Parker's Island (31 page)

I thanked him and said I would do what he said.  Logan shook his hand, grateful that I was feeling better.  I breathed a huge sigh of relief when I finally got back into the car.

“Was it really that bad?” Logan asked, responding to my sigh.

“No
, but
only because you were there.  Thank you.  I’m such a baby.  You were right
.
I didn’t want to face it.”

“I know, and I don’t blame you.  You handled it all very well.  I don’t think I would have been that brave
,
”
h
e said.

“Brave?  I’m a coward.  I would have run screaming if it wasn’t for you.”

“That’s not true.  You’ve been through a lot, and you’re much stronger than you think.”

“I’m sorry about…
you know the whole exam thing.”

“I just didn’t know what you wanted me to do.  I didn’t want to embarrass you.”

“I wasn’t embarrassed in front of you,
even if you were.
”

“I was just…
uncomfortable.”

“I noticed.  I
’ve
never understood a man’s fascination with breasts.”

“Hmm, maybe it’s because we don’t have them
,
”
h
e grinned.

I rolled my eyes
at him
,
“
Actually, they’re just kind of annoying.  You’re not missing anything.”

“I
saw exactly what I was missing…
they’re beautiful
, you’re beautiful
.  I’m regretting my decision to keep my hands to myself more and more, so let’s
just
drop it.”

“I told you it was okay.”

“No
. I
t wasn’t
,
”
h
e said, and then started the car.

He took me out to dinner and I actually felt like eating.  I was hungry and it felt great.  I ate until I was stuffed full, then I ordered a piece of pie for dessert.  When I was finally satiated, we headed back to the house.  “Would you like some ice cream or something before we head home?
  Although I don’t know where you’d put it
,
”
h
e asked
, happy to see that I was feeling better
.

I was having such a nice time with him
d
uring
dinner
.  M
y problems had just seemed to vanish
until I heard him say the word ‘home’.  I wasn’t home, I knew that.  But it felt so good and so easy to pretend that this was our life and that I was carrying his baby that the word
‘home’
hit me hard.

“This isn’t my home Logan, I know that
.  S
omeday I have to go back and face the consequences.”

“Yes, you will have
to go back and make peace with
…
everyone.  But, this
is
your home
for as long as you want it
.
”
  H
e stopped at a light, turned to me and said, “I
want you to stay
.
I’ll
never ask you to leave again.”

I
smiled at him and then looked out the window
, lost in my own thoughts
. 
I
f
only
things were that simple
.  B
ut we both knew they weren’t.
 

That night,
I l
ied
in bed, waiting for the nausea to send me running back to the bathroom, but it never came.  I closed my eyes and thought of Logan in the room down the hall.  His face was the last face I saw before I drifted off to sleep.  But his face wasn’t what I saw when I sat up in bed screaming a few hours later.  I was breathing hard and shaking.  I wasn’t sure it was a nightmare at first.  I looked around, trying to focus on where I was
,
when Logan ran into the room
,
“Delaney?  Are you okay?  Are you hurt, or the baby?” 

“No.  I’m fine. 
I
t was just a bad dream.  I’m sorry I woke you
,
” I said, not really remembering
much of
the dream, but shaken nonetheless
.

“You scared me
half to death
.  Oh
,
well, I guess if you’re sure you’re okay, I’ll let you go back to sleep.”

“No.  I don’t want to sleep now
,
” I said, still frightened by the image from my dream.

“It
’
s 4:00 am
.  W
hat do you want to do?”

I knew exactly what I
wanted
to do, but since that wasn’t an option
,
I asked him if he wanted a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

“It’s 4:00 am
,
”
h
e repeated.

“Anytime is the right time for a PB &J!”

“Don’t take this wrong, but I can’t believe you could even be hungry after what you ate for dinner.”

“That was hours ago.  Dr. Branson told me I’d feel better.  He was right.”

“Okay, come on.  You’re not going to add pickles
to it
,
are you?  I’m not sure I could watch you eat that.”

“Pickles!  Yuck!  I was thinking more
on the lines of
bacon
!”  I grinned at him, having already left the nightmare behind.

“Oh, that’s much better
,
”
h
e said and rolled his eyes.

Chapter
Eight:
Room to Grow

As the weeks passed, Logan and I fell into a wonderful routine.  If it weren’t for the circumstances, my life would be perfect.  But, there were circumstances, and my circumstance w
as
becoming increasingly
difficult to hide.

I stood in front of the mirror, turning this way and that and noted how
I
seemed
to have
blossomed overnight.  I was so sick during the first three and a half months of my pregnancy that I hadn’t gained an ounce of
weight
.  I
n fact, I had lost
about 15 pounds
.  Now, I was making up for lost time and Logan was feeding me
far
too well.  I had gained
seve
n
pounds
when I weighed in at my next appointment
at Dr. Branson’s office. 

“Seven pounds in a little over a week?  That’s terrible
,
” I said, staring unbelievingly at the scale.

“Delaney, you were very dehydrated when you first came here
.
 
A lot of it is fluid. 
You have to remember that you need to gain weight to have a healthy baby.  I assure you, you haven’t gained too much.
  Actually you are still under-weight
,
” Dr. Branson said at my
next
prenatal appointment.

“If you say so
,
” I said, suddenly feeling very uncomfortable in my jeans.”

“Today, we’re going to do an ultrasound. 
If we can tell, would you like to know the sex
of the baby?
”

I looked over at Logan and he raised his eyebrows as if to say it was up to me.  “No.  I don’t think so
,”
I said, not wanting to give anymore validity to the fact that I was actually carrying a human
life
than I had to
.

I climbed up onto the table and Dr. Branson exposed my belly, which was no longer flat at
20 weeks.  “You’re half way there now.  Are you getting excited?”
h
e asked, while
readying the
machine.

“Um, yes
,
” I
lied
.

“Do you have names picked out yet?”
h
e asked, and I turned to Logan.

“No
.  N
ot yet.  We’re still deciding
,
” Logan said, and then took my hand.

Dr. Branson squeezed a big glob of warm goo on my belly and then he was pointing
at
the screen, “There’s your baby’s heartbeat.  Can you see it?  It looks perfect
;
good and strong.” 

Logan and I were mesmerized by the screen.  There
,
right in front of us was a tiny little beating heart and it was growing inside
of
me
.  He held my hand and we watched the heart beat together
. 
Dr. Branson pointed out the baby’s head, arms, and legs.  I was shocked at how I was feeling
, and I noticed Logan couldn’t look away from the monitor.  “Are you sure you don’t want to know the sex of the baby?” Dr. Branson asked, obviously
having discovered
the answer.

“Yes, I want to know!”
I said, suddenly needing to know if this was a boy or a girl.

“Logan, do you want to know?”
h
e asked, not wanting to give anything away
prematurely
.

“Yes
,
”
h
e whispered, still mesmerized by the tiny beating heart.

“Well, I think you two had better paint the baby’s room pink
.”

“A girl?”
Logan asked.

“Yes,
she’s definitely
a girl.”
h
e grinned and turned off the machine.  We were both speechless for a few minutes.
  “Okay,
you seem to be doing much better now, so
I
don’t need to see you for a month this time;
unless
you have any concerns
, then
you
should
come in sooner
.”
  He handed us a picture of the baby and left the room.

I sat up and stared at the picture.  If it wasn’t real before, it was now.  “She’s bea
utiful, just like her mother
,
”
Logan said, looking at the picture with me.

I didn’t know what to say.  I wanted to be excited.  I wanted to be happy.  I wanted the baby to be Logan’s.  “Thank you
,
” I said, and hopped off the table
and tried to button the top of my jeans.

“Maybe we should buy you some new clothes today
,
”
h
e said, seeing my difficulty.

“No, it’s fine.”

“Delaney, you need to be able to breathe.”

“I can breathe just fine!” I said, irritated that I couldn’t button my jeans.  Finally I just pulled my shirt down over my belly and said, “Let’s go
!
”  I wasn’t sure, but I thought I saw Logan
laughing
at me out of the corner of my eye.

“I
didn’t mean to
laugh at you
,
” Logan said, as we were taking our daily walk along the beach.  “You’re not fat
, Delaney
;
it’s all baby.  You
do realize
you’re going to get bigger
though
, right?
 
You’re only half way
there
.  Y
ou still have 20 weeks to go.
”

“Y
es, but I don’t have to like it,
”
I said, irritated at the weight gain and the fact that Logan had laughed at me, even though I knew I was being ridiculous.  Of course I had to gain more weight
, but I refused to gain more than I absolutely had to.

He smiled and put his arm around my shoulder.
  “You’re beautiful
,
”
h
e said, trying to get back into my good graces.

“I don’t feel beautiful.”

“Trust me, you are!”

“Why are you so good to me?”

“
Because I love you
,” h
e said,
and
then added, “
Delaney, I think we need to talk about what you want to do about the baby.”