Passing It On: Growing Your Future Leaders (27 page)

The ministry that I built during thirty years is not their inheritance. The ministry is not a monarchy. My investment in building
this ministry does not guarantee my children’s future. Their purpose may be bigger than this ministry, and I want them to
find their spot, their unique place, and then flourish.

When my son was having difficulty finding a job in his field after college, I started a family business that is in keeping
with his gifts and interests so he could use them running his own thing. I told my daughter that if she wishes, when she finishes
her education in the United States, she can work in the family business with my son and they can inherit it. That might not
be her desire or her calling.

I do not want to force either of them into the ministry. I cannot trap them in this ministry. I do not even consider ministry
my whole life. It is but an aspect of my life. It is not my permanent assignment. I am on my way to something else, taking
the advice I provide in chapter 12. It is important to set children free so they do not feel obligated or entitled to follow
in the footsteps of a successful family member. They must know their own calling.

I see a good example of this in the words of Jesus near the very end of the Gospel of John. The risen Jesus was about to leave
the earth. Just after Jesus grilled Peter on whether he loved his mentor and after Jesus gave Peter the flock, we find something
very interesting. It has to do with expectation and succession. The Scripture says Peter turned and saw another disciple following
them as they talked.

John 21:20–22
Peter turned and saw that the disciple whom Jesus loved was following them. (This was the one who had leaned back against
Jesus at the supper and had said, “Lord, who is going to betray you?”) When Peter saw him, he asked, “Lord, what about
him?” Jesus answered, “If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me.”

“What about him?” To me, those words imply that Peter wanted Jesus to choose John to join him as a leader. Jesus turns it
back on him, saying in effect: “What does that have to do with you? What I have for John is none of your business. I already
gave you your assignment.”

We can also note that while Jesus gave Peter the ministry, the Master had already made John His successor in taking care of
His family.

John 19:26–27
When Jesus saw his mother there, and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to his mother, “Dear woman, here
is your son,” and to the disciple, “Here is your mother.” From that time on, this disciple took her into his home.

These actions support the idea that each of us has our own assignment. Jesus would tell us, “Son, you do not need to be like
your daddy, and daughter, you do not need to be like your mother. No, what I have for them may not be anything like what you
do.”

What God intends for our children is not what we might wish. It is strictly between God and them.

1 Corinthians 12: 4–7
There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit. There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. There are
different kinds of working, but the same God works all of them in all men. Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit
is given for the common good.

Kinship does not qualify people to succeed you.

Your children must pursue their own purposes.

If you decide a relative should succeed you, choose the one who loves you.

I
WAS SPEAKING
at a conference. When I arrived at the airport, my host had sent a driver to pick me up. During the ride, I asked the driver,
“What do you do?”

He said, “I don’t have a job. I am a businessman. I was the area director of a fried-chicken chain.”

This obviously sounded like a six-figure job, so I asked, “What are you doing picking me up?”

He just said, “I am your chauffeur for the next three days.”

I was impressed that an executive wanted to drive me. He was smart. I think I know why he wanted to do this, and I would find
out soon that I was right. He had seen my television programs. I could see one of my books on the seat of the car. It was
a well-thumbed, messed-up copy.

I was very busy on this trip, and we did not talk much as he drove me from place to place during the next three days. When
it was over, I said, “I want to pray for you before I leave.” So we prayed. I asked him about his family, and he told me about
his wife.

He drove me to the airport and said, “Would you mentor me?”

I looked at him. I liked his spirit. He just wanted to serve. I said, “I will mentor you, but it will cost you.”

He said, “Whatever it takes. I will follow you to the Bahamas. I will spend time with you. I will just be with you.”

I mentored him. Today he has his own firm training entrepreneurs and leaders, and he speaks at my conferences.

Some of the people I mentor are in other countries. At times, I tell them to meet me at some destination and accompany me
for the rest of the trip. I mentor as we travel. They get to see how I handle problems, decisions, stress, misunderstandings,
or counseling. They are in my environment. That is how you learn. That is what I mean when I say leadership is “caught” not
taught.

“The mentee learns through interaction with the mentor.”

I have another associate whom I am very proud of mentoring. Everything I told him to do, he did. He did not question my instructions,
even when he did not understand them. He invested money in his own development. When I said, “I want you to come with me to
Africa,” he said he would have to borrow money to do it, and he did.

He bought a ticket and came with me to Africa. I did not buy a ticket for him because he was pursuing me for mentorship, but
I wanted him to go with me to experience the vastness of my audience. When I saw him invest, I was happy to give him a microphone
to speak before a huge crowd while we were on the trip because he had demonstrated his willingness to learn. He had made a
sacrifice to do that.

When people ask me to mentor them, I tell them to write a letter to me and pray about it because what they are requesting
will require hard work. Not for me, but for them. I am going to give them plenty to do. “Wait till you get my mentoring package,”
I say. “You will be sorry that you asked me to mentor you. Read these four books this week and give me a report.”

“Oh my! What did I get myself into?” they ask.

“And by the way,” I add. “I also want you to pray an hour a day about these twenty things.”

Our formal mentoring program at Bahamas Faith Ministries International draws applicants from all over the world. What I ask
of those in the program is nothing compared to what Jesus asked of His protégés.

Jesus told His disciples to leave their families. “If you want to come with me, you have to forsake something. Are you sure
you want to come with me?”

Matthew 8:21–23
Another disciple said to him, “Lord, first let me go and bury my father.” But Jesus told him, “Follow me, and let the dead
bury their own dead.” Then he got into the boat and his disciples followed him.

To be a good mentee, you have to be present. At every opportunity, the mentee should be with the mentor. The mentee learns
through interaction with the mentor and through the environments, experiences, and opportunities the mentor provides. This
kind of association transforms the thinking of the protégé. Mentoring has more to do with association than with mere instruction.
Being with a mentor is more important than receiving instruction from a mentor. When you associate, you can transform your
life.

Mentoring is a two-way street. The mentor agrees to mentor, and the “mentee” must submit to be mentored. To learn, you must
submit to the teacher, and the teacher has to accept responsibility for transferring knowledge.

From a historical perspective, a disciple was a student who lived with the teacher, similar to the way many Olympic athletes
today might leave their families or even their countries to train with an outstanding coach. For much of history, anyone who
wanted to learn an art, a craft, or a trade would have to apprentice—that is, to leave home at a young age to go live, observe,
and work with a master in that field. Similarly, preteens or young adults intending to become rabbis, priests, monks, or nuns
left their parents to live and study with their instructors.

When Jesus began His own ministry, His disciples or students left their homes and lived with Him for three and a half years.
They traveled with Him. They ate with Him. They slept near Him. Most of what they learned was from observation and interaction.
Just as the lion’s cubs learn by observing, they learned by watching Him deal with issues. This is why they were so successful
as successors.

Only through association can transformation take place. You cannot mentor a person if they do not associate with you. It is
important to note also
that the disciples did not just gather around Jesus. He chose them, and they agreed to follow. Others could observe, but He
said, in essence, “If you are going to be my trainees, then you have to be with me.” He told them they would have to leave
their families in order to serve Him. “If you are you associated with me, you have to be with me.”

Luke 9:57–62
As they were walking along the road, a man said to him, “I will follow you wherever you go.” Jesus replied, “Foxes have holes
and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head.” He said to another man, “Follow me.” But
the man replied, “Lord, first let me go and bury my father.” Jesus said to him,
“Let the dead bury their own dead, but you go and proclaim the kingdom of God.”
Still another said, “I will follow you, Lord; but first let me go back and say goodbye to my family.” Jesus replied, “
No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God.”

John 12:26 “Whoever serves me must follow me;
and where I am, my servant also will be. My Father will honor the one who serves me.”

Often you have to leave the places and the people who are familiar to you so that you can learn and grow. You have to step
out of your comfort zone. In the mentoring relationship, you have to enter the environment of the mentor.

To be a good mentee, you have to be present.

Leadership is “caught” more than it is taught.

I
STOOD ON
the receiving line, surrounded by the elite of our society: the governor, diplomats, politicians, wealthy business owners,
bankers, judges, and a mass of other socialites gathered at a beautiful, private venue. We were all waiting to meet and shake
hands with a man the world had come to love, respect, and admire—Nelson Mandela.

I remember the historic moment during that evening that I had the privilege of meeting this global icon, the first president
of the new South Africa. He had just been freed from the prison on Robben Island a few days earlier, and his first official
trip was to my small nation of islands, the Bahamas. His decision to travel there was a result of his relationship with our
first prime minister, Sir Lynden Pindling, who had been a university colleague of Mr. Mandela’s in England. Pindling was the
world leader who presented the case of Mr. Mandela’s imprisonment to the United Nations to demand his freedom from the apartheid-driven
government prison on Robben Island.

As for me, as a man who grew up in an environment of racism and oppression in this former British colony, I understood the
nature of prejudice, and I had always admired the sacrifice, commitment, and dedication of this freedom fighter. I had embraced
him as a distant source of inspiration. To me, he was a mentor. At least, that is what I thought.

Finally, my time came to shake those hands that had become so hardened
and calloused after twenty-five years of cracking the hard rock of Robben Island with a hand ax during his incarceration.
The prime minister of the Bahamas at that time, Mr. Hubert Ingraham, introduced me to this towering figure who was bigger
than life to me. I reached out my hands and felt myself melting under the warm radiance of a smile I will never forget. My
eyes filled with tears as I felt my hands touch history. I surrendered to the emotions of the moment and hugged him.

“Thank you, sir, thank you,” I heard myself mutter.

He simply held me close to his heart and said, “Thank you, son.”

Here I was in the shadow of my long-distance “mentor” and touching a legend who would change the world’s view of human dignity.

“The two parties in a mentoring relationship must reach an agreement and have an explicit understanding at the outset.”

Those of us on the receiving line were guests for a private dinner held in his honor, and I sat a few seats away from President
Mandela. During the meal, I watched him closely and observed everything he said and did. The way he was kind in spirit, gentle
in all responses, and without guile, hatred, and bitterness reduced me to childlike wonderment. Many questioned him about
his feelings toward his oppressors and about the impact his experience had had on his life. His response was consistently
one of forgiveness and reconciliation. I saw love in its pure form and made a decision that I would always try to emulate
this monumental example of leadership.

As the evening drifted on, I listened as a student, basking in the depth of knowledge and experience leaking from the lips
of this rare human specimen. I began to acknowledge that even though I had held up Mr. Mandela as a personal mentor for years,
I did not know him. I had to accept the fact that he was not my mentor, but rather a source of inspiration and motivation
to me.