Own (Command Force Alpha #1) (34 page)

Fingers trembling, she took the lighter and did just as he’d instructed—except for the words. Flames were born in silence.

“I intentionally decided to give in,” she said, looking at him over her shoulder. “I don’t know what you have planned, and I’ve been awful at trusting people, but regarding all of this at least, you’ve never given me reason to doubt. So I promise to give this a try. To give us a try.” She moved to stand beside the mattress and kissed the top of his head. “Because…what if you’re right?”

“Can your stubborn pride take it?”

“If it means keeping you
and
staying sane, I can do anything.” She inhaled, running her hands along his jaw. He looked up into the most seductive, trusting eyes a man could imagine. “So what’s next?”

Chapter Thirty-One

Evan handled the wind spinner himself. He hung it in a corner near the top right portion of her bed. He stepped back and eyed it critically. “Since I don’t have a nail and hammer with me right now, that’ll have to do.”

She bit back the smile that was becoming harder and harder to hide. It wasn’t that the things Evan had brought were silly. The very opposite. Each item resonated in the same tone as her heart. Her entire being woke up and took notice, like a child wanting more but not daring to hope. The part of her that was most definitely a woman was clamoring too. He looked astonishing in the suit. More than his appearance, he was gaining confidence over the situation and control over her with every moment. She was losing her fear and anger, happy to let them go in favor of appreciation and the first burning embers of passion.

He was so sincere. So intent. There was an element of game play to what they did, and he easily could’ve made it a game. Not this time. What would’ve appeared meaningless on the surface, including an accumulation of random souvenirs, took on added intensity because of his wide stance and assessing, almost fierce demeanor. The souvenirs would mean nothing to anyone else, but to Kat…they could be everything.

“I can count the number of times I’ve actually slept with the window open.”

“That’s why we’ll hang it right under the air vent, smart stuff.” Damn, he was charming when he was being snarky. Fierce assessment aside, she loved the grin he flashed at her—the man and the Master blending into one.

“Thank God,” she said, faux sober. “I mean, open windows in this neighborhood? I was beginning to worry about the caliber of men my dad recruited.”

“It’s something pretty to spin for you when you need to zone out on color and movement.” Next, he picked up the strand of beads. “I know you’ve never been a particularly religious person.”

She shrugged. God hadn’t answered a desperate ten-year-old’s pleas to keep her mother around a little while longer. Either he didn’t exist, or he was somewhat busy for direct intervention. She’d rolled with the theory that being a good person would bring her the best of both worlds. It was hard to draw comfort from that during dark, dark hours.

“But there’s something to be said for prayer beads,” Evan said. “Lots of religions have them. Different designs, different counts.”

“Are you to be my religion now?”

It was time for him to flash another of those cheeky smiles. “No. But you need something to center you. Every night. The candles. Looking at the wind spinner. Ambient music playing.”

“Can I transfer the stuff to MP3? I don’t think I can use a CD player with a straight face.”

“Keep it together, young padawan, or I’ll make you play it on 8-track. The CD is part of it. Put it in, push play, the whole deal. Come morning, put it back in its case.” He came in for a kiss then, and it was perfect because they were both smiling. He tasted like joy. He tasted like everything she’d missed for years. He saw her, knew her, wanted her. “The more elaborate we make this, the better it’ll be for you. Tell me I’m wrong.”

“You’re not wrong, Evan. So what do I do with the beads? Like, what do I say?”

“You tell me about your day.” He curled one big hand around the back of her neck, their faces so near. “Even if I can’t hear you. I’m waiting for you, Katsu. I’ll be out there waiting to hear your voice again. You need to talk me home in the dark. I don’t want to be alone either.”

Tears prickled her eyes when she kissed him. Maybe she shouldn’t have. Maybe that ventured too far outside their roles, but his smiles had seemed unconscious, as if he was as excited about this idea as he hoped she would be, and it was all he could do to balance seriousness with joy. She could only manage joy, with a burning ache in her heart so bright and big that kissing Evan was absolutely necessary. He looped his firm arm around her waist and hauled her close enough to become part of his body, fused from mouth to thigh. His lips swept over hers in absorbing ways. Together, they were everything she’d ever hoped for. They fit in every way.

He pulled back only far enough to whisper. The wash of his breath tickled her damp lips. “Hold out your arm.”

She did.

Evan wrapped the long strand of beads around and around her wrist. She didn’t know how many delicately carved wooden beads there were, but she would know eventually. In fact, one day she’d know every single rose-patterned engraving by feel alone, touching them in the dark. She’d know them like she knew Evan and the same way she understood his upright nobility. He was giving her the gift of being able to make it on her own.

He layered his grip over the impromptu bead bracelet. “Every night. You’ll roll them through your fingers, with the music playing and the candles burning. When they burn down, you’ll replace them with the same size, though the scent may be of your choice. That’s how I’ll hold you close as you fall asleep.”

“How?” Tears burned the back of her eyes. “You’ll still be gone. I think you’re right, this will keep me balanced…but you still won’t be holding me. That’s different. That’s not
touch
.”

“Sit,” he said in an uncompromising voice. He folded his hands around her shoulders and added pressure to his sharp command. He didn’t need to because she sat willingly—because she’d do anything for him.

Stupidly, completely anything.

He held the leather cuff out. “This isn’t for your wrist.”

“No?”

He knelt before her, which was something that meant flipping her brain inside-out in order to understand. Long, graceful fingers looped around her knee and trailed down the back of her calf to her ankle. He held her firmly. “It goes here.” He looked up at her with solemnity shining out from his vibrant blue gaze. “I don’t make many requests, Katsu. Not in the way we interact. I adore that about what we’ve found, how we can tease and still find moments when domination and submission become like breathing. But this is important. This…this is something you don’t have to choose.” He swallowed hard enough that his Adam’s apple bounced. “May I put this on you?”

She stared up at the wind spinner and inhaled. The moment was infused with the lightest scent of lavender from the tapers. She either went through with this crazy plan and belonged to Evan, or she decided it was all too much and she’d never be able to cope.

Not coping
was a phrase that belonged to another woman. She would do better than that, and she would be Evan’s as her reward. The giddy flip side was that he’d be hers.

All of this… It wasn’t just listening to him for a minute. Or for a night. This would mean obeying him forever.

She only nodded at first, but realized this required more than silent acquiescence. She wove into the silk of his hair and ventured down to the strong muscles angling from his neck to his shoulders. So powerful. So clever. Evan was life and he was promises—even promises she would keep to herself. “You may, Sir.”

His breath caught audibly, but he worked with assured touches to wrap the cuff twice around her ankle. The leather was cut with lighter patterns of waves running along the strap. They looked like teeth.

“For my shark,” he said, tracing the pattern with a reverent touch.

“Sharks live in the ocean—the same color as your eyes.”

She was bound at each end, with beads wrapped around her wrist and the cuff around her ankle. They were symbols for how powerfully she was bound to him in her heart.

She was owned by the man she loved.

He lifted, scooping her up and pushing her backwards across the bed. “You’ll attach it to your footboard.”

Part of her felt like she ought to be offended. It hit close to her issue about being treated like an animal. But the rest of her…oh, she
floated
. He’d cut her loose from all the worries in her head.

He pressed her back and into the bed. “You’re happy,” he growled.

Kat nodded. She wrapped her arms around his lean, chiseled torso. “Tie it. Hook it. However it works. Do it now, please, Sir.”

He used a loop to secure it around the leg of the footboard then latched it on to a hasp on the cuff. Not exactly the most secure thing in the world if she didn’t
want
to be tied, but that wasn’t the thought overwhelming her mind and deeper, more primal places.

Her chest lifted on an easing, satisfying sigh. “Oh.”

“Tell me.” He traced his fingertips over her cheekbone.

“That does things to my head.” She smiled as if she were riding a four-beer buzz. The stress leaked out of her back and into the mattress that cradled them both. Evan hovered above her, one knee bracing his weight. He gazed down at her, looking so suave in the suit. He’d tried, for her. Tried for them both.

She softened her thighs and worked her grip up, into his hair. She wanted to be kissed. She wanted more than that.

But he would need to make the first move. Here, now, held down by the rituals that would guide her through bleak periods, she was absolutely incapable of taking control. It was glorious, because Evan had it covered. The way he took her mouth verged on vulgar, so deep and commanding. He swept his hands over her as if reassuring himself that she was really there, that she had accepted his gifts—and him.

He hiked her shirt above her breasts and sucked one nipple into his mouth, through the thin satin of her bra. The material soaked through as he teased her with tongue and teeth. Kat hooked her free foot around the back of his thigh. She needed him close. Closer. There was no acceptable distance between them when he was there. The times he went away would count for too many breaths. This was here and now—hearts and love and the way their bodies kindled into one.

Shifting her hips brought her hot, slick center against the insistent bulge inside his trousers. She gave a soft sigh at the rightness of it, but Evan swept it into their kisses. He alternated between her mouth and her breasts, as if always and forever would never be enough.

She lifted both hands above her head, gripping the blanket and stretching for him. Anything he wanted. Anything he needed. She’d give and give, knowing that he gloried in giving right back.

His mouth traced blooming heat across her breasts and down the arch of her ribs. One big hand shoved her yoga pants down. He gripped her ass with a masculine squeeze.

“I need you, Katsu.” He said the words against the softest part of her stomach, where she was made of nerves and tingles. “I need to be inside you.”

She had a Master, and he did not beg. He had needs. The roughness of his words told her just how intensely he needed her. She sucked in scented air that spun her head. He took her mouth again, his tongue sweeping inside and overwhelming her. He drew her bottom lip between his teeth and nibbled. Hard. A little harder. She sighed into the pain and held him closer.

Their hands wiggled and pushed and twisted clothing away. When she exposed his shoulders, she drank her fill of that magnificent sight before letting her eyes roll shut. She stroked his skin. He was exquisite. His muscles shifted as he pulled her pants down and snapped her bra free. They were bare. Even their defenses had been tossed away—the way they dared and deserved.

Evan only had to shift his hips into the cradle of her thighs for his cock to find her opening. She was ready for him. He stroked between her lips, over and over, until he was teasing her clit with the bottom ridge of his head. She shivered, arching against the mattress.

He slipped his hand between her nape and the bed. “No. Let it go. Let it feel good. No straining.”

She wanted to cuss her way free of
feelings
. She’d send them all reeling and have only Evan, letting him consume her and contain her with his every breath. But she couldn’t deny the way he worked her body. She was wet to the point that juices smudged the tops of her thighs. His cock was so hard that she gasped.

“I need to be inside you,” he repeated, more hoarsely now. “Naked. With nothing between us. I want to claim you on every level. Will you let me?”

“I want you to,” she whispered.

She groaned when he didn’t stop his slow, sure entrance. He sank deeper and deeper, binding them in the most intimate way.

“Here, Katsu. The way we are. This is what you’ll carry with you into the dark. This is the last thing you’ll think of before you blow out the candles and sleep.” He lowered his face so that he tucked against the curve of her neck. “But do you want to know a secret?”

“Yes,” she said on a breathy moan. “All of them. I want to know all the secrets you can share. You know mine, Sir.”

He shuddered. The move took him deeper within her body, and she spread her free knee. Her right ankle was still bound to the bed. Their passion was contained within that one boundary, but on the inside she was free.