Outsider (29 page)

“Are
you sure her name isn’t Susan?” Toni asked, her shoulders slumping.

“Of
course I’m sure. I’ll never forget her. She was always trying to get in my
pants.”

“And
you didn’t let her?” Trey asked with a laugh.

“The
chick was vile,” Steve said. “A man has to have standards.”

Reagan
poked him. “She’s a bit chubby, but she isn’t
vile
.”

“I
don’t mean the way she looks—her nasty personality. She was determined to break
me and Bianca up before we were even married and when that plan backfired, she
followed me around trying to catch me doing something wrong. I still think
she’s the one who broke the story of my affairs to the press. She always had it
out for me, ever since I rejected her advances. I probably should have let her
suck my dick to keep her mouth shut.”

“Ew.
Don’t say that,” Toni said. “She
is
vile. I really don’t like her. Well,
I don’t like Susan. Does Tamara have a twin sister?”

“No.”
Steve shook his head. “Bianca is her only sister.”

“I
saw Bianca at the visitation,” Reagan said. “She wore a black wig, but I know
it was her. She was asking all sorts of prying questions and even snuck inside.
Later, when you arrived, she left as soon as she saw you. I thought it was
because she was afraid you’d go ballistic because she’s paparazzi.”

“I’ve
never gone ballistic,” Steve said.

Trey
laughed. “Nope. Throwing a full sheet cake at the paparazzi isn’t ballistic at
all.”

“It
was my birthday,” Steve said. “And I was tired of their bullshit! Did I mention
it was my birthday, for fuck’s sake? They couldn’t leave me alone even on my
fucking birthday.”

“Don’t
worry, they hate me more than you at the moment,” Reagan said.

Steve
laid an arm across her shoulders and gave her a reassuring squeeze. “They don’t
hate you, dove. And they didn’t hate me. They just want to make a lot of money
by fucking up our lives.”

“Feels
like hate,” Reagan said.

When
Trey took her hand, lacing his fingers with hers, she offered him a tired
smile. She had so much life in her. It was terrible to see her defeated by a
bunch of assholes who didn’t know her.

“So
why would Bianca be at the visitation in disguise?” Toni asked. “Is she a
reporter?”

Steve
shrugged. “Not that I know of. Maybe she’s assisting her vile sister, Tamara or
Susan or whatever she’s calling herself these days. I’m sure they’re still
trying to get back at me for crimes I’ve already paid for a thousand times
over.”

“If
they have it out for you,” Reagan said, “then why are they focusing on me?”

“You’re
prettier than I am?” Steve said, batting a pair of long lashes surrounding soulful
brown eyes.

Reagan
chuckled. “Are you sure about that? You definitely have better hair than I do.”

Steve
twisted a long wavy strand of hair around one finger. “I’m thinking about
cutting it.”

“No!”
The two women shouted in unison.

“Maybe
I should grow mine out,” Trey said, stroking a long strand of bangs behind one
ear. Steve was getting all the attention and if it took a thick head of chest-length,
wavy hair to turn the ladies’ heads, he was willing to give it a go.

“You’d
look like a girl with long hair,” Reagan said. “You don’t have the jawline for
it.”

Ouch.

“The
style you have suits you best,” Toni said, flushing prettily. “It makes you
look . . .”

“Sexy
as fuck,” Reagan supplied, and Trey smiled, his ego regaining its usual luster.

“Yeah,
that,” Toni said, waving at her reddened face with one hand. She whispered out
of the corner of her mouth to Reagan, “Does being around all these hot rock
stars make you perpetually horny?”

Reagan
laughed. “Why do you think I have two lovers?”

Trey
clung to the kernel of hope offered by her openly admitting she had two lovers.
She was only repeating something both Toni and Steve already knew, but it was a
start. Baby steps, he reminded himself, even though he was prepared to take a
running leap off the cliff.

“Have
you given any thought to breaking the real story?” Toni asked. “I could write
it and slant it in a way that flatters the three of you. You’d have final
approval and everything.”

Reagan
blinked at her. “Are you seriously asking for my permission to get the scoop on
my relationship with Trey and Ethan?”

“I
wouldn’t sell it to the tabloids,” Toni said hastily. “I was thinking something
more reputable. Like
People
.” Toni lifted one eyebrow. “Or
Rolling
Stone
?”

Steve
chortled. “Now wouldn’t that piss off the paparazzi?” He slapped Reagan on the
back repeatedly. “Do that. You should totally do that.”

“No
fucking way,” Reagan said. “I don’t want the world to know. Not ever.”

“Never?”
Trey muttered under his breath.

“No.
Stop pressuring me about it!” Reagan snapped. “Just pretend you love only me in
public and Ethan will pretend he doesn’t love either of us and everything will
blow over eventually.”

“That’s
not fair to Ethan,” Trey said. Or to him. He wanted to openly express his
feelings. He’d never be able to keep them bottled up inside for long.

“It’s
what he wants. What both of us want.” Reagan snatched the tabloid off the
counter, crumpling it in one fist, and then shoved it into Steve’s chest. “Find
out why these bitches have it out for me. I want some ammunition before I
confront them.”

“Uh,
okay,” Steve said, his eyes wide, expression confused.

“And
if you write an article about me,” she shouted at Toni, who flinched, “I’m
putting you back on my bitches-I-plan-to-destroy list.”

“I
would never do that without your permission,” Toni said, her voice squeaky.

Reagan
rounded on Trey, her fury strangely exciting. “And
you
!” She pressed her
hands to her forehead, making him fear she was cooking up another one of those
stress headaches. “I hate that our secrecy hurts you. I just . . . I
don’t know how . . . I don’t know how to keep Ethan from
being hurt without hurting you.”

Trey
hadn’t realized how much she was struggling to balance his feelings with
Ethan’s until that moment. He’d actually suspected that she didn’t get how their
secrecy hurt him, thought she’d just been ignoring his desires because they didn’t
suit her agenda. His feet-dug-into-the-dirt, head-up-his-ass approach wasn’t
working anyway. He needed to let it go.

“I
think I’ll be okay with this public ruse on one condition,” Trey said.

“If
you say a double chocolate Macadamia nut surprise, I’m going to throttle you.”

“What’s
that?” Toni asked Steve.

“No
idea.”

Trey
chuckled. “Well, not that precisely, but along that vein. We need more alone
time together. We skip the after-parties and the tour events and with the
exception of rehearsals and live performances, we’re off tour. We’ll completely
disassociate from it on our days off.”

Reagan
snorted. “But we
never
get a day off. Sam will never let that fly.”

“Which
is exactly why you should do it,” Steve said.

Reagan
rolled her eyes at him. “You know damned well I can’t.”

So
she wasn’t willing to sacrifice anything for him. Not her privacy. Not her
reputation. Not her career. Not her family. Not even her goddamned days off. Trey
could understand why she’d resist compromising important things, but she was
rarely included in Exodus End’s promotional machine and when she was included,
she was either miserable about the way she was treated or she was ignored.
Wasn’t he worth even that little inconvenience to her, for fuck’s sake?

“Then
maybe we should take a break while we’re on tour,” Trey said, his stomach a
writhing jumble of nerves. He knew temporary breakups often led to permanent
breakups, and that was the last thing he wanted. But maybe if they stopped
trying so hard to make this work while they were in the spotlight, they’d all
be happier. And honestly, he wanted to see a little fight in her. For him.

Fight
for me, goddamn it. Even if it’s just a little.

“A
break?” Reagan’s voice cracked. “What do you mean by a break?”

“I
mean we should stop seeing each other as a couple—a
threesome
—while
we’re on tour.”

She
huffed at him like a dragon awoken from a long slumber. “I can’t believe you
even thought that, much less said it.”

“Uh,
I’m gonna go find Logan,” Toni said, sidling toward the door. “See you later.”

“I
think this conversation requires your third wheel,” Steve said. “I’ll vamoose
and send him in.”

“A
few minutes ago, you said you could be
okay
with a public ruse, and now
you want to break up?” Reagan massaged her eyes, but wasn’t able to stop
several tears from falling. The fire he’d stirred was already diminishing, and
he much preferred dealing with that then the sad Reagan, the broken Reagan.
Especially knowing he was responsible for her turmoil.

“No,”
Trey said, pulling her into a tight embrace, glad she didn’t resist. “I
don’t
want to break up. I want to be with you and with Ethan forever. That’s why I
think it might be best to put our relationship on hold while we finish out this
tour. The stress of it is going to tear us apart for real.”

“What
did I miss?” Ethan said, his question punctuated by the closing of the door at
the front of the bus, which sealed them off from the outside world.

Reagan
sniffed. “Trey wants to break up.”

“What?”
Ethan’s tone was raw.

“That’s
not what I want at all,” Trey said. “You’re not listening.” Realizing he’d
blundered his idea of a solution, he scrambled for a better way to explain. “I
just said that while we’re on tour, it might be best to take a break.”

“You
want to fuck other people?” Ethan asked, his voice booming in the small space.

“No.”
Trey shook his head. “I don’t want to fuck or love anyone but the two of you. I
don’t want to break up. I want us to be friends—”

“Oh
God,” Reagan sobbed, her body quaking in his arms.

Wow.
He was really fucking this up.

“We
are not breaking up,” Ethan said. “Why would we do that when things are going
so well?”

“Things
are going well?” Trey said, not bothering to disguise his snide tone. “I just
asked her to take her days
off
to go home with us so we can be alone
together outside the chaos of this tour, and she’s worried what fucking Sam Baily
will think. She doesn’t want to sacrifice anything for either of us.”

“Love
isn’t about sacrifice,” Reagan said. “It’s about compromise.”

“Compromise
requires sacrifice on someone’s part,” Trey countered. He looked to Ethan for
backup, but Ethan’s attention was focused on the floor, his jaw set, mouth twisted
in a harsh frown. “If no one is willing to sacrifice anything, it’s not a
compromise. I’d give up everything for the two you.”

“Everything?”
Reagan didn’t sound convinced.

“Is
that what you want? Me to stop playing guitar and leave Sinners? Renounce my
family and friends? Go into hiding as your love slave, appreciated only for my
skills in bed?”

“Of
course I wouldn’t ask that of you. And you shouldn’t ask it of me!”

“He’s
right,” Ethan said quietly. “We need to take a break from each other.”

Ethan
lifted his head, but Trey couldn’t see his eyes behind his sunglasses. He
wished they’d shatter, the way his heart just had. He didn’t want Ethan to
agree with him—or Reagan, for that matter. He wanted them to tell him he was a
fucking idiot and they’d do anything to keep him in their lives. That was what
he wanted. He’d thought he was making that pretty clear. But maybe they weren’t
willing to give him what he wanted. Maybe they didn’t care what he wanted.

“What?”
Reagan said, struggling to free herself from Trey’s now loose embrace so she
could glare at Ethan. “You can’t possibly think that’s for the best.”

“I
do,” Ethan said. “There aren’t many tour dates left here in the States. Then we
get those two weeks off before we head to Europe. Trey stays on his tour bus
and you stay on yours and I’ll leave for the rest of this leg of the tour.
We’ll meet back at home during the break and decide what to do from there.”

“Leave?”
Trey said, shaking his head. He really had made a mess of things. “You can’t
leave.”

“I
need you,” Reagan said. “To protect me.”

“From
what?” Ethan said. “That asshole who threatened you, who hurt you, isn’t a
threat anymore.”

“From
the press!”

Ethan
laughed softly and cupped her cheek with one hand. “The best way to protect you
from them is by leaving. Don’t you see that?”