Pan's Salvation (11 page)

“Is that how you feel?” Monster looked hurt.

“You start in on me and you don’t stop. God, it’s like being back with Dad all over again.”

Pan raked a hand through his hair.

“Hartley, you have to know that’s not my intent. I just don’t want you to end up like Dad.

Your drinking has never been this out of control. If I don’t say anything and you keep on the path, you’re traveling what then, huh?”

His words were salt in Pan’s open wounds. There was truth there, but he wouldn’t admit it.

“Funny I’ve been doing just fine. Great actually, until you showed up.”

“What, now you don’t want to see me?”

“I want you to just be my brother.”

“I am, you stupid fuck!” Monster roared.

“Hartley?” A voice cried.

“Fuck, look at what you did,” Pan hissed.

“Who is that?” Monster asked.

He wanted to be juvenile and tell him
none of your business
. “That’s Lark, someone I met during my run for Demon.”

“And she’s here with you, why?” Monster asked.

“Pan?”

He turned and found Lark at the end of the hall. His shirt hung around her knees.

She looked from him to Monster and back. “Am I dreaming? Is this some David Lynch style musing?”

Monster snickered and Pan followed. “No babe, this is my twin brother, Monster.”

“Oh,” she whispered. “I—I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

“Are you okay?” Pan asked.

“Yeah, just a—bad dream. I’ll let you get back to it.” She turned and walked back to the room.

“What the fuck was that?”

Pan turned back to him. “You think you’re the only one allowed to find happiness?”

“I didn’t say that. I’ve never seen you like
that
with a female.

“You didn’t have to,” Pan said.

“Nothing I do or say is okay with you. I’m not the one with the problem…you are. I told you I didn’t’ hold anything against you. You need to hash that shit out with yourself.”

He opened his mouth to deliver a sharp come back and stopped. How could he sit here and bicker with his blood when she’d lost hers. “I hear you Hayes. I’m working on it, okay? My life’s been flipped upside down. It’s always been you and me and now it’s not. I held that secret in a long damn time. It’s an ugly puss-filled gash in my soul I need to air out. You have to let me do that. You found your happiness and I don’t fault you for that. But I need to learn to feel worthy of my own joy.”

“Hartley. That’s not you talking. That’s our old man. He was a mean fuck toward the end who put a lot of shit in our heads. If what I saw is correct. You might be sitting on your own gold mine, don’t fuck that up. I came by to see you were okay and I see that now. I’m going back home and I’ll see you Monday?”

“Yeah,” Pan muttered. He walked him out, turning his brother’s words over in his mind. The thought of being anything like his father frightened him.

Could I do to Lark, what he did to Mom?

His stomach soured. A headache threatened. He rubbed his temples. The thought of fucking up what could potentially be the best thing he’d ever stumbled upon. The burden rested heavily on his shoulders. He locked the door behind Monster and walked into the kitchen to deal the best way he knew how. Opening the fridge, he pulled out the familiar brown bottle and popped the top. The liquid ran down his throat. He closed his eyes and savored the flavor. Before he knew it, one turned to three and he was buzzing. This was the first time he’d gone to beer for escape in almost a month. Humiliation stung his pride. He was more like his father than he cared to admit.

“Is everything okay?”

He glanced up and saw Lark hovering in the hall. “Yeah, it’s fine. Just a slight disagreement with my twin. It happens.”

“I can only imagine,” Lark said. She walked toward him. “I have to go back to work

tomorrow.”

“Yeah, same here.”

“How’s this going to work?” She fisted the oversized material of his t-shirt.

“What do you mean? Like it has been, only we go to work.” He heard the slur to his words, but he couldn’t prevent it from happening.

“Are you drunk?”

“Just buzzed. You noticed the largest difference between my brother and me?” Pan gestured to the left side of his body.

“Yeah, it was hard not to.”

“Well, I’m responsible for that. To say it makes things strained between us would be a gross understatement.”

Lark grimaced. “I am so sorry. Maybe if you talked to him, the two of you could come to some sort of understanding?”

“Oh, no.” He laughed. “Monster is a prince among men. He doesn’t blame me for the

accident. But he should. And that’s what kills me. We do this dance he and I. Hayes tells me it’s not my fault and
I should move on with my life
.” He mocked him, using a professor like voice.

“And I think of all the years he spent persecuted over his disfigurement until I can’t stand myself.”

“Hartley,” she whispered.

“No.” He pointed at her. “Don’t you fucking pity me!”

“Can’t I be sorry for your pain? You think I don’t know the pain that comes from a

dysfunctional sibling relationship?”

“You didn’t put the needle in your sisters’ arm did you?” He snapped.

She flinched. “You’re not yourself.”

“No, this is the real me, Lark. The man you’ve seen is the one I wish I was. The person you make me strive to be.”

“You don’t even know me,” Lark said softly. “You placed me up on a pedestal I don’t

belong on. The only direction I can go is down. I can’t handle that kind of pressure. I wake up in the mornings and I don’t know if I’m coming or going or who I am.”

Her rambling turned the ground under him into quicksand. Before he knew it, he was in up to his knees. “What are you trying to say?”

“I don’t know. That I can’t handle disappointing another person. That seeing you like this worries me. I don’t know who you are right now.”

He plunked the bottle down on the counter. “I’m the same man who made you forget

everything but the way I make you feel. I never claimed to be perfect. There are parts of me that are jagged and unrefined. I have my issues same as you. Would you begrudge me for that?”

Lark hesitated.

He strode toward her. “I can still provide you with what you need. Right now, your head feels like it’s going to explode because you’re on overload. “He stopped a few inches away from her body and raked his gaze over her. “You want to escape? I’m the man to help you.” He wrapped his hand around the back of her neck. Don’t run from what you don’t understand. You could miss out on a lot.”

Her chest heaved. Her lids lowered and her eyes dilated.

“You can’t run from this, Lark. You’re here for at least three more weeks and we both know you need this.” He stroked the pulse point on her neck that beat a staccato rhythm. “You need to let go and I need to be in control. I told you while you’re with me…it’s my rules. Tonight, I think it’s time we move to the next level.”

“N-next level?”

“A little something for you to think about while you work tomorrow.” With every word he spoke, his buzz receded. He didn’t need the alcohol when he had Lark. “Go to the room, remove your clothing and wait for me on the bed.”

Looking startled, she hesitated.

“Oh, you are in sore need of discipline today Ms. Rosario. I was going to go easy on you.”

“Go easy on me?”

“Oh, no. Not anymore. Now, I’m going to treat you like the naughty little girl you’re being.”

She licked her lips. Her dark eyes began to smolder. She loved their little games. Even as she balked against what society deemed an oddity, her subconscious craved it.

The extra sway in her hips told him she anticipated what would come next as much as him.

Body language always spoke volumes and he was a master at studying. While he might be brash and fun loving, he was also observant and skilled at manipulation. He took his time disposing of the beer bottles, giving her time to undress and allow her mind to dream up scenarios. Pleased, he turned off the lights and made his way to the bedroom.

Lark sat on the edge of the bed, an ebony goddess with her hair tumbling around her face, her nipples pert and perky with her thighs clenched together.

We haven’t even begun to play and she’s already wet and excited.
Her arousal was a perfumed musk filling the air. It made him salivate.

She stared at him with wide eyes.

Remaining silent, Pan walked over to the footlocker at the end of the bed. Kneeling down, he spun the combination and opened the lock. He lifted the lid and revealed his vast collection of playthings. He ran his fingers over the variety of paddles and decided on the small leather slapper. “Stand.”

She rose to her feet like a soldier.

Pan moaned his approval. “You have no idea how sexy you are when you respond to my

commands.”

Quietly, she stood with her arms loosely at her sides.

He sat down on the bed. “Do you see this little bird? It’s a slapper. Don’t worry, we’ll work our way up to it.” He patted his lap. “Come, lay across my lap.”

She immediately complied.

He studied the curve of her spine. Caressing her soft skin, he worked his way down to caress the swell of her ass. “You have such a nice ass.” He squeezed. “Firm, toned and soft.” Palming her cheeks, he massaged and kneaded.

Her body shuddered as she moaned. Her muscles relaxed.

Pan stroked his fingers over the areas he planned to smack.

Her breathing accelerated as she rocked her hips.

It’s time.

“I’m going to show you what happens to naughty little girls now. You’re going to count to twenty. Ten blows a piece.” He delivered light slaps to her ass cheeks. The sound of her counting was music to her ears. She squirmed on his lap as they neared the final count. He smoothed the reddened area, soothing the sting as he bent over and placed kisses up along her back. “What did you think of that my little bird?” He slid his hand down her back and between her legs. Her sticky heat coated his fingers. “Oh yes, you liked our new game. Didn’t you dirty girl?”

“Yes,” she whispered on a gasp.

“Do you think you can handle more, my beautiful girl? Just five more for me?”

“I-I think so. Yes.”

He grabbed the slapper and delivered five light raps. She ground into his knee, leaving her dew there. “You come to life so beautifully under my tutelage.” He leaned down and kissed her reddened skin. “Thank you for trusting me to make your body sing. I know you want to come.

I’d like to give you release, but you have to pay the price for your behavior. No touching yourself tomorrow. I want you thinking about me and how good it’ll feel when I finally allow you to come. Lay down on the bed now, little bird. I need to pamper that delicate skin now.” He helped her lay down on the bed and went to get ice and cream to soothe her skin.

Lark groaned and he knew he had her back. His little bird was delicate and flighty. She had one foot inside the cage and one out. It was his job to make sure she liked it better…here with him.

It felt odd being back at work.
Like she’d been lost in some sort of alternate realm. The daily grind at Naughty Emporium cleared her head. The duties were engrained in her muscle memory. She did them on autopilot.
Who knew that one day, folding underwear and setting up
new displays would save my sanity.
The normalcy cleared her mind. Things with Pan were spiraling out of control. Every day she handed over another portion of her control. She’d come to rely on him. That was dangerous ground to be on. She heard his argument with his brother.

Trading a person with one addiction for another wasn’t on her to-do list.
How can I dismiss it so
quickly, after all he’s done for me?
He cared for her like no one else in her life had. It complicated everything.

The bell above the door jingled. She glanced up and smiled at the sight of Tanya. The

brown-eyed redhead was the closest friend she had. Her long legs ate up the space between them and she allowed herself to be embraced. The smell of cinnamon and vanilla swirled around her as she rested her head on her friend’s ample bosom.

“Lark, I am so sorry.”

“Me too,” she said.

“Why didn’t you tell me? The girls and I would’ve been there at the funeral for you.”

“I didn’t want that. I’ve had so many ups and downs with my sister. The final goodbye

wasn’t pretty.” Lark pulled away and wiped away the tears escaping the corners of her eyes.

“I understand. Addiction is a hard thing to deal with for more than just the person affected.”

“Yes, but I’m back and I’m glad to be here. I need this stability and routine in my life.”

“Then you got it babe. We’re all here for you.”

Lark squeezed her hand. “Thank you for that. Everything has been so crazy,” she whispered.

Tanya lifted a pin-up perfect eyebrow. “I sense this is about more than your sister.”

“Cliff Notes version. I had some issues with people; Robin owed money to.”

“Oh, my God, are you okay?”

Lark held out her hand. “Yes, I’m fine. It’s just. There’s a man who helped me out when he didn’t have to. He had my back and he stuck with me when I needed it most.”