Past Regrets: Love and Friendship, Book 2 (10 page)

He nodded, his eyes twinkling as he absorbed the details. “That was an intelligent decision. Did we have phone sex?”

She caught her bottom lip between her teeth and stared at the plastic lid of her coffee.

“We did.” Masculine smugness floated in the air.

“We might have. Do you want to hear this or not?”

He made a buttoning motion across his lips, his gaze expectant and unnerving.

“When you made it back to Auckland we spent every hour together. And when you were away, you rang me.” The bones of their story without a mention of the way she’d felt waiting for his calls—the anticipation and the excitement. The evolving of their relationship from lovers to more. The heady sensation of falling in love.

“When did I tell you about the band?”

“You had a week off over Anniversary weekend and asked me to go to Fiji with you. I agreed, and you sang me one of your songs. You told me about the band and the reasons you’d decided to keep it quiet. You told me you didn’t want secrets between us, and wanted me to know because I was important to you.”

“Was I romantic?” His cocky grin made her want to laugh in response. She took another sip of her coffee instead. “We married in Fiji, didn’t we?”

Julia pictured the scene, feeling the warmth of the sun and the sand between her bare toes. She remembered his hands tightening around hers as the marriage celebrant pronounced them man and wife. Their first kiss as a married couple and… “Yes. You remember that?”

“Bits and pieces. All I know is when I look at you I can’t sign the divorce papers and walk away. I want us to get to know each other all over again. Sweetheart, I want this marriage. Your face, it was the only thing that kept me going. Memories of you helped me keep sane and balanced through the rest of the tour.”

She accepted the plate he handed her and bit into the apricot and custard pastry while she considered his words. The pastry was crisp, the apricot sweet yet a bit tart and the custard oozed into her mouth. She almost moaned at the first bite. Pure sinful delight.

“God, don’t do that,” he muttered, ripping his gaze off her to stare down at the coffee cupped in his hands.

“Don’t do what?”

“Watching you eat reminds me of sex. Do you know how long it’s been for me? Do you want me to have an embarrassing accident?”

Julia snorted. “Please. If you’re talking about dry spells, I’ve almost worn out my vibrator.”

“Well,” he said after a long pause in which she cursed inwardly for giving him the truth. “We could always take care of our problem together.”

“Good try. I don’t want—”

“Give me a chance to woo you again.” He spoke at the same time, causing her to break off her outright rejection. “Please, Julia. You loved me enough to marry me. You owe me this chance to put things right.”

“Maybe I don’t want to make things right,” she whispered.
Liar, liar, pants on fire
. If she didn’t want him then why had she rejected every request for a date she’d received in the last few months? She’d stayed at home instead of going out, unless it was with one of the Tight Five. But he’d broken her heart, broken something inside her. If she took a leap, trusted him again…

“You don’t mean that.”

His grimace and slight shake of his head made her heart twist with indecision of her own. He was right. They might have had a short courtship, but she hadn’t gone into their marriage lightly. “Could we shelve the talk of marriage and take each day as it comes instead of planning for the future?”
Please let him say yes.
This was the only way she’d get through the next few months with the club and her mother.

“As long as this is the final discussion we have about divorce, I’m willing to take each day as it comes. Let me help and be a part of this. Let the band rehearse at your club and let me hang out with you. You agreed last night. What’s changed?”

Julia dabbed the crumbs on her plate with her finger, unable to meet his gaze. “Everything kept going around in my mind. I didn’t sleep much.”

“I have a solution for that as well. Let me move in here with you. No,” he said when she stood. “I’ll sleep in the spare room or on the couch. I don’t care. I promise I won’t do anything to upset you. Maybe we began our marriage with the wrong mindset. We need to start from scratch and get to know each other instead of leaping into bed at the first opportunity.”

Julia picked up her pastry and took another mouthful. It tasted even better than the first bite. She swallowed and licked a bit of custard off her top lip before glancing at him again. “I don’t think—God, don’t look at me like that.”

He advanced on her then, prowling around the edge of the counter to take her pastry and set it aside. “I won’t do anything more than kissing.” His warm hand smoothed down her back to come to rest on the curve of one buttock. He pinched hard enough to make her jump, chuckling at her start of surprise. “And maybe some groping. Nothing else until you say we can take things further.”

She pushed him away and snatched up her pastry, determined to enjoy the last bite.
Delicious and worth every calorie
. “I—”

“Julia, say yes.” He backed her against the counter, until the hard edge dug into her back. His wiry strength held her in place, yet she didn’t feel threatened.

“You’ve lost weight,” she blurted.

“My appetite disappeared after the mugging, and I haven’t been sleeping well. I have headaches.” He shuddered but didn’t add more.

Most guys would be whining but he was very straightforward. Smart move on his part.
Yikes, bitch alert
. “How bad are they?”

“They’re worse when I get overtired or stressed.”

“What did the doctors say?”

“They think the headaches will gradually taper off. So, do you feel sorry enough for me to invite me to stay?”

“You’re playing me.” Bother, she just couldn’t keep her bitchy side contained.

“A little.” A cheeky grin surfaced—one containing an edge of flirtation and a smidgeon of boyish charm. The sort of grin that tugged at a person and made them want to return the sentiment. His dark eyelashes fluttered, a striking frame around his pale blue eyes. “Is it working?”

Julia bit her lip to stop laughing, ultra-aware of the gleam in his eyes, the light press of his weight against her and the prod of his erection. To give him credit, he didn’t attempt to grind against her or do anything else tacky. Instead they stared at each other, silent messages flying back and forth while she tried to remain grounded.

“I’m going to kiss you.” A clear statement of intent.

She sucked in a harsh breath. She was going to tell him to move away so she could finish her coffee. Yes, she’d do that any second now. His head lowered, coming closer. The scent of soap, herby with a touch of lemon, filled her next breath. Then his lips were on hers and he was kissing her. His mouth was gentle but insistent too. Immediately he shoved her into the past, into a dreamlike state where pleasure danced through her senses, prickled in the damp heat between her legs. She moaned and clutched his shoulders, bringing his weight against her. So good, she thought hazily. She could kiss him all day, exist in this world of desire and the beginnings of erotic pleasure. A world without problems.

As if he read her jumble of thoughts, he pulled back, his mouth reddened, his lips slightly wet from their kiss. The sense of loss was unbearable. She leaned into him, silently imploring him for more.

“Julia, your phone is going.”

“Huh?”

He turned away and grabbed her cell phone off the counter top. She accepted it from him and took two tottering steps back, groping her foggy mind for sanity. A trembling finger managed to stab the right button to answer the call. “Y-yes?”

“Julia,” he whispered.

She couldn’t look at him, not even when he repeated her name. Her coffee appeared in front of her nose, and she realized that was what he was trying to tell her. She clutched the cardboard cup and tried to ignore her unsteady hand.

“Are you there?” Maggie’s familiar voice dispersed some of the mist inside her head.

“Sorry. Just a bit distracted.” She glared at Ryan when he snorted.

“Do you want to share a cab to the club with us?”

“I thought I’d jump on the loop bus. It goes right past the club.”

“Good idea. We’ll do the same. Be there in five minutes.”

“No, I’m not dressed yet. I-I slept in.” Julia closed her eyes, but pretending she wasn’t in her kitchen and standing a short distance from Ryan didn’t lessen the agitated thump of her heart. “I’ll need another ten minutes at least.”

“Okay, we’ll meet you at the café,” Maggie said. “See you later.”

“You didn’t tell her I was here.”

“That will be obvious when we walk into the café together and both say we’ve had breakfast already,” Julia shot back. “Where’s Caleb?”

“Probably panicking because he can’t find me. He’s turned into a fusspot since my accident. I should ring him before he leaves for Tauranga. He’s visiting his parents for a few days.”

“He’s your friend,” Julia said. “Friends are allowed to mother you when you need it. Why aren’t you going home too?”

His gaze narrowed on her. “Caleb is my friend, and that’s all he’ll ever be to you.”

Suddenly the tension between them was a tight spring ready to uncoil. “I was talking about my friends, but since you’ve brought up the subject, we discussed our
ménage a trois
when we first talked about marriage.”

Ryan’s breath hissed out. He scrubbed a hand over his face before he looked at her again. “I don’t have any recollection of the conversation.”

He seemed lost, and his expression made her want to wrap her arms around him in a comforting hug. She quashed the idea in order to maintain a grip on her sanity.

“What did—” His voice cracked, and he gave a whip-sharp cough before he continued. “What did we decide?”

“That Caleb was our friend and we didn’t need a third person in our bed.”

“Thank you,” he said quietly.

Julia squeezed his arm and moved away when sympathy urged her to do more. “I’d better go and shower. My list is on the counter. Why don’t you take a look and let me know if anything jumps out at you?”

She swallowed the remains of her cooling coffee. “Won’t be long.” Julia hurried to the bathroom, telling herself she was making a huge mistake. She should sprint in the opposite direction, or at the very least, approach her lawyer about a restraining order. But no, she intended to invite him to stay. One way or another they’d use the close proximity to discover if their marriage should continue.

The promised ten minutes later, she sauntered into the kitchen. Ryan was on the phone.

“Julia and I needed to talk,” he said into the phone. “We’re going to catch the loop bus to meet the others at the café near the club before we start work. Yeah. Say hello to your parents for me. I’ll see you on Monday afternoon.”

On seeing her, he disconnected the call, his gaze taking in her tight blue jeans and her favorite black tunic top that made the most of her curves. She hadn’t bothered with much makeup—just a swish of mineral powder and a clear lip gloss. Her hair was in a high ponytail, imminently practical for work.

“You look beautiful.”

“Thanks.” His compliment brought a rush of pleasure because the heated glow in his eyes told her it was genuine.

“You can move in,” she said before she could rethink her decision. “There’s a spare bedroom. I want to take things slow.” She intended to work long hours anyway. She wouldn’t spend much of the next two weeks at her apartment.

“You won’t regret it.” Ryan wanted to shout out in exhilaration but held himself in check. This was his last chance—his only chance—and he didn’t want to blow it. Nerves simmered in the pit of his stomach, much the same as the ones he experienced seconds before walking on stage for a gig. She’d given him an opening, and it was up to him to make sure his plan succeeded.

They walked into the café together almost half an hour later. Julia paused in the doorway, scanning the interior until she found her friends.

“Do you want another coffee and something to eat?”

A baby started to cry at a nearby table, and Julia winced, looking away with a moue of distaste. Normally he liked kids, but the patently unhappy cries pushed the tingles of a beginning headache into low gear. “Julia?” he prompted.

“Another latte and a couple of sandwiches to take away,” she said, lifting a hand to wave at her friends. “It looks as if they’re nearly finished. They won’t want to wait for us.” She turned away before pausing to look back at him. “Make sure you get something to eat. Something fattening. You can’t afford to lose any more weight.”

The baby stopped crying, and Julia sent a quick glance in that direction. The tension that slid from her shoulders echoed in the reactions of the people sitting at the next table.

“Coffee and sandwiches it is.” Ryan grinned and headed for the counter. She’d paid attention to him and cared enough to worry about his health. He spied Caleb arriving and tilted his chin in recognition.

Caleb joined him as Ryan perused the selection of food. “What are you smirking about?”