Part-Time Wife (16 page)

If only she wasn't so damn small. As he studied her, he couldn't help but picture her naked … in bed … wanting him. But that's as far as his imagination went. Would he hurt her? If he forgot himself in the heat of the moment, could his weight crush her? He'd had his share of lovers when he'd been in college, and they'd all been tall women, with long legs and torsos. Feminine, but not fragile. And
fragile
was the word he used when he thought of Jill.

It's not going to be a problem because you're not going to do anything, he reminded himself. He was taking her out for a nice dinner to thank her for all she'd done on this trip. Also, because he liked being alone with her. But it wasn't a romantic rendezvous, no matter how much he wanted it to be.

She took a sip of wine and sighed.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"I'm just worried about the boys. Do you think they're all right?"

He laughed. "They're in a huge suite with unlimited junk food, cable TV and a baby-sitter who was pretty enough to play Cinderella in the parade. I think they're really happy."

"Well, if you put it like that." She glanced up at him. "I'm having a wonderful time, Craig. Thanks for inviting me."

"Thank you for coming with us. It wasn't part of your job description."

"I know, but what would I have done if I'd stayed behind? With you and the boys gone, I would have had too much time on my hands."

The waiter approached and set their salads in front of them. Craig thanked him and picked up his fork. "So what do you think of the
Magic
Kingdom
?"

"It's wonderful. No matter how old I get, I always have a wonderful time at
Disneyland
."

"Good. I thought we'd spend most of tomorrow on Tom Sawyer's
Island
."

"Do I get to be an Indian?" she asked, her eyes glowing with amusement.

Heat seared through him, sparking an arousal that threatened his composure. "You get to be anything you want."

They ate in silence for a few minutes. The quiet wasn't uncomfortable. In addition to finding her damned attractive, Craig thought Jill was easy to be around. She didn't expect a lot of chatter or mind if the conversation strayed from her interests. In fact, he thought, frowning, she rarely talked about herself. He didn't know very much about her at all.

"I never thought to ask," he said. "Is being here bringing up memories of your stepchildren?"

She glanced up, obviously startled. "No. I never thought about it. I'm sure Aaron and I brought the girls here, but I don't remember much about our visit. I guess it wasn't very memorable."

"He has two girls?"

She nodded.

"Are they really different from boys?"

She grinned. "Let's put it this way. Patti and Heather never had a farting contest in the car, or anywhere else for that matter."

The waiter returned and cleared their plates. The combo started another song – a slow and sultry number that made him long to be close to her.

"Dance?" he asked, rising to his feet and holding out his hand.

She hesitated. "I'm not very good."

"Neither am I."

She took his hand and allowed him to lead her to the tiny floor. Several other couples were already there, swaying to the music. There wasn't room to do anything fancy, and he was grateful. He just wanted to hold Jill in his arms and torture himself into mindlessness.

She was wearing high heels and her head nearly cleared his shoulders. He placed one hand on the small of her back and linked his other with hers. Three inches separated them. He waited until they'd found their rhythm together before drawing her closer.

He'd thought she might resist the contact, but she flowed against him like water over stone, molding herself to his body. Her curves teased him. Through his suit jacket and shirt, he felt the soft imprint of her breasts. Her breath heated his skin and her legs brushed against his.

They took small steps, circling with the other dancers, not talking but absorbing the sounds and sensations. Without thinking, he released her fingers and pressed both his hands against her back. She was fine-boned and all woman. Need rocketed through him. She fanned the desire when she slipped her hands under his jacket and hugged his waist.

Their breathing became synchronized, their steps, smaller. With the slightest hint from her, he would have carried her back to her hotel room and made love with her until they were both too exhausted to do more than cling to each other. But she didn't hint and he didn't offer. So when the song ended, they parted, clapping politely, and he led her toward their table.

They passed an elderly couple. The woman smiled at him. "You and your wife are very lovely together. Are you celebrating an anniversary?"

"No," he said, thinking it would be too much trouble to correct their false impression.

She winked. "Maybe not tonight, but my guess is you'll be celebrating many, many more."

"Thank you." He nodded and placed his hand on Jill's back. She moved forward, then slipped into her chair before he could pull it out for her.

She was quiet for the rest of the meal. She didn't meet his gaze, and when the main course came, she only ate a small amount.

"Did you like your dinner?" he asked when the waiter took away her nearly full plate.

"It was delicious. I just wasn't hungry."

"Why?"

She glanced around. "Can we leave, please?"

"Sure." He signaled for the check.

In a matter of moments, he'd charged the meal to the room and followed her outside. A dull ache began at the base of his neck and worked its way down to his shoulder blades.

"Jill, what's wrong?" he asked.

There were several couples standing outside the restaurant. She shook her head and started walking. Just past the dancing fountains was a small wooden bench, partially hidden by the lush foliage. She sank down onto the seat.

"Jill?"

She stared up at him, her eyes twin pools of confusion. Without thinking, he settled next to her, gathered her in his arms and kissed her.

Her mouth was as soft and sweet as he remembered. Her lips parted instantly and he touched the delicate surface of her tongue. She responded by clinging to him. Their breathing increased. The steady throbbing between his legs quickened to an unbearable cadence of pulsing pressure.

He moved his hands over her back, tracing a line from her spine to her derriere, then cupping her hips. Before he moved higher and touched her breasts, she broke away.

"Stop," she said hoarsely. "You must stop."

"Why?"

Her laughter had a sharp edge. "Because I'm not doing this again."

"What are you talking about?"

She moved back on the bench until they weren't touching at all. Her face was in shadows; only her eyes were lit by the lights along the path in front of them. She rested her hands on her lap. She seemed calm, even relaxed. Only her fingers betrayed her as they twisted together.

"This isn't right. At least it's not right for me." She cleared her throat. "I can't do this again."

"Do what?"

"Be used. All my life men have used me."

He stiffened. He wanted to protest that he hadn't used her, but sensed this wasn't really about him. "What do you mean?"

"Men have used me to get what they want. They've never cared about me. My father used me to upset my mother, before and after the divorce. My stepfather pretended to be my friend in front of other people, but when we were alone, he told me I was stupid and ugly and that he didn't like me at all."

"Bastard," Craig growled, wishing he could find the man and beat him into a whining, bleeding pulp.

"Then Aaron used me in the biggest way possible. We had mutual friends, and he knew that my goal in life was to be a part of a family. When we started dating, he used that against me. He talked about the girls and how much they needed a mother in their lives. I was too ignorant to realize they already had one. I bought his story, married him, moved in and proceeded to support the entire family."

She closed her eyes and drew in a deep breath. "After a couple of years I wanted a baby of my own. Aaron was against the idea. He already had two children, he didn't want any more."

"I'm sorry," he said softly. Bitterness filled his mouth. All three of his boys had been accidents. Krystal hadn't wanted children, either. Aaron was a complete jerk if he didn't know what a treasure he'd had in Jill.

"I kept after him about a baby, and he finally agreed. We tried for six months, but nothing happened." She looked at him. Her mouth trembled, but she spoke clearly. "I wanted to go to a doctor, but he said we should keep trying. Then his ex-wife sued for custody of the girls."

"You don't have to tell me this," he said.

"Yes, I do. I want you to know why I feel the way I do." She shifted on the seat, turning toward him. "Once the court proceedings started, we both agreed it would be silly for me to get pregnant now. I went back on the Pill. When we lost the custody battle, Aaron was furious. I tried to comfort him."

Her hands twisted together frantically. He leaned forward and covered her fingers with his. She clutched his hand as if it were a lifeline. Her dark gaze locked on his. His heart ached for her. No one should have to suffer this much for anyone, least of all a creep like Aaron.

"We were still in the courtroom," she continued. "His ex-wife was laughing and hugging the girls. I tried to hold him, but he pushed me away. I remember crying. I was devastated. I told Aaron we could still have a baby of our o-own." Her voice cracked.

"She looked at me, then – Aaron's ex-wife. She stared at me with pity and called me a fool. There in front of the judge and everyone, she told me that Aaron had had a vasectomy years ago. Right after Heather was born. So unless he'd had it reversed, there wasn't going to be another baby."

Craig swore loudly. The urge to violence nearly overwhelmed him. That piece of— He swore again. Jill didn't seem to hear him. She kept on talking.

"Aaron just looked away. He didn't say a word. When I asked him if it was true, he just shrugged, like it didn't matter. The girls ignored me, too. As if I'd never existed for them. All those years had meant nothing. That week Aaron told me he would have his attorney draw up the divorce papers."

She started to shake. Craig didn't know whether to pull her close or leave her alone. She settled the matter by releasing her hands and folding her arms over her chest.

"I never saw him again. I never spoke to him. I don't know if I would have wanted to save the marriage or not, but I didn't get the chance to decide. I gave him and his daughters everything I had, and they never gave anything back. I suppose I'm a fool for taking it all those years. But I just wanted to belong. For once in my life, I wanted to be a part of a family."

Her story stunned him. It was too much to absorb. He knew there were bastards in the world; his father was one of the biggest. How had Jill hooked up with so many? She deserved more.

"Jill, I'm not Aaron."

"I know, but even if you were, it doesn't matter. I'm not going to be used again. I'm not going to be taken advantage of just because I'm convenient. I'm here to look after your children, and that's all I want to do. I can't afford to get involved with you. It's too much like what just happened to me. It would be too easy to fall for you. I don't want to get hurt again."

He wanted to protest. It wouldn't have to be like that. He and Jill had a powerful attraction between them. Maybe—

Maybe what? He, of all people, should understand her concerns. He was a little gun-shy himself. He was only interested in a sure thing and life didn't come with guarantees. Was be willing to promise her exactly what she needed? He already knew the answer to that. They were both too wounded for a relationship between them to work.

"You're right," he said. "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize. This was all pretty wonderful. I'm not ungrateful or angry. I just finally figured this out, and I wanted to be honest with you." Her smile trembled a little at the corners, but he wasn't going to comment on the fact.

"I appreciate that," he said.

He wanted more, though. He wanted it all. Damn the consequences, there was something about Jill that appealed to him. But he couldn't force it. Besides, he was forgetting who was important here. It wasn't him, it was the boys. They'd been through so much. They deserved better. Right now, Jill was the best part of their lives. They didn't need him messing that up for them.

"I still want to apologize," he told her. "Frankly, I want to find Aaron and your stepfather and beat them both up."

"Thank you for that. I wouldn't mind watching."

They stared at each other. He wondered if she felt as awkward as he did. Even if he couldn't have a relationship with her, he wanted her to stay for the boys. How did he tell her that?

"Friends?" he said at last, holding out his hand.

She hesitated for a moment, then took it in hers. "Friends," she agreed.