Outing of the Heart (79 page)
Read Outing of the Heart Online
Authors: Lisa Ann Harper
The pastures were enchanting; the crops ripening to fall colors, the trees still lush and green after all the months of waiting as bare skeletons. She pondered on what the cattle beasts thought, as their eyes followed the passing car. Did they ever wonder about the strange animal, always whizzing by, never stopping to graze?
She actually made Lindsay in under the ninety minutes. With time to kill it was necessary to decide between going straight there, or stopping for a coffee and doughnut at Tim Horton's. She didn't want to risk turning up too soon; confronting Mrs. Fenech. She opted to wait, but took her refreshment over to the park, biding her time observing the little kids playing Frisbee. So much energy; running and jumping everywhere. Those chubby legs just growing and getting stronger by the day. Of course, they also sleep long hours too, she reminded herself.
When next she checked her watch, it was just on three o'clock. Now she was going to be late. Damn. As she pulled up opposite the front walkway, the door opened and Mr. Fenech came out with Tenille's suitcase, followed by her. Sidonie's heart missed a beat and her hands were suddenly clammy on the steering wheel. Tenille descended the steps expertly, her smile radiant with eagerness. She thought her face looked a little thinner and she was pallid, but there was no mistaking her happiness. Sidonie resolved that at the first opportunity she would pull over. With heart pounding erratically, body movements jerky, she accepted the luggage from Mr. Fenech.
âHello Sidonie,' he called out to her.
âHi there.'
On the exchange he declared: âTennie told me the plan. I think it's best for all concerned.'
âThank you, Mr. Fenech.' Her words were brief but heart-felt. âI'm sure Tenille will let you know how it works out,' she added. She went to the passenger side to open the door for her. All she said was: âHidy,' her throat too constricted for more.
Tenille, for her part simply looked at her, drinking in every detail of face and form, as one parched before a well. She neatly swapped the crutches over to her right hand and reached down to the seat with her left, to lower herself between the two and easily swung her legs up into the car. Sidonie set the crutches into the back.
Alex came round to say goodbye. âTake care of yourself won't you, Tennie,' he cautioned.
âI'll call you as soon as we're settled, Dad. And don't worry, I'll be fine.' She had wanted to add: “
Now that I have Sid to care for me,”
but thought better of it. She didn't want to appear to be casting aspersions on her parents' abilities, although her dad probably wouldn't take it that way.
Sidonie returned to her side of the car and thought fleetingly:
“Like my side of the bed.”
Since this got her hot and flustered, she reckoned she should concentrate on the driving and give her body time to get itself under control.
Easing out into the flow of traffic on Kent Street, she headed south towards Highway #115. So acutely aware of each other, they became tongue-tied. It wasn't until the 401, that Tenille broke the silence by asking if they were going straight to the apartment.
“So much for my stopping,”
Sidonie laughed to herself, still feeling that sweet, sweet longing as she looked at the woman beside her. âYes,' she acknowledged. âI thought it best you get to meet each other ⦠so we'd know where we stand. Is that OK with you?' She didn't turn to look, her body was doing all sorts of crazy things today and she didn't want the uncontrollable shaking to start.
âAfterwards we're invited to Thea's for dinner, but we can stop at Mrs. Sandrelli's too, if you want to see her.'
âYes, that would be nice. I'd like that,' she replied briefly as her eyes feasted on the rippling muscles of her arms as she drove, weaving in and out the traffic fast, but always safe. Would they be able to be together tonight? she wondered. How her longing consumed her. She lived for this girl. She would never tell her; it could be burdensome. Every waking moment had been filled with thoughts of her; remembered times together, even those innocent days at the gym. Now they were side by side and they hardly spoke, but the electricity was there. It would take only one touch to open the floodgate. There was so much to make up for; then they would talk.
*Â Â Â *Â Â Â *
Close to five o'clock Sidonie pulled up outside the house on Robina. She cut the motor and turned to Tenille. âThis is it Honey, #39.'
She scrutinized the facade closely. It looked well cared for and she liked what she'd seen of the neighborhood. Sidonie jumped out and was collecting the crutches as the front door opened, Moira standing there, casually dressed in shorts and open necked shirt. Both garments were large and ballooning to accommodate her rotund figure.
âCome in both of you. Rani and I have been keeping a lookout.' She showed them into the same room Sidonie had first seen. Rani, seated on one of the uncomfortable chairs, looked regal in a flowing sari of crimson and gold, idly turning the pages of a magazine. She threw it onto the side table. A glossy fashion review, it seemed, as she caught an upside down glimpse.
Moira made the introductions and the three shook hands. âI'll take you to the apartment,' she said, brusque as ever. The stairs were steep, but Tenille negotiated them well. She wasn't impressed with what she saw, but for their own space and privacy, she was prepared to accept anything. The kitchen and bathroom really were a letdown. Only one closet in the bedroom and nowhere to eat. It should be possible to find something second-hand, she surmised. Otherwise the scale of the rooms and the large windows were pleasing.
Returning downstairs the rich aroma of freshly brewed coffee assailed them. “
They must have a routine going here,”
Sidonie mused. This was just like last time. Here was Act II, Scene I, enter next prospective tenant. âWould you like coffee? Or we have lime cordial,' Rani offered. Tenille accepted the coffee; Sidonie opted for juice.
âWhat did you do to your leg?' Moira enquired, trying to get the measure of Tenille by encouraging her to talk. She explained the circumstances of the accident in brief and both women appeared to respond favorably to her conversation. Then she asked: âAnd you Rani. Do you dance?'
This took her by surprise, but she was happy to tell her that no, she didn't, but she enjoyed listening to Indian music. Her culture was very important to her. She belonged to the Overseas Club at the University.
âWe have a drop-in centre where they feature a guest speaker or performer on a regular basis.'
Tenille then turned to Moira and smiled. âHave you ever been to one of these evenings?'
What was Tenille doing? Sidonie wondered. She threw her a questioning look. It was like she was interviewing them.
“Don't put their backs up, Honey,”
she prayed. But far from being upsetting, they seemed quite at ease, this meeting being more successful than hers, she realized. The exchanges back and forth moved easily. Tenille seemed to have a facility that she lacked. By the time they'd finished their beverages the three of them were chatting and laughing and Sidonie felt left out. No matter. If it scored them the apartment, it was all to the good.
Moira returned to the business at hand and moved on to introduce the possibly contentious issue of rent.
âHave you thought any more about this, Sidonie?'
At last she was being included. âYes. We've discussed it and we feel we can carry it all right,' she affirmed. âIn fact we feel you are being quite generous to us and we appreciate it.'
Rani and Moira beamed at this acknowledgment.
âWe have a standard landlord and tenant lease here. Will you look it over and sign, if everything meets with your satisfaction?' She handed the sheaf of papers over to Sidonie, who proceeded to share them with Tenille. No great dramas. Just one month's rent in advance and to pay for any damage occurring to walls, floor or appliances.
âWill you give us a moment to talk together?' Sidonie asked.
âOf course.' Moira waved her hand.
âWe'll just go look at the garden Tenille hasn't seen the back.'
âYes. By all means,' she agreed.
She took Tenille out through the front and round to the side, passing by their entrance to go through the gate now ahead of them. Tenille liked the yard and exclaimed her pleasure.
âWe would have the use of this space too,' Sidonie elaborated. She looked about her. âThere's a BBQ grill somewhere.' She turned to Tenille. âWell, what do you think?' her enquiry tentative. She knew she wanted it, but didn't want to be too forceful.
âWell, I'll be honest with you Sid,' she looked back at her. âI don't think the apartment is all that great but â¦' she held up her hand to stem any argument, â â¦but,' she continued, â â¦there are mitigating circumstances.' Sidonie's eyes met hers.
â1: I like the people. 2: I like the neighborhood. 3: If we take it, we can be together, real soon. And that's the best argument of all, don't you agree?'
âOh Ten, are you saying âyes'?' Sidonie rushed in jubilantly.
âYes darling,' she replied with a smile. âIn fact I'm saying âyes' to a lot more than the apartment.' She moved closer and looked deeply into her eyes, her face solemn. âI want to be with you, Sid. I want us to be together, alone. To feel safe from prying eyes; to be able to turn the key and know that our space is inviolate.' She continued to look steadily at Sidonie, but here was no smiling countenance. The solemnity of the moment added years to her demeanor. The thought intruded ⦠this is how Tenille will appear as time takes its inevitable toll on her beautiful face. A depth of character would be added to its beauty and she felt the impact, experiencing a propitious tightening under the ribs. This scene would be remembered in every detail, down to the scent of the wild thyme growing in the herb garden and the hum of the honey sucker's wings, as it hovered intently before a gladiolus trumpet. These imprints would remain 'til her dying day. She took Tenille's left hand in hers and placed her right over it, the gravity of the sequence made her eyes glisten.
âWith your hand in mine, I pledge to give you my loyalty, my faithfulness ⦠and my love, for as long as you desire them.' Sidonie's face had taken on an aspect of profound earnestness, testament to the seriousness of this proceeding. These were no light words but, intoned with solemnity, whilst standing in the centre of the lawn, were spoken from the heart. Here was an intermission of emotional transcendence. It had come suddenly, in the midst of making a working decision; to rent or not to rent. Standing in the broken sunlight, passing through the shadowy leaves of tall shrubs, they had embarked upon vows of love and dedication. They would have anticipated making them at some special restaurant, over candlelight and wine, certainly not at six o'clock on a Saturday afternoon, jaded and travel-weary.
Tenille said nothing, too moved to articulate coherent thoughts. Instead, she looked down and extricated her hand to retrieve her crutch. “
Not even sealed with a kiss,”
she thought in passing, as they returned to Moira and Rani.
Sidonie spoke for them both. âWhere do I sign?'
âOh, we're so glad,' Rani poured forth her pleasure. âWe were really getting desperate. We do so want people living upstairs and you are both so nice.'
Sidonie was happy to hear this. She had thought them critical people and that nothing would be satisfactory.
âAs I mentioned before,' Moira reminded them: âYou can move in any time.'
âThank you,' Sidonie said. âWhat about next Saturday?' She faced Tenille. âHow much notice do you need to give Mrs S.?'
âJust a week would be acceptable to her I think. Yes, so Saturday should be fine.'
Rani beamed. âThat's settled then.' She looked at them in turn. âWould you like another drink?'
âNo thanks, Rani. We must get over to Tenille's place and get everything squared away with her landlady. Thank you anyway,' Sidonie finished.
Back in the car they just sat and looked at each other then ⦠âWe've got it and we've done it.' Sidonie reached for her hand and Tenille clasped it eagerly, taking some calming breaths, slow and deep before continuing. âThis will be the start of a new life for us Sid, won't it?' she prophesied.
âYes,' Sidonie agreed, overwhelmed and joyful at the same time. Everything was beginning to take shape. Could she believe it? âLet's start it right away by going to Mrs. Sandrelli's and then celebrate tonight at Thea and Reine's.'
âYes. I'll be with you on that,' she said in buoyant concurrence. They regarded each other a moment longer. To kiss now would have been perfect pleasure. Their own private space was secured. This was a public space, so to wait a little longer was not beyond them.
âRight,' Sidonie said decisively. âMrs. Sandrelli's it is.'
Dusk gathered quickly, with the lights of the city springing up in ever more rapid succession. When Serafina heard the news she was happy for Tenille, but felt sorrow at losing her.
âPerhaps you will drop by to visit, sometime?' She smiled as she spoke, plump cheeks dimpling in a way that made Tenille resolve she would definitely be back.
When she looked around her room, seeing it through eyes detached by distance, she realized that despite her efforts to impart warmth and individuality, it still looked like a motel. She had very much appreciated finding #226, but she wouldn't be sorry to leave. She glanced across at Sid, busy in the kitchen making them coffees and marvelled how things had turned out. Was it only five months since they'd first met? She was preparing to share herself with this woman, still a girl really. Her life, her hopes and her dreams. She smiled to herself for a fleetingly warm second. What a step. No â what a plunge.
She actually made Lindsay in under the ninety minutes. With time to kill it was necessary to decide between going straight there, or stopping for a coffee and doughnut at Tim Horton's. She didn't want to risk turning up too soon; confronting Mrs. Fenech. She opted to wait, but took her refreshment over to the park, biding her time observing the little kids playing Frisbee. So much energy; running and jumping everywhere. Those chubby legs just growing and getting stronger by the day. Of course, they also sleep long hours too, she reminded herself.
When next she checked her watch, it was just on three o'clock. Now she was going to be late. Damn. As she pulled up opposite the front walkway, the door opened and Mr. Fenech came out with Tenille's suitcase, followed by her. Sidonie's heart missed a beat and her hands were suddenly clammy on the steering wheel. Tenille descended the steps expertly, her smile radiant with eagerness. She thought her face looked a little thinner and she was pallid, but there was no mistaking her happiness. Sidonie resolved that at the first opportunity she would pull over. With heart pounding erratically, body movements jerky, she accepted the luggage from Mr. Fenech.
âHello Sidonie,' he called out to her.
âHi there.'
On the exchange he declared: âTennie told me the plan. I think it's best for all concerned.'
âThank you, Mr. Fenech.' Her words were brief but heart-felt. âI'm sure Tenille will let you know how it works out,' she added. She went to the passenger side to open the door for her. All she said was: âHidy,' her throat too constricted for more.
Tenille, for her part simply looked at her, drinking in every detail of face and form, as one parched before a well. She neatly swapped the crutches over to her right hand and reached down to the seat with her left, to lower herself between the two and easily swung her legs up into the car. Sidonie set the crutches into the back.
Alex came round to say goodbye. âTake care of yourself won't you, Tennie,' he cautioned.
âI'll call you as soon as we're settled, Dad. And don't worry, I'll be fine.' She had wanted to add: “
Now that I have Sid to care for me,”
but thought better of it. She didn't want to appear to be casting aspersions on her parents' abilities, although her dad probably wouldn't take it that way.
Sidonie returned to her side of the car and thought fleetingly:
“Like my side of the bed.”
Since this got her hot and flustered, she reckoned she should concentrate on the driving and give her body time to get itself under control.
Easing out into the flow of traffic on Kent Street, she headed south towards Highway #115. So acutely aware of each other, they became tongue-tied. It wasn't until the 401, that Tenille broke the silence by asking if they were going straight to the apartment.
“So much for my stopping,”
Sidonie laughed to herself, still feeling that sweet, sweet longing as she looked at the woman beside her. âYes,' she acknowledged. âI thought it best you get to meet each other ⦠so we'd know where we stand. Is that OK with you?' She didn't turn to look, her body was doing all sorts of crazy things today and she didn't want the uncontrollable shaking to start.
âAfterwards we're invited to Thea's for dinner, but we can stop at Mrs. Sandrelli's too, if you want to see her.'
âYes, that would be nice. I'd like that,' she replied briefly as her eyes feasted on the rippling muscles of her arms as she drove, weaving in and out the traffic fast, but always safe. Would they be able to be together tonight? she wondered. How her longing consumed her. She lived for this girl. She would never tell her; it could be burdensome. Every waking moment had been filled with thoughts of her; remembered times together, even those innocent days at the gym. Now they were side by side and they hardly spoke, but the electricity was there. It would take only one touch to open the floodgate. There was so much to make up for; then they would talk.
*Â Â Â *Â Â Â *
Close to five o'clock Sidonie pulled up outside the house on Robina. She cut the motor and turned to Tenille. âThis is it Honey, #39.'
She scrutinized the facade closely. It looked well cared for and she liked what she'd seen of the neighborhood. Sidonie jumped out and was collecting the crutches as the front door opened, Moira standing there, casually dressed in shorts and open necked shirt. Both garments were large and ballooning to accommodate her rotund figure.
âCome in both of you. Rani and I have been keeping a lookout.' She showed them into the same room Sidonie had first seen. Rani, seated on one of the uncomfortable chairs, looked regal in a flowing sari of crimson and gold, idly turning the pages of a magazine. She threw it onto the side table. A glossy fashion review, it seemed, as she caught an upside down glimpse.
Moira made the introductions and the three shook hands. âI'll take you to the apartment,' she said, brusque as ever. The stairs were steep, but Tenille negotiated them well. She wasn't impressed with what she saw, but for their own space and privacy, she was prepared to accept anything. The kitchen and bathroom really were a letdown. Only one closet in the bedroom and nowhere to eat. It should be possible to find something second-hand, she surmised. Otherwise the scale of the rooms and the large windows were pleasing.
Returning downstairs the rich aroma of freshly brewed coffee assailed them. “
They must have a routine going here,”
Sidonie mused. This was just like last time. Here was Act II, Scene I, enter next prospective tenant. âWould you like coffee? Or we have lime cordial,' Rani offered. Tenille accepted the coffee; Sidonie opted for juice.
âWhat did you do to your leg?' Moira enquired, trying to get the measure of Tenille by encouraging her to talk. She explained the circumstances of the accident in brief and both women appeared to respond favorably to her conversation. Then she asked: âAnd you Rani. Do you dance?'
This took her by surprise, but she was happy to tell her that no, she didn't, but she enjoyed listening to Indian music. Her culture was very important to her. She belonged to the Overseas Club at the University.
âWe have a drop-in centre where they feature a guest speaker or performer on a regular basis.'
Tenille then turned to Moira and smiled. âHave you ever been to one of these evenings?'
What was Tenille doing? Sidonie wondered. She threw her a questioning look. It was like she was interviewing them.
“Don't put their backs up, Honey,”
she prayed. But far from being upsetting, they seemed quite at ease, this meeting being more successful than hers, she realized. The exchanges back and forth moved easily. Tenille seemed to have a facility that she lacked. By the time they'd finished their beverages the three of them were chatting and laughing and Sidonie felt left out. No matter. If it scored them the apartment, it was all to the good.
Moira returned to the business at hand and moved on to introduce the possibly contentious issue of rent.
âHave you thought any more about this, Sidonie?'
At last she was being included. âYes. We've discussed it and we feel we can carry it all right,' she affirmed. âIn fact we feel you are being quite generous to us and we appreciate it.'
Rani and Moira beamed at this acknowledgment.
âWe have a standard landlord and tenant lease here. Will you look it over and sign, if everything meets with your satisfaction?' She handed the sheaf of papers over to Sidonie, who proceeded to share them with Tenille. No great dramas. Just one month's rent in advance and to pay for any damage occurring to walls, floor or appliances.
âWill you give us a moment to talk together?' Sidonie asked.
âOf course.' Moira waved her hand.
âWe'll just go look at the garden Tenille hasn't seen the back.'
âYes. By all means,' she agreed.
She took Tenille out through the front and round to the side, passing by their entrance to go through the gate now ahead of them. Tenille liked the yard and exclaimed her pleasure.
âWe would have the use of this space too,' Sidonie elaborated. She looked about her. âThere's a BBQ grill somewhere.' She turned to Tenille. âWell, what do you think?' her enquiry tentative. She knew she wanted it, but didn't want to be too forceful.
âWell, I'll be honest with you Sid,' she looked back at her. âI don't think the apartment is all that great but â¦' she held up her hand to stem any argument, â â¦but,' she continued, â â¦there are mitigating circumstances.' Sidonie's eyes met hers.
â1: I like the people. 2: I like the neighborhood. 3: If we take it, we can be together, real soon. And that's the best argument of all, don't you agree?'
âOh Ten, are you saying âyes'?' Sidonie rushed in jubilantly.
âYes darling,' she replied with a smile. âIn fact I'm saying âyes' to a lot more than the apartment.' She moved closer and looked deeply into her eyes, her face solemn. âI want to be with you, Sid. I want us to be together, alone. To feel safe from prying eyes; to be able to turn the key and know that our space is inviolate.' She continued to look steadily at Sidonie, but here was no smiling countenance. The solemnity of the moment added years to her demeanor. The thought intruded ⦠this is how Tenille will appear as time takes its inevitable toll on her beautiful face. A depth of character would be added to its beauty and she felt the impact, experiencing a propitious tightening under the ribs. This scene would be remembered in every detail, down to the scent of the wild thyme growing in the herb garden and the hum of the honey sucker's wings, as it hovered intently before a gladiolus trumpet. These imprints would remain 'til her dying day. She took Tenille's left hand in hers and placed her right over it, the gravity of the sequence made her eyes glisten.
âWith your hand in mine, I pledge to give you my loyalty, my faithfulness ⦠and my love, for as long as you desire them.' Sidonie's face had taken on an aspect of profound earnestness, testament to the seriousness of this proceeding. These were no light words but, intoned with solemnity, whilst standing in the centre of the lawn, were spoken from the heart. Here was an intermission of emotional transcendence. It had come suddenly, in the midst of making a working decision; to rent or not to rent. Standing in the broken sunlight, passing through the shadowy leaves of tall shrubs, they had embarked upon vows of love and dedication. They would have anticipated making them at some special restaurant, over candlelight and wine, certainly not at six o'clock on a Saturday afternoon, jaded and travel-weary.
Tenille said nothing, too moved to articulate coherent thoughts. Instead, she looked down and extricated her hand to retrieve her crutch. “
Not even sealed with a kiss,”
she thought in passing, as they returned to Moira and Rani.
Sidonie spoke for them both. âWhere do I sign?'
âOh, we're so glad,' Rani poured forth her pleasure. âWe were really getting desperate. We do so want people living upstairs and you are both so nice.'
Sidonie was happy to hear this. She had thought them critical people and that nothing would be satisfactory.
âAs I mentioned before,' Moira reminded them: âYou can move in any time.'
âThank you,' Sidonie said. âWhat about next Saturday?' She faced Tenille. âHow much notice do you need to give Mrs S.?'
âJust a week would be acceptable to her I think. Yes, so Saturday should be fine.'
Rani beamed. âThat's settled then.' She looked at them in turn. âWould you like another drink?'
âNo thanks, Rani. We must get over to Tenille's place and get everything squared away with her landlady. Thank you anyway,' Sidonie finished.
Back in the car they just sat and looked at each other then ⦠âWe've got it and we've done it.' Sidonie reached for her hand and Tenille clasped it eagerly, taking some calming breaths, slow and deep before continuing. âThis will be the start of a new life for us Sid, won't it?' she prophesied.
âYes,' Sidonie agreed, overwhelmed and joyful at the same time. Everything was beginning to take shape. Could she believe it? âLet's start it right away by going to Mrs. Sandrelli's and then celebrate tonight at Thea and Reine's.'
âYes. I'll be with you on that,' she said in buoyant concurrence. They regarded each other a moment longer. To kiss now would have been perfect pleasure. Their own private space was secured. This was a public space, so to wait a little longer was not beyond them.
âRight,' Sidonie said decisively. âMrs. Sandrelli's it is.'
Dusk gathered quickly, with the lights of the city springing up in ever more rapid succession. When Serafina heard the news she was happy for Tenille, but felt sorrow at losing her.
âPerhaps you will drop by to visit, sometime?' She smiled as she spoke, plump cheeks dimpling in a way that made Tenille resolve she would definitely be back.
When she looked around her room, seeing it through eyes detached by distance, she realized that despite her efforts to impart warmth and individuality, it still looked like a motel. She had very much appreciated finding #226, but she wouldn't be sorry to leave. She glanced across at Sid, busy in the kitchen making them coffees and marvelled how things had turned out. Was it only five months since they'd first met? She was preparing to share herself with this woman, still a girl really. Her life, her hopes and her dreams. She smiled to herself for a fleetingly warm second. What a step. No â what a plunge.
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