Past Regrets: Love and Friendship, Book 2

Dedication

This is for Hollie who read the first version of this manuscript. Thank you so much for your feedback and encouragement.

Chapter One

“Fuck!” Ryan Callander stared at the paper in his hand, shock ratcheting up the low-grade headache he’d had for the last two hours. Julia wanted a divorce. He concentrated on breathing—in, out, in, out—to stem his escalating panic.

Caleb popped his tousled dark head from a bedroom of the inner city Auckland apartment they’d shared for the past five years. “What is it, man?” He glanced at Ryan and grimaced at the envelope. “Can’t the mail wait until we’ve had some sleep? This jetlag is kicking my butt.”

God, she couldn’t do this to him. It was a misunderstanding. She’d realize once he explained everything. “No, I have to go out.”

Caleb cursed and disappeared. He reappeared with a black T-shirt in his hands and yanked it over his head. “I’m coming with you.”

“I don’t need a babysitter,” Ryan snapped.

“Your memory is still spotty. What kind of friend would let you loose in the big bad city alone?”

Ryan made a scoffing sound. “It’s Auckland. I remembered the location of our apartment. I know how to call a cab.”

“But you didn’t recall where the mystery woman lives—the one you kept muttering about in hospital.”

“I’m going to her now.” He’d recalled more about Julia than he’d let on to Caleb, their manager and the rest of the band. The only thing he couldn’t remember was how to contact her—that and her last name. Caleb had told Ryan he didn’t have a serious woman in New Zealand, not one he cared about. Ryan knew different, but the harder he’d tried to remember the more his head had ached.

“And if your mystery woman is a groupie?” Caleb asked, his expression making his opinion clear.
French Letters’
groupies didn’t warrant midnight visits from the band. “Surely it can wait until we’ve at least caught a few hours of sleep. Besides, Seymour will have a hernia if you out yourself to a groupie. You can’t visit one without full makeup or a mask. You know the terms of our contract.”

“You can sleep,” Ryan said. “I’m going out now.” He picked up his wallet and phone, both new since the police never recovered the ones stolen from him while the band had been playing in Europe.

“Wait, damn it.” Frustration shimmered in his friend’s voice, but Ryan didn’t slow. Running thumps echoed down the hall. “Fuck, Ryan. I’m coming with you. Give me a chance to put on my boots.”

Ryan slowed. “I’ll hail a cab. If you’re not outside in five minutes I’m going without you.” A mixture of anxiety and anger pumped through his veins. Julia wasn’t any damn groupie. She’d already seen him without his makeup. His mouth curled to a grin as fragments of memories pushed past the fog in his mind. She’d seen him in a lot less and loved the view.

He checked the street and spied a cab. Hell, luck was with him. It was a sign. He waved, elated when the taxi halted beside him. He spoke to the driver, reading the address off the formal document before jumping into the back of the cab. He glanced back for his friend.

Caleb appeared in the doorway, glimpsed the cab and cursed a blue streak. He increased his pace to a sprint. Breathless, he flung himself into the back seat with Ryan. “I fuckin’ told you to wait.”

“I intended to wait.”

“Didn’t bloody look like it to me. Where are we going anyway?”

“Parnell.”

“Give me more. Who are we going to see?”

“Julia.” Ryan fell silent, waiting to see if Caleb remembered her.

“Wait, Julia? Not that blonde bird we both banged last summer?” Caleb’s smirk was a toothy one. It made Ryan itch to thump him.

“Watch your mouth.” Ryan concentrated on his clenched fists instead of the urge to beat up his friend. Caleb didn’t understand. If he knew, he wouldn’t talk that way. When Caleb opened his mouth to say something else, Ryan cut him off. “Watch what you say about Julia or I’ll tell your mother on you.”

“What are we? Five years old?” Caleb stared at him in astonishment. “You sound like my sister.”

A sharp pain sliced through his head, and he rubbed it with his fingers.

Caleb’s eyes narrowed. “Is your head hurting again?”

“Yeah.” His anxiety made it throb worse than normal. The doctors said his headaches would tail off after a while. He wished he knew when that would be, ’cause it had been months.

“You know I’ll help you as much as I can.”

“Yeah, I know.” He and Caleb had been best friends since they were five. It was weird how he recollected everything about Caleb and growing up together. He even remembered the words to their songs, yet his time with Julia remained blank. Those precious snippets of memories had taken weeks to return to him after the mugging, and even now his mind contained frustrating gaps.

The cab slowed and came to a halt outside a new apartment block. He didn’t recognize it, but he and the rest of the band had been in Europe for almost a year, much longer than they’d originally planned. Now that he was here, nerves slid through him. His heart beat a little faster. He paid the driver, grimacing at the faint tremor in his hand.

Caleb watched the taxi drive off. “Are we going to be here a while?”

“Depends.” Ryan strode to the apartment entrance and checked the directory on the wall. Julia Maxwell. Only her Christian name seemed familiar while the surname could belong to anyone. He pressed on her apartment buzzer, keeping his finger down for long seconds. He waited. When nothing happened, he stabbed the button again.

“She’s either a deep sleeper or she’s not home. Maybe she’s out on a date.”

Ryan’s gut twisted, a sharp pain of protest. “No,” he whispered, appalled at the idea.

Caleb’s dark brows rose. “Just because you’ve given up dating and become a monk, it doesn’t mean the rest of the world should follow your example. What’s so important about Julia?”

Ryan sighed. He pushed the bell one final time, and when nothing happened, turned to his friend, his shoulders slumping in defeat.

“Ryan, I don’t get it. Why is it so urgent for you to see this Julia?”

Ryan’s chest ached in tandem with the throb at his temples. “Julia is my wife.”

“What?” Caleb grabbed his arm, pincher fingers digging into his biceps. “Why didn’t you say something?”

“The time never seemed right. My memory was patchy, so there was nothing to tell.”

“Fuck, she must have been worried sick when she didn’t hear from you. Why didn’t she ring?”

“She probably tried,” Ryan said. “They took my phone. Even if she managed to get in touch with Seymour, he wouldn’t have believed her. And because the mugging happened between concerts and we only had to cancel one, she most likely thinks I abandoned her.”

“You should have told me, man.”

Ryan tried not to let the pain inside him gain momentum. “At first I couldn’t remember her name. Everything was so foggy I thought my memory might be playing tricks on me. Besides, Seymour would have had a cow.”

“The ‘no serious relationships’ thing? There’s no reason we can’t get married if we want.”

Ryan snorted. “That’s not what management says. You’ve heard Seymour’s lectures.”

“Doesn’t mean we have to follow his advice,” Caleb said. “It’s not a formal clause in our contract.”

“Is that your year of law talking?”

“Fuck you,” Caleb said, giving him a one finger salute for emphasis. “You know I was humoring my parents. When did you get married anyhow? How did you manage to do it without me noticing?”

“You went to your family christening over Anniversary weekend. Julia and I went to Fiji for a four day break and married while we were there.”

“Congratulations.”

“She’s served divorce papers on me,” Ryan said with a snarl, anger warring with the jagged knife slicing into his brain. He loved her, damn it. “I’m not letting her go without a fight.”

Caleb’s grin lit up his face. “And I worried I’d be bored taking a three-month break.” He rubbed his hands together. “This should be fun.”

“There’s nothing funny about a divorce.”

The amusement quit Caleb. “I know that, man, but I know you. Julia won’t stand a chance. She’ll be putty in your hands again in days. I’ll be your wingman.”

Ryan’s hackles rose and his fingers balled to fists. “You won’t be putting your hands on my wife again. That was a one-time thing.”

Caleb raised his hands in surrender, his gaze steady, reassuring, and some of the tension seeped from Ryan. Caleb was his friend, not the enemy.

“Why don’t we go back to the apartment, grab a few hours’ sleep then stake out her place. You can confront her when we run her to ground.”

It was a sensible solution, despite his need for immediate action. He hesitated before admitting to his exhaustion. The damn headache had taken hold, and his skull thumped like the crazy beat of Neil’s drums during a solo spot. “Yeah, okay. Sounds like a plan.”

Down but not out. Julia was his wife. His woman, and soon no one would doubt it, least of all her.

She had to get away.

Now, before she started bawling. Julia bent to grab her purse, her fingers brushing the envelope containing her mother’s letter. Unshed tears—divorce-induced tears—stung her eyes, and she blinked rapidly.

“Anyone for another drink?” Julia sprang to her feet, smiling brightly at her three friends while waiting for their reply.

“I’ll take another margarita,” Maggie said, her brown eyes sparkling with happiness, even in the dim light of the
Cock and Bull
pub.

“I shouldn’t,” Susan chimed in then wrinkled her pert, freckled nose. “Oh, what the heck. Me too.”

Christina waggled her empty glass, setting her golden bracelets chattering in a musical tone. “Same again for me, thanks.”

Julia pushed her way through the crowd, scowling at the two suit-wearing buffoons who leered at her boobs. If anything, her repulsion egged them on, their smirks widening with the thrill of the chase.

“Wanna drink, babe?” Mr. Beard asked, waggling his brows in a suggestive manner.

“Blondes with pretty…” Mr. Shaved Head looked her up and down, his gaze lingering on her breasts. “…eyes are my favorite. Let’s cut to the chase and go to my place.”

“I’m taken,” she snapped, stomping past. Her loneliness, her rotten taste in men, swirled amongst her concern for her mother. Her soon-to-be divorce. A tear plopped onto her arm. Another struck the hem of her lacey white top. Instead of forcing her way to the bar, she kept walking until she made the relative privacy of the restrooms. By the time the door whooshed shut behind her, tears were falling in earnest.

Everything was such a mess…

The door pushed open, and Maggie spied her before she could wipe her eyes. Her friend’s happy expression faded. “Julia, are you all right?”

Julia swallowed. “Yes.”

“Liar, you’ve been quiet all evening. Come on.” She plucked a packet of tissues out of her handbag and handed several over. “Dry your eyes and we’ll get out of here. Let’s collect Christina and Susan and head to my place. Maybe we can help.”

One taxi ride later, Julia found herself at Connor and Maggie’s apartment in Newmarket, not far from the business center of Auckland. Maggie, who had secretly snared Julia’s best friend, Connor, last year, bustled around organizing drinks, and soon they each sipped a glass of white wine. A bowl of crisps, another of vegetable sticks and a fattening cheesy dip sat on the glass-topped coffee table in front of them.

“When’s Connor due home?” Julia asked—casually, she thought. Judging by the rolling eyes, her friends were on to her plan.

“Quit stalling.” Susan confirmed her fears.

Julia thought about her secrets—the things she hadn’t confided to her friends. Some of them about Ryan she couldn’t tell because she’d promised, and she never went back on her word, even if the louse didn’t deserve her loyalty.

“Julia, it can’t be that bad,” Maggie said.

“It’s worse.” Julia pulled the envelope from her handbag, going for diversion from the most troubling truth. “This is a letter from my mother.”

“You never talk about her,” Susan said. “Where does she live?”

“Auckland.” They lived in the same city, and her mother felt she had to post her a letter rather than pick up the phone or even send an email. It said a lot about their relationship.