Part-Time Wife (13 page)

"Gross," C.J. said good-naturedly.

Craig glanced over and saw Ben and Jill having a whispered conversation. She was pointing to the display of toppings. Ben listened intently, then nodded.

Craig strolled over to join them. "What are you going to have?" he asked Jill.

"Just some yogurt," she said. "Ice cream is too rich for me."

Ten minutes later they were all seated on the benches outside. Danny had settled on a single scoop of peanut butter. C.J. had two scoops of

"What was the secret conference about?" Craig asked.

Jill glanced at him, then at the three boys sitting on the next bench. There was a steady flow of traffic in the middle of the afternoon, and the sound of the cars kept their conversation from carrying. Even so, she lowered her voice.

"Ben wanted to know what he should have. He's sort of on a diet." She looked at her cone, then at him. While in the ice-cream shop she'd pulled off her sunglasses. Now he could see the bright green of her irises. "We've been walking every day." She laughed. "Actually, I've been walking. He's starting to run and jump and complain about how slow I am. He's taking a lunch to school and avoiding junk food. It's only been a week, but I can already see a difference."

Craig looked at his oldest, hoping she was right. Damn it, the boy deserved better than an unhappy childhood because of something as preventable as his weight. He knew it wasn't going to be an easy change, but it was possible.

"If nothing else, he seems happier," Craig said. "He's out bike riding with us. He never used to do that."

"I think he's afraid," she said. "Of being laughed at. Of being different. He wants to change but doesn't know how. He also doesn't want a fuss made." She smiled. "We have these very indirect conversations. I suppose at some point someone will have to discuss his weight with him, but so far, this plan seems to be working."

He reached out and touched her arm. "You've been good for all of us, Jill. I don't know how to thank you."

Something hot and smoky flared to life in her eyes. He told himself it was just a reflection of sunlight, but that didn't stop his sudden rush of desire. Then she blinked and her expression changed. For a moment, he thought she was going to remind him this was only temporary. He didn't want to hear that right now. He didn't want to do anything but sit here and eat his ice cream. He wanted to listen to the boys' chatter and feel that he was finally doing something right.

She gave him a quick smile. "You don't have to thank me," she said. "I'm having fun."

He leaned back on the bench and realized that for the first time in weeks, maybe months, the pain in his upper back and neck was gone. He shifted slightly, until their thighs brushed. Need spiraled up to his groin. The aching was a pleasant change from feeling nothing. He could want her without doing anything about the desire. He could admire her without making her a part of his life. He could like her and still be able to let her go.

At least that's what he was going to keep telling himself … for as long as it took, until the lie became truth.

Chapter 8

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J
ill could hear the baseball announcer on the television. It was about three-thirty Sunday afternoon, but despite the perfect weather, all three boys were inside, watching the game.

She paused beside the sofa. "You guys okay?" she asked.

C.J. gave her a halfhearted smile. Danny shrugged. Ben didn't bother looking at her. Craig was at the far end of the sofa, sitting on the built-in recliner, reading the Sunday paper.

"Craig?"

He glanced up at her. "Yes?"

"Do you want some popcorn or something?"

His dark eyes gave nothing away. "Sure." He returned his attention to the article he was reading.

She stood in the center of the room not sure what was going on. Yesterday had been wonderful. The five of them had spent the day together. They'd worked with Danny, gone bike riding, to the movies, then out to dinner. Afterward, they'd played cards until an hour past the boys' bedtime, because they were having such a good time. Today she felt like an unwelcome intruder spying on a secret society meeting. Signals and messages were being passed around, but she didn't know what they were. Had she done something wrong? Was everyone mad at her?

Jill tried to remember if she'd said or done something offensive the previous day, or even that morning, but she couldn't think of anything. Everyone had been fine yesterday but moody this morning.

Craig stood up and dropped the newspaper on the floor. Before she could ask him what was wrong, he brushed past her and walked up the stairs. Ben also rose to his feet and headed for the kitchen. He opened the pantry and pulled out the bag of miniature candy bars she kept for Danny and C.J.'s lunches, grabbed a handful and returned to his seat. Not once did he look at her or acknowledge her presence in the room.

"Ben, can I fix you a snack?" she asked, bewildered by his behavior. He'd been doing so well. Why was he suddenly eating candy?

He glared at her. "You're not my mother, you're just the dumb nanny. You won't even be here much longer. Quit acting like you belong and leave me alone."

Jill felt as if she'd been slapped. She didn't know whether to reprimand him or hide out in her bedroom. She settled on stunned silence. The other two boys stared at the television as if their lives depended on the outcome of the game. Ben tore off the candy wrappers and devoured the treats, one after the other. When he was done, he got up and marched past her without saying a word.

Craig passed him on the way downstairs and entered the family room. Jill stared at him. He'd changed from jeans and a T-shirt into a dark suit and cream-colored shirt. His silk tie was dark blue with flecks of gold.

"You're going out," she said. Obviously.

Craig focused his attention on some point over her left shoulder. "I don't know when I'll be back."

"What about dinner?" she asked, feeling oddly betrayed by his behavior.

He hesitated. "I don't know when I'll be back," he repeated, and then he was gone.

What on earth was going on? Had everyone been given a script but her? She sat on the sofa and stared unseeingly at the television. What was it … all-males-act-like-a-jerk day? Yesterday they'd almost been a family and today she was the enemy. It wasn't fair.

Danny crawled next to her. His big eyes were filled with a questioning pain. She wanted to ask what the problem was but suddenly she didn't have the words. When he shimmied closer, she pulled him onto her lap and wrapped her arms around him. He huddled next to her like a hurt animal seeking warmth.

A few minutes later C.J. leaned against her. She settled one arm around his shoulders. Silently, they watched the rest of the game. She didn't ask what was wrong, and they didn't offer the information. When she mentioned dinner, both boys claimed not to be hungry. They went up to their rooms and closed the doors, shutting her out.

* * *

Jill approached Ben's door and tapped softly. There was no answer. She turned the handle and pushed it open. Ben was asleep on his bed. She moved closer. The light on the nightstand was on, illuminating his face. She saw the tracks of tears on his skin. Her heart tightened inside her chest. She didn't know why he was hurting so she couldn't fix it.

She sat on the side of the bed and stroked his arm. He woke gradually. When he saw her, he bit his lower lip.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled, and flung himself at her. She embraced him, feeling the awkward bones and angles of his adolescent body. He cried as if he'd lost everything dear to him. She rocked him gently, murmuring words of comfort, then sat with him until he slept again.

It was nearly nine when she made her way downstairs. Most of the lights were off. She didn't bother checking for Craig's car, so she was surprised to see him sitting in the family room. He leaned back against the sofa, his eyes closed, a drink in one hand.

He'd taken off his suit jacket and his tie. His shirt was open at the neck and the sleeves were rolled up to his elbows. She was used to seeing him in his uniform, and yesterday she'd finally convinced her heart not to flutter at the sight of him in jeans. Now she had to adjust to a completely different Craig. The successful entrepreneur. The expensive cut and material of the suit reminded her that he'd made a fortune on investments and that they really had nothing in common.

"I see you found your way back," she said. "Is everything all right?"

"You probably think we're all behaving like jerks," he said, not answering the question.

"The thought crossed my mind."

"Krystal died a year ago today."

The simple sentence caused everything to click into place. Jill sank onto the sofa and released the breath she hadn't known she'd been holding. "I'm so sorry."

"No need to be," he said, not looking at her. "I don't give a damn. But it's hard on the boys."

It was hard on him, too. She could see it in the lines on his face and the way his fingers gripped the glass, but she didn't say that.

He leaned forward and pulled open a slim drawer in the front of the end table. Under some papers was a framed photograph. He handed it to her. Jill turned it toward the light and stared at the stunning woman who had once been Craig's wife.

The photograph was several years old. Craig looked younger and there wasn't any gray at his temples. He was wearing shorts and nothing else. The woman standing next to him on the beach was tall, slender and beautiful enough to be a fashion model. Dark eyes, dark hair and a smile that promised the world. She was laughing. Involuntarily, Jill found herself wanting to smile back.

Yet, as she looked closer, she saw something cruel in the expression on Krystal's face. The set of her mouth was selfish. She didn't look like the kind of woman who would be more interested in her children than herself.

"She's very beautiful," she said carefully, handing back the picture.

Craig studied it for a moment. "Being admired was Krystal's goal in life." He set the photograph facedown on the table.

"Did you go to visit her grave?" she asked.

He nodded. "It's been a year. I started out just going for a drive, but that's where I ended up." He took a sip of his drink. "I didn't feel anything different standing there. I guess I wanted to see if there were still any ghosts. Seems like the only ones left are the ones I carry with me."

It took her a moment to realize that the bitterness on her tongue came from envy. She was envious of a dead woman. Of the power she still had over her family and the way she still possessed Craig's mind.

None of this matters, she reminded herself. Craig wasn't her man, the boys weren't her children. She was here very temporarily. But telling herself the obvious did nothing about the emotion.

"This must be very difficult for you," she said. "A year isn't all that long. You need to give yourself time to move from loving to remembering."

He turned his head and stared at her. "I haven't loved Krystal in years. If ever." He raised his glass as if toasting the photograph. "One didn't
love
Krystal, one admired and adored her. She was more interested in how things looked rather than how they really were. A tough attitude to teach children, but by God, she tried her best." His gaze narrowed. "To you, my sweet wife. May you be in the hell you deserve."

He drained his glass with one long swallow, set it next to the picture and leaned against the sofa.

"I'm sorry," Jill whispered.

"Me, too. Every damn day. That's the irony of it. I was so determined not to be like my dad." His smile was bitter. "I wasn't. Not even for a moment. It was Krystal. She could have been his twin."

"I don't understand," Jill said, before she could stop herself. She wasn't sure she wanted to hear this, but she couldn't seem to force herself to leave. Part of it was that Craig was in pain and she was at her best when someone needed her. Part of it was the man himself, She wanted to know all about him, especially his past.

"The Haynes family curse," he said. "I have five uncles and not one of them has ever been faithful to a woman. My father believed if he slept in his bed at night, he could do what he wanted the rest of the time. I swore I wouldn't be like him. I was going to be different. I wanted a wife and kids, like the old man, but I was going to be there for them. I swore fidelity, to honor and love. What a joke."

His pain was a tangible beast in the room. She could hear it breathing, clawing at him, draining his life force. She wanted to go to him and comfort him., but he wasn't Danny or C.J. He was a man, and she didn't have the right.

"I can't see you acting dishonorably," she said quietly.

"Is it honorable to be a fool?" He didn't wait for an answer, but instead continued to speak. "She was a sable-haired beauty. Now I see I wasn't thinking with my head when I met her. I was taken in by the big eyes and ready smile. I thought she was sweet and innocent. I couldn't have been more wrong. I found out later that she screwed the chauffeur who drove her to the church. They got it on right there in the back seat of the limo. After the wedding she and I drove off in the same car. And I didn't know."