Parker's Island (28 page)

I was so sick and had been for months that it was finally taking its toll on me. 
I knew
that a
ll
of
the stress from my recent events didn’t help either. 
I
just
stayed
there, giving up
,
when I felt a cool cloth being placed on my forehead and strong arms lifting me and carrying me back to bed.  I knew I shouldn’t, but I clung to him and when he set me down I wouldn’t let him go.  I needed comfort and even though I knew he was
n’t mine,
I begged him to stay with me.
  “Please don’t leave me.”

“What about Brian?
  Do you want me to call him
for you
?
”

“
No. 
Please don’t make me talk about him.  I don’t want to face it
,
yet.”

“Does he know?”
h
e asked.

“
Does he know w
hat?” I asked
, still dizzy
.

“
Does he know
…about the baby
?”
h
e asked again
softly
, looking down at my stomach.

I instinctively covered my belly with my hands and whispered, “Yes.”

“I’m confused
,
Delaney
. 
I saw you two together on your porch. 
I saw the way he looked
at you
.
I know he loves you.  I
heard it in his voice
tonight
on the phone
.  Why wouldn’t he stand by you
,
now?”

I turned away, unable to answer him.

“Delaney?”
h
e said, turning my head back to look at him.  He must have read the look of pure agony on my face, because he took a deep breath and said, “
Oh, No!
”

I was tired of lying a
nd I desperately needed to talk.
“
I
t happened
that night
…
at the grad party.”

“Chad
!
”
h
e said angrily
,
through a clenched jaw
.

I was stunned, “Ho
w did you
…?  Oh God.  I can’t do this, I can’t do this alone
,
”
I was crying hysterically now.

“You’re not alone.  I’m here
,
”
h
e said, and pulled me
close
.
  “Shh, it’s okay, I’m here.  You’re not alone.”  Logan calmly rocked me slowly in his arms, offering me much needed comfort.

He let me cry for a while
until I was calm enough to talk.

“I don’t understand why Brian would let you go.  He’s been dealing with this for months now.  What changed?”

“He didn’t know, not until two days ago.”

“Delaney, you’ve only been here a day and a half and you’ve thrown up at least three times
that I know of
.  You’re exhausted and I thought I had really put you over the edge with the popcorn.  I’m sorry about that, by the way. 
But
I’m assuming that all of this didn’t
just
start yesterday.”

“No, I’ve managed to hide it well, even from myself.  I
really
didn’t know
that
I was
.
..pregnant
, b
ut Christine did.  She knew
weeks ago.”

“Who’s Christine?”

“Brian’s
m
om.  She confronted us both, wanting to know why we hadn’t told them.  I was stunned
.
I didn’t even know what she was talking about at first.  I didn’t
realize
until she actually said the word.  Then it hit me
.  I
t all made sense…I was sick all the time, I was so tired, my peri…
I
was
….
late and my, my
…
shirts
and bras
were
really
tight
,
”
I said,
and
then blushed.

“What did Brian say?”

“He begged me to tell him it wasn’t true; that I wasn’t pregnant, that I
couldn’t
be pregnant.  He kept telling his mom that it wasn’t true, that
it was impossible because
we hadn’t
…
”

“Did you tell him what happened?”

“No.  I told him I was sorry and I left.  I left him sitting there all alone…crying
,”
I said, the tears welling up again.

“I’m sorry you had to go through all of th
at
.  You should tell him
the truth.  H
e’ll understand.  He loves you.”
             
“There’s more
,
”
I whispered.

“What is it?”

“He asked me
…um….
whose
it was
,
and I couldn’t say anything, I just s
tood
there
, frozen
,
so he assumed it was…”

“Mine
,
”
h
e said quietly.

“I couldn’t tell him the truth
,
I tried, but the words wouldn’t come out,
” I said, crying again.

“
Shh, i
t’s okay, it’s okay
,
”
h
e said, and held me until I was calm enough to continue talking.

“Why didn’t you tell
someone what happened
that night?
  I can understand why you couldn’t tell me, or Brian, but why not Molly
or your mom
?
”

“I couldn’t
even
say his name.  I
just
wanted to forget
it
. 
When I got home
,
I had myself fooled into believing that everything was okay and that a life with Brian would fix everything. 
When I finally realized I was pregnant,
I knew that it wasn’t fair
to Brian.  I had lied to him for so long
;
lied to myself.  I couldn’t just
suddenly tell him I was
drugged and
raped months ago
and expect him to stand by me
,
even though
I kn
e
w
that
he would have
. 
And I knew
then
that
I’d been
lying to myself about more than just the pregnancy
and
I couldn’t stay
anyway
,
because even though
I
do
love him, I love…”

“You love?”

“I love…
you more
,
” I said, and closed my eyes.

“Delaney, I
..
..”

“You don’t have to say anything. 
I
know that it’s wrong for me to be here.  I’ve made a mess of everything.  I’ll leave
as soon as I can
.”

He touched my cheek and said,
“I was going to say that I love you
,
too.  I want you to stay.  I nev
er wanted you to leave
in the first place
.”

“But you said…
”
             
“I said I was married
and
I had no right to ask you to wait for me.”

“
But
I told you I would.”

“I know
.  B
ut it wasn’t fair to ask
you to do that
.
  You deserve a life with someone who’s free to give you everything.  I wasn’t free to do that.  I didn’t think it was fair to expect you to put your life on hold…for me.  No matter how much I wanted you.
”

“Are you still married?” I
asked, pray
ing he’d say no
.

“Yes
,
”
h
e said sadly.

“I shouldn’t be here.”

“I want you to stay.  Please stay.
  I know I shouldn’t ask now either, but I just can’t bear the thought of you walking out that door again.
”

“
I don’t know what to do.  I’m so scared
,
” I said, crying again.

“It’s going to be okay.  I promise.
I love you, we’ll work it out
together.”

There was nothing left to say
right then
,
and I was so tired and
weak
that I finally fell asleep.   Logan stayed with me
, just l
ike he had that fateful night.
  I woke up to find him staring at me.  “What time is it?”  I asked.

“Why, is there somewhere you need to be?”
h
e grinned.

“Am I keeping you from work
or something?  You don’t have to babysit me all day.”

“I don’t
have
to work
,
Delaney.  I used to spend a lot of time working at my mother’s company, but now I
rarely
even go in.”

“Did you work
during
the summers?”

“
U
p until last year, I
was there
all the time.  I used to l
ove
it
, b
ut not
anymore
.”

“How did you work
so much and go to school?”

“Last year was the first year I actually went to school.  I always had tutors before that.  I was never a kid
,
Delaney
.
I had never spent any time with
kid
s my own age.  I decided that I wanted to experience something normal in my life, for once. 
I
finished high school
t
hree
years ago.  I realized I was missing out on something, but I didn’t know what.  So, I asked my long time tutor
and friend Avery
to enroll me in high school
,
even though I already had a business degree
.  My father thought I was crazy, but I insisted.
”

“So you already had your diploma and
a college degree and
yet you chose to go to high school
,
anyway
?”

“Yes. 
Avery
got me
in with some fake transcripts. 
He thought it would be good for me
,
too.  But, when I got there that first morning I realized I didn’t fit in.  I
asked to use the phone in the office so that I could call
Avery
back and have him get me out of it. 
Everyone seemed so immature, and although I was
only
19, I felt years older than everyone there. 
But t
hen something happened.”

“What?”
I asked, sitting up in bed.

“I saw this young girl, a freshman
,
I’m assuming.  She was terrified to be starting high school.  She was crying and talking to someone I couldn’t see.  Then I heard
the girl sh
e was talking to tell her that everything would be fine and
that
she’d walk her to her classes for a while until she was used to the new school.”

I looked at him, waiting for him to continue.

“I watched you put your arm around her and walk her out the door.”

“She was just
new and
scared
,
” I said, remembering the terrified young freshman.

“I hung up the phone and knew
it didn’t matter if I fit in
.
I had to be near you.”