thing.
Ten explained her decision to return to work, then immediately heard concern in Sid's voice. âYou don't think you're taking on too much too soon, do you?'
âDon't worry, I'm fine. This is good for me,' trying to be reassuring. She wanted Sid to be happy again.
âWhat was happening last night?' Sid felt she had a catalogue of complaints, but her mind was being driven to distraction. So far away and so powerless. The frustration level was high.
Taking the bit between her teeth: âDevon dropped over ⦠we got into some serious talk about her problems. It was just as you called. She was so emotional Sid. I couldn't leave her like that. You do see, don't you?' she appealed, not wanting agitation to develop over this. She knew how upset she could be, but really, there was nothing to be distressed about. Sometimes Sid was too intense.
She took it very well. It didn't leave her feeling good, but what could she do from here?
âTen, I'll be back in Toronto Thursday, but since you'll be at work now, how about I pick you up there? Save you a tedious journey home ⦠and that way I get to be with you that much sooner. Honey â¦?'
âYes darling.'
âI love you ⦠and I miss you heaps.' Her voice revealed the depth of feeling behind these simple words. Ten's heart lurched in a loving response of her own.
âI love you too. Only one more day and then we'll be together again.'
âHey. Good lyrics for a song,' she quipped, beginning to feel better. When she saw her Thursday, everything would be as it was before and they would make wonderful love together.
âSo how has everything gone so far? Are you settling in all right?' She wanted all the details.
âTen, this is a fantastic campus. It's huge. It will take me all my time just to find my way around. Orientation's tomorrow. The University itself, dates back to 1964. Before that there was the Ontario Agricultural College, the Ontario Veterinary College and the Macdonald Institute. They are magnificent stone-block buildings from the last century juxtaposed with modern concrete and glass. It works wonderfully well.'
She could hear the admiration in Sid's tone and was glad she would enjoy her surroundings. That was a help at the start.
âThe residences are at the periphery of the campus,' she went on, happy at last to be able to tell her all about it. âThere are different residences to choose from, gender specific and co-educational. They even have self-contained suites. There's a kitchenette in each hall, but really there're so many eateries to choose from. Four cafeterias, two snack bars, a pizzeria and the Whippletree Restaurant. All venues offer vegetarian dishes too.'
âI can see you'll not have to worry about cooking then, which is just as well. You'll have more time to concentrate on your studies and I know you'd prefer that,' she added. âNow, what about your syllabus. Is it a heavy one?'
âIt's going to be tough, Babe. I've been away from the regimen of regular study for so long. My pre-veterinary year wasn't too bad and I averaged As and Bs in most subjects. I got a bit rocky when I met Karen, but managed to pull through. She didn't, unfortunately. Therein lies some of the problem between us.' Sid was momentarily quiet. She gave her space. âThen I studied Introductory Biochemistry, Organic Chemistry, Introductory Genetics, General Microbiology, and Biostatistics.'
âYou did all that in one year.' Ten was impressed.
âThe second semester we added Biomedical history, and animal management. I knew this was what I wanted after that. We also had a look at the fundamentals of nutrition and medical Embryology.
âYou must have a quick mind, Sid, to absorb all that,' she commented, only now realizing what a smart girl she had fallen in love with. She was still full of surprises.
âThis semester will be harder. This is the real thing. I have to know veterinary Anatomy and Physiology, that will include Histology too. Also veterinary Neurosciences. On the other side we have to study Epidemiology and Production Genetics.'
âWhat is that last one?' She wasn't familiar with this.
âI don't know yet, I'll tell you in a month's time,' she responded.
âSid, are you sure you want to do all this?' she asked, overwhelmed at the magnitude of the task she had set herself.
âSure thing. To be studying the veterinary subjects proper. I can't wait.'
âWhen will you get to put your hands on an animal?'
âOh, that's a long way down the track. Not 'til I've completed the sixth semester and then I'll be given a placement in an externship. This will have to be discussed with the externship co-ordinator first.'
“
My goodness, what a long wait compared with nursing,”
Ten thought. âYou must want to be a Vet real bad, to put yourself through all that hard work.'
âTen, I tell you, it's the only thing I want to do with my life. That ⦠and love you.' She dropped her voice. âI miss you dreadfully already, my darling.'
âOne good thing about having to work hard then, you'll have no time to fret over me.' Ten wondered if she weren't a tad jealous of these studies. She had no such all-absorbing distraction.
“Come on,”
she rebuked herself:
“You're not so shallow as that, surely?”
âNot one day will pass, but I'll be thinking of you,' Sid's voice was heavy with emotion. âI know I'll be hanging out desperately for the weekends. They will be my oases of calm in a week of hectic endeavors.' She had to smile to herself at this. What had gotten into her?
âDarling Sid, I'll be as anxious as you. That's one of the reasons I decided to begin working full-time. I miss you too much.'
âNot to worry, Babe, I'll be back Thursday. Just one and three-quarter days to go. Five o'clock pick up, then shoot home. We'll be just us, together.'
âWonderful.' Ten bit her lip. âThis sounds like you're about to sign off. She didn't want her contact to end. Not yet. Only the loneliness of the apartment waited for her.
âThat's right, Precious. I have to go. I wish I had a room with a phone. Unfortunately, as you well know, I can't afford it. Bursaries allow for only the basics. But I'll not complain. Without assistance I wouldn't be here at all and to me that's the unthinkable.'
âI know, love. See you Thursday at five. What a sweet moment of reunion that will be,' she prophesied in happy anticipation.
*Â Â Â *Â Â Â *
Ten had hoped the hours would fly by but no such luck. It didn't take long to fall back into the routine of the working day, but still too much time was left. Before going home she phoned Aldo. She had delayed the call to give him time to be finished in the newsroom. She explained the situation, then asked if her working hours would interfere.
âIt's like this, Tenille. A body needs to be here from about two, no later than three o'clock anyway, to do the preparation for a four and five o'clock newsbreak. It takes at least that much time to sift through all the bulletins and daily newspapers and to get it into some sort of order.' Aldo was very disappointed. He'd felt sure this one would work out. So was Ten. Once she'd said yes, she was surprised at how much she was looking forward to the challenge. She felt let down. Well, at least there was still Tuesday evening to help occupy her mind and body.
Thursday; she couldn't believe how much an eight-hour day could drag itself out. She really wasn't a nice person to be around. Everyone noticed her snappy short-temperedness. Eventually the clock face told them all it was time to quit and she was the first out the door. She walked along Dundas to their agreed rendezvous; the Atrium on Bay. This allowed Sid more time to pull over and not be bothered by the impatient traffic on Yonge. She kept a sharp look out, but there was no sign of the blue Tercel. She waited a whole hour and still no Sidonie. People came and went around her, but she waited on, anxious and then alarmed.
Head down, a look of worry in her eyes, she went back to Dundas subway and tried âphoning home. No reply. Really worried now, she rushed through the turnstile, nearly missing her token in the slot. The train was already at the platform. At that time in the evening she was battling an almighty crush and now stood impatiently, between a large man and a very fat woman. She was used to the press of bodies and usually took it in her stride, but tonight she couldn't handle it, feeling ground down under their proximity. Hot and sweaty with nerves, her mind was in turmoil and spinning with unspeakable fears.
St. Clair arrived and she made her connection, alighting at Oakwood Avenue. She ran back all the way to Robina, but had to slow down to a fast walk on the hill. She observed nothing; felt only her heart pounding in her chest and the breath rasping in her throat. She was too out of shape for all this rushing, but her mind would not let her ease up for her body's sake.
âVery much. What happened to the Porsche?'
âIt got sold. All right my dear. I'll call you soon and we'll pick a day.' She leaned forward and gave her just a little goodbye kiss, but made it on the lips this time. Ten was surprised, but it was over almost before it was delivered. She waved goodbye and returned upstairs to call Sid.
Out of luck. Although it was before ten o'clock she couldn't get anyone to pick up the phone. She would have to try again in the morning before work. Not feeling tired, she cleared away and washed up, mulling over the day's events, busying her mind while her hands completed the tasks. She knew Sid had been disappointed at the way things had turned out. She hated that and wished she'd been able to speak properly at the time, but she'd been caught in a bind. If she had known then that communicating would be difficult, she would have acted differently. Well, she would just have to be patient and wait 'til morning. She could explain everything then.
The night was restless. No longer used to sleeping alone, she very much missed Sid by her side. “
She's probably feeling the same way.”
Opening her eyes to check the time, it was only just after two ⦠hours to go yet. At last she dropped off into a fitful, dream-tossed sleep.
When the alarm woke her at six-thirty she didn't feel refreshed, but a shower did much to restore her energies and a strong brew of perked coffee finished the job. After her muesli it would be time to phone. No luck this morning either. She was able to leave a message though and had to settle for that.
Whilst standing by the phone, her eye spotted her jotting of Lyndall's number. On impulse she decided to call and let her know she wouldn't take her up on the offer of a ride. She caught her just as she was about to rush out the door. Such disappointment, so sure had she been of a âyes'. She hung up with a: âSee you tonight, then,' trying not to let emotion show through.
The decision to return to work full-time had been a wise one. She did think about Sid lots, but the distractions around her helped to fill the void. Last night had been terrible. Only sleep had gotten her past the aching emptiness, but that had been a long time in coming. It was dreadful to feel so alone. She experienced this desolate longing in the pit of her stomach, almost like a sickness. She could see Sid's bright eyes and smiling mouth in her mind's eye, but she also heard that rather aloof voice explaining the house rules. This cold voice had left her uneasy. Unable to tolerate friction between them, she needed the harmony of before. She needed to talk to her.
The store closed at five, but they didn't get away 'til late. There was always the last tidy-up and the day's takings to be reconciled. She grabbed a bite at the Eaton Centre's Eatery Concourse and was glad of the âsit' to take the weight off her foot. The leg had held up surprisingly well. The girls had helped, running up and down for her when they could.
She took the northbound subway up to College then caught the westbound #506 streetcar to #519. The Counselling Centre was on the third floor. She arrived well after six o'clock so everyone was already in full swing. âSorry guys. I came straight from work and didn't realize how long it would take by Transit.'
âRelax Tenille. It's cool. Can I get you a coffee?' Rory, her helper on reception, offered. She looked flustered and in need.
âThat would be great, thanks.'
The evening flew by, as it always did. No dramas this week, but she did have to field constant calls. Colleen wasn't there with Sundance tonight. She and Alida were off on a two-week vacation, leaving him to holiday with a friend in Markham. At the end of the night Lyndall approached and offered a ride home. This time Ten gladly accepted, knowing her limitations. She was anxious to make a speedy return, sure of a phone call tonight. In reflective mood on the journey, her thoughts were already with Sid. Lyndall tried to stimulate a conversational exchange, wanting to make the most of this opportunity, but knew better than to force anything.
At that time of night the street was devoid of traffic. There were no pedestrians, no barking dogs, the silence complete. At the door Lyndall reiterated her offer; at any time if she needed a ride, just to give her a call. They both got out of the car. A chill breeze disturbing the shrubbery, blew on their faces. Winter, which had been waiting in the far horizons, was moving ever closer.
âThank you Lyndall, that's very kind of you. I really appreciate this lift home. It's saved me a lot of time and trouble.' Ten looked up at the tall woman and was truly glad to have her as a friend. She had a lovely smile, she noticed, softening the severity of her features.
âMust dash. I'll see you next week and ⦠thanks again,' she called back as she made her way up the path.
Sid phoned shortly after she got in. Ten was so happy to hear her voice. âYou got my message, darling?'
âYes. I've been trying to get you all day, except I knew you'd not be home tonight.' She sounded put out, her own had been difficult too. âWhat's going on?' She felt so out of touch. This distance thing.
Ten explained her decision to return to work, then immediately heard concern in Sid's voice. âYou don't think you're taking on too much too soon, do you?'
âDon't worry, I'm fine. This is good for me,' trying to be reassuring. She wanted Sid to be happy again.
âWhat was happening last night?' Sid felt she had a catalogue of complaints, but her mind was being driven to distraction. So far away and so powerless. The frustration level was high.
Taking the bit between her teeth: âDevon dropped over ⦠we got into some serious talk about her problems. It was just as you called. She was so emotional Sid. I couldn't leave her like that. You do see, don't you?' she appealed, not wanting agitation to develop over this. She knew how upset she could be, but really, there was nothing to be distressed about. Sometimes Sid was too intense.
She took it very well. It didn't leave her feeling good, but what could she do from here?
âTen, I'll be back in Toronto Thursday, but since you'll be at work now, how about I pick you up there? Save you a tedious journey home ⦠and that way I get to be with you that much sooner. Honey â¦?'
âYes darling.'
âI love you ⦠and I miss you heaps.' Her voice revealed the depth of feeling behind these simple words. Ten's heart lurched in a loving response of her own.
âI love you too. Only one more day and then we'll be together again.'
âHey. Good lyrics for a song,' she quipped, beginning to feel better. When she saw her Thursday, everything would be as it was before and they would make wonderful love together.
âSo how has everything gone so far? Are you settling in all right?' She wanted all the details.
âTen, this is a fantastic campus. It's huge. It will take me all my time just to find my way around. Orientation's tomorrow. The University itself, dates back to 1964. Before that there was the Ontario Agricultural College, the Ontario Veterinary College and the Macdonald Institute. They are magnificent stone-block buildings from the last century juxtaposed with modern concrete and glass. It works wonderfully well.'
She could hear the admiration in Sid's tone and was glad she would enjoy her surroundings. That was a help at the start.
âThe residences are at the periphery of the campus,' she went on, happy at last to be able to tell her all about it. âThere are different residences to choose from, gender specific and co-educational. They even have self-contained suites. There's a kitchenette in each hall, but really there're so many eateries to choose from. Four cafeterias, two snack bars, a pizzeria and the Whippletree Restaurant. All venues offer vegetarian dishes too.'
âI can see you'll not have to worry about cooking then, which is just as well. You'll have more time to concentrate on your studies and I know you'd prefer that,' she added. âNow, what about your syllabus. Is it a heavy one?'
âIt's going to be tough, Babe. I've been away from the regimen of regular study for so long. My pre-veterinary year wasn't too bad and I averaged As and Bs in most subjects. I got a bit rocky when I met Karen, but managed to pull through. She didn't, unfortunately. Therein lies some of the problem between us.' Sid was momentarily quiet. She gave her space. âThen I studied Introductory Biochemistry, Organic Chemistry, Introductory Genetics, General Microbiology, and Biostatistics.'
âYou did all that in one year.' Ten was impressed.
âThe second semester we added Biomedical history, and animal management. I knew this was what I wanted after that. We also had a look at the fundamentals of nutrition and medical Embryology.
âYou must have a quick mind, Sid, to absorb all that,' she commented, only now realizing what a smart girl she had fallen in love with. She was still full of surprises.
âThis semester will be harder. This is the real thing. I have to know veterinary Anatomy and Physiology, that will include Histology too. Also veterinary Neurosciences. On the other side we have to study Epidemiology and Production Genetics.'
âWhat is that last one?' She wasn't familiar with this.
âI don't know yet, I'll tell you in a month's time,' she responded.
âSid, are you sure you want to do all this?' she asked, overwhelmed at the magnitude of the task she had set herself.
âSure thing. To be studying the veterinary subjects proper. I can't wait.'
âWhen will you get to put your hands on an animal?'
âOh, that's a long way down the track. Not 'til I've completed the sixth semester and then I'll be given a placement in an externship. This will have to be discussed with the externship co-ordinator first.'
“
My goodness, what a long wait compared with nursing,”
Ten thought. âYou must want to be a Vet real bad, to put yourself through all that hard work.'
âTen, I tell you, it's the only thing I want to do with my life. That ⦠and love you.' She dropped her voice. âI miss you dreadfully already, my darling.'
âOne good thing about having to work hard then, you'll have no time to fret over me.' Ten wondered if she weren't a tad jealous of these studies. She had no such all-absorbing distraction.
“Come on,”
she rebuked herself:
“You're not so shallow as that, surely?”
âNot one day will pass, but I'll be thinking of you,' Sid's voice was heavy with emotion. âI know I'll be hanging out desperately for the weekends. They will be my oases of calm in a week of hectic endeavors.' She had to smile to herself at this. What had gotten into her?
âDarling Sid, I'll be as anxious as you. That's one of the reasons I decided to begin working full-time. I miss you too much.'
âNot to worry, Babe, I'll be back Thursday. Just one and three-quarter days to go. Five o'clock pick up, then shoot home. We'll be just us, together.'
âWonderful.' Ten bit her lip. âThis sounds like you're about to sign off. She didn't want her contact to end. Not yet. Only the loneliness of the apartment waited for her.
âThat's right, Precious. I have to go. I wish I had a room with a phone. Unfortunately, as you well know, I can't afford it. Bursaries allow for only the basics. But I'll not complain. Without assistance I wouldn't be here at all and to me that's the unthinkable.'
âI know, love. See you Thursday at five. What a sweet moment of reunion that will be,' she prophesied in happy anticipation.
*Â Â Â *Â Â Â *
Ten had hoped the hours would fly by but no such luck. It didn't take long to fall back into the routine of the working day, but still too much time was left. Before going home she phoned Aldo. She had delayed the call to give him time to be finished in the newsroom. She explained the situation, then asked if her working hours would interfere.
âIt's like this, Tenille. A body needs to be here from about two, no later than three o'clock anyway, to do the preparation for a four and five o'clock newsbreak. It takes at least that much time to sift through all the bulletins and daily newspapers and to get it into some sort of order.' Aldo was very disappointed. He'd felt sure this one would work out. So was Ten. Once she'd said yes, she was surprised at how much she was looking forward to the challenge. She felt let down. Well, at least there was still Tuesday evening to help occupy her mind and body.
Thursday; she couldn't believe how much an eight-hour day could drag itself out. She really wasn't a nice person to be around. Everyone noticed her snappy short-temperedness. Eventually the clock face told them all it was time to quit and she was the first out the door. She walked along Dundas to their agreed rendezvous; the Atrium on Bay. This allowed Sid more time to pull over and not be bothered by the impatient traffic on Yonge. She kept a sharp look out, but there was no sign of the blue Tercel. She waited a whole hour and still no Sidonie. People came and went around her, but she waited on, anxious and then alarmed.
Head down, a look of worry in her eyes, she went back to Dundas subway and tried âphoning home. No reply. Really worried now, she rushed through the turnstile, nearly missing her token in the slot. The train was already at the platform. At that time in the evening she was battling an almighty crush and now stood impatiently, between a large man and a very fat woman. She was used to the press of bodies and usually took it in her stride, but tonight she couldn't handle it, feeling ground down under their proximity. Hot and sweaty with nerves, her mind was in turmoil and spinning with unspeakable fears.
St. Clair arrived and she made her connection, alighting at Oakwood Avenue. She ran back all the way to Robina, but had to slow down to a fast walk on the hill. She observed nothing; felt only her heart pounding in her chest and the breath rasping in her throat. She was too out of shape for all this rushing, but her mind would not let her ease up for her body's sake.
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