Shafting the Halls

Shafting the Halls

A Shaft on Tour Holiday Short

By: Cat Mason

Copyright © Cat Mason 2014

All rights reserved as permitted under the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, transmitted in any form or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without the prior permission from the Author. For information regarding the subsidiary rights, please contact the Author and/or Publisher.

Published by Cat Mason in association with Fidem Publishing

First Edition: December 2014

Edited by: Asli Fratarcangeli

Formatted by: Wendi Temporado

Cover Design by: Fidem Publishing

Photos purchased under license of Shutterstock.com

This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, localities, or persons, living or dead, is coincidental.

The author acknowledges the copyrighted or trademarked status and trademark owners of the word marks mentioned in this work of fiction. 

                                                                                               
 
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[___]

SHAFTING THE HALLS

A SHAFT ON TOUR HOLIDAY SHORT

Hunter

“Please explain to me why the hell we’ve been waiting outside this damn toy store for hours on a Friday night?” Mack bitches while assessing the crowd packed in around us. “Shouldn’t we be at home resting after touring six months straight?”

“It’s for Jazzie,” I remind him and he quiets instantly.

Henry stares through the automatic glass stores, no doubt casing out the joint. The wheels in his head work furiously, playing out each and every scenario in his head for the best result. “What’s the game plan, Big Man?” Grayson asks, stepping between us.

“Looks like fifty ‘Be A Princess Dress Up Vanities’ on that display. Roughly seven-hundred-and-sixty feet to the display from the front door and there are four of us. I have no doubt that we can make this happen,” he replies, pointing inside. “If we spread out two and two, this should be no problem.”

“I can’t believe all these women are lined up for this damn toy.” Gray shakes his head in disbelief as he takes in the crowd wrapped around the outside of the store. “Okay, we got this.” He sighs and cracks his knuckles, limbering up like he is about to run a marathon or some shit. “I say we swoop in hard and fast so we can be in and out in two minutes.”

“Sounds like a plan,” I say and bump his fist. Game face on. The one thing my five year old daughter wants for Christmas is within my reach and I will get it, damn it. If only all women were as easy to please as Jazzie.

“That’s Hunter’s specialty, isn’t it, man?” Mack says, elbowing me in the ribs.

Sliding my sunglasses down, I glare at him. “You know, asshole, your red hair and the jealous as fuck cock envy green you’re wearin’ right now, kinda has me in the holiday spirit. Makes me want to sing my new favorite Christmas Carol, ‘Grow Some Balls’.”

“Calm down, you two. You draw attention to us and no one will be getting shit,” Henry scolds us. “They see Grayson or you, Hunter, and it’s a full sprint to the ‘Burban with a mob on our ass.”

“That’s right, remember this is our only shot to get this before Christmas morning. Grow up,” Gray says, earning him middle finger salutes from both Mack and me.

“She’s coming,” Henry says, pushing up closer to the door.

“That’s what she said,” Mack says, elbowing me again.

“Elbow me one more time, I swear it’ll be your nuts roasting on an open fire,” I growl, making Gray laugh.

The manager studies the crowd through the safety of the glass, people from behind push us toward the door as she turns the lock. Then it’s pandemonium. “Run!” Henry shouts as the doors open and screams slice through the air. “Mack, stay with him,” Henry calls as I run through the entry way of the store, my eyes on the prize.

“I got him!” Mack shouts, hot on my heels.

“Out of my way, asshole,” an old woman shouts, smacking me in the back of the legs with her cane.

Crumpling to my knees, I see it through the damn near blinding pain as women run past me. The display. Employees try to regain order, but it’s useless. Through the sea of bodies, I see my in and go for it. Army crawling, I dive between legs, my back and legs being stomped on as I try to climb to my feet.

“We need to maintain some order here, people!” A man shouts over the loud speaker.

“Hunter!” Mack yells over the energy drink fueled Mommy’s Gone Wild episode going on before me.

Scrambling to my feet, I turn and see him clutching a box to his chest. “You got one?” I ask, before fist pumping the air. “Fuck yes! Hey, Big Man, we got it! Let’s get the hell out of here!” I shout, looking around for Henry and Gray.

Spotting them, I wince as Gray is being trampled to the ground by more shoppers piling through the doors, while Henry dives in to save him.

“There’s one, let’s get him!” A woman shouts before she, and three other women, tackle Mack to the ground with a loud crash.

Shoving my way through the crowd, I reach Mack. “Crazy broads,” he roars, as blood pours from his nose. “I’m not gonna make it, Hunter. Save yourself,” he says, trying to push his way free. “Tell Jazzie the cookies are in the bottom drawer behind the dish towels.”

Boxes are flying everywhere, it’s complete chaos and getting worse by the minute. There’s only one way out of this. It’s go time.

Shoving the last woman off of Mack, I help him to his feet. “Pay for the damn thing and tell Henry to get the ‘Burban.  It’s a Shaft call to Hustle. I’m taking one for the team,” I say, clapping his shoulder. “I’ve got a plan!” I shout heading for the jewelry counter which is far enough away from the register to give Mack and the guys a fighting chance and secure the toy to make my little girl’s day.

Leaping onto the counter, I throw down my sunglasses and tear the hood from my head. “Attention, shoppers,” I scream, my voice echoing through the speakers making nearly half the women stop dead in their tracks.  “Our jewelry department has been given the shaft.”

“It’s Hunter Chesterfield!” a lady shouts, running towards me. “Oh my God!”

A lot of the women scream, heading straight for me, their brawling momentarily forgotten. With as much fighting as there was to get in the door, it has to be said I am disappointed no one was trampled to get to me. I am a way better toy. Plus, all my moving parts work, just saying.

Glancing over, I see Mack hand the cashier some bills just as he hands over the box to Henry before he shoves through the exit with Gray. “Hi, ladies,” I say, grinning wickedly at them as a few try to grab my pant leg. “Now, now, easy, ladies,” I croon, shuffling back a step.

“Hunter, we love you.”

“Sing for us.”

“Fuck singing, get him naked.”

“Yeah, take it off!”

I can’t help smiling at that because, yeah, I got it, but I also know I gotta get the hell out of here if I want to come out in one piece. Scanning the front of the store, I see Mack waving me over.

Thinking on the fly is what I am known for, so why would this be any different? Crowds of overly excited women on the verge of riot are my specialty, right? Okay, so maybe not the rioting part.

Putting the receiver up to my lips again, my eyes widen as I look at the far corner of the store. “Oh my God, would you look, ladies, it’s Aiden Chesterfield and Grayson Cole!” I shout pointing behind them. “Tell them to get up here and help me out.”

“They’re all here!” a woman shouts, pointing in the same direction getting a lot of them to look. Leaping to the other side of the counter, I dive down an aisle and haul ass toward the door like I am running from zombies in one of Aiden’s video games.

The crowd surrounds me like an angry swarm of bees. My hair is pulled, my hoodie and shirt being ripped at from every direction. Fingernails dig into my skin making me wince in pain and I swear I think someone bit my ass through my pants. If I weren’t in a totally committed relationship with a woman I love and who would kick my fucking ass, I might enjoy this a little; especially if I knew these women wouldn’t kill me. 

Brings new meaning to the term "love you to death", doesn’t it?

By the time I make it to the door, only pieces of fabric remain hanging from the top half of my body. “You look a little battered.” Mack laughs as we run out the door just as Henry pulls up to the curb with the ‘Burban.

“Dude, at least I didn’t give my ‘Goodbye Cruel World’ speech,” I say as he shields me from the crowd and climb into the back seat. Following me inside, he barely gets the door shut before Henry tears through the parking lot. “Gray, you good, man?”

“I may have left a couple ribs and a lung on that floor, but yeah, I’ll live,” he groans from the front seat.

“That shit was poorly executed,” Henry says, gripping the wheel tightly. “That store was nowhere near prepared for a crowd of that size. It’s rule one, people. You always scope out your crowd and have backup ready. That’s how you end up losing people,” he explains, shaking his head. Turning onto the highway, he slams the gas pedal to the floor causing the engine to roar loudly.

A bit overdramatic there, Big Man. Damn.

Settling back in the seat, I send a text message to Chase letting her know that we are on our way back. 

Mission seize and conquer is complete. All men accounted for. Now en route to base.

Her reply is instant. 

Good, but why the hell are you talking like you went to war?

Shaking my head, I take in the grown ass men in the truck. Mack nursing his bleeding, possibly broken nose, while Grayson is curled in the fetal position in the reclined front seat and type my reply.

Because we did.

Shoving my phone into my pants pocket, I grin victoriously knowing that my little girl will wake up on Christmas morning with the toy she wants most under the tree. Having only had her a year and last Christmas being so crazy with Daisy having just given birth to Brannon, I am determined to make this year special. Hell, it’s my goal to make every day special for Jasmine and Chase. Nothing means more to me than seeing them smile. The life I live now shows me how far I have come and how much I have to lose if I don’t appreciate it for the gift that it is.

*** 

Pulling through the gates, the red and white blinking lights decorating the house come into view. Daisy, Cam, and even Chase weren’t shutting up until the entire house was done up in lights, claiming the kids would "just love it". Of course they got their way, not because the kids love it, but because they have the pussies and we, as men, like to have access to those. Brannon doesn’t give a shit, the kid has a diaper to shit in and a nipple to latch onto every time he cries. Kid has it made. Jazzie, on the other hand, is more concerned about Santa possibly eating all her cookies.

“Your dog is a menace, Hunter,” Henry says just as my eyes land on the Santa sleigh and reindeer in the yard. Just as predicted, Rudolph wabbles and shifts as Bits humps against its leg. The little fucker goes to town causing it to crash to the ground, the red blinking nose shorting out for the fifth time since it was set up.