OUTLAW KING (2 page)

I thought about it for a second. Tito would have done it for me. But, no, that would only make things worse. So I shook my head.

“No,” Tito said. “Okay. So give me something to work with here.”

“I just want to make sure she knows I care.”

“You’re too young to care.”

“Don’t say that stuff to me. You sound like Mom.”

“Yeah, right,” Tito said. “You really like her. I get that. There’s a lot of fish out there, Kingston.”

“Call me King,” I said.

“Oh?”

“It sounds cooler, doesn’t it?
King
. Makes me… bigger.”

Tito laughed. “A’ight,
King
. I got you. I got you covered. You can’t play guitar yet, right?”

“Still practicing,” I said. “I need new strings though.”

“Shit, brother, why didn’t you say something sooner?”

Tito pulled his amp forward and reached into the back of it. He took out a pack of strings and tossed them to me. He then took out a pack of cigarettes and shook them in front of my face.

“Want to try one yet?”

“No,” I said. “Mom says they’re bad for you.”

“Everything is bad for you,” Tito said. “What do you want to do? Live forever?”

I just had to live through the summer. How the hell was I going to go without seeing Lindsey for an entire summer? It wasn’t goddamn right.

“I just need your help, Tito,” I said.

“Okay. Okay. You want to make a statement. Prove your point with this chick. I get that. So here’s what you do. Get outside right now. Pick one of them pretty red roses off the bush in the neighbor’s yard. Don’t let them see you though. Damn, old Mrs. K will smack you with her cane right across the ass. Put that in a baggie and then write Lindsey a love letter. Send that shit right to her house and wait. Then all you can do is wait.”

“I don’t want to wait,” I said, knowing I was sounding like a little baby instead of a teenager. “I want to fucking be with her, Tito.”

Tito grabbed me by the shoulders. “I get that, brother. I’m sorry. I wish I could say more. But sometimes you just have to wait.”

His girl started to stir. As she started to lift up, I saw the side of her right breast.

Holy shit… holy shit… holy shit…

“Not yet,” Tito said. He grabbed my jaw and made me look at him. “You really like this chick, then you focus on her. But don’t be afraid to let time do its thing. Okay? You never know where this long and winding road is headed. Don’t try to control it so much, you’ll just wear yourself out doing so.”

I nodded. “Thanks, Tito.”

“No worries, my man. Now get out so I can find out if I like this girl or not.”

I left the bedroom, knowing exactly what was going to be happening in the bedroom. I went outside and did exactly what Tito said to do.

I was going to make sure my love for Lindsey could survive a little summer separation.

But as far as the
long and winding road of life went
?

It was all fucked up.

Why?

Before Tito saw thirty, he’d be dead… and before I saw thirty, I’d be in prison for murder.

2

⁽
K
ing)

*
NOW*

T
HE DARKNESS
, it completes me. On my back, the ceiling coming down on me. The mattress feels like concrete, the concrete feels like quicksand. But I can’t stand. No matter how hard I try to jump, I can’t fall. I feel invincible at the end of the world. Yet it’s coming. I can smell it in the air. The stale, damp hallways. The smell of metal and water. The echoing sounds of the cells slamming shut. Lonely cries, a haggard laugh. The footsteps as they get closer. Are they coming for me? Is today the big day? What happens next?

I shut the notebook and tossed it to the floor.

I stood up from the weight bench and jumped, grabbing the pull-up bar. I ripped out thirty without even trying. Sometimes I wondered what the fuck I was trying to achieve. Working out while on death row seemed a little dumb, didn’t it? But I learned a long time ago that if you didn’t fight you were already dead. I could take a deep breath. I could exhale. I could grab a fistful of my cock and jerk it hard, splash my cum all over the floor. That meant I was alive. Right up until they finally decided to kill me.

I got notice from the Reap that there was one last plea thrown at a judge to see if I could get put away for life.

I didn’t care.

I knew my fate. I knew what I had done. I knew what I had given up. Shit, I knew what I lost.

After completing another thirty pull-ups, I sat back down. Sweat leaked from my pores, collecting to my dirty t-shirt. They took care of me sometimes. I kept quiet, took care of the guards who took care of me, and I found a way to meek out something like survival.

I heard a banging thud on the door and it opened.

In walked my favorite fucking guard of all time.

“Johnny,” I said.

“Kingston,” he said. “You ready to fucking die today?”

“I’m always ready to die.”

Johnny stood there, his fat belly pressing against his shirt. He hated me. And he had good reason to do so. A couple months back he brought his beautiful daughter to work to show her the other side of life. She was in her late twenties and had aspirations to be a psychologist and help those in prison. I helped myself to her sweet pussy as we went at it really fucking rough in a room. I had months of shit pent up inside me and she took it all from me. It was a great afternoon.

But Johnny was really pissed about it.

Still.

“I’m in a good mood today,” Johnny said.

“That’s good. You get laid finally?”

Johnny snickered. “I’ll bury you right here.”

I stood up. “Then do it. Shoot me. Write your fake report. Whatever you need to do, Johnny. As far as I can tell I still have five minutes to myself in here.”

“You’re right and wrong,” Johnny said. “You still have a few minutes… but you’re not going to be alone. In fact, I’m in such a good mood, I’m going to give you a choice.”

“Of what?”

“How you want to die,” Johnny said.

Right on cue two men stepped up from behind Johnny. Then two more followed. They were big dudes. Basketball shoulders, arms that matched, the look of murder on their faces. They stood next to Johnny, arms hanging at their sides, ready to go.

“Fuck,” I said.

“Oh, I brought you a last meal,” Johnny said. He pulled out a baggie with a sandwich in it.

“Ham and cheese?” I asked.

“Here. Make your choice.”

Johnny threw the bag.

I caught it. I took the sandwich out. It was just two pieces of bread.

“Not much of a sandwich here,” I said.

“Open it you fucking moron,” Johnny said.

I opened the bread and saw a little needle. I gritted my teeth and looked at Johnny. They always fucked with me. Johnny and another guard they called
Tater
. They would bring me needles all the time, tempting me to do myself in. I never knew what was actually in the needles though. But they wanted me to do myself in. I didn’t want to give them the satisfaction. I knew they were betting on me to do it.

I tossed the sandwich aside and cracked my knuckles.

“You’re really fucking stupid,” Johnny said.

“No,” I said. “I just like a good fight.”

“I’m going to really enjoy this,” Johnny said.

I grinned. “You know, I said the same damn thing to your daughter right before I shoved my huge cock in her tiny little ass.”

“Get him,” Johnny said.

The four big guys came charging at me.

I was going to take one hell of a beating, but I would put up a fight though.

And for some reason, in that moment of death coming at me, I thought about… her.

3

⁽
L
indsey)

*
THEN*

I
HUGGED
my favorite bear and was huddled in the corner of the bed. The bedroom was massive. Freshly painted. Fresh carpeting. A mansion compared to what I used to live in with Aunt Jane. But I hated
him
. I hated Jim. He was a complete and total asshole. Even if he said he loved me, it didn’t matter. I didn’t like the way he looked at me. I didn’t like the way his hands touched my hair, my back, or even those couple times he accidentally touched my butt.

It was all weird and gross to me.

Yet he was the one who married Aunt Jane and bought her this house.

Aunt Jane had always done her best to keep a roof over my head. Something she didn’t have to do. I could have been floated around anywhere after my mother was killed in a car accident. And that included being shipped over to Ohio to live with my deadbeat of a father who left when my mother was pregnant. But Aunt Jane stepped up and raised me. My part in the entire thing? To somehow find a way to accept Jim.

But he took Kingston away from me.

It was insane. And not just taking Kingston away… but taking my heart away. Because now Kingston liked to be called
King
. And he was getting bigger, stronger, and he was getting into a lot more trouble. Nothing was the same between us after what happened that one summer when we were ripped apart. We wrote letters. We tried to sneak phone calls. But none of it worked.

I heard a rumor that he had kissed another girl over that summer but King never admitted to it.

There was a knock at the door and Aunt Jane poked her head in. “Hey, what are you doing? It’s beautiful outside.”

“I hate fall.”

“You do not hate fall,” she said.

“Yes I do.”

Aunt Jane came into the room. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

“Nothing.”

“Liar.”

“Everyone is going to the football game tonight,” I said. “I’m not.”

“Well, why not?”

“Because I have nobody to go with.”

“So you need a date to go to the football game?”

“What do you think they do there?” I asked. “They all hold hands, kiss, sneak cigarettes, whatever. I don’t want any of that.”

Aunt Jane sat on the edge of the bed. “What happened to Danny? I thought you were going out with him.”

“He’s an asshole.”

“Watch your mouth, Lindsey,” Aunt Jane said.

“Well, that’s what he is.”

“What did he do?”

“Slept with someone else.”

Aunt Jane sucked in a breath. “Else? Does that mean you and he…”

“No.”

“If you are… or curious…”

“Stop,” I said. “I don’t want that conversation again.”

“Okay,” Aunt Jane said. “So you’re going to sit here all night and be upset?”

“There’s nothing else to do,” I said. “I can’t go do what I want.”

“Which is what?”

I looked at Aunt Jane. “I’m going to be an adult next year. What’s Jim going to do then to me? This thing about Kingston…”

“Oh, not this again,” Aunt Jane said. “I thought that was last summer.”

“No. I love him.”

“You can’t say that,” Aunt Jane said. “You don’t know what love is.”

I could argue her. I could fight back hard, like I usually did. I knew what love felt like and I loved King. But I wasn’t in the mood for it.

“You know, I tried to help you with that,” Aunt Jane said. “I snuck all those letters from the mailbox to you. Jim would have flipped his lid. I thought you two would have figured things out and moved on. I regret that now.”

“No. That was amazing, what you did. It’s just that Jim is…”

The door opened and Jim appeared.

My heart climbed into my throat.

“You ready, babe?” he asked Aunt Jane.

“Yeah,” she said and stood up. “We’re going out to dinner. I’ll leave a twenty on the counter. Get something to eat. If you go out let me know. You know the rules.”

Aunt Jane kissed the top of my head.

She walked out of the room as Jim came into the room.

I was alone with him.

It made me shiver.

He touched my shoulder and squeezed. Then he leaned down and kissed my cheek. Then he put his nose to my hair and smelled.

So gross and weird…

“Stay out of trouble, Lindsey,” Jim whispered. “I’ll see you later.”

Jim looked back at me and winked before he shut the door.

Chills went through my body.

I couldn’t take it anymore.

I climbed off my bed and grabbed for the box of notes under the bed. I kept everything King ever sent to me.

I needed him.

It didn’t matter if anyone thought I didn’t know about love or that I was too young.

I needed King… then… and forever.

4

⁽
L
indsey)

*
NOW*

I
TOOK
the first drag of the first cigarette of the afternoon. I was on the roof of the nursing facility and the cigarette tasted better than chocolate pie. Truthfully, it tasted like shit, but the effect it had on my body was good enough to get me through the rest of the day.

My dream job of growing up and helping people became me working in a place that assisted those who were all but ready to let go. In the beginning there was a sense of reward and pride in the work, but after watching so many suffer, it was more or less a vicious form of torture that left me questioning way too much about life and faith.

The door swung open behind me and out came one of my co-workers, Betty.

“I thought you quit,” she said.

“I did. A long time ago.”

“Oh…”

“It’s just my afternoon break thing, that’s all.”

“You know, they can kill you,” Betty said. She twisted off the cap to a bottle of soda and took a drink.

“So does that,” I said.

“But those are worse.”

“You know,” I said, feeling a little more than pissed that I was getting bothered on my break. “Mrs. Donels just told me this beautiful story of her Henry picking her up for their date last night. A date that happened sixty fucking years ago. And when she got done telling me about the date, she started to cry, wondering where Henry was. That’s a woman who never touched a cigarette. A drop of soda. A drop of booze. Yet here she is…”