Outsider (37 page)

Ethan
had kept himself busy for most of the day. He’d discovered that none of his
brothers had been in trouble with the law, that it wasn’t as easy to run a New
Mexico license plate as he’d hoped, and that his mother’s neighborhood
had
become rather sketchy over the past year. The number of crimes reported had
more than quadrupled in that time. He’d arrived at Mamá’s house just after noon,
and she’d immediately insisted on feeding him lunch, which proved she couldn’t
stay mad at her oldest son for long. He’d then tackled some chores that were
difficult for an aging, though still feisty, woman—trimming hedges, repairing
the roof, cleaning out a slow drain, replacing the broken window in her
bedroom, and adding some bright-as-the-sun security lighting to the exterior of
the house. When he’d finally sat down for the delicious dinner she’d
prepared—her tamales were to die for—he felt he’d earned a meal. She’d insisted
they watch
Entertainment Tonight
, which didn’t interest him in the
least, but he was too exhausted to care. Until a segment about a very familiar
couple filled the screen.

“Oh,
look, Ethan,” Mamá said, pointing excitedly at the television. “That’s Reagan.
Look, it’s Reagan.”

Ethan’s
heart dropped, and he prepared himself to listen to all kinds of derogatory
statements about the woman he loved.

“. . . over
the past week, allegations of her affairs with various men. So everyone was
surprised when her current boyfriend, a guitarist in the hard rock band
Sinners, popped the question in Central Park.”

Ethan
blinked at the TV, not responding to his mother’s questions about the man who’d
stolen Reagan from him. Trey was on one knee presenting a ring to Reagan.
Ethan’s ears were buzzing too loudly for him to hear Trey’s proposal, but going
by the way Reagan tackled him to the ground and kissed him, she’d obviously
said yes. She appeared so overjoyed, puppies could take lessons from her.

“I
can’t fucking believe this,” Ethan said, pulling his phone out of his pocket.

“Ethan,
watch your language,” Mamá said. She placed a comforting hand on his knee. “You
still love her then?”

“Of
course I still”—
fucking—
“love her!”

“Oh,
mijo, I’m so sorry.” She tried to take his phone. “You shouldn’t call her when
you’re so upset.”

“I’m
not calling her, I’m calling him. He should have at least warned me that he
planned to ask her to marry him.”

While
Mamá gave him a puzzled look, he dialed Trey’s number. A quick glance at the
clock told him that Trey would be onstage in a few minutes, so it was unlikely
that he’d answer. When he did, Ethan forced words out through the tight fist
squeezing his throat. “You asked her to marry you?”

“I
was hoping to tell you before you found out secondhand. I didn’t know they’d
air the story tonight.”

“Why
is there a story at all, Trey? How long have you been waiting for me to leave
so you could do this behind my back?” It wasn’t the actual proposal that upset
him. It was that they’d done it with absolutely no input from him.

“It
wasn’t like that. I planned it on a whim. Sinners had a press conference this
morning and the reporters started asking about Sed’s upcoming wedding and we
had to keep diverting questions about me and Reagan and I’d just had enough. I
figured if we were engaged like Sed and Jessica, the press—the
real
press—would focus on that instead of all that bullshit that ridiculous tabloid
printed. And it worked, E. All the paparazzi have cleared out since I asked
her.”

“You
planned it this morning?”

“Yeah.”

“And
you couldn’t find a moment in your day to give me a call and at least warn me
that this was happening?”

“Reagan
said you’d call me after you came out. That I wasn’t under any circumstances to
call you first.”

Ethan
took a deep breath, recognizing the anger building inside him. “
That’s
your excuse?”

“Get
on the stage,” Ethan heard someone say in the background.

“I’m
in the middle of a very important phone call,” Trey said to them.

There
were sounds of a scuffle and then a somewhat familiar voice—maybe Jake, the
guitar technician—said, “He’ll call you back.” And then the call disconnected.

Ethan
sighed in frustration and called his other lover. The one that still had an
hour before she had to be in Trey’s position.

“Ethan!”
she answered, sounding like she was having the time of her life. There was a
whole lot of feminine giggling going on in the background. “How did your mom
take the news?”

“Not
well. She doesn’t understand the real reason why I’m so pissed at the two of
you. Why I’m hurt.” Ethan was pretty sure he’d never admitted to being hurt to
anyone in his entire life.

“Huh?”

“Did
you think I’d be okay with you two getting engaged behind my back? Don’t you
think you should have consulted me before flaunting your happiness all over
national television?”

“Television?
Wait, what are you talking about? Didn’t you call to tell us you finally came
out?”

Ethan
slapped himself in the face and tried to wipe his frustration away. It didn’t
work. “I’m sitting here having dinner with my mother.” He glanced at Mamá and
found her staring at him, eyes wide, hands mangling a dish towel. “And what do
we see on
Entertainment Tonight
but my boyfriend asking my girlfriend to
marry him. On national fucking television.”

“What
are you talking about, mijo?” Mamá asked quietly.

“We
were on TV?” Reagan asked.

“Yes!
Do you really think that’s the best way for me to find out about this?”

“Oh,
Ethan, he should have called you. I should have called you. We suck. Both of
us. We were going to tell you everything the next time you called. We figured that
would be well before the media announced our engagement.”

And
now for the million-dollar question. “So does this mean I’m no longer a part of
your relationship with Trey?” His voice cracked, and he closed his eyes, taking
breaths to steady himself for whatever she’d tell him.

“Of
course not. This is just a publicity stunt, Ethan. It has nothing to do with
how we really feel.”

“So
you don’t want to marry him?”

“I
do. I want to marry you too.”

“It
doesn’t work that way.”

“I
know,” she said, all the happiness completely gone from her tone. He couldn’t help
but think he was responsible for that. It was his fault she was no longer
celebrating her engagement to Trey, and he couldn’t stand to hear the turmoil
in her voice.

“I’ll
let you get ready for the show.”

“Ethan,”
she said, her voice raw with emotion. “If you’d asked me first, I would have
said yes.”

“I
wasn’t aware that you were in such a rush to get married.”

“Neither
was I.” She laughed, and the sound made him think that maybe things would be
okay. But not as long as he was in Texas. He had to get back to them. When he
left them to their own devices, they gave in to impulse and made rash
decisions. They needed someone sensible in their relationship. They needed him.
And he wasn’t about to step down unless they forced him to go. He should have
never left in the first place. Hell, he couldn’t even remember why he’d left.

Then
he caught sight of his mother’s ashen face where she sat on the sofa staring at
nothing, and it all came back to him in a rush.

“I’m
going to talk to Mamá now,” he told Reagan. “It’s time.”

“Past
time,” she said. “Hurry back to us.”

“I
will. You two can’t be trusted without me there to balance you out.” He was
teasing, so was glad when she chuckled.

“You
can’t leave us anywhere.”

He
disconnected the call and shoved his phone into his pocket. He was pretty sure
his mother had the gist of the situation from hearing his side of the
conversations, but she needed to hear the entire truth directly from him. It
would mean a lot to him if she would stand firmly in his corner.

He
sat next to her on the sofa, staring straight ahead, because seeing any doubt
or hurt on her face would have made the task unbearable.

“There’s
something I need to tell you,” he said.

“I’m
not sure I want to hear this.”

“Probably
not,” he said, “but I’m going to tell you everything I’ve been keeping a secret
for the past couple of years. I hope you’ll understand.” He felt asking for her
blessing was too much, but if she understood and accepted him for who he was, that
would be enough.

“Ethan . . .”

There
was a knock at the front door. Ethan cursed, Mamá chastised, and Juan let
himself into the house. “Your door was unlocked,” Juan said, approaching the
sofa and kissing Mamá’s cheek. “Carlos would be furious.” He slammed a fist
into Ethan’s shoulder, but Ethan was in no mood to horse around. “Do I smell
tamales?” He took a deep whiff and then gasped in surprise when Ethan stood
from the sofa, lifted him from the floor, and sat him next to their mother on
the sofa.

“I
wanted to tell her alone, but since my brothers have the worst possible timing,
I’ll just tell you both.” And let the chips fall where they may.

“Tell
us what?” Juan glanced from Ethan to Mamá and back again. Couldn’t he see the
turmoil in their mother’s eyes? No, he’d always been clueless about such
things. No matter.

“Reagan
is getting married,” Mamá said. She tilted her chin down and stared at Ethan.
“To your
boy
friend?”

“What?”
Juan looked at Mamá as if she’d grilled hotdogs on Cinco de Mayo. “Ethan has a
boyfriend?”

“I’m
not exactly straight,” Ethan said, unable to stop himself from hedging.

“You’re
gay?” Juan’s jaw dropped.

“I’m
not exactly gay either.”

“This
makes no sense,” Mamá said.

Ethan
pulled a hand through his hair and started pacing. He should have thought more
about how to say this. It didn’t help that he had an audience of two instead of
one.

“About
seven years ago, I had this partner,” he said, deciding to start at the very
beginning, long before even Reagan had come into the picture.

“While
you were with the police?” Mamá asked.

Ethan
nodded. “He was openly gay.”

“Hernandez.”
Juan spat the name as if it were bitter on his tongue. Juan had been all of
twelve at the time. Ethan was surprised he remembered him.

“Yeah,”
Ethan said, though the name wasn’t important. “I found myself attracted to him,
and after several months things progressed and . . .” His gaze
shifted to his mother. Awkward. “It wasn’t a romantic relationship. Just . . .”
Way, way awkward. Especially when his mind was replaying their times together
like a gay porn reel. “. . . physical.”

“Uh,
you fucked a guy?” Juan asked, twisting his face in disgust.

Mamá
slapped her youngest. “Do not be vulgar. Go on, Ethan.”

“We
didn’t last long, a few weeks, and I started dating a new woman.”

“Lisa?”
Juan asked. And when Ethan nodded, Juan added, “Ah yeah, she was fine. I’d like
to lick her honey.” So that horn-dog thing of Juan’s had started young.

Mamá
slapped him again.

“She
was gorgeous,” Ethan said, “and I couldn’t get enough of her. At first.”

Juan
covered his ears with both hands. “Don’t say it.”

“I
sought out another man. Again nothing romantic. It was purely physical.”

“You
cheated on Lisa with a man?” Mamá asked.

“No,
it was after we broke up. Right before I was fired from the force. But I did
cheat on Reagan with a man.”

“I’m
going to throw up,” Juan said.

“I
don’t know why I cheated on her. I loved Reagan and still do, I just . . .”
He’d needed some cock in his life. But he couldn’t exactly say that to his mamá.

“Despicable,”
she said. “Does Reagan know this, that you cheat? Like your pap
á
,
you cheat!”