Over the Barrel (11 page)

"That
is one concern, yes," Blair admitted.
 
"The other is becoming trapped.
 
Should I take a position of raising
another person's children, and never having any of my own, I fear that I will
be looked down upon as being a spinster."

"Like
your great-aunt?"

"Yes.
 
She was very wealthy and had a great
amount of power, but people always talked behind her back about how undesirable
she was as a wife, and that was why she had never married.
 
I do not wish people to be discussing my
life in such a negative view."

"Did
your grandfather ever remarry?
 
You
commented that your aunt forbade you from staying with him because he had no
wife."

"I know
nothing of him except what Aunt Imelda told me.
 
She said that he came out here after his
dying father left all the family possessions and wealth to my aunt.
 
I had asked her why he had done so and
she stated because her father felt that she was the most deserving, even though
Malcolm was the eldest."

"That
seems to be odd.
 
There must have
been more to the situation than that."

"All
was kept very quiet.
 
Imelda only
referred to him when she threatened to send me here.
 
It was as though either he, or this
place, was considered wicked."

"In the
eyes of the well-to-do, who are accustomed to being served, and they know that
all of life's desires are readily available, pioneer life can be viewed as a
sort of hell."

"Yes,"
Blair said contemplatively as she watched the scenery slowly go by.
 
"Enough about me.
 
Tell me about your life.
 
You said you were born in Boston,
correct?"

"Not
much to tell.
 
Yep, born and raised
in a well-to-do family, the youngest of three boys.
 
The oldest is a lawyer and works for my
father's company, and the other one is a missionary in Africa.
 
I went to Texas to get a life for myself
apart from Father's business."

"My
parents were both missionaries.
 
Do
you think that is where I get that need to escape the confines of life?
 
My aunt said it is just my rebellion.
 
She says it reflects in my clothing as
well as my behavior.
 
My refusal to
adhere to fashion was a constant source of grief to her.
 
I attempted to explain that it was
because it is too confining."

"I wish
I had an answer for you, Squirrel.
 
I guess people like us just can't be tied down in a place where we can't
breathe.
 
The Cherokees use the term
asequui adonvdo
.
 
It means
free spirit."

"That
is what I feel, as well.
 
Your wife
… was she also a free spirit?"

"She
hated every pebble outside of Alabama," he chuckled, looking out at the
horizon.
 
"Leila was quite the
southern Belle and very proper, although she did enjoy the more intimate things
in our marriage.
 
Her papa owned
himself a big ol' cotton plantation with well over one hundred slaves.
 
Ne'er a day went by that she didn't beg
for a servant to take care of our house."

"I do
not believe in slavery.
 
It is
cruel.
 
We had house servants, but
each was free to live their own lives once their work was completed.
 
Aunt Imelda treated them as well as she
did others who were not in her class," Blair commented.
 
"She even treated them better than
she treated me."

"Mr.
Dibbons was a good man.
 
He educated
his slaves, provided medical care, and paid them for their labor.
 
If a couple wanted to marry, he would
throw them quite a wingding.
 
Every
year on Christmas he offered them the opportunity to leave, supplying the ones
who chose to go with a stipend to start their own life.
 
Twenty years of plantation life and
nobody ever left him.
 
He also
demanded his family treat the slaves with respect and honor."

"I
would not have figured you to be the type of man to marry a debutante."

"Well,
yes … I made the mistake to believe that his daughter had the same human
compassion as he did."
 
Sloan's
tone dropped.
 
"Ours, I am
ashamed to admit, was a marriage of convenience."

"I
don't mean to pry, Sloan.
 
I
apologize if I offend."

 
"No offense, Squirrel.
 
We should be getting close to the river
again pretty soon and can set up camp.
 
I'm going to teach you to shoot a gun."

Blair bit
her lip and eyed Sloan, accepting the change of topic.
 
"Do you think I can do that?"

"Darlin',
I think you can do anything you put your mind to."

Blair flung
her arms around Sloan's neck after successfully striking her target.
 
She had suggested they use the
half-empty whiskey bottle as proof of her 'reform' and had managed to shatter
it after her fourth attempt.

"I did
it!
 
Did you see?
 
I hit the bottle!"

Her joy was
infectious, and Sloan laughed, swinging her around.
 
"So you did!
 
You are a natural, my dear girl.
 
I am very proud of you."

"I
didn't think I would ever hit it.
 
I
…"

Blair gasped
as his large hand held the back of her head and pulled her against him in a
passionate embrace.
 
Sloan's mouth
covered her lips.
 
She felt her
knees weaken as she gave into his strength and timidly kissed him in return,
inching slightly forward as he lured her toward him.

"Blair,"
Sloan said hoarsely as he caressed the soft skin of her cheek with the tips of
his fingers.
 

"Yes,
Sloan?"
 
Blair swallowed,
feeling the heat of his body as it pressed against her.
 
His mouth was just inches away, and she
stared hungrily at his lips.

"I'm
going to kiss you again.
 
You must
stop me if you don't wish this."

Breathless
with passion, Blair slowly inched her hands to his face and slightly closed her
lids.
 
"Please, do not
stop," she whispered as she met her lips to his.

"I am
finding it impossible to withhold myself from you," Sloan whispered in her
ear.
 
"This time together has
been torturous for me."

"Sloan
… I wish you to have me.
 
As a man
has a woman.
 
In the manner you
explained.
 
With you, I have no
fear."

"I
can't do that." Sloan pulled away.
 
He wiped the layer of fine sweat from his brow.
 
"I will not dishonor you like
that."

"Then
marry me," Blair demanded, with her hands on her hips.

Sloan
wrinkled his forehead in confusion.
 
"Marry you?
 
Blair, it
is not proper …"

"You
already know my feelings about what is considered proper and what is not.
 
You claim a woman is a rare find out
here," she gestured to the rocky cliffs and graveled road that they had
been traveling upon.
 
"You
stated that I was a free spirit, just as are you.
 
I can learn to do the things that will
make me be a woman of substance.
 
I
…"

"Blair,
shhh.
 
Listen to me," he grasped
her face between his hands and gently kissed her pink lips, "You are
beautiful, intelligent, courageous and willful.
 
You will have much better choices of men
in an environment of wealth and education.
 
You cannot allow yourself to be saddled down with a man such as
myself.
 
Maybe find yourself a
banker, physician, or an attorney …."

"I want
none of those.
 
Don't you
understand?
 
I do not wish to live
out the rest of my life in the manner of my aunt.
 
I want adventure, and you understand my
need."
 
Blair turned her face
away, breaking eye contact.
 
Sheepishly, she admitted, "I think I have fallen in love with
you."

"My
sweet, sweet girl."
 
Sloan held
her warmly against his chest and rested his chin upon the top of her head,
"You are so young and so innocent of the ways of the world.
 
You have not had the chance to learn
what love truly means yet.
 
Give
yourself time."

Blair pushed
him away as tears welled in her eyes.
 
"You do not desire me?"

"I
desire you more than one human being can desire another," Sloan admitted,
with a frustrated sigh.
 
"I
just fear that our circumstances have led to a false belief of how you feel
towards me."

"You do
not love me."
 
Blair stared at
the ground.

"Come
sit down in the shade for a bit," he patted the flat rock next to his hip.
 
"We have only known one another for
a tad over three weeks, Squirrel.
 
Try to understand that it is difficult for me to know love, Squirrel.
 
Like you, I have never truly experienced
it.
 
I thought I loved my wife.
 
Her absence left my bed feeling empty,
but not my heart."

"Why
was that?
 
What of your child?
 
You did not finish your story,"
Blair stated, stilling as she heard sadness in his voice.
 
She gingerly sank down next to him and
waited.

Sloan
reached to the ground and picked up a rock.
 
He studied it for a moment before
throwing it against the red shelf of a sheer cliff.
 
"The boy was not mine.
 
I told you ours was a marriage of
convenience.
 
Leila enjoyed the
attention of men and found herself with child.
 
I met her at an event while I was visiting
my family in Boston.
 
Her family had
taken a holiday at the end of picking season and went to the city to take in
the social life for a month.
 
She
was beautiful, and older, and I was so young and naive," he sighed.
 
"The sound of her laughter from the
ballroom caught my attention.
 
I
asked her to dance, and she graciously accepted.
 
We kissed in the garden that evening,
and she found her way into my bed the following day.
 
I was quite green about women then, and
she was several years my senior, once widowed.
 
She taught me things that I never would
have imagined to exist between a man and woman.
 
Some incredibly wonderful—and
delightfully decadent—things." His voice drifted as he was lost in
thought.

"What
happened?
 
Please tell me,"
Blair asked, shifting herself on the uneven stone.
 
The tenderness from her discipline had
not faded much with the long wagon ride.

Sloan
startled, jarred from his memories.
 
He tossed another rock.
 
"I asked her father if I could court her.
 
He was hesitant, oddly enough.
 
I did not realize it at the time but he
was trying to protect me from her.
 
Leila and I were together for three weeks when she came to me, just two
days prior to her returning to Alabama.
 
She wept as she confessed her transgressions before meeting me and
admitted that she was expecting.
 
She was terrified of what would happen to her should her father discover
her indiscretion when they returned to their home in Alabama.
 
She begged me to marry her and take her
to Texas with me, to spare her shame.
 
She was beautiful and charming, and I was a fool.
 
I thought that I would be able to
satisfy her needs.
 
We were married
within the week and I took her to Texas as she requested, with a promise to
raise the child as my own."